Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching Q/A: finding buncher buddies

Q: I was wondering if anyone knows of a play group for baby bunching families in my area. I just moved to Charleston, SC, and would like to meet other families in similar circumstances.

A: Moving can be very difficult in the early stages of Baby Bunching. Linda did it twice, and it's not easy. Having the right support network is critical to making Baby Bunching bearable successful. Back in the day when our grandmas and great grandmas were churning out 'Irish Twins' they also had family around to help them out and care for the kids. Yeah, not anymore. We're the generation of do-it-on-your-own with family three time zones away. This can make Baby Bunching difficult and lonesome at times.

Don't take finding a network of friends in your similar situation lightly. Baby Bunchers have to stick together. The best playgroups are the ones where, with your friends, you're greater than the sum of all your parts. Meaning, you may arrive in and leave in chaos, but while you're together everything is better and easier simply because you have each other.

The trick to getting the process going is to find the mom who seems well connected to many different groups. She's the one who will know about mom's groups, playgroups, play dates, preschools, doctors, etc. One of the easiest and quickest ways to find these women is at the playground. Try to hit the toddler-friendly playgrounds when most naps are over—that’s the 4 to 5 p.m. range. Same for the weekends. It may take a few playgrounds or few trips to find fellow Baby Bunchers, but eventually you will stumble upon the right playground/time of day when there are lots of potential mommy and children friends.

Another great way to meet Baby Bunchers is to join a moms group. MOMS Club, Mothers and More, and MOPS, and Mocha Moms are all examples of national organizations that have local chapters with monthly meeting, planned activities, age-appropriate playgroups, etc.  Each has a unique focus/approach (faith-based, strictly for stay-at-home moms, etc., etc.) and the activity level of the group varies from chapter to chapter, so it may take a few tries to luck into the "right" group that matches your personality/needs, but stay the course. 

There are also geographic-specific message boards on larger websites out there (MomsLikeMe, BabyCenter, Meetup, CityMommy, The Bump, etc.) spring to mind as examples that may feel a little more removed initially because they're virtual, but often feature groups that gel online and meet IRL down the line. 

Baby classes, such as The Music Class, Gymboree, and The Little Gym, are all divided by ages and a great (if pricier, especially once the younger of your Bunch comes along) way to meet other moms.  Local community centers often offer similar classes at a more affordable rate.  And don't forget about library story hour! (If you feel brave enough to venture that direction.)

We're convinced that Baby Bunchers can spot each other a mile away. There's no secret handshake, although that is interesting idea. If you're looking for a playgroup and haven't found yet that suits you, start your own with people you meet along the way. Meeting up a playground is great if everyone is of the appropriate age (meaning kids who are 9 months old tend to not enjoy the playground as much as those who are 2 years old). If the playground situation stresses you out, look for other venues: mall play area, indoor playgrounds, etc.

Thank God for the Web now because Facebook can actually help you connect on a more local level. Just googling Charleston Mom's Group pulled up two good resources: Charleston Mommies and Mom's in the Know, which has a Facebook Fan page of local moms.

If you're looking to find other Baby Bunching moms in your area or have more suggestions on where to find them, give a shout here - we would love to see our little community grow IRL!

shall I say congratulations?

By Mrs.Notouching, Diaper Monologues

You know that mom at your playground with three kids that always looks like she just stepped out of a magazine cover? Me neither. The truth is that there just comes a time in your life when sleeping through the night, eating in peace and wearing high-heals just gets old. At least that's what happened to me. How hard can it be to take care of a seven-pound roommate?! Well... it was harder than expected, but at the same time more enjoyable than we had ever imagined. By the time Leila was 9 months I was back to taking daily showers, which to me was a clear sign from the universe that we were ready for another baby. 

"Oh, honey, you don't want TWO toddlers! Wait a few years, relax..." said my childless OB/GYN. 

"Stop this nonsense baby-talk! Wait until Leila is older so that she can help you a little." spoke my mother from experience of having her 10-year old practically raise a baby while everybody went back to work. And trust me, trying to look cool when you are 13-years old is hard enough without having a 3-year-old attached to your leg. So I took their advice with a grain of salt... and a pitcher of margarita.

It was a textbook conception -  I calculated my ovulation, emailed my husband which day he needed to be home early, kept my legs up for 20 minutes, 2 weeks later I peed on the stick and voilà- baby #2 is in the oven! Fireworks! Champagne! Parade! Oh wait... that was the reaction I got the first time. This time?

"You are pregnant AGAIN? ... Congratulations...?"

"You are so brave!"

"Wow! I couldn't do it."

"Congratulations.... but are you CRAZY?!"

Well OK, the "crazy" part came in only after I clarified that we conceived this baby entirely sober and completely aware we had a 9-month old sleeping in another room.  I never had an illusion that it will be easy-breezy-beautiful, but hearing all those reactions does make me question myself a little bit.

Is having two under two that crazy? Maybe I am living in a bubble of denial thinking that I can do it, that my marriage can survive this, and I can raise two perfectly healthy and happy kids. Maybe. But for now I just want to bask in my hormone-induced happiness and beautiful boobs that are finally slowly but surely filling in cup A - a few more weeks and it will make a perfect birthday gift for my husband.

Daiva, also known as "Mrs. Notouching" because if you pronounce her last name correctly, it sounds like "no touching" is a SAHM mom to one child born March 2009 with her second child due August 2010. She lives in California and blogs at the Diaper Monologues.   

baby bunching Q/A: the perfect baby bunching ride

This question is from Baby Buncher Melissa.

Q:  We'll be in the market for a mini-van soon! I never thought I'd want one but have been using one overseas for the past 2 years and realize I can't live without all the room! We've got 2 toddlers and a dog. I'm a little out of touch with the new features on vans...have seen some commercials where you can store stuff ...in the floor, built-in DVD players behind the front headrests, etc. Which models do you like and why?

A: Minivans are popular with Baby Bunchers for many reasons and once you get inside you'll see why. Lots of options. Lots of room. Bonus is getting everyone inside and THEN getting everyone strapped in. Heck, isn't that what the original VW bus was for? Linda's parent's (back in the early 80s) even had a pop-up table. (Pre-car seats/booster, of course.)

Today there are many choices to make when choosing a minivan for your Bunch. It's no secret that the top two out there are the Honda Odyssey and Toyota Sienna (note, the Sienna is not included in Toyota's recent recall related to faulty accelerators). Car & Driver Magazine continually rates the Odyssey, especially, as one of the top ones each year because it outperforms the competition and is fun to drive, which is a big bonus for dads. Cara and Linda have both owned (or currently own) some kind of Honda vehicle and can vouch for all things Honda!

While Linda refuses to ever own a minivan (though she secretly covets the extra room her friends have over her RAV-4), Cara reluctantly delved into the world of minivans  a few years ago by purchasing a Hyundai Entourage. Once the ugly stepchild of Asian automakers, Hyundai has significantly increased in both safety ratings and reliability in recent years. It was the price tag (a full 10K lower than a comparable, fully loaded Sienna) and extended warranty that lured Cara to the Entourage in the first place and she has never looked back.

So what to consider when buying a van?

Naturally, safety-related features (air bags, tire pressure warning systems, rear/sensors and backup cameras, etc.) are of concern, so do your Consumer Reports homework.

Practical features we consider pretty important:

-Seating. Middle and rear seating come in various bench/captain configurations, but only the Odyssey and Sienna have eight-passenger seating options last time we checked.  So if you're locked in on that extra seat, your options are a little more limited off the bat.  Also, some models feature reconfigurable 2nd row seats, so if you're wanting to maximize seating, ask about that.

-Fold-flat third row seat. Even though most Bunchers max out their minivans with car seats, it's still handy to have the third row for cargo space for when you've got Dad at home to watch your Bunch so you can remove a car seat and run out and buy that second crib.

-Automatic doors/rear lift gate - So, so handy to be able to open/close all doors with a click of your remote. Careful, though - Cara's Entourage is not as sensitive to sensing tiny bodies obstructing the door as she wishes it was, so watch your kids around the doors at all times.

-In floor storage - Dodge Caravan, Chrysler Town & Country, and the Odyssey have it.  Who among us isn't constantly searching for more ways to contain our crap?

And the fluff:

-Cup holders.  Cara has 3 drinks going at all times (water, coffee, and usually a Diet Coke) plus drinks for all of her Bunch. Excessive number of cup holders = Cara's dream vehicle.

-DVD/Entertainment System - Cara (and Linda) opted expressly AGAINST this so she didn't have to fight that battle every morning on the way to school, but some moms consider it a plus.

-Built-in sunshades - We hear they've been in luxury cars for years (not that we would know anything about that) and they're migrating over to minivans.  Big improvement over our cheapy BabiesRUs ones that break all the time!

-Navigation system - Yeah, many of us have it on our cell phones now.  But it's just easier to have it on a screen right in front of you. 

We thought we'd pass along this ConsumerSearch site with a few things to consider as well. Share any other tips/features you love that we missed!

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a question on moving kids in with each other.

double stroller: things to consider

So now that you've had some time to ponder your responses from the 12 things to ask yourself before you buy, we're going touch on a few things to consider while you're gazing at your answers.

The age of your kids is important. If your youngest is freshly out of the oven and your oldest is still barely able to put a few words together, chances are this stroller will be used for a while. If your oldest is nearly 3 and seems to be a bit more independent and you really just need something to reign him in every once in a while, perhaps you might rethink a $600 stroller. Unless you're planning for more bunched kids, the news is that you won't be using it for much longer.

Translation: Younger kids + closer together = longer livespan of a stroller.

A double certainly isn't a necessity either, although neither of us went this route, we know those who did. If you wear your baby quite often it's possible to get by on a single and a sling/Ergo/Bjorn for a while and then perhaps upgrade to something light and easy when baby is actually able to sit up and enjoy the sights. You might be able to skip right to a Sit n' Stand or double umbrella with great ease and less money.

Don't forget borrowing and buying second hand. If you're unsure about your needs, consider thrift stores or trying a stroller out from a friend (who's not using it) before you buy. For $20, you could find out if that DuoGlider is really going to frustrate you or really help you out. Perhaps you think the Zooper Tango is right for you, but after borrowing from your friend you realize the storage space is too small. Or maybe your friend is really done with her Sit n' Stand forever and wills to you hers as a "passing of the torch." Then your 1- and 3-year old are set. Putting out a call on your mom's message boards are never a bad thing because even we have strollers stashed in the garage/basement and if someone offered to use it for a bit, I would gladly help out.

Wait before you buy. Another thing to consider is your children's personality. Linda's first child hated the stroller until the second came around. He then discovered the joy of riding with a buddy. And while he would never just 'hang out' in the stroller like the other kids, her daughter was certainly happy to sit in the stroller at Starbucks and play with her toes. Had she known both kids would have enjoyed the stroller so much, she would have purchased something different in the beginning.

Realize it's hard to predict the future. A child's weight/height or a move to a different city or even going back to work/stay home can change your stroller needs more than you think. Be flexible and know you may not ever find THE perfect stroller.

baby bunching Q/A: taking 4 under 4 to the store

We received our hardest question on our Facebook page this morning from Baby Buncher Jessica. We're asking our readers to help and hoping collectively as a community we can give her some ideas.

Q: It is so tough with three under three, how do I take a 4-,3- and 1-year old + newborn to the grocery store in a single shopping cart?

A: Our first reaction to this is don't take them all at the same time. But we know there are times when everyone will have to be corralled into the store and you will endure all kinds of funny looks and smart remarks from fellow shoppers.

Our recommendation is to realize you probably won't be able to do your big weekly shopping trips with all the kids in tow. Our friend Tanya whose kids are now 6, 4-year old twins and 2 provided some input on the question. She says that even now, trips with all four were quick ones with bagged snacks as bribes.

Since we're unfamiliar with where you live and the stores you have available, we think it would be worth quickly picking out the stores with the best carts for suited for your current needs. (Note: These needs will constantly change.) For example, Harris Teeter has carts with two 5-point harnesses (perfect for the older kids), but it also has a baby seat so three of your kids can be together. You'll have the wear the fourth one. It will probably be tricky getting everyone into the cart wearing the baby so this may take some practice. You could also have the younger three in the seats and give your four-year old some responsibility to help you shop. This might be the easier option. Target, Costco and a few others are known for their kid-friendly shopping carts. (Hopefully, readers will share some more.)

But many stores now have carts intended to seat two. Put two up front and put two in the cart. Pile food around them. Yes, be careful about who goes back there. That too may change. Tanya suggests that as the oldest one grows making him/her the "line leader" and give that child responsibility to even watch the next in line who could be instructed to hold on to the cart. A product like the tag*a*long may help you keep one kid at your side "attached" the cart. Always bring snacks or treats in case you need it.

Also consider forgoing the cart completely and bring a double stroller, have your four-year old walk and wear the baby. Whatever you fit in the stroller is what you buy.

And if all this makes you crazy....you might look into Peapod, grocery store pick up (Harris Teeter offers this) or buying your groceries online until someone starts kindergarten.

Along these lines...perhaps some of these posts will make you smile:

Raising Country Kids: Two Kids in a Grocery Cart

Blonde Mom Blog: Hell on Wheels

We can't wait to hear some other options!

(Check back next Wednesday for a question on buying a mini van . . . )

12 questions to answer before buying a double stroller

So you're in the market for double stroller?

One of our favorite topics here at Baby Bunching is double strollers. Many of our readers try to forgo the stroller and if in a certain living environment a double stroller may not be for you, but both of us (living in closer in suburban areas outside major cities) found a stroller a must-have.

But you've found out you're pregnant with number #2 and decided you need to get going on the research. Right? Ok, here are a few things to consider before you get overly excited. There are a lot of choices out there, and it may make your head spin to sort through it all. Be not afraid.

It's really not as scary as you think with right planning. We're going to show you how easy it can be. This is a multi-post topic so stay with us as we discuss.

Before you jump online to look at too many brands (Joovy, Graco, Phil and Ted, Maclaren, etc.) and colors (orange, black, pink, polka dot), we ask you stop. Sit down and answer these questions on paper. We're not kidding. Use a crayon if you have to.

1) How many strollers do you have?
2) What you do like/dislike about them?
3) What is your favorite one?
4) What do you like most about it?
5) Where does your stroller live? (Car, garage, foyer)
6) What is the one thing your stroller must be/have? (Light? Easy to maneuver? Cheap? Side by side? All-terrain wheels?)
7) What are your stroller expectations for this new stroller? (Must hold carseat, must keep kids separated, etc.)
8) Are you strong?
9) Where do you live? (ie House, townhouse, apt? City? Suburbs? Country?)
10)  What do you do most with your stroller or think you will do? (Travel, mall, museums, Disney, grocery, trails, running, back and forth to daycare/sitter, etc?)
11)  Will your stroller be riding in your car as another passenger? If so, what do you drive? (Tip: Measure your trunk)
12)  What are/will be the ages of your kids when you make this purchase?

Now you notice, we didn't mention anything about money yet. We're getting there, but first answer these questions honestly. If you don't ever run with your kids or take walks on trails then just rule out anything jogging or all-terrain like. It's a waste. If you're a city girl and haven't set foot in a mall or Costco, we would say this may change your mind about some strollers. If you like cupholders for you or couldn't live without the tray for your kid, note that. If you have back problems and getting your stroller in and out of your minivan is going to be awful, remember that when you're shopping. I had a friend who couldn't lift her 30-pound stroller into her SUV so she never used it. Not a smart buy. If you live somewhere that requires a lot of maneuvering tight spaces or people, then we're guessing the DuoGlider isn't gonna cut it without a lot of cursing.

A double stroller can run you $50 to $800 or more. Anyone making a purchase this big--even at $100--needs to answer these questions. Feel free to share with us some of your answers. But we want you to think about your answers before we move on to the next step of talking money. Think about them while you're at Costco, the grocery store, the mall, the trails, the sidewalks in Brooklyn, or a coffee shop.

Stay with us . . . we'll move you along to budget, baby bunching things to consider and options.

toting for two: diaper bags

By the time you are in your last month of pregnancy with Baby #2, you'll have downsized your diaper bag significantly. No more of the giant-ass baby diaper bags where you haul everything in God's creation + the kitchen sink. You're likely down some to a swank Skip*Hop diaper wallet in a cute bag.

When Baby #2 arrives, we're sad to report you'll probably have to upgrade again since now you're toting for two.  

There are an assortment of diaper bags out there in every size, shape and color. It can be overwhelming, but we're guessing since you probably already have a bunch on hand from Baby #1, you'll know a bit more about what goes in and what you can leave behind. (Note: Always have wipes, diaper, change of clothes in the car, too.)  I'll admit to going through about four different bags during my first year of Baby Bunching, always trying to find the right one to go with my ever adjusting assortment of crap. We've put a few suggestions for our favorites at the end of this post.

There are a few things to consider if you're in the market for a new diaper bag:

1) Find the smallest bag possible to hold all your stuff. Lay everything you need in your bag out and find one that fits everything and gives you enough room to stuff a baby fleece in if you need to. You're not going ANYWHERE without a stroller so in a pinch that can hold excess stuff. Why do we recommend small? Because you are already juggling a baby, toddler, a stroller, some kind of carrier/sling and some carseat. Don't weigh yourself down with a big giant bag, too. Believe me, when you're physically balancing it all, a lighter bag is better!

2) Don't be fooled by tons of pockets. You need to know how you use your stuff. If you're like me and you just toss everything into one bag, don't fall for the pocket or compartment gag. It just means you'll have to look in more places than necessary to find the binky. If you love having it all organized, go for it. (Secretly, I wish I could be you).

3) When things fall into the deep, dark cavernous crevices of your bag, it's because it's dark. Get a bag with a light (or better yet white) tinted interior. Yes, I may show all the Goldfish crumbs, anyone who judges you by the tidiness of your diaper bag interior is not your friend anyway.  All my diaper bags except for one were black inside and it was impossible to find anything. With a light interior you're 50% more likely to find things quickly. (Yes, I made up that stat. Sounds good, huh? But I bet it's true!)

4) Finding the perfect bag is like find the perfect stroller. It depends on what you do and where you go. If you're leaving it at the sitter's house, then a big giant bag may not make a difference. But if you're an urban girl maneuvering through narrow streets, something smaller is going to be better. Consider these two things a) Find a bag that attaches in some way to your stroller. Even if it means buying an after market hook to keep it there. b) Find a bag that you can throw on your back or across your chest like a messenger bag.

Now, I personally don't have any great recs for diaper bags. I used a Maclaren bag for a while and I liked it enough to use it a second time around. Cara loved her Skip*Hop which was big enough, yet small enough and coverts from messenger to stroller bag.  She also used an Eddie Bauer Sport Sling Diaper bag, now only availalble on eBay probably, but beware the dark interior!  Lands End also makes a smaller bag called The Little Tripper. I bought their bigger version with my first baby (which ironically they don't make anymore) and it was so huge I could use it as an overnight bag. I ran across the Ju Ju Be "BeLight" bag which really says it all. You probably aren't ready for something quite this little, but it's quite possible if you're packing light this could do it. I love that the inside is also light colored (they're reversible, too).

Now, you know we only endorse things here at Baby Bunching that we think are really, really great for Baby Bunchers. I have not tried this one out, but think this is quite possibly the coolest thing ever. The Kemby Sidekick Diaper Bag/Infant Carrier Combo is a diaper bag that converts to a carrier in a pinch. Some mom was definitely thinking. Wow! I'm not sure how long you'd get use out of this, but it says it holds a baby up to 35 pounds so if granny wants to get a another gift for Baby #2, perhaps this is the one to get!

We're all about fun, funky baby stuff. So we'll leave you to pick out those on your own. Just a few tips here from us on what to keep in mind when toting for two....

sleep deprivation: this too shall pass

The early days of a new baby’s sleep schedule can be daunting for a new mom. We don’t have to tell you since you just did this, like yesterday, right? But not sleeping through the night and dealing with new baby and needy toddler can be hard on mom. Sleeping when baby sleeps just doesn’t cut it since you’re probably inclined to use naptime for doing your own chores—with one less child. If you followed our previous advice to get your toddler on a schedule prior to new baby, you can probably count on at least two hours a day with only one kid awake. And let’s face it, at this point, your baby might be the more manageable one. Then pop her into a sling or swing to hang out and you might get some work done. It’s possible, however, that you need some of that time to sleep yourself.

Many Baby Bunchers say the first few months is like sleepwalking and living off coffee. One Baby Buncher admitted to having her close by in-laws come in to help out in the mornings so she and her husband could catch up on sleep. Others say they used Big Baby's naptime as quiet time for themselves by pulling in the baby to nurse and eventually everyone is asleep for a bit.

Unfortunately, the game changes when subsequent babies come along. Sleep is hard to find when battling everyone's issues. Throw in your toddler and his own new sleep issues and you've got quite the juggling act. (Note: We have discovered some babies who previously were magnificent sleepers develop some crazy I-will-not-sleep-anymore syndrome somewhere in the 13-20 month age range. We're not kidding!) So when you add that into the mix, you are....well, very tired.

So how do you cope with sleep deprivation?

In the first two weeks or so, most babies sleep blissfully all day long. That journey out of your body probably caused them as much anxiety as you. So during the first two weeks, sleep when your toddler sleeps. This at least ensures you're not in a sleep deficit when baby finally wakes up. Enjoy this "quiet period" as unquiet as it may seem, it will still be quieter than it is in a few weeks.

Once everyone is fully awake and aware of the world the only really way to cope with fatigue is to remember that it's temporary. Sorry, we wish we could provide you with better advice. But the truth is, it is. Get yourself some good coffee, diet coke, vitamin C, ice water or whatever it is you use to perk yourself up during the day and go with it.

And it pains me to write this one, alcohol only makes it worse. It makes sleeping worse, it makes getting up in the night worse. We won't tell you what's best for you (since we are party girls), but we'll even admit the wine does not help in the morning.

Learn to zone. You don't have to be "on" all the time. We promise it's OK to not be moving every second of the day. Sitting on the sofa watching toddler play while baby sleeps might give you a chance to rest a bit even if it's just staring at the wall.  

We know it's hard to give up naptimes for your own rest time, but if baby is sleeping and toddler down for his 2-hour nap, sometimes just a five or 10-minute catnap will be enough to boost you for the rest of the day. Remember to adjust your expectations. Sleep is better than cleaning your house or doing the dishes if it means you're happy in the long run.

Let baby sleep with you. If you're getting up all night to feed, but bringing baby into sleep with you for a few months means you'll get sleep, do it! Your day is busy running after a toddler and holding an infant so it means you're sleeping for 6 hours instead of 3 by nursing in bed, do it! Don't worry about making it a habit this early in the game. Your MO right now should be whatever it takes to make it through the day (or night).

And if all else fails, get some good under-eye concealer and realize that "this too shall pass."

(Photo: Linda taking a few minutes of quiet time in a room with filled with family. Apparently someone caught her snoozing.)

 

the early days: channeling your inner octopus

We absolutely, positively love feedback on this blog or over at our fan page. So if you have a question, please ask us and we’re happy to help out. Today's topic came to us from Baby Buncher Jennifer who asked for a few tips on surviving once all the new-baby help goes home.

You know the saying "when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window." (I quote from Sound of Music.) When your Baby Bunching reinforcements close that door (grandma, sister, hired help), we really hope YOU--or any other member of your family--does not go out the open window.

First rule: Stay calm! 

I remember the first days of facing off with my Bunch. (Cue John Wayne cowboy music here.) I felt a little intimidated. Ok, I panicked. Cara had a go at this several weeks before I did when her family bid her goodbye when the newest member of her Bunch was just about a week old. I remember her saying something like "I'm so relieved that they're gone so I can figure out how I'm actually going to do this on my own."

Can I just say right now . . .I NEVER felt that way. I was a bit overwhelmed about how I would handle this new life with not just one, but TWO babies.

If you're lucky, your help will stay longer than one week. If your family really loves you, mom will come help for the first three months. We realize that's not feasible in many cases, but many cultures are attuned to it, so if grandma wants to come and make you food every night and help you take care of Big Baby until Little Baby sleeps through the night.....say YES!

My help left at 7 weeks. Or better yet, I left it. I moved with my youngest (7 weeks) and oldest ( 17 months) to a new house, country and culture. If you're going to rip off the Band aid, I say . . . do it all at once and make it extra painful!

Here are a few tips to surviving those first few weeks after your reinforcements bid you adieu.

• Feeding baby, whether by breast or bottle, is business as usual. You remember from the first time around that schedules mean nothing to a baby until close to six weeks when you begin to feel a pattern and learn your baby’s rhythm. In the meantime, you feed the baby upon demand whenever (and however often) baby is hungry.  As you recall, this can sometimes mean lots of time spent feeding and not a lot of time to manage anything else—such as a demanding toddler. That's why we're saying grandmas are also great AFTER the first two weeks.
• Unless you are an octopus, you will need to create some extra hands. Some moms have found a sling to be helpful in the early days. We’re talking the wear-your-baby-around-your-body kind of sling. If you can start them early on this, you might find some relief from being glued to your “nursing throne.” Often times, babies can eat, sleep, hang out in the sling while you do other things like make peanut butter sandwiches or play puzzles.
• Reset your expectations right now! No two babies are alike. Whatever you came to know, love and expect with your first-born child, you can bet that your second will be the exact opposite. Baby #1 may have eaten for 20 minutes and then not needed another nibble for 2 hours--giving you time to do other things, while Baby #2 may eat around the clock from Day 1. Stop trying to make #2 fit in #1's box.
• Eventually you will be kicked off the new baby gravy train and people will stop bringing you meals. To help offset that a bit,  see if you can schedule those yummy dinners for AFTER your mom leaves and she's no longer making you tuna noodle casserole or lasagna. When you're into week 6 of Baby Bunching and hanging on by a thread, that will be when you need the food.
• And the last piece of advice is one Cara and I strongly stand by and wish we had taken ourselves. If you must go out with both kids, the rule of thumb is this: Only one errand/activity a day. Seriously, if this is all I can offer you (besides adjusting expectations) my advice is to not be a giant psycho like I was. My first outing with both kids was a trip to IKEA and lunch at McDonald's in a rainstorm with me driving a stick shift for the first time. Really, how stupid was I? If you need friendly faces, make people come to you. If you venture out, go out for an hour and go home while everyone is happy. Don't try to squeeze in one last trip to the store. Go home and do it later. In the end, everyone will be happier, but especially you.

It takes practice, patience and trial and error. Just remember, you can do this.

baby bunching stages: baby on the move

New Baby is approaching the six-month mark and has started to fall into a predictable sleeping pattern.  No longer a wrinkly, red-faced, humorless, tyrannical newborn, he has likely grown into a chubby, bubbly, ball of fun that now provides the cooing and gurgling positive reinforcement that all parents crave.  Plus, now that you're getting a little sleep, the old brain cells have started working again and you're starting to feel like you've got a handle on things. 

Careful, old girl - isn't this about that stage where you found yourself pregnant again on the last go-round?

Yes, things have gotten easier, but don't get too comfortable because they are about to get harder than ever.  When we told you about the challenges of having two babies, we forgot to mention that one of the BENEFITS of having two babies in the beginning is that the youngest is, in some ways, much like a potted plant.  Largely content to stay in one place and await the next feeding and watering session, New Baby will always be right where you left him if you dare to leave the room for half a millisecond and come back. 

But now he has started to notice that there is a big, wide world out there and Big Baby seems to get to do a whole lot more exploring than he does.  He begins trying to keep up with Big Baby - creeping, crawling, pulling up, taking Big Baby's toys - even attempting to scale items such as coffee tables and stairways.  As if wanting to be on the go weren't enough, he now has an opinion.  Even the most laid-back, go-with-the-flow ("chill", in our house) babies start to realize around the six-month mark that if they want their opinion to be heard in the funny farm of a family in which they've landed, they'd better express it loudly and frequently. 

If this sounds familiar, it's because you likely already have one of these in your family, and his name is Big Baby.  Really, there is very little point in bothering to take down the baby gates or cribs, which will be permanent fixtures in your house until your kids graduate from college, it seems.  A little on what to expect at this stage:

• With New Baby falling into regular sleep patterns, you've likely found yourself stuck in the nap trap (we didn't coin it, but we love it!).  NOW is the time when you can start looking at sleep schedules and trying to tweak them to achieve the Holy Grail of Baby Bunching - overlapping naps.
• Since you likely spend a good part of your day in the kitchen feeding everyone, do yourself a favor and move the toys somewhere where you can see/hear the kids playing from the kitchen.  No, you won't host the next 20 Christmas dinners on a Leap Frog activity table instead of your grandmother's gorgeous dining set, but considering moving things around a little for a few years to accommodate your current daily reality.  We promise that you will be able to take back your living room in a few years and the convenience you gain in the meantime will be totally worth it.
• This stage is where we're a big fan of pre-packaged convenience foods  Generally speaking, we are opposed to these for both expense and environmental (wasteful packaging) reasons, but you need all the help you can get during this stage when you are busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.  Not that "convenience" means junky -- string cheese, applesauce cups, graham cracker sticks, pretzels, fruit leathers provide healthy options that you can grab-n-go quickly when you need to stash your diaper bag for an outing or even make lunch on the fly.
• Speaking of food, don't forget about mom.  This was the stage where Cara (never a waif-like girl) noticed that clothing from HIGH SCHOOL was hanging loosely on her (why she even still owned high school clothes is another post).  That's because you will find yourself so busy that it seems impossible to take time to feed and water yourself.  Cara started drinking Slim Fast or Carnation Instant Breakfast in the morning, otherwise it would be mid-afternoon and she'd realize she had fed her body not one thing besides 5 cups of coffee.  We're not saying liquid diet is ideal or a long-term solution, but it's a bridge one - supplement with a banana and a granola bar and take your vitamins every day and you could almost call it a meal.
• This stage will be your first glimpse into sibling rivalry. When your little one can finally get himself to the puzzles, Little People, blocks, etc., Big Baby gets a fast lesson into what's "mine is yours." This is when the real action starts. Be ready for it.
• The double stroller becomes critical here.  Some hard-core baby wearers tote their kids in slings successfully until they start kindergarten, but this was the stage where it became uncomfortable for us.  The sling that had been our link to sanity in the earlier months suddenly became too heavy to haul around as baby approached the 15-20 lb mark.  Now's the time to get a double stroller if you don't already have one - you gotta have a way to pin everyone down in public.
• Speaking of strollers, realize that your outing M.O. will change here. What once worked when New Baby was unable to crawl, cruise or walk, will change. Chances are baby just hanging out in the stroller while your toddler conquers the mall play area will not be OK. You will now have two to watch and keep out of trouble. This is where the fun really starts! Getting in and out of the car will change as well since your New Baby will likely be pushing his way out of the infant carseat. (Tip: Keep baby in there as long as you can.)
• You've already got your momtourage lined up, right?  If not, GET ON IT.  You need them now more than ever to help you keep your sanity.  Bonus points if they will come to you and help turn the nap trap into a series of play dates.  Double bonus points if they will bring wine when they come.
• Per our last post, give up on your house.  Really.  If you haven't already, LET IT GO.  Certainly, keep it clean enough that you're not appalled when your babies crawl on the floor, but do not think that just because you are stuck at home all day while babies are napping that you will get jack shit done.  If you are a stay-at-home mom, you might as well be working an 80-hour week outside the home, for all your house looks like. In fact, working moms probably have cleaner houses at this stage of the game.  All that to say, it doesn't matter.  Don't kill yourself trying to be freaking Donna Reed - it's not possible and you will make yourself (and your kids) crazy trying.  We both found it so frustrating to be surrounded by mess that we couldn't control, coupled with an irrepressible urge to try to control it and be productive, that we finally ended up leaving the house whenever our kids weren't sleeping.  Out of sight, out of mind, as they say.
• Just so the child welfare authorities don't come knocking on your door and you don't end up in the loony bin, we do recommend a "re-set" each night.  AFTER (this part is key) your kids go to bed, clean the kitchen, sweep all toys into a basket, tidy your "hot spots" (mail center/desk/dining room table) if you have the energy, and throw in a quick load of laundry.  It's amazing what starting the day with just a clean living room and kitchen can do for your sanity.  Please, do not be tempted to straighten or deep clean any other rooms in your house - it is an exercise in futility, take our word for it.
• Finally, shipping Big Baby off even one morning a week to a Parent's Morning Out is nice at this stage.  Ask your momtourage for recommendations and find a good program that you feel comfortable with if you haven't already.

If you're starting to notice some themes here (get a good support system, find a good Parent's Morning Out, cut yourself some slack on the house), it's because we know our stuff, and we learned it the hard way.  Trust us.