Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

gymboree dropout: accept it and move on

Like we mentioned yesterday, the motive behind baby/toddler classes isn't solely for baby and tot's development. They also are for moms to socialize and commiserate. We wish establishments would understand that and hone in on making their classes more Baby Bunching friendly.

Once you are ready to leave the house (and believe us, you will be), in the early days of Bunching your activities will likely center around your older child’s interests and possibly the younger one’s schedule.  Your oldest may still be registered for Gymboree, KinderMusic, Little Gym or some other seemingly simplistic baby classes. And like we all did, you'll make at least one attempt to continue on as business as usual.

We’ll be honest with you, most of these classes are more fun with one baby than two and you might find yourself reassessing and begging off from Gymboree for a while. There’s nothing like sprinting through Little Gym to catch your toddler as he tumbles off the side of the slide, only to jostle the baby awake from her nap in the Baby Bjorn. And nothing says a fun music class like an infant screaming her head off in the middle of the morning “Hello” song.  Do you see where we think someone might jump on this for a business endeavor?  Even the ones that do have sibling options usually don’t start until the youngest sibling is a little older, and we found the same super-sweet teacher who just loved teaching your Big’s class at six months old does not appreciate having a six-month old in the two-year old class.  Not to mention that most places charge for double duty registration.

Welcome to the wonderful world of “Baby Bunching is Not Cheap.”  All of the sudden $400 a semester for two people who aren’t verbal to take singing classes starts to feel a little silly.

Take our advice, even though we know brochures are compelling and may lure you into enrolling both kids, take a mini hiatus from structured activities that require payment and a complex refund process. Believe us when we say saving that money now will be SO worth it later when you can enroll both kids in the 4 to 6 year-old tumbling class at one time and sit in the park having a coffee while both kids are supervised and entertained. Ahhhhh.....those are good days to look forward to so hang in there.

We'd love to hear your stories about managing baby and tot during some of these structured classes. We've heard some pretty amusing ones so I'm sure you all have some fun ones to add.

entertaining without losing your sanity

By Erin Brazofsky

In the past three weeks, we have celebrated Seth’s dedication, an early birthday celebration for Levi, Easter and Levi’s actual birthday. This has amounted to a large amount of planning, preparation and executing for successful events that have involved family and friends. Not to mention keeping my husband and two little rock star babies fed, clothed and happy. Let’s just say I learned much.

Keeping my sanity throughout was also a huge goal and one that wasn’t easy to achieve, unfortunately. I don’t like to give up control of things, and asking for help isn’t my best quality. That being said, here are the biggest lessons I have learned in our whirly-gig of “fun” events.

Simplicity is key. Planning lunch for both your and your husband’s families after a baby dedication? Depending on the weather, BBQ it up! Despite chilly temps and a drizzle falling, my wonderful husband grilled burgers and hot dogs in the garage (well ventilated) with my father and his brother. Everything left for me to do was easy-peasy. Chips, potato salad I made the day before and toppings took about 5 minutes to lay out. Dishes? Paper plates and plastic cups made clean up a breeze. Dessert for 15+ people? Again, keep it simple: cupcakes I made were lovingly frosted by my mom and sister while I was doing other things. Get some ice cream and self-serve. Providing dinner for out-of-town guests the night before? Order pizza and slice up some veggies and call it a day. Voila! Baby dedication/family birthday celebration complete.

Have your guests contribute to the meal. Every Easter, we host our friends who, like us, don’t have family nearby, and it is a wonderful time. To keep things stress-free for me, I ask my girlfriends to contribute side dishes, desserts or drinks to our Easter meal. Then I’m not slaving in the kitchen all day, and I get to enjoy someone else’s cooking. It’s definitely a win-win.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. So maybe you haven’t given your house a complete and thorough scrub down for a week or two (or a month, let’s be honest). You’re a busy lady…kids, husband, life… Instead of running around your house with a broom and dust pan behind every one, give yourself a break. No one will notice the dirt you see, and if you are a little more relaxed, it will go a long way for your family and friends. I was able to enjoy our crazy few weeks so much more because I allowed myself to be content with spot cleaning as needed.

Tell your husband when you need a break. You do not have to be Superwoman. He is there to help, and if he’s like my husband, he wants to help so that you don’t lose your mind. And, let’s face it; he is the co-host of these events, right? Let him help you.

So, relax, take a deep breath and remember to soak in these fun moments and times with those you love. I promise you, (and I speak from experience) it is worth it.

Erin has two sons Levi (age 2) and Seth (7 months).

baby bunching Q/A: exhausting your toddler

This question arrived just in time for our weekly Q&A.

Q: I have an 18 month old & 2 month old. My question is how do exercise your older child when you're alone with both? Before my daughter was born I'd take my son to the playground & he did a class at The Little Gym. Now he isn't getting the physical activity he once got & it seems to be affecting his ability to sleep. All feedback is greatly appreciated!

A: Oh, we never want anything to interfere with anyone's sleep so let's get on this question. First off, unless you're going to get a sitter, skip places like Little Gym with your toddler for a long while (until you can get both kids into the same class). I have a very vivid memory of a Little Gym class with my 18-month old son and my daughter who was about the same age as yours in the Baby Bjorn screaming her head off. I never went back.

You have a few options here of places to visit with toddler and baby to exhaust your older one:

1) Playgrounds. Remember that not all playgrounds are created equal so find a very toddler-friendly one and do what you can in the great outdoors with baby in the stroller, sling or carrier. They may be shorter trips than you're used to, but meet up with some friends so you have some helps spotting your toddler. He'll be tired when he's done.

2) The pool. It's summer now and while your wee one may not be ready for fun in the sun your toddler would probably love the play in the baby pool. Get some fun toys for the pool, have the baby again in a carrier or stroller and go until someone gets fussy.

3) Nature centers, farms or gardens. Bring the stroller along and let your toddler just go hog wild by running. You may have to run to keep up with him, but he'll be exhausted.

4) Backyard playdate. Even if you don't have a backyard, you probably have a friend who does. I always found yards, with friends of course, to be the best exercise for me. That meant baby could hang out, be changed and fed in privacy without too much sprinting and we might even be able to enjoy a cup of coffee while they played.

 If you can't get out to exercise, have him help you fill the laundry basket with several trips back and forth or have your own at-home dance party. Remember that this phase is short and your toddler will exhaust from normal everyday stimulation. Before you know it you'll be chasing after him down the street as he takes off on his scooter with little one right behind. Then you'll be getting the exercise.

 

common everyday illnesses: some tips to help you look before you leap

(Please remember once again, we are not doctors or at all related to the medical profession or even play one on TV. We just have lots of experience dealing with illness and doctors. Always consult your physician.)

Our family recently recovered from the illness of the month. This time it was strep. But it always seems to be something--stomach issues, fevers, congestion, sore throats.

While the remedies for all that ails us ranges from prescription meds to "wait it out," one thing is for certain--it sucks to see your kids sick and in pain.

Because of this, I think as parents we sometimes tend to leap before we look. And it never fails to surprise me that year after year, the more experienced (one would think) I get with illness, I still leap too soon.

In reflection on this past bout of sickness, I'd like to share some wisdom I've gained over the past few years to save some of you the hassle of leaping before you look, observe and consult. And my hope is that many of you will chime in as well, since this is collective knowledge.

1) Not all fevers are bad. Thanks to a very helpful nurse very early on, I was reassured that fevers are a sign of fighting infection. A high fever (even up to 104 in toddlers) while a sign of sickness doesn't usually warrant the response I usually have. Which is something like "Oh my God. My kid's brain is going to bake." Apparently, that's not true. My latest doctor told me it bakes around 108. Always good knowledge to have.

2) Tylenol and Motrin is a 'fever reducer' not a 'fever go-awayer.' I believed for many years that once you gave a kid meds the fever would disappear. Again if you have a 103 degree fever, chances are medicine isn't going to make it go away, but it will make it go down so your child can feel better. Whew!

3) Not all ear infections need prescription meds. This once shocked me as well. An ENT in Sweden informed me when my daughter had her second ear infection. The first she was four months old and had a ruptured ear drum and he thought that definitely called for antibiotics. However, four months later when she was struck with pain again, he assured me we had too many antibiotics in our community and that most were viral anyway and to wait it out. Floored by this response, I was surprised that four days later she was better. Now come to find out, doctors here in the states are following suit with a similar recommendation.

4) Strep throat is only the cause of  approximately 30% of sore throats.* I learned this little fact from the nice nurse at the CVS Minute Clinic. (By the way, if you don't know these, check them out!)  For any of you who have taken your preschooler to get one of these strep tests, you know that it sucks for them and you. So look before you leap on this one.

An added note on this: After you've had strep in your house a few times, you'll recognize the pungent smell that comes from it. Stick your child in a room for 5 minutes and come back, if it reeks of some awful bad breath smell, chances are it's strep.

5) Croup sounds scarier than it is. We are veterans of croup. But I am happy to say that after four years of annual croup visits, it has been a long time since that cough has resurfaced in our house. I promise you will panic the first time you hear this cough, and you might even make it to the doctor or ER for this one. But keeping your child calm and comfortable seems to be about the best medicine. There are the cases where you should take them if they can't breathe, obviously. We did have one of our trips to the ER that was semi-warranted, but they assured us that we probably could have gotten him calmed down enough to breathe regularly. 'Probably' wasn't good enough so we went. But that was our last trip to the ER for croup even though we had many more visits from the cough.

6) You'll only make one high-fever ER run. Again, like croup, a fever of 104 in the middle of the night will scare the bejeebers out of you. You'll pack up and fly out the door to the hospital only to be welcomed with a slew of blood work and tests that will make everyone upset and exhausted the following day. Yep, we did it and you will too. We guarantee you'll only do it once. Chalk it up as a learning experience and one to pass along to other moms.

And while cold and flu season is over now, we're positive, something will show up in your house in the future. Remember to stay calm and observe before you leap or sprint to the ER. After all, you probably have another child or two to drag along with you.

*This number was quoted from the nurse.

tips to getting the chores done

By Erin Brazofsky

Do you ever wonder how you’re going to get anything (housekeeping, bills, cooking, personal projects, even a shower, right?) done during the day when you have two (or more) super inquisitive and growing little people running, crawling or singing around your knees? Me too.

In my limited experience, I’ve come to some solutions to help me get things done and not rely on PBS Kids to interact with my kids. Hopefully some of what I’ll share will give you some encouragement that you can get “things” done.

#1. Get your wee ones involved in what you’re doing. It might mean taking a little more time to accomplish something, but where appropriate, let them actively participate in what you’re doing. Whether it be switching the laundry (let them throw the clothes in the dryer for you; I guarantee if you have a boy, he will get a HUGE thrill out of it), dusting (give them a clean rag and let them go to town), or making cookies, they will love being Momma’s special helper.

#2. Structured playtime on their own can be your best friend. Between my 6-month old and my 23-month old, taking a shower can be an Olympic speed sport these days. If I don’t get up and shower before they rise, I will take advantage of Seth’s morning nap and let Levi play in his room with a few select toys.

#3. A “SHOW!” (as Levi calls it) is not always a bad thing. Despite what I said about PBS Kids above, I think letting your kidlets watch a 30-minute program so you can get something done that you can’t let them help with can be a saving grace.

What do the rest of my fellow Bunchers do to get things done? Please share your thoughts; I would love to have some other tips!

baby bunching Q/A: potty training toddler w/ baby

Q: Can you give me advice on potty training my very ready 22 month old girl while, juggling my five month old? We tried and she likes it, but the baby is always needing something when she wants to go, or she wants to sit forever and the baby starts to cry. Help!

A: This is one of the first of many Baby Bunching lessons you will have to master. Everyone always suddently needs something when you're dealing with the other. Always. Our kids, collectively, have gone through many 'windows' of being potty ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. So if it's 22 months and you want to brave it, we applaud you! My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

But if you do the math, most of us are doing the potty training when our oldest kids are 2 ½ to 3 years old. Where does that put your little one? Crawling and/or walking around in the lovely he’s-into-everything-phase. So while you’re trying to cajole one to pee pee on the potty, the other one is probably emptying the trash, taking the TP off the roll or in the kitchen eating from something in the pantry.

You can’t be in two places at once at any point in this process. So whether it's now when your baby is 5 months old, it will be equally (if not more) difficult when baby is 14 months old.

When I potty trained my son, he was just about two-and-a-half. My daughter was 15 months and hated to be left alone for longer than half a second. I was trying to spend all my time in the bathroom with him and she was crying because I couldn’t spend the time with her. If he hadn’t been ready for the potty, I probably would have just waited 6 months, and trained them both at the same time. Although I imagine that’s not easy either.

Here are some general thoughts to consider before/during potty training your first born:

Be realistic. If you’ve just had a new baby and your toddler show signs of wanting to use the potty, know that this probably is not the best time to tackle this. I tried this with Alex at 18 months. (Anna was 2 months old) Yeah, it didn’t work. I missed that window of opportunity. [Hint to you who haven’t gone this route: There will be another one.] Each of my kids had about 3-4 ‘windows’ where they showed interest in it. As a new mom, the first time we hit one, I went out and bought the potty and tried to go forth. Little did I know potty training is about both child AND mom being ready. Do it when you’re in the right mental state to do it. Cuz it ain't easy. They don’t call it training for nothing!

Do it fast. Don’t drag out the training process. It’s better to dedicate a weekend or a weekend plus a few days to just doing this and being done. You have another little one who needs you too. If it’s not working after a few days. Back off and try again another time.

This will change up your outing routine. Nothing says nightmarish fun like having a great time on the playground with your kids, and your oldest--who you’re potty training--decides he has to pee RIGHT NOW! That means you have to go right now, too. Even if you just spread out lunch on the blanket. Even if you just sat down at McDonalds to eat. You have to go right now. I have fond memories of us loading our Happy Meal into the stroller so Alex could pee….Anna still chowing down on the hamburger in the bathroom. Gross, huh? (See, at 5 months, your baby is still happy to just hang out!)

The good news is your little one is little and doesn’t mind a sprint or change of venue to dash to the bathroom. The tables will be turned—in probably a year or so—when you’re doing this dash for your younger one. Your older child will be the disappointed one at that point.

Potty Training is a full-time job. Potty training is an all-day affair. Call in reinforcements when you do it. Have your spouse around to take the younger child off your hands or to give you a break from cleaning up pee. Grandma? Great. Have her come in and befriend the wee one. No one should do it alone.

The bottom line is everyone in the house needs to be in this together. And once you decide it’s the right time, just go for it. Rip it off like a Bandaid. It will go much faster and in the end a weekend of madness is worth it if you’re done.

baby bunching Q/A: going out with three under 2 1/2

We found this question buried in our archives. Our apologies for it taking this long to surface, but this always seems to be a popular question.

Q: I need ideas on going out with my boys, I have 4 kids but 3 are bunched--ages 4, 3 and 1. I had an umbrella stroller double, but it is to hard to maneuver and I still have a child that may or may not cooperate. Any ideas from you or your readers would be greatly appreciated.

A: Getting out is always going to be a challenge and will always take some planning and strategy. Always! You're at the point where purchasing another double stroller is probably moot since your 4-year old isn't riding much and your 3-year old probably won't be for too much longer. Where you go will probably also determine what you need when you're out and about. With this configuration, places with carts may be the easiest, but it often depends on your kids and their ability to stay with you or sit down in the cart.

There are a few possibilities you could explore, but it might mean getting a few accessories.

1) Find a used Sit n' Stand and give this try. You might be able to even get your two Bigs to sit on the seat together now and then.  This stroller will probably still only last you another year, but it does give you some good options to keep everyone together.

2) Ditch the double and revert back to your previous single. (We're just assuming you have one of these.) and use a product like a tag*a*long.These after market accessories can be added to strollers or even carts. Yes, you could make your own with a rope or something similar, but it wouldn't look this cute. Keep these on hand and use with your single or double stroller.

3) Buggy Board. Note: these are not for little kids! You probably couldn't attach this to your current double umbrella if it's already too hard to push with two kids, but this on the back of your single might be a nice option for either your 4 or 3-year old to jump on and off while you're out and about.

You mentioned an older sibling who isn't Bunched. You might enlist him/her to be on sibling duty with one of the older two of the Bunch. Perhaps he/she takes the 4-year old's hand and you have the 3 year old ride on the Buggy Board. Whatever you decide to do, will depend a lot on your kids' personalities and stroller temperament. When my son turned 3, he was completely done with the stroller. But I know kids who are nearing 5 who are still up for a ride.

All in all, it's a lesson for every child in learning to stay with you. When they are 2-3 this is a bit harder to teach since they tend to roam, but by age 4 this is something worth investing some time in teaching, especially since you have younger kids you will have to continue to rein in for some time.

We'd love to hear some suggestions from our readers.

baby bunching Q/A: getting back on track; staying on top of it all

Q:  As a Buncher of an 8-month old and a 21-month old, the level of control and organization needed in our household to survive each day is comparable to that of the military. But what do you do when you feel it all falling apart? I feel like I'm behind with everything in the house so don't know where to start, the youngest is teething and the oldest is showing signs of needing to potty train. How do you take stock of it all and get yourself back on track - any advice?

A:  As we all know, Baby Bunching at its best is a finely oiled machine (even thought it may appear to the average outsider as sheer chaos).  This requires a Buncher to bring her A-game every day and there is ZERO margin for error.  In order for my household to run smoothly, each day must include children napping on schedule, at least one (sometimes two) loads of laundry, at least one dishwasher cycle, and a clean sweep of the kitchen and toys in the living room.  At a minimum!  And that's before I even factor in the job I get paid to do.

Heaven forbid you should deicide to spend one naptime hour simply watching General Hospital instead of folding the day's laundry while doing so - you will feel the tidal wave of housework begin to creep up on you.  If, by chance, a child gets sick, there is an out-of-town house guest that generates an extra load of sheets and towels or requires a home-cooked meal, or the family decides to go on vacation (usually defined for mom and dad as taking some time off work so that they can Baby Bunch in a different location), all bets are off and you will find yourself consumed by mess.  Or even worse case scenario - if you yourself get sick, forget it.  You may as well lay there and die because by the time you come back to reality your house will be unrecognizable.

The only thing you can plan on for sure is that one of these things WILL happen to you.  The good news is that you can also pretty much assure that eventually, you will get your footing back.  Here's a few suggestions for how to get started regaining control:

• Settle the kiddos.  If everything's gone to hell in a hand-basket, cut yourself some slack and give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to get the kids settled long enough to think for a few minutes. Don't be afraid to pull out the big guns:  Elmo DVD's, fruit snacks, maybe even a juick box or a cookie, or even a new toy you've been saving for the next birthday.  Find something that will keep both kids occupied for a bit.
• Clear a spot.  The next thing you need to do is get control over ONE (don't get carried away and start doing multiple rooms) room or even area in your house.  Start with a clean kitchen/counter or a tidied dining room/table, or even a straightened living room/desk.  Find one area where you can clear the physical clutter enough to feel like you can clear your mind.
• Brain dump.  I am a huge pen-and-paper list maker.  For those of you techno junkies, there are also apps that you can use.  I like to make categories - mine are usually: House (chores, fix-it projects, yard stuff, etc.), Home To Do (things like bill paying, Goodwill drop-offs, make Dr. appointments, put away hand-me-downs, etc, and Work To Do (I work part-time in theory, and frequently from home, so my to-do lists are always getting intermingled).  The point here is to make a list of every item you can think of that is hanging over your head that needs to be done.  This way you have a master working to-do list.  Keep in mind that if it took you a week to get behind, it may take you a week to catch up - that's ok.
• Outsource.  Quickly (italicized because it is the operative word in this sentence) go through the list and see if there is anything you can get someone else to do - your husband, a friend, a babysitter/house cleaner, etc.  Zip the person an email right then, if possible, and ask them if they can do it.  Then it's (at least temporarily) on their to do list.
• Prioritize. Get a weekly calendar.  Pick the top FIVE (no more than five, b/c you know even that's ambitious) things that need to be tackled THAT DAY ONLY.  This way, you know in the morning what your daily goals are.  As soon as the kids go down to nap or bed, you can tackle those items instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off feeling that there is so much to do you don't even know where to start.
• Call in reinforcements.  This is a biggie.  Have the hubs, a grandparent, a neighbor, a babysitter - anyone who will say yes - take the kids for just two hours so that you can run around and make as much progress on that to-do list as possible.  If it's your husband, we recommend that you push for four hours/a half day.  After all, the predicament you're in is half his fault.  You will be amazed at how much progress you can make without your little assistants in tow!
• Check off.  When you complete an item, don't forget to check it off.  We all derive satisfaction from that little positive reinforcement of progress.  It'll keep you motivated. 

I try to use this system on a weekly basis and try to make Sunday night as my "take stock" night to prioritize and get geared up for the week.  My mother-in-law even got me a nifty personalized notepad where I jot my daily priority items for the week, but a plain old calendar will do too.  No, it doesn't always happen every Sunday, but it always happens post-crisis and gets me back on track every time.  

reflections: 9 months into baby bunching

By Shannon Block

Let me start by saying, there is a reason that there are a multitude of websites and chat rooms dedicated to the art of having "two under two" (read: two children under the age of two)!  When my husband and I decided to have our kids close in age, we thought something between 18 months apart and 2 years would be ideal because it would give us a chance to have a break before having babies #3 &  #4.  Yes, we were going to have four kids when we started all of this!  While that remains to be seen (we have since decided that we will take the expansion of this family one day at a time), we did manage to have kids #1 (Hadley, now two) & #2 (Jameson, now 9 months) a mere 15 months and 10 days apart.  Wow.  What can I say, we are blessed in this department.

From the moment I was showing with Jameson it opened the flood gates of commentary from strangers on the street and friends and family alike.  If I had a dollar for every time someone told me (unsolicited of course) that I was going to have my hands full - I'd be a wealthy woman.  Instead of pumping me up for the challenge ahead, all this did was completely terrify me.  The thing is, being an only child myself, I was really excited to have the kids close together.  But I was also beyond nervous.  Those websites & chat rooms I mentioned, they scared the crap out of me.  There was so much negative commentary out there about two under two.  So many bitter, cranky women complaining online about how hard their lives were.  I should have ignored all of them and focused on the ones (like the Baby Bunching ladies!) that had good things to say.  But I didn't.  I got totally bogged down by all this negative energy.  So much so, that the whole last 3 months of my pregnancy including the day he was delivered is a complete blur to me.  I barely even remember being there, which now just makes me sad because what a sweet, sweet day that was! 

What I wish I could've told myself back then, is to RELAX and to completely ignore the hype.  What I now know, is that with a 2-year old that is prone to public displays and running for the hills while mommy is behind strapped with a 20 pound baby yelling "come back here NOW!" that, YES, I do have my hands full.  And yes, there are times that this is hard.  Not every outing is a smashing success (success of course equaling a simple trip out of the house with no meltdowns and no running into the street).  And sometimes both kids are crying and I'm tired and I'm covered in all kinds of food, and I'm wishing I were on a beach with a cocktail.  But the words "hard work" and "hands full" no longer have a negative connotation like they did before I became a mom of kids 15 months apart.  Now, I wear those words like a badge of honor -- YES, it's hard!  But it's awesome.  I am so beyond blessed to watch my 2 year old and my 9 month old playing together, hugging each other, wishing the other was there on the rare occasion that they are separated.  This sibling bond that I am watching, helping cultivate, is simply beautiful.
 
Here I sit, 9 months into two under two and I have an overwhelming sense of "I can do this." I know there will be challenges ahead (#2 is about to go mobile and become a strong willed, active toddler himself).  But #1 is getting easier by the day.  Like all things, it's a balancing act, hard times ebb and flow, but you know what, so do the good times.  And those good times -- they are REALLY GOOD!
 
I am not super mom, and I am far from perfect.  And I'm not an expert, but I do have advice! 

The best advice I can give to moms about to embark on 2 under 2 is this: 

• keep your cool
• maintain your sense of humor
• be organized
• have a plan (but let that plan get blown to pieces if need be)
• try to savor every moment of the kids being so little, because while tough at times, it is precious and fleeting as well. 
• Oh, and for the love of God, get both kids on a good sleeping schedule as soon as humanly possible.  It saved my life!  (Both kids sleep 7pm - 7am without any wake ups.  And no, they did not come this way.)
   

*FYI - I have since sworn off all 2 under 2 chat rooms / advice columns, with the exception of Baby Bunching. And I am much happier for it.  And when the day comes that I am pregnant with #3 (maybe :), I am going to smile at every stranger that comments about my hands being full.  Yep, they are full.  Full of love.

when to break up: mommy-friend style

By Rachel Ostlie

For some reason, finding good mommy-friends has not been easy for me. I do all the right things to meet new people (attending baby classes at the library, visit a variety of playgrounds), but it's been difficult to find a friendship that clicks. Perhaps it's because I live in an extremely diverse suburb (both in terms of socio-economic class and ethnicity) of a big city, but it's hard enough to find someone who speaks English, let alone someone with similar interests and kids the same age.

I've also been unsuccessful in finding mommy-friends from the pool of people who are already my friends. Though my high school friends and college friends all are happily married with lots of new babies, I now share in their joys only through Facebook. And while I moved here eight years ago, all the friends I've made since are single and childless.

I did make one close mommy-friend. When my daughter was born three years ago, I started attending a little singing and book reading class at the library for babies ages zero to two. There was just one mom with a daughter as young as mine, and we hit it off right away. We started having playdates when our girls were three months old and barely acknowledged each other's existence, and our weekly meet-ups had a permanent place in my calendar. Soon we celebrated holidays together, and the dynamic duo took our sweeties to museums, state fairs, zoos, and aquariums. I even had the privilege of videoing her daughter's very first steps on one of our outings!

But then... something came between us. Something called Baby #2. Though my friend was overjoyed to hear I was expecting, and threw me a lovely baby shower, things just weren't the same. My life and hers were no longer mirror images of each other. She started rescheduling our hang outs, or canceling altogether. At first I was frustrated, then offended as she began moving our playdate around to accommodate all her other new friends. Finally, I worked up the courage to ask if I had done anything wrong, and if I needed to ask forgiveness. She assured me that nothing was wrong, yet the passive-aggressive behavior continued. Now, as I sit in front of my computer screen and stew over being at the bottom of her list for the hundredth time, I am seriously considering breaking up with her. Not a dramatic, in-your-face breakup. Just the kind where I stop trying any more. I don't want to give up on all the good times we had, but it seems as if baby bunching has driven us apart.

This Baby Bunching blog always encourages us to build our "momtourage," to find fellow Baby Bunchers to support us in our trials. After this relationship, I begin to see the wisdom of their advice even more. Some friends last a lifetime. Others can't last the divisive nature of a second baby (let alone the third baby some über-Bunchers manage before most people even start to think about another pregnancy). So my advice to you, and to myself? Make friendship a priority. We're all gonna need it.

Rachel is a baby bunching mom of a daughter (3) and son (20 months). If you live in the northern suburbs of Chicago, she is currently seeking members for her momtourage.