Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching Q/A: separation anxiety at school

A great question from Hillary via our Facebook page.

Q: I am the proud mother of a 23-month old boy and now a 7 week old boy. Our oldest has gone to daycare twice a week since January '10. He attended daycare full time prior to that, but changed to a new daycare and less days in January. He has a really hard time being left at daycare in the morning. He weeps... and clings to my husband, not wanting to be left. His daycare has tried to comfort him, to no avail, he stops crying on his own once we're gone. Now the daycare has decided that my husband just needs to leave quickly and that our son will stop on his own (so no comforting - making sure he's safe/ok, though).

What can we/should we do to help our little boy? Any thoughts? Tips? Experience with this? Should we take him out of daycare? He seems to really like it, once he's over his separation anxiety....

A: Congratulations on your little baby! First of all, let us say it was very savvy of you to get your big baby into his new routine PRIOR to little baby's arrival. This is one of the things we recommend to new Baby Bunching moms.

While it's hard to know exactly why he's doing this weepy-clingy thing, there are a few thoughts to consider. 

--Control. Since, if I'm reading this right, this has been happening before little baby arrived, I guess that this has less to do with little baby's appearance and more about control. He probably knows how upset you and your husband get when you drop him at school and it could be an attention game. Moving quickly out of there could move the power back into your hands. But without knowing the whole situation or your son, it's hard to guess.

--His age. With both my kids, I noticed different places along the way where they played this game. Many times I think there really is some fear and uneasiness. It's possible the change in daycare and that scary separation realization point just intersected at the same time. Perhaps something like a lovey that reassures him might help during the drop off.

--How the daycare handles goodbyes. We have been to what feels like a myriad of preschools--all with their own drop off and good bye routines. Perhaps have them try a few different techniques to help the farewell. One school we went to had a designated "wave window" where the kids waved goodbye. In the beginning, this made my son nutso to see me walking away, but soon he wanted to be like the other kids and blow kisses. All the while the teachers would comfort him about the goodbye. Another school immediately had kids engaged in an activity when they entered the room. They knew what each kid liked and were able to draw them in with that. You know your child best so you might talk to the workers to see what they work out.

--Go with what the teachers suggest. It's hard to realize, but sometimes really good preschool teachers can shed light on our kids' personalities because they've seen things like this before. It might be possible that a quick goodbye 99% of the time solves the problems. She might actually have seen this hundreds of times and is offering you some guidance based on what they see from your son later after you leave.

But these are only suggestions. We had this problem with my son in the very beginning of preschool, and there was the sobbing and weeping involved, too. It turned out the quick departure and immediate engagement with toys/people distracted him. My daughter didn't do this much until age 3 (after she'd already been going to the school for a year.) She just knew it would get her extra hugs and attention.

I'm sure our readers will have some great suggestions for you on this one.

homeschooling your bunch; it can be done

By Tricia Morgan, Reston Mom

Iʼm a homeschooling mom of 3 - soon to be 4. Hope is 6, Maddie is 4, Amelia is 1 and the new baby arrives in November. One inquiry I get pretty often is in regards to how I handle teaching Hope (who is completing 1st grade this year) with little ones under foot. Honestly, this is a difficult question to answer for other people. First, because so much of what happens in a homeschooling household is determined by the particular philosophy/method employed. Secondly, our particular routine has seasons. It seems to shift and change and adapt just as the children themselves are growing and changing. And also, a great deal is dependent upon the personalities and temperament of the children as well as the parents - obviously there can be huge and dynamic differences here from household to household. All I can do is share what works for our family and be honest and say that we are still figuring some things out as we go. 

Maybe the best way to begin is simply to take you through a day this spring.

6:30-7 a.m.- Weʼre up! Baby gets a diaper change, and we all head downstairs
7-8 a.m.- Hope and Maddie either watch a few cartoons or play while mom feeds herself and Ami. Then mom gets time to read to or play with Ami.
8 - 9 a.m.- Hope and Maddie eat breakfast while Ami either plays or joins us in her highchair. Mom will read books chosen by the girls during breakfast. Afterwards, Hope and Maddie get dressed while mom cleans up from
breakfast and dresses Ami. Then everyone heads out the door to enjoy the nice weather for a few minutes and give Ami the opportunity to toddle a good bit.
9 ish- Ami goes down for a nap. Hope, Maddie, and Mom begin with a morning devotional. Following which Maddie will play or look at books quietly while mom starts Hope on her math lesson/assignment. Once Hope is working, if mom hasnʼt showered yet, sheʼll do that now. Around 10 a.m. there will be a break for snacks. Hope and Maddie play for a few minutes. Hope returns to her other curriculum assignments ie: handwriting, individual reading, etc.... and mom will work with Maddie on reading or preschool activity eventually Ami will wake up and she will play until Maddie and Hope are ready to join her.
11 or 11:30 a.m. is lunchtime. Often mom feeds herself and Ami while Hope and Maddie play. Then she prepares lunch for the other girls and calls them in. During lunch, mom reads more books or everyone goes over memory work together.
12ish p.m. - This is usually when we do science. Maddie often joins in because she likes the experiments. Ami tags around or plays. If the lesson is more complicated, we might wait until Ami takes an afternoon nap.
1:30 p.m.- Naptime for Ami and Maddie. Hope finishes curriculum that requires momʼs help and then has quiet time to read and have a snack. Mom uses this time to pull stuff together around the house or relax or pull out stuff for dinner or whatever following naps, we have the rest of the afternoon to meet for play dates with friends, run errands, take special trips, do art/craft projects, bake, play outside with neighborhood kids or do whatever we like.
5:00 p.m. - Dad is home from work, the family eats dinner together.

Iʼll do my best to answer some questions that might have crossed your mind:

So, you have a pretty consistent schedule from day to day?
Yes, and it really helps a lot. The kids know what to expect. Actually, Monday is my husbandʼs day off and so it is reserved for family day - no school. We are part of a supplementary program that meets on Wednesdays and that pretty much takes the place of our home schedule that day - so really, we are only teaching according to this kind of schedule 3 days a week - but those three days are consistent and for the most part, we do manage to do everything we need to.

Still, within our schedule there is a lot of organic movement - from mom between children; answering questions, giving hugs, helping with tasks...just being mom to everyone as well as the teacher.

What do you do to keep the younger ones entertained/busy while you work with the oldest?
Nothing. They are expected to be able to entertain themselves with the toys and books that are provided in our home and to be respectful of the other family members. You may be thinking “yeah, right. That would never work for us!” Which may or may not be true - but again a couple things factor in - one, the temperaments of the children. Two, training. Since it has always been thus in our home, the girls have never known differently. Iʼve never been the kind of person who could/would entertain my children or give them my undivided attention every second. Even Ami at 1 yr. is aware that sometimes she has to wait and is capable of playing nearby by herself. That said, I also have worked hard to ensure that each of my children feel loved and secure and do get time with mom.

Again, I must say that we go through seasons. I remember when Maddie was a little younger, I used to let her watch an educational video sometimes so I could get a shower in or work with Hope. Now it is a bit easier, because while I work with one child, the other can help play with the baby.

What about teaching with a newborn?
I had a few months of this last year and will go it again this fall. Itʼs really not bad since newborns tend to sleep a lot. I just give the kids a break when the baby needs to eat. I couldnʼt ever manage to get used to wearing a sling/baby carrier - so the baby usually just hangs out with us where ever we are in their portable swing/chair or gym or on a blanket on the floor. Honestly, itʼs not the schedule that makes this difficult, itʼs the being so tired.

Does it get easier as the kids get older since you can overlap curriculum?
In that sense it depends. Since we use a classical methodology instead of a thematic approach, for instance, there is a lot less overlapping. It does however become quite a bit easier as the kids get older. They are more able to focus their attention for longer periods of time. They are capable of working individually on assignments. They become more responsible for themselves overall - if you teach them to become so. I find that one of the biggest bonuses of the girls getting older has simply been that they help me out more - with each other, with little chores around the house. I donʼt have to micromanage or oversee every little detail anymore. They get dressed, brush teeth, clear plates, get snacks, help with the baby, and more. I canʼt tell you how much time this frees up when it is all added together and I donʼt have to be there hovering and helping.

Iʼve been candid here, but keep in mind that this is just what Iʼve learned from our particular personal experience. I think that each family that chooses to homeschool will just have to move through each season with what works best for them, like anything else. If your family isnʼt like mine, that doesnʼt mean it wonʼt work for you.

Tricia is a Baby Bunching mom to three (soon to be four children).

how much does bunching shape the members of your bunch?

We're currently in the process of deciding whether or not to send the younger of our Bunch to Kindergarten in the fall or wait until next year, since he is a late July birthday and will have just turned 5 when school starts.  Academically, he's probably more prepared for K than our oldest was (February birthday), but we're weighing his social readiness.  He's a (constant) finger sucker, still has some separation anxiety issues on occasion, lacks confidence in unfamiliar settings, is hyper-competitive, refuses to participate in new/unfamiliar environments, and is slow to warm up in groups where he doesn't know anyone. 

Sound like your average 4 1/2 year old, much? On the one side, we feel like he still has a lot of time to grow up before school starts in the fall.  On the same side, we wonder if some of that is just HIM - that he'll always be a more competitive, less outgoing, and little more sensitive than his older brother. 

On the flip side, we wonder if by holding him back and letting him be the oldest in his class instead of the baby might provide a much-needed confidence boost.  Plus, it might not hurt to have a year in school in between him and his (very different) older brother.  Not only do I foresee the potential for more complicated social dynamics with shared friends, etc. when they get older, it would be really nice for the younger one not to immediately follow in the older one's footsteps with every teacher, coach, etc.

I've had numerous discussions debating the pros and cons of starting Kindergarten with several of my friends who, ironically, are in the very same boat (Baby Bunchers with the baby of the Bunch having a summer birthday).  Upon comparison, it's interesting to note (and it may just be coincidence) that all of our eldests are outgoing and confident, while all of our youngers are sensitive and a little more reserved.  We all know the impact birth order has on personality - is it possible that spacing makes a difference, too? 

I often wonder about how having my boys so close together may have impacted them.  My oldest had to grow up pretty quickly and be more independent when his brother came along, even though he was still just a baby himself!  As a Baby Buncher, I shushed and pampered the second child because, frankly, it was just easier and faster to do it myself than go at his pace and wait for him to do it. And bless his heart, just about the time things calmed down a little and we could move at his pace, his baby brother came along, landing him solidly in the middle of a pack of three boys less than 4 1/2 years apart.

Going back to the Kindergarten issue, we've pretty much decided to hold him back.  If he experiences some incredible emotional growth spurt over the summer, we can always decide to go ahead and send him to K at the last minute, but otherwise he'll be enjoying another year in preschool along with a lot of other Baby Bunched friends with summer birthdays.  Maybe the chance to be on the top of the heap at school will counteract the fact that he never really had a chance to be King of the Hill at home.

what kids really learn in preschool

As a follow-up to last week's post on the preschool admissions process for those of you weighing preschool options, I wanted to share a little gem I came across years ago.  Somewhere along the line with one of my three children, I got a wonderful handout on "What Kids Really Learn in Preschool" (from my preschool, natch).  Several commenters last week raised the issue of opting out of preschool, and the list below can easily be adapted for ideas for suggested skill-building activities to do at home or even at playgroups, which is why I've kept it on file for so long. 

I searched and was not able to find a source for this on line, but I've found it so valuable that I'll re-type the whole thing for you girls.  Happy play learning!

"What Kids Really Learn in Preschool" by Barbara Soloman

1)  How to be a student.  Although a preschool room can seem unstructured at times, there are many rules and routines designed to teach children how to conduct themselves in a classroom and be part of a group.  Children know where to put their finished projects, how to walk in line, and where to sit at story time.

2) How to make friends.  Preschool offers opportunities for children to forge friendships and settle differences without the help of a parent or caregiver.

3) How to be independent.  Parents tend to help their children with the small tasks of everyday life.  Preschool teachers, who have classrooms of 10 or more children, encourage students to take more responsibility.  Children learn how to put on their own jackets, wash their hands, and more.

4) How to tell a story.  Children in preschool have many opportunities to hear stories, as well as tell them and act them out with classmates. Children will begin to recognize the importance of the printed word.

5) How to ask for help.  Preschoolers develop confidence and inner strength to speak up for themselves.

6) How to cut and paste.  Art projects are definitely expressions of creativity for preschoolers, but working with scissors, glue sticks, and crayons also helps children develop fine motor skills that will help them with letter formation in kindergarten, and even note taking in high school.

7) How to build a block tower.  When children play with blocks or other manipulatives, they learn to sort and classify.  Building with blocks helps children with spatial skills and gives them an early foundation for understanding higher math concepts.

8) How to recognize symbols, concepts, and rhymes.  Preschoolers begin to identify numbers and letters, and develop a useful understanding of shapes and colors.  Rhymes and songs will also help children academically.  Children who know how to rhyme will learn to read more easily.

9) How to hop, skip, and jump.  Daily outside play helps preschoolers strengthen their muscles and develop coordination.

10) How to investigate and explore.  Preschoolers are natural scientists and they benefit from having plenty of hands-on, self-directed experimentation.

get out the pencils, get out the books...

It's that time of year again!  Nope, not the holidays already, but something even more logistically draining - preschool admissions!

You will recall from previous posts that Linda and I are HUGE, HUGE fans of preschool for several practical reasons:

1.  Time for you to spend with Little Baby alone (can you just imagine the luxury of breastfeeding for 20 minutes without interruption?)

2. Time for you to get chores or errands done without the hassle of strapping and unstrapping 15 kids into car seats at every stop.

3.  A mini-break for you, which means you are refreshed when your Bunch returns home.

And last, but not least -

4. Your kids get to make friends their own age and learn to share, craft and play nicely.  Bonus that cleanup is someone else's problem for once.

Linda and I both live in major metropolitan areas.  This means that the preschool admissions process tends to be even more complicated than it was for the two of us to sign our names on pre-filled scan tron "applications" to get into COLLEGE at the University of Texas a little over a decade ago. 

When my oldest started preschool, to get into the school of our choice you had to camp out in your car overnight to get one of the coveted first spots.  I put hubby on notice that pregnant girls (I was pregnant with #2 already) were exempt from that rule and he would have to do it.  Fortunately for him, they moved to a lottery system that year.  Yeah - you heard me, a LOTTERY to get into preschool. For those of you in smaller towns, we do hope that you have an easier time of it.  

So while your Bunch may seem tiny now, please know that fall is a full (and very long) NINE MONTHS from now.  By then, they will certainly look older, more robust, and capable of being away from you for one or two mornings a week.  Especially in larger cities, the time to worry about "Back to School" for toddlers is not in September - it is now.  Here's how to get started:

1.  Survey your mommy friends and neighbors where their kids to go preschool, if they like the school, and why/why not.  In the interest of time, email and Facebook are great ways to collect this preliminary information.

2. Call the top 3 schools that you hear about and find out about schedules, cost considerations, etc.  Do yourself a favor and weigh some of these things BEFORE you make an appointment to do a tour.  A Baby Buncher's time is precious (especially if she's dragging her Bunch with her), so really think hard about what you want in a preschool (a place that can take both your kids, a school that's known to feed into certain private schools, more academic vs. a social-emotional curriculum, etc.)

3.  Set up a tour and take your kid (or at least one) with you.  One of my kids once vetoed a preschool move on the basis that the place smelled like pee, even if the playground was more awesome than his current school.  We can't underscore enough how important it is to go SEE the place - there's no substitute for first-hand impressions.

4.  Make notes of application deadlines and fees, and be sure and ask the Directors about typical/historical space availability so you know what your chances are of getting in.  If you're thinking about sending both of your kids, consider scheduling constraints as well. Sometimes when you're a Baby Buncher, the harsh reality is that being able to get complimentary schedules for both kids may actually outweigh your top choice school for other reasons (location, academics, etc.) 

5.  Start filling out applications and writing deposit checks!

May the Force be with you.

are you ready for preschool?

Between our five kids--two who start kindergarten this year--we have experienced sending four of them to six (going on seven) different preschools. Quick....do your math! That's a lot of preschool--lots of applications, tours, teacher meetings, tuition, etc.

Beginning preschool is a big deal. We're guessing it's a bigger deal for you than for your child. Preschool is so many things for both you and your child. It may mean extra time for you to run around like crazy getting errands done kid free. (Hey, don't blow this off it's worth every penny of preschool tuition to grocery shop in peace.) It may be time for you to spend doing things you love--working out, working, crafting, cooking, etc. It could mean an opportunity for Big Baby to get a little time to socialize without you around. It's amazing the things they do when mom isn't hovering. It may mean time for you to be just with Little Baby and finally take that baby Gymboree class.

Preschool is also launches the next 18 + school years of your child's life. Your whole year will now operate on a school schedule. You will slowly be sucked into all the school politics. And you will soon learn that it really is all about the teacher....more than the school. You will even learn that as smart as you thought your kid was, there are probably four others just as smart.

In preparation for this new year, we'd like to offer up a little bit of advice for all you preschool novices--especially those who may be sending two kids this year. Yippee!!! This advice provides more than  the normal...."take lots of pictures." You already know that, but don't forget the charge the camera!

Getting your child ready. Every child is different so it's hard to know what will help yours be ready for school. My son would skip off ahead of me the minute we pulled up to any of the FOUR preschools he attended. He could care less about new kids and teachers. As long as there were toys and a sandbox, he was good. My daughter was a bit more hesitant about school, but I slowly realized it was her inner drama queen coming out and most of it was a big ploy for attention. One of the best things to do to get everyone ready for school is to actually visit the school. Go play on the playground. Take a tour and do it more than once. If you can arrange a playdate with a few other moms at your school, that's bonus. Then do whatever extras you need to do to get YOUR kid ready for this event.

Potty training, anyone? So most schools require kids to be potty trained for the three-year old programs. Ok, here is the secret. They are ready to deal with accidents so if your kid isn't quite there, don't be afraid to send him anyway. I had one friend who sent her halfway potty-trained daughter to school on the first day and lied about how "trained" she was. She had accidents for two of the days and by the third the other half was done. Peer pressure is a powerful tool! Nothing sucks worse than a few days of peeing on yourself in front of other potential friends. If your child is almost there, send A LOTof extra undies and keep your fingers crossed. If you're down to the last few days on this, you'll have to rip it off like a really painful Bandaid and just do it. If it's between going to school and not, choose the sucky weekend to get your kid halfway trained and off to school.

Orientation/First Day of School. Now we know it's not practical to think that you can do this solo with your kid every year, but if you have ANY chance at getting 1:1 time with your preschooler at orientation/first day.....please, please take it. What are we saying here? TRY not to take younger siblings with you to orientation or the first day of school. It's very simple. Orientation is often where you have a chance to ask questions and talk 1:1 with the teacher about your child. We have both done these events with younger siblings because there's often no way around it, but even if you could get a friend to take your younger child right outside the door of the school while you get the older one settled it will really make a difference. In fact, I have done this twice. When we have "meet the teacher" before school (usually 15 minutes to chat with the teacher the week before school), I have begged another mom to just watch my daughter/son run up and down the hallways while I actually focus on the other child.

Car line. Many part-time preschools have car/carpool lines. I'm pretty sure this invention was designed by a Baby Buncher. I can't tell you how many times (in Sweden where it's Ok to do this) I left the car running while my youngest started her morning nap. I would dash into school and drop off Alex without having to lug in the infant seat. (No, this is so no OK to do here, I know.) Car pool line is fabulous. Drive up. Kiss kid goodbye. Teacher helps him into building. Perfect. The downside to this is you may never get to see the inside of the classroom, get face time with the teacher or see your kid in action. Try to find a way (about once a month) to actually walk him/her into school. This excites your kid, gives you a better feel for the class and lets the teacher know you're interested.

Make your own preschool friends. Preschool is not just a chance for your kids to make friends, but for you as well. Cara and I have both made some wonderful friends through preschool. Cara even ended up joining the church that houses her preschool. Why is this important? Well, when the teacher asks for volunteers and you feel obliged to help with the Halloween party, you might need another mom to watch Little Baby while you parade around the hallways with your 3-year old.

However, don't feel pressured to get involved. You have many, many, many years left of school to get involved. Baby Bunchers already juggle way too much, literally, in the early days. I cannot stress this enough...don't let schools push you into volunteering. It always takes more time than they say and with kids close in age, it's often hard to be a room parent, make a ton of phone calls, organize a food drive or plan a yard sale. Let someone else do it. Yes, it's OK to be the slacker.

Get the class roster and calendar.Ask your preschooler about his day, and he'll tell you they had snack. If you're lucky, maybe you'll find out they went outside. They tend to not be a chatty bunch beyond recess and snack. Get a class roster from the teacher and start asking about the names on there. Same with the calendar. The more you know about about what they are supposed to be doing and who's in the class the more you can cajole them that the highlight really wasn't apple juice and goldfish.

Happy New School Year! And as always, we welcome other suggestions for getting ready for school.

farewell to a good friend

Imagine my shock when my youngest came to me and said, “Mommy, I’m ready for the blanket fairy to come and take away my froggy.”

Background: We adore lovies in our house. Everyone has one (or two). Even me. Alex has a frog blanket which he has loved since four months. Anna has had a pink bear blanket and a different frog (which was inherited by Alex) since she was six months old. All three of the lovies accompany the kids to bed each night and on various trips. And as a Baby Buncher I have never really pushed to get rid of the bling because it soothed them when I’m dealing with other kid.

I was sad when Anna suggested she give up one of the lovies. Alex was even sadder. He and I explained over and over that once the Blanket Fairy (a character from Kevin Henkes book Owen) comes to take away the blanket that it’s gone forever.

Anna understood and even came up with her own version: Yes, the blanket fairy takes it—because I don’t need it anymore—and gives it to another baby who does need it. Uh, yes, I was floored by this.

We wrote a letter to the Blanket Fairy two nights ago (which gave me enough time to get a small gift to replace the lovey) and last night she put it under her pillow. Alex was very upset by this. I could tell in his little mind he couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to give up their lovey.

He clutched his lovey tightly and exclaimed: I will never give the Blanket Fairy my frog! Yes, yes, we know.

Before I went to bed, I snuck into Anna’s room and carefully removed the frog and replaced it with two little princess figurines for her castle. I retired froggy into the keepsake bin.

But at 5:15 she came in crying: My froggy is gone. The Blanket Fairy came, but she didn’t leave me a present.

My response: It’s because it’s 5:15 and the Blanket Fairy probably came right before you woke up. Go back to sleep and maybe she’ll come back to leave a gift. (She didn’t realize the princesses were next to her and not under her pillow.)

I heard her tear down the hallway this morning squealing about her new toys and how the Blanket Fairy really DID come. Alex looked a bit jealous, but not jealous enough to actually say goodbye to his best friend.

Meanwhile we’re down one lovey which just makes it easier to keep up with the other two. I imagine those two will be around a long time.

academic redshirting and your bunch

Can you tell we've got school on the brain around here?  In recent weeks, we've covered the private school application process and also aligning preschool schedules for your Bunch.  Today we're talking about a topic that we're actually personally divided on - academic red-shirting. 

Both Linda and I have mid- July babies - ironically enough, they were born less than 24 hours apart, even though their original due dates were 3 weeks and some days apart.  Both July babies are the younger members of our respective Bunches.  Linda has a girl, and I have a boy.  Both children are really bright, socially outgoing, and have been attending preschool of some sort since shortly after they turned one.  I am pretty sure that we will hold our son back and start kindergarten when he is six and Linda is almost equally as sure that she will go ahead and send her daughter right after she turns five.  One thing we both agree on is that, as with all parenting decisions, what's right for you depends on your kid and your family.

In addition to child readiness, we're also weighing the implications of red-shirting when your crew is Bunched. The thought of having kids just one grade apart is nice.  It's all the sooner you get everyone into kindergarten and you can get back to work or whatever your plans are.  The curriculum, the homework, the teacher's idiosyncrasies, etc. are all fresh in your mind as a parent, so you can help your younger child navigate the school year.  Plus your younger sib has the benefit of drawing on the wisdom of the older one that may have taken many of the same classes (and maybe even the same teachers) just the year before.  It's likely (especially in the high school years) that they end up on the same sports teams and maybe even in some of the classes.  I confess that I even envisioned knocking out all the year's sporting events, school plays, awards ceremonies, and other events in one fell swoop, with everyone being featured at one event.

For this first time this year, I am considering the flip side.  That my sons have VERY different learning styles and it might be nice if they didn't have the same teachers and the youngest didn't follow the oldest one immediately.  That it might be nice for us as parents if we could buy another year's time before having to assume the private school price tag for our second son.  That my July boy acts awfully young compared to some of the older kids in his preschool class, some of whom were born almost 11 months earlier than he was.  Especially as a boy, I wonder what he has to gain from being the youngest kid in his class, even if he is bright.  After all, I can supplement him outside the classroom academically if needed, but I can't really shore up his social immaturity.  And finally (selfishly), the sooner I get them all into kindergarten the sooner I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life now that the part I most looked forward to (staying home and loving on babies and toddlers) is done.

We still have another year and a half until he turns five and a lot can happen in that time, so I guess I'll just wait and see.  And it won't be the last time I have to make this decision - my youngest son was born almost exactly three years after the second, also in July. 

I know Linda and I will have many more discussions on this topic until we work it out in our heads and figure out what's best for the kiddos.  Anyone care to join in on the conversation?

baby bunching nightmare: preschool scheduling

Preschool mania has started in our town. Has it hit yours yet? The open houses are hopping and applications are flying everywhere. Many of you may be applying for preschool for the first time with kids who are two or three. But I would bet some of you are applying to get both kids in this year. Ok, this can be tricky.

My kids are one year apart in school. For me, picking a school was all about the overlap of the two schedules. For many cities, part time preschool means the kids go the number of times a week with correlates to their age (three years old = three times a week). Many schools are nice enough to account for this and will have consciously adjusted their 2-year old program to match the 4-year old program. Since the MAJORITY of people space their kids in this two-year gap. (Ahem, that was not us.) So finding a preschool program that catered to moms with kids a YEAR apart in school was a bit tougher to find. Two year olds go two days a week (Tuesday and Thursday). Three year olds attend three days (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). Yeah, my idea of preschool doesn't mean shuffling everyone everyday with no time to myself.

(Note: My hat is off to Cara for going this route this year with her Bunch.)

No, I purposely looked for a school that allowed for this overlap both last year and this year when I had kids in three and four days a week. Unfortunately, I still couldn't get the perfect schedule. I ended up still driving to school five mornings a week, but at least I had a day (or two) alone with each kid, and still had some time to write or run errands.

The dilemma when you're working almost solely by schedule is you may not be in the "perfect preschool." Something has to give, right? They way I rationalized it in my head is that preschool is about them having fun and socializing. It's all learning. And eventually, come kindergarten, when they're chained to their desks/tables they'll be forced to endure the American school system.

So here are a few things to consider:

1) Figure out what preschool means for you and your kids. If it's time to run errands, perhaps having one kid around is still easier than two. If it's time to yourself then that's another story.

2) Get the schedules from the directors BEFORE you start attending open houses. If the schedules won't work with your lifestyle, don't waste time driving all over town visiting schools if the times are inconvenient. I wasted almost an hour visiting the school when the director finally handed me the schedules (3-year olds go two days and 4-year olds go four--and never the two shall meet).

3) Realize it is what it is....it's just preschool. It's a time for your kids to socialize with others beyond their siblings. This is a good thing. My kids love each other, but they get tired of one another. A break from the other makes afternoon playtime much more fun for everyone.

4) Similar pick up/drop off times/locations are important. For a brief time, I pondered sending them to different schools to get the "perfect" schedule. Let me just say that three hours of time is not a lot time, and even less if you are spending that time shuffling kids to different schools with different start/end times.

So what I ended up doing for my kids, the past two years, was find a school that seemed loving and safe enough for them hang out and play for three hours to learn the basic social things and a few extras like the Pledge of Allegiance. All of this AND overlapping days. Bonus!  This gave me time to run some errands, go to a doctor appointment, workout, do some writing, or clean the house.

Let us know how you dealt with the preschool scheduling issue, especially if your kids are one year apart in school.

don't delay: preschool admissions ahead

Just because the holidays are over doesn’t mean the stress is gone. January and February brings another round of stress: the preschool admission process.

We want to do you the service of making you aware of this now in case you’re not surrounded by other crazy preschool moms who spend the next 6-8 weeks visiting schools, attending open houses, putting down deposits and waiting for the right phone call. Your child may only be nearing age two, but if you have any interest in putting one of your bunch into a preschool program, our suggestion is you start researching now.

Why you ask? Because programs for the younger kids (18 months to 3 years) can often be tougher to find due to state certifications dealing with diaper changing. Basically those who might have to wipe poopy diapers have to undergo different requirements for certification. So there tend to be fewer of these programs in many places. If suddenly you discover, come June you’re little guy is ready for school….you may not find a place. We’re just warning you now.

If you’re about to become a Baby Buncher or newly joined this ‘Bunching’ trend, preschool may be the farthest thing from your mind as you’re getting your baby on a schedule and just trying to keep junior from stuff toilet paper down the toilet. But if your oldest is nearing the two or two and half age, preschool can be a saving grace for many Baby Bunching moms.

Preschool means three important things:

1. Time for your toddler to play with friends his own age.

2. Time for you to spend with the newborn alone. This can translate to quality breastfeeding time without the numerous interruptions.

3. Time for you to get chores or errands done. This also means a mini break for you, which in turn means you're refreshed when your toddler comes back home.

4. Your toddler learns how to share, craft and play nicely while someone cleans up for three or four hours.

The preschool admission can be a daunting process with lotteries and waitlists. Ask around in your network for recommended preschools. The Savvy Source Preschool guide may get you started, but ultimately, people in your area will know best. Yes, ask strangers at the playground if you have to.

For little kids it’s all about playing in a safe environment, but from one mom to another, it’s easier if you can get into the school you want right from the beginning so you don’t have to go through this process each year. This year we’re planning to move my youngest to a new school, and I’m dreading starting this process all over again. The difficult thing is it’s hard to know your child’s learning style at age two. So mainly, look for schools that you feel good about and that people you know recommend. Accredition is a good measure of a good preschool, but not always.

For your reading enjoyment, I blogged my entire journey of this process last year.