Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching Q/A: potty training toddler w/ baby

Q: Can you give me advice on potty training my very ready 22 month old girl while, juggling my five month old? We tried and she likes it, but the baby is always needing something when she wants to go, or she wants to sit forever and the baby starts to cry. Help!

A: This is one of the first of many Baby Bunching lessons you will have to master. Everyone always suddently needs something when you're dealing with the other. Always. Our kids, collectively, have gone through many 'windows' of being potty ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. So if it's 22 months and you want to brave it, we applaud you! My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

But if you do the math, most of us are doing the potty training when our oldest kids are 2 ½ to 3 years old. Where does that put your little one? Crawling and/or walking around in the lovely he’s-into-everything-phase. So while you’re trying to cajole one to pee pee on the potty, the other one is probably emptying the trash, taking the TP off the roll or in the kitchen eating from something in the pantry.

You can’t be in two places at once at any point in this process. So whether it's now when your baby is 5 months old, it will be equally (if not more) difficult when baby is 14 months old.

When I potty trained my son, he was just about two-and-a-half. My daughter was 15 months and hated to be left alone for longer than half a second. I was trying to spend all my time in the bathroom with him and she was crying because I couldn’t spend the time with her. If he hadn’t been ready for the potty, I probably would have just waited 6 months, and trained them both at the same time. Although I imagine that’s not easy either.

Here are some general thoughts to consider before/during potty training your first born:

Be realistic. If you’ve just had a new baby and your toddler show signs of wanting to use the potty, know that this probably is not the best time to tackle this. I tried this with Alex at 18 months. (Anna was 2 months old) Yeah, it didn’t work. I missed that window of opportunity. [Hint to you who haven’t gone this route: There will be another one.] Each of my kids had about 3-4 ‘windows’ where they showed interest in it. As a new mom, the first time we hit one, I went out and bought the potty and tried to go forth. Little did I know potty training is about both child AND mom being ready. Do it when you’re in the right mental state to do it. Cuz it ain't easy. They don’t call it training for nothing!

Do it fast. Don’t drag out the training process. It’s better to dedicate a weekend or a weekend plus a few days to just doing this and being done. You have another little one who needs you too. If it’s not working after a few days. Back off and try again another time.

This will change up your outing routine. Nothing says nightmarish fun like having a great time on the playground with your kids, and your oldest--who you’re potty training--decides he has to pee RIGHT NOW! That means you have to go right now, too. Even if you just spread out lunch on the blanket. Even if you just sat down at McDonalds to eat. You have to go right now. I have fond memories of us loading our Happy Meal into the stroller so Alex could pee….Anna still chowing down on the hamburger in the bathroom. Gross, huh? (See, at 5 months, your baby is still happy to just hang out!)

The good news is your little one is little and doesn’t mind a sprint or change of venue to dash to the bathroom. The tables will be turned—in probably a year or so—when you’re doing this dash for your younger one. Your older child will be the disappointed one at that point.

Potty Training is a full-time job. Potty training is an all-day affair. Call in reinforcements when you do it. Have your spouse around to take the younger child off your hands or to give you a break from cleaning up pee. Grandma? Great. Have her come in and befriend the wee one. No one should do it alone.

The bottom line is everyone in the house needs to be in this together. And once you decide it’s the right time, just go for it. Rip it off like a Bandaid. It will go much faster and in the end a weekend of madness is worth it if you’re done.

potty training: a retrospective

By Natasha Standen, Mutterings and Musings

It's not like I'm rid of it forever (we're expecting baby #3 in August), but potty training seems like a dim and distant memory...of a time filled with anxiety and stress; a time of struggle. I think that for Baby Bunchers, getting the elder child to pee in the potty or on the toilet needs its own rule book!

I did make a rod for my own back with child #1, Sophie. I decided she needed to start pre-school at the age of 2 and a half & at the time, the rules required that she be 'dry'. Looking back (and I know mums that have their kids trained early on and the whole 'elimination communication' thing), Soph simply wasn't ready. But I waded in anyway, at 22 months. Armed with reward chart and treats. With a mop and bucket. With carpet shampoo. (And armed is a specific choice of word - it literally WAS a battle.)

And actually, Sophie was dry quite quickly. But the anxiety of never knowing when - or where! - I was going to find her creating puddles was like something I'd never experienced. It took me back to the newborn days, when I had no understanding of what I was meant to be doing, and just stressed about it. Having read somewhere that pull-ups sent mixed signals, I insisted she stayed in knickers despite our disasters. And we got there over a period of a few days - despite my attention being 'diverted' by child #2, Imogen, who was by now at 9 months old very mobile, and very accomplished at wandering into piles of wee! But I spent a lot of time out and about with both of them, and rarely found a cubicle large enough (or near enough!) for me to deal with this easily by myself.

This wasn't the end of it, of course. Sophie might be dry, but it was almost 3 months before she was able to poop regularly on the potty. And having, then as now, a very fruity diet, she used to soil herself liberally 3 times a day - mainly in her pants. I became an expert in cleaning her off with a baby in tow. (And sometimes in tears.)

The good news was - by the time it came to potty train child #2, I had learned lessons & was ready to wait until Imogen was at least 3 to tackle the issue. In fact, she herself 'told' me she was ready by persisting in taking her bottoms down and taking her nappy off wherever she happened to be! (She had previously 'told' us she was ready for a bed by climbing out of her high-sided cot.) And I used pull-ups this time, particularly if we were going out, which did not set us back one bit. Above all, I knew we would get there in the end and there was no need to stress about it.

And that's the only advice I can give, really. Yes, it's great if you can find someone to look after the baby while you focus on potty training the toddler. Washable car seat covers (and a homemade waterproof cushion) come in very handy. Having a portable potty & child toilet seat may be a must. But the main thing is - don't panic! This too shall pass.

This post has been reprinted with permission by Natasha.

Natasha Standen is a 34-year old stay-at-home mom & church volunteer. She lives in Nottinghamshire, UK. Mother to 5 year old and nearly 4 year old girls, 19 months apart.

baby bunching Q/A: potty duty

Q: Do you have some tips on how to deal with diaper changes when out and about and there is no changing table, or what to do with the youngest two when the oldest has to use the potty and can't be by him or herself?

A: First let's address the changing table since that's the simplest one to handle. We have changed our kids on an assortment of surfaces: sinks, park benches, picnic tables, dressing rooms, restaurant bathroom floor, etc. The trick is in the supplies. You will need wipes, antibacterial lotion, changing pad and a light blanket/towel. The towel/blanket goes under the bad to protect your child from touching nasty surfaces or rolling off the mat. Linda has even changed a poopy diaper with toddler standing. Cara hates public restrooms and her favorite place to change while out and about is the back of her van. Get creative and wash up later.

The second part of the question can be harder to answer. If you are out and about at the same places, try to scope out more kid-friendly bathrooms--family restrooms where you can all be in together, cleaner bathrooms that don't make you vomit when you go in, ones that have nice large handicap stalls, etc. Potty training a toddler with a baby when you're out can be super tricky. News Flash: It's still tricky even when they're older.

Linda remembers having to leave a playground with her Bunch and run to the nearest 7-11 while her son went poo. He sat and sat singing Mary Poppins while her toddler tried to lick the bathroom walls. Good times!

Our best advice here is to come prepared. If your little ones can be strapped into something, we recommend it. If you're in Target, by all means, wheel the whole damn cart into the bathroom. If you can manage your stroller into the bathroom, even better and less intrusive. Unless there is a handicapped person waiting for the larger stall, don't feel bad about wheeling your stroller in - we are handicapped in our own way. While snacks seem like a good idea to keep your kid busy, there's something that truly grosses us out about mixing food and bathroom. Yuck! Bring a ton of wipes to clean off what boosting your kid up at the sink doesn't clean off and sum it up with a nice slathering of Purell. Germs boost immunity, right?

Please share with us your fabulous tips. As you can see, we've had our own challenges mastering this combo.

potty training your 'bunch': part 3

How to know if someone in your bunch is ready? My kids have gone through many 'windows' of being ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

Child #1

Alex showed his first interest in the potty when I was 3 weeks from my due date with Anna. He was 15 months old. My mother assured me he could be trained. I think my response was a very serious eyeroll. First of all, I was about to have a new baby, and we were about 8 weeks away from an international move. So I opted to let this window of opportunity pass us by. It was a smart decision in the end, I'm sure.

His next window hit when he was about 18 months. After just moving to Sweden with my 2-month-old baby, my visiting father-in-law assured me he could be trained. I went out bought my trusty Baby Bjorn potty and commenced with the process. I failed miserably when I realized Alex didn't care if he was standing in pee or not. So I packed up the potty.

The next window didn't come until he was a little over two. We were visiting with my parents after just returning from Sweden. (Yes, another international move.) I again went out to buy another potty--the shittiest one around--to try the process yet again. Realizing this wasn't going to work on my mom's newly laid floors/carpet, we packed up the potty.

But I did seize the moment about a month later. We had just moved into our house and my son was befriending the neighors kid when he very proudly told the little three-year old, "I just poo pooed in my pants." I whisked his stinky bottom inside and decided that was it. A week later it was done.

Child #2

We learn when we got through this parenting game that every child is different. Anna immediately showed interest in the potty when I trained Alex. She was about 15 months. I thought training her would be a cinch. Not exactly. Anna was fascinated by the potty because Alex was using it. One might think this means she'd want to play our game. Yet again, not exactly.

She loved to talk about potty and pretend, but if you asked her to do it. She would scream. She would protest. She would become the anti-potty monster. She did this for almost a year. Though I never tried to push it with her like I did him. She was too dramatic about the whole thing.

Until one afternoon I found her changing...yes changing....her own diaper. Took it off. Got another. Open the tabs and put it on herself. The next day we started and within a week we were done. It was brutal and worse than Alex, but it was done. The good news with training #2: Sometimes your older child will actually help you out!

How did you know your child was ready? Or better yet, when did you know you were ready?

potty training your 'bunch': part 2

Continuing our potty training series . . .

So if you’re ready to start with the potty training, you need some essential tools. There are plenty of books out there on potty training. I found none of these to be helpful so if you have recommendations, please feel free to offer them. I didn't have time to read them, but I imagine there are essentially two routes to go: The die-hard-do-it-all-at-once method (involving heavy bribing)--which is my chosen method; and the probably nicer, better mom way to do it, which is to let child direct you. You decide.

Essential Baby Bunching Potty Training Supplies:

A Potty. There are about a bazillion potties out there. Ones that make music or talk. Some have a doll that pees with it. Some attach to your toilet. Why can't they make one that just potty trains your kid for you?

My absolute favorite potty is the Baby Bjorn potty chair. Both kids used it. We had several we tried and this was the only one that worked for my kids. I call it the 'magical potty.' I even loaned it out to a neighbor and guess what? Nothing worked for her until THIS potty came into her life. It's super easy to clean, and it seems comfortable to sit on it.

Some kind of portable potty. I never did this, but wished many time I had remembered to throw our potty seat into the back of the car. My kids were pretty good about going to the bathroom in public places. In fact, I think they loved to check out every bathroom out there. But many times we were at playgrounds and would have to make a mad dash to the nearest gas station. Alex would sit, sing and think about going while Anna touched everything insight. If you don't have a portable potty, just bring along the one you have with lots of wipes and a few plastic bags.   

Lots of underwear. And I mean lots of underwear. I think I bought 3 packs of 6 or 7 pairs.

Lots of bribes. Love bribes. For my son it was the only thing that worked. But my daughter could care less if pottying meant a piece of candy. The upside to this, especially with candy and juice, is it makes them have to go more. Candy especially will help them go more.

A going out strategy. I think it's easier if you're at home doing this, but you'll get cabin fever pretty quickly. So plan going out in between potty visits--kind of like when you made that dash out to the store after you nursed the baby. When you do go out, try this tip. Keep your child's underwear on and put a diaper/pull up OVER the underwear.

Spare clothes. Didn’t think you needed to stash a change of clothes anymore in a bag or your car? Now you do. A complete set is required to be close by. Plus, I would recommend a towel in case you need to dry someone off.

Things to keep your little one busy. Depending on his/her age find a new toy or borrow a few that will keep your baby busy while you deal with potty. I think eventually I just let my daughter sit down with an entire box of tissues and empty the whole thing out.

Please feel free to share your potty training stories. And stay tuned for Part 3....

potty training your 'bunch': part 1

This will be the first in a series on potty training from the Baby Bunching perspective. If you know me, you know potty training is by far my least favorite parenting duty after sleep training. I hate it so much that I force my children to undergo a weekend of potty boot camp with yours truly as the potty Nazi.

Potty training sucks. Potty training with two under two is crappy. (Pun totally intended)

Depending on how close your bunch is, potty training before your second baby is born is a very smart idea. Baby Buncher Shelley did this with her first. She seized the moment and had her 18-month old peeing in the potty before the baby was born. Because really, when you’re 8 months pregnant and not really wanting to go anywhere, you might as well be camping out on the bathroom floor reading Elmo books to junior. Right? She had accidents after the baby was born, but overall the bulk of the work had been done.

On the flip side, if you’re like Cara just wait until your oldest is over three and he potty trains himself. Done. That’s the most desirable way to get the job completed.

But if you do the math, most of us are doing the potty training when our oldest kids are 2 ½ to 3 years old. Where does that put your little one? Crawling and/or walking around in the lovely he’s-into-everything-phase. So while you’re trying to cajole one to pee pee on the potty, the other one is probably emptying the trash, taking the TP off the roll or in the kitchen eating from something in the pantry.

You can’t be in two places at once.

When I potty trained Alex, he was just about two-and-a-half. Anna was 15 months and hated to be left alone for longer than half a second. I was trying to spend all my time in the bathroom with him and she was crying because I couldn’t spend the time with her. If he hadn’t been ready for the potty, I probably would have just waited 6 months, and trained them both at the same time. Although I imagine that’s not easy either.

Here are some general thoughts to consider before/during potty training your first born:

Be realistic. If you’ve just had a new baby and your toddler show signs of wanting to use the potty, know that this probably is not the best time to tackle this. I tried this with Alex at 18 months. (Anna was 2 months old) Yeah, it didn’t work. I missed that window of opportunity. Hint to you who haven’t gone this route: There will be another one. Each of my kids had about three to four ‘windows’ where they showed interest in it. As a new mom, the first time we hit one, I went out and bought the potty and tried to go forth. Little did I know potty training is about both child AND mom being ready. Do it when you’re in the right mental state to do it. Cuz it aint easy. They don’t call it training for nothing!

Do it fast. Don’t drag out the training process. It’s better to dedicate a weekend or a weekend plus a few days to just doing this. Get it out of the way and be done. You have another little one who needs you too. If it’s not working after a few days. Back off and try again another time.

This will change up your outing routine. Nothing says nightmarish fun like having a great time on the playground with your kids and your oldest, who you’re potty training, decides he has to pee RIGHT NOW! That means you have to go right now, too. Even if you just spread out the lunch on the blanket. Even if you just sat down at McDonalds to eat. You have to go right now. I’ll talk more on this later. I have fond memories of us loading our Happy Meal into the stroller so Alex could pee….Anna still chowing down on the hamburger in the bathroom. Gross, huh?

The good news is your little one is little and doesn’t mind a sprint or change of venue to dash to the bathroom. The tables will be turned—in probably a year or so—when you’re doing this dash for your younger one. Your older child will be the disappointed one at that point.

Potty Training is a full-time job. Potty training is all day. Call in reinforcements when you do it. Have your spouse around to take the younger child off your hands or to give you a break from cleaning up pee.

The bottom line is everyone in the house needs to be in this together. And once you decide it’s the right time, just go for it. Rip it off like a Bandaid. It will go much faster and in the end a weekend of madness is worth it if you’re done.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Essential Baby Bunching Potty Training Supplies!