Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunches bunking up - how to handle sharing rooms

When my Bunch was very young, we had the luxury of separate bedrooms for each baby and this was a LIFESAVER in the early days.  But once their younger brother came along, they were forced to bunk together due to a shortage of bedrooms.  We've moved three times in the three years since The Caboose was born (long story) and each time, the bedroom configurations have necessitated room sharing, but the roommate configurations have actually shifted due to a variety of factors (ages, sleep schedules, child's propensity to goof off and rile his roommate, etc.).

We're now in what we hope will be our "forever" (or at least long-time) house and while we have the space for each boy to have his own room, we opted to reclaim our study/office and our Bunch is back to bunking together.  My guess is in a few months, The Caboose will realize he's being cheated out of bedtime shenanigans with brothers and the eldest will be sick of his little brothers in his stuff, and we'll play musical beds once again.  But 2 of the 3 will always be roommates.  

Now, room sharing with bigger kids is one thing, but room sharing with babies and toddlers and all of their various special sleep needs is a whole 'nother ball of wax.  I will admit that the only time we shared rooms in the early years was when we were forced to while traveling (and even then, we would literally stick a pack-and-play in the bathroom to ensure that each baby had their own separate 4 walls).  But lots of moms do it and make it work.  Here are a few tips we've picked up over the years for roommates of all ages.

• Always put your two best sleepers together OR the ones that are on the closest sleep schedules (dictated by nap or school schedules, usually), to minimize the accidental wake-up calls.
• If you've got babies/toddlers rooming together, get a white noise machine so one doesn't wake the other with crying.  Many little ones tend to sleep like logs - once they're down.  It's getting them down that's the tricky part...
• Speaking of that, stagger bedtimes and get the easiest or youngest child settled first (depending on the temperments of your kiddos).  Get one out like a light, crank up the white noise, and slide the other in.
• Daytime is a little harder because it tends to be light out, which encourages goofing off.  Darken as much as you can with darkening shades and stagger nap times like bedtime.  If all else fails, consider letting the oldest child nap somewhere else - either in mom and dad's bed or a pack-and-play or in a baby-proofed room with a baby gate across the door.  Too-few bedrooms mandates flexibility on everyone's part, including mom.
• If you've got more than two kids, be flexible on configurations.  Depending on ages and genders, while your first instinct may be to put all older kids in one room or all girls in one room, that may not actually be what makes the most sense.  And as kids get older and sleep habits/needs change, consider revisiting roommate arrangements - they're not set in stone forever.
• Finally, be patient.  Even if you have superstar sleepers, introducing a change in any routine is going to involve patience.  But keep in mind that kids have shared rooms since the beginning of time, and many of them are closer for it!  They'll survive and you will, too!

a monster birthday party

It's birthday season, and we're always asked how to plan a birthday party for your Bunch. If you kids share a birthday month, it means they are either 1 or 2 years apart, right? And it would seem when the kids are little, you could knock both parties out in one fell swoop.

I smiled this morning when I ran across the fantastic party idea on my favorite party site Hip Hip Hooray. But when I popped over to Nounces Design where the idea originated from, I giggled because the concept is genius for Baby Bunchers and even better, Jennifer's planned the whole party for you complete with all her own Printable Monster Party Collection, which barely require you to leave the house to find all the invitations and thanks yous. Even better!

Think of all the possibilities with this them.

(Photo courtesy of Nounces Design.)

baby bunching Q/A: exhausting your toddler

This question arrived just in time for our weekly Q&A.

Q: I have an 18 month old & 2 month old. My question is how do exercise your older child when you're alone with both? Before my daughter was born I'd take my son to the playground & he did a class at The Little Gym. Now he isn't getting the physical activity he once got & it seems to be affecting his ability to sleep. All feedback is greatly appreciated!

A: Oh, we never want anything to interfere with anyone's sleep so let's get on this question. First off, unless you're going to get a sitter, skip places like Little Gym with your toddler for a long while (until you can get both kids into the same class). I have a very vivid memory of a Little Gym class with my 18-month old son and my daughter who was about the same age as yours in the Baby Bjorn screaming her head off. I never went back.

You have a few options here of places to visit with toddler and baby to exhaust your older one:

1) Playgrounds. Remember that not all playgrounds are created equal so find a very toddler-friendly one and do what you can in the great outdoors with baby in the stroller, sling or carrier. They may be shorter trips than you're used to, but meet up with some friends so you have some helps spotting your toddler. He'll be tired when he's done.

2) The pool. It's summer now and while your wee one may not be ready for fun in the sun your toddler would probably love the play in the baby pool. Get some fun toys for the pool, have the baby again in a carrier or stroller and go until someone gets fussy.

3) Nature centers, farms or gardens. Bring the stroller along and let your toddler just go hog wild by running. You may have to run to keep up with him, but he'll be exhausted.

4) Backyard playdate. Even if you don't have a backyard, you probably have a friend who does. I always found yards, with friends of course, to be the best exercise for me. That meant baby could hang out, be changed and fed in privacy without too much sprinting and we might even be able to enjoy a cup of coffee while they played.

 If you can't get out to exercise, have him help you fill the laundry basket with several trips back and forth or have your own at-home dance party. Remember that this phase is short and your toddler will exhaust from normal everyday stimulation. Before you know it you'll be chasing after him down the street as he takes off on his scooter with little one right behind. Then you'll be getting the exercise.

 

baby bunching Q/A: shared toys

Q: Do you have any toy suggestions for the baby and toddler in my life? I have 2 girls, 8 months and 26 months, and they're just starting to really interact. Any good toys to foster that relationship early on? I think we're going to hold off another year for the big doll house stuff.

A: It's so fun when your Bunch begins to interact and eventually begins to play together. You're probably still a ways away from hours of play (where you can sit and read a magazine), but that time will come soon enough. For right now, your main thing will be teaching your kids how to play as nicely as possible. In another few months when your baby becomes a toddler the dynamics will change, dramatically. This is when sharing and taking turns kicks into high gear. Or should we say, takes you for a rollercoaster ride.

One of the perks to Baby Bunching is you needing to buy less stuff and that includes toys. Even if your kids are different genders, you do not need doubles of everything and toys in a million different age stages. When buying toys, buy gifts that both children will use/enjoy.  That's not to say that we don't indulge in special requests from our (very different) children, but we try to focus on constructive stuff for them to do.  Even better if they require interaction between the two of them and even better if said interaction can occur without my assistance --Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs, art supplies, puzzles, games, etc.

But at this age when your kids are still small, I don't think a specific toy really matters. Even a book is great especially if your two-year old can "read" to your baby. If your oldest enjoys art, legos, trains, dolls or even a ball go with that. Your baby will follow suit because she just wants to be like the big kids. It was until our kids were about 3 that we really started to see preferance for actual toys and even then sometimes our younger ones just want to play with the older ones. (This is still the case.)

Our suggestion is if you want to buy toys, find things that can grow with your kids through different stages, like Fisher Price Little People sets or even some ride-on toys, and then focus more on the interaction and teaching your children the sharing concept once your youngest hits about a year.

baby bunching Q/A: rooms

We received this question from Pamela on our Facebook page. (This is normally our Wednesday post, but we were delayed so it's up this week on Monday!)

Q: Rooms! Where to put them with limited space, who sleeps best with whom?

A: This is always one of our most popular topics. We're going to give you a summary again because the question keeps coming up again and again.

We're not completely sure of your house configuration, but needless to say most houses are 3-4 bedrooms and once that third kid comes along it may complicate your arrangements if you need to keep a guest room or office. (Says the women who work from home and need office space!)

Baby Bunchers traditionally go about this in different ways depending on their child's personalities. For example, you might want to consider putting together your two best sleepers, even if it's the oldest and youngest. Or you might want to put the non-napping kids together so you preserve the naptime for the little ones. Or if the wee ones still nap, separating them might actually be better so that they can be sure to get a nap while an older one can play quietly somewhere else.

Any way you look at it, the first few nights may be a little difficult no matter how you configure it, but stick with it and it will shake out fine - after all, kids have shared rooms (or caves) since the beginning of time. We are sure you have a grandparent with stories of babies being in a drawer at one point.

Having said that, a few of our favorite tips to consider:

1) Realize that they kids will probably wake each other up at first while everyone gets used to their new surroundings. This is inevitable. But it's something that will adjust after some time. Your best bet might be to use a white noise machine to help drown out noise from the other child--whether it's just waking in the morning or waking in the middle of the night.

2) Stagger bedtimes and naptimes for those sharing the rooms. 

3)  Naptime, which often involves a fair amount of goofing off since it's light out, may need to be staggered altogether (horrors!) or occur in separate rooms for awhile (yet another use for the faithful PackNPlay) until everyone gets used to a joint sleeping arrangement. 

4) When you make the transition, if your toddler is still in his crib, just leave him there in the new configuration until everyone has weathered the transition.  Having one less child free to roam the halls during a time of transition is a luxury you will be grateful for.

Basically, what it comes down to is a configuration that works best for your family and your children's sleep needs. It will take some adjustment and you may even have to give it a trial run for a few months and readjust later if it's not working. But children for centuries have learned to sleep together in the same room (or even share a bed) so we are certain with a little discipline, creatively and humor, you will be able to do this, too!

baby bunching Q/A: tummy time + running toddler

This question made us laugh our loud so we decided to include this for the week.

Q: How the heck do you do tummy/floor time for a baby with a toddler running around with toys all over the floor trying to "help" the baby roll.

A: A very good question, and this seemingly simple task often ends up as par for the course in Baby Bunching. We remember our toddlers running over baby with a push toy or just literally running over baby if we looked away for half a second. For some (like Linda), it was hard because her second was actually happy to "hang" on the floor unlike her first. So her toddler made this enjoyable activity a constant battle.

No, you probably can't put baby on his tummy and get dinner on the table unless your toddler is strapped into the high chair. And that's exactly what you could do! Baby Bunching is part ingenuity and part sweat. You make it through the process better with a smile and some creativity. Or like many of us, Baby #2 might just forgo tummy time and start crawling before you realize it.

So here are a few ideas:

--Put toddler in the high chair for snack and put baby on the floor for tummy time. Bring in a few foam mats to the kitchen if you need to. In fact, bring everything into your kitchen (if it's big enough) because you're living there anyway!

--Try tummy time in the crib. Go into baby's room and put baby on tummy awake in the crib while you and toddler keep busy nearby doing whatever chores/play that give baby some time to pull up his head and chest.

--Provide tummy time for baby while toddler is otherwise engaged--bathtime (yes, bring some foam interlocking mats into the bathroom or a boppy on a bath mat), reading time or while toddler is napping.

--Realize this is only the first of many times Baby #2 will have to get used to toys and an older sibling making things a bit challenging. And Baby #1 will have to learn that walking on the baby and throwing toys is not OK with a younger sibling.

making music with my bunch

By Abbey Nash, Everyday with Lulu and Goose

What do egg shakers, scarves and monkeys have in common? Music class, of course! My Bunch has been attending music class for over three years now, beginning when my oldest was only four-months old. Not only do my girls love singing, dancing and pretending to buzz like bees and jump like monkeys, but I revel in the special opportunity for bonding time that music class provides.
 
You can imagine how happy I was to learn that these early experiences with music are more than just one hour a week of guaranteed entertainment for my bunch, (and quite frankly, that alone makes the classes worthwhile). In fact, according to research I conducted for a recent freelance article, early childhood music classes can benefit tots both academically and socially.
 
Social-Emotional Skills
In music class, my Bunch works together with their peers to lift and lower a gigantic parachute, takes turns jumping on the trampoline to experience the feeling of a steady beat, and practices rhythm and tempo while seated with their entire class around a giant drum. And with all the fun they’re having, they have no idea that they’re learning how to behave in a structured setting and function cooperatively in a group environment.
   
Not only does music class provide a foundation for healthy social interaction, but it can also encourage the development of communication skills. In addition to teaching preschoolers creative ways to express their thoughts and feelings, internalizing rhythm and tone at an early age can help tots recognize emotion in spoken language later on.
 
Academics
One of the most exciting things about music education is its link to future academic success. Early experiences with music can impact the development of a child’s ability in math, and even reading. 

I know what you’re thinking--that’s a lot to expect from a couple of drumsticks and a colorful scarf or two.  But studies link music education to an increase in spatial intelligence. This is the type of thought process that we use when we solve a math problem, play a board game or read a piece of music. Experts believe that music forms strong connections in the brain, and that these are the same connections used in cognitive tasks such as critical thinking, problem solving and mathematics.
 
Choosing an Early Childhood Music Program
 Your Bunch can benefit from early experiences with music through any type or style of instruction. It’s a good idea to visit multiple programs in order to find a good fit for your family. And as you do, here are a few things to keep in mind:

--Make sure that the teacher is musically inclined. This may sound obvious, but with various franchising opportunities available for nationally known early childhood music programs, it’s important to make sure that the music teacher has not only earned the appropriate certificate in early music education, but also has the kind of innate music ability that can’t be taught in a certification program. 

--Make sure that the teacher can manage the class. It’s important to have a teacher who’s fun and exciting, but chatty parents or rambunctious kids can distract from the experience of music class. The teacher you choose should be able to keep the group engaged, and uphold classroom expectations.

--Pay attention to the size of the class. There should be enough kids for opportunities for social interaction, but not so many that the group becomes chaotic. Ten is a good number to look for; anything over fifteen is probably too many.
 
As you look for an early childhood music class, keep in mind that many national programs offer classes tailored to fit the needs of baby bunchers! Family or mixed age classes usually offer music experiences for parents with a preschool aged child and one or more younger siblings. To find this kind of program in your area, check out the links below: 

• Kindermusik www.kindermusik.com
• Music Together www.musictogether.com
• Musikgarten www.musikgarten.org
• Music for Young Children www.myc.com

Abbey's a stay-at-home mom to two girls who are 4 and 2 years old.

remember your 'bigs' are still little

I was at a dear friend's house today helping her out with her four kids (four under 6 to be exact) while she was babysitting two more for a week. Insane? Yes, I think so, but that is another story.

Her youngest is 5 months old. Truth be told, what she needed from me this week more than anything was just another set of hands, so I tried to step in and do what I could. I took the baby in my arms and moved about helping other kids and getting her dishwasher unloaded--all with baby in tow. (Hey, I still got it!) The baby showed signs of getting tired--looking away, whining, rubbing eyes--and I offered to put baby in bed. Funny, how things don't change. A little swaddling, a few figure 8 swings on the side and baby was out like a light. As I watched him suck away on the paci, I realized my son was one month older than this baby when we found out OUR Baby #2 was on the way. This baby who still needed 2-3 naps day. This baby who barely ate solid food. This baby who still wasn't crawling.

There is one thing consistent with all older siblings of a Bunch: they are forced given the opportunity to be big brothers/sister faster than the rest. Many older siblings are weaned earlier knowing another little one is on the way. Perhaps they are moved out of a crib quicker since Baby #2 will need it. They might even say goodbye to a bottle or paci before we they may be ready.

When you're going through Baby Bunching for the first time, the reference point for age-appropriateness may be blurred, and what the books say may or may not apply since you're essentially working with two babies.  The word "toddler" seems to imply the next stage--moving from baby to child. But like the word "tween," I think we need to realize there often is no defining beginning or end.

Now looking at this phase from the other side, a toddler (as all our kids were when Baby #2 entered the world) is still little. As "big" as we force them to be because they have to be for us to survive, we must remember they are still babies, too. When it comes to comfort items such as pacis, loveies, bottles past the recommended time, we say let them be little. They are forced to grow up faster than their non-Bunched peers and a little bit of baby love might be just what they (and you) need.

This post is simply a bit of ramblings from me realizing that I may have forced my Big to be big a little sooner than I would have like.

baby bunching playdate dynamics

Love the playdate. I'm not sure how other moms feel about them, but to me just the word evokes both calm and excitement. Any combination of built in play for my kids (no matter how chaotic) + companionship for me has to be the perfect recipe. Throw in the fact that it almost guarantees everyone will be tired and take naps/go to bed on time and we have a stellar morning/afternoon. Rock on! Go playdates!

When my kids were young, playdates usually meant both kids got to go along for the ride. With kids so close in age, it's easy for everyone to generally play on the same level. Notice I didn't say they all played nicely, but they did play together. 

Now things are still a bit the same. But different. This summer we have had a full line up of playdates, however, I fear the days of everyone playing together may be waning. The only way this works, right now, is to invite a girl that my older son already knows so he's comfortable playing with her and my daughter can do the girl thing. It does not work the other way. Invite a boy and they're in the back yard with sticks as swords.

Last week, I invited my daughter's friend over to play. My son constantly made valiant attempts to play knights with the princesses or try to be the shop owner of the Barbie hair salon. Major props for creativity. Eventually, after trying to occupy him with reading, crafts and computer, I finally called the neighbor next door and asked her to send her 5-year old son over to occupy mine. Why confront an issue when you can cover it up with a stellar playdate?!

Tomorrow I am faced with another playdate for my son. My daughter and I have plans to unwrap some very messy craft that her uncle sent for her birthday. Seemed like a good reason to break that open.

I would love to hear what people have to say on this. I would think the gender issue would work itself out and in a few years everyone will just leave everyone alone. But perhaps this is just one of the many side effects to Baby Bunching and I should keep finding other Bunched kids to invite over as a Bunch for mine.

baby bunching Q/A: don't make us leave this playdate

This question came to us from Marla on our Facebook page.

Q:When "bigs" was "littles" age, if she did any thing totally unacceptable while we were away from home (like biting friends) she got a warning and then if she repeated the offense we had to leave and go home. Little was to little to care if we left and still does not really understand if we have to leave because bigs is in trouble. now that little is going through this phase I wonder what bigs reaction will be when we have to leave what ever fun activity when little gets in trouble. Any advise?

A: As the mom to a former biter, I felt I might be the most qualified to answer this question. My daughter began biting around age 1. We claim it was self defense as it was the one thing that would stop her older brother dead in his tracks. Seeing how effective it could be, she continued. And two years later I was still dealing with biting, which I might add is not OK at anytime, but really uncool at age 3.

Looking for some advice, I turned to my local mom's group--whose children were victims to my little vampire--and their advice was I had to show it was not OK and it might mean leaving a playdate immediately. I think many times it was as hard for me to leave as it was for the kids because I needed the companionship as much as they did.

So we started Operation Save the Playdate, and I let everyone know on the way to the playdate that biting was not acceptable. If you bite, we leave. Immediately. At first I don't think they believed me, but we did it. Both kids cried and screamed. It was not a pretty sight. Although after a few of these, I think my oldest finally got how this played out and there was less resistance to our hasty exit. I usually let the hostess know ahead of time what the game plan was so she knew when we sprinted out that it was not about her. I also had to watch my daughter like a hawk to try to catch her before she took the bite. After a few times of this, my son would lecture his sister in the car about not biting because he wanted to play and it wasn't fair if they had to leave because of her.

I can't remember exactly how many interactions we had like this. Although if I had to guess I would say we probably had to do this only about 5 times. It shows they catch on quicker than we realize if you stick to it. And it is super hard to stick to it. Many times I wanted to cave and stay, but I kept thinking that would mean she won.

Your oldest one's reaction might be disgust or disappointment. But it's good to keep in mind that it's only one of many lessons for your Bunch illustrating the very-hard-to-learn fact that family operates as a unit. Bad behavior is not OK and sometimes everyone loses out. In fact, it may mean everyone loses privileges, like TV or going out to eat, because one child can't behave. While our kids are certainly individuals with their own personalities, they really need to work as a team. If one player doesn't get the play right, you lose the game for the whole team. On the flip side, if everyone can get it right, we'll have a fabulous time together and maybe even win!

Please chime in and let us know your thoughts on this.