Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

gymboree dropout: accept it and move on

Like we mentioned yesterday, the motive behind baby/toddler classes isn't solely for baby and tot's development. They also are for moms to socialize and commiserate. We wish establishments would understand that and hone in on making their classes more Baby Bunching friendly.

Once you are ready to leave the house (and believe us, you will be), in the early days of Bunching your activities will likely center around your older child’s interests and possibly the younger one’s schedule.  Your oldest may still be registered for Gymboree, KinderMusic, Little Gym or some other seemingly simplistic baby classes. And like we all did, you'll make at least one attempt to continue on as business as usual.

We’ll be honest with you, most of these classes are more fun with one baby than two and you might find yourself reassessing and begging off from Gymboree for a while. There’s nothing like sprinting through Little Gym to catch your toddler as he tumbles off the side of the slide, only to jostle the baby awake from her nap in the Baby Bjorn. And nothing says a fun music class like an infant screaming her head off in the middle of the morning “Hello” song.  Do you see where we think someone might jump on this for a business endeavor?  Even the ones that do have sibling options usually don’t start until the youngest sibling is a little older, and we found the same super-sweet teacher who just loved teaching your Big’s class at six months old does not appreciate having a six-month old in the two-year old class.  Not to mention that most places charge for double duty registration.

Welcome to the wonderful world of “Baby Bunching is Not Cheap.”  All of the sudden $400 a semester for two people who aren’t verbal to take singing classes starts to feel a little silly.

Take our advice, even though we know brochures are compelling and may lure you into enrolling both kids, take a mini hiatus from structured activities that require payment and a complex refund process. Believe us when we say saving that money now will be SO worth it later when you can enroll both kids in the 4 to 6 year-old tumbling class at one time and sit in the park having a coffee while both kids are supervised and entertained. Ahhhhh.....those are good days to look forward to so hang in there.

We'd love to hear your stories about managing baby and tot during some of these structured classes. We've heard some pretty amusing ones so I'm sure you all have some fun ones to add.

outdated baby myths, baby bunching style

We ran across this article yesterday about the 14 most outdated pieces of baby advice. Of course, being a parent of children well beyond 'babies,' we had to check in to see what we had or hadn't done in this list. Funny the difference 16 months can make!

We're going to give you the Baby Bunching version of this this list.

Myth: Infants need to be bathed every day.
The Baby Bunching truth: Ha! The more kids you have close in age the less you want to bathe them. Everyday. We have one friend with 4 bunched kids and #4 was lucky to get a bath once a week. Wipe them down with a cloth and their good. It's the older ones that need the bath.

Myth: Babies sleep best in a room that's silent and dark.
The Baby Bunching truth: Good luck with that. It wasn't until baby #2 that we invested in the sound machine just to drown the noise out from Big Baby.  

Myth: When infants are running a high temperature, rub them down with alcohol to lower their fever.
The Baby Bunching truth:We are unfamilar with this one. We say stick with Tyenol when appropriate.

Myth: Letting your little one stand or bounce in your lap can cause bowlegs later on.
The Baby Bunching truth:Also never heard of this, but we bet you'll let baby #2 in the Jumperoo/Megasaucer WAY earlier than you let the first one!

Myth: Listening to classical music will raise your baby's IQ.
The Baby Bunching truth:We bet this actually soothes everyone so while it may not raise anyone's IQ it will make feeding your Bunch a much more enjoyable experience. Really!

Myth: Let your baby cry it out; if you pick her up whenever she's wailing, you'll spoil her.
The Baby Bunching truth: It won't spoil him/her but it will be the new norm. Everyone must learn to wait.

Myth: Babies should be woken up in the night to have a wet diaper changed.
The Baby Bunching truth: No!!!! Let sleeping babies sleep.

Myth: It's dangerous to immunize your infant if he has a cold or a low-grade fever.
The Baby Bunching truth: Go with the doctor's rec on this. If you have gotten everyone to a check up that includes a shot and you can get it with a cold, just get it so you don't have to drag everyone back.

Myth: Never apply sunscreen to an infant under 6 months of age.
The Baby Bunching truth: Unless you have kids that are 2 and older we're guessing the pool will be a major chore so it won't matter much on this. one. If you do have older kids, then you already know they will be along for the ride no matter what. Sit under the umbrella.

Myth: During the first month of a baby's life, it's critical that all baby bottles and nipples be sterilized.
The Baby Bunching truth: Nah, just wash them with soap and water.

Myth: The safest way to put an infant to sleep is on her stomach.
The Baby Bunching truth: As a mother to one tummy sleeper, we say try your best to get your babe on his back and then after that.....you're on your own.

Myth: Putting rice cereal in your infant's bottle will help him sleep.
The Baby Bunching truth: This just sounds gross, but we know that infants shouldn't have solid food until 4-6 months. Then we all pray your babes are sleeping better.

Myth: It's critical to keep your baby on a strict feeding schedule.
The Baby Bunching truth:If you're OCD like we are, perhaps you did this the first time around. The second time's a charm and realized feeding has no schedule so if they are crying and cranky, pop 'em on a boob.

Myth: Infants need hard-soled shoes to protect their delicate toes and keep their feet properly aligned.
The Baby Bunching truth: Nope, barefoot is best. Who has time to find shoes!

baby in babyland

By Rachel Oslie

If you’re like me, Baby #1 and Baby #2 came one after the other. Baby #3 took (a little bit) longer. This seems to be a trend among Baby Bunchers, maybe because after two babies we realize that our contraceptive choices were ineffective, or because with two under two we were too busy to do much baby making.

Whereas your second pregnancy may have passed in a blur of sleep-training, solids-starting, and milestones that Big Baby hit while attending your prenatal visits, the pregnancy of “Caboose” allows a little more time to reflect. Such reflection inevitably leads you to the realization: “Oh crap. I’m going to go back to Babyland!”

Babyland. That lovely place where your life was filled with diapers, nursing, bottles, infant toys, diapers, naps, pediatrician visits, and diapers. You traveled through Babyland with your Bunch together, many times doubling up on everything. You never took the stairs to your attic, since that swing that Big Baby just grew out of will be perfect for Little Baby in a few weeks. As your Bunch grew older, you didn’t even have to store and sort clothes. You just shifted them over from one drawer to another. That’s one of the biggest perks of Baby Bunching, right? Both children go through the same things at the same time. No cordoning off Big Brother’s LEGOs from tiny mouths. No whining from your elementary school child when the museum trip is cut short due to little one’s naptime. It works out great, except, now you are returning to Babyland. 

Is there a road map for this? What is the smoothest way to return to the sweet place that is Babyland? Here’s a short list of what has worked for me:

1)  Prepare your Bigs for the new baby. When you tried to help your Big Baby get ready for a new one in the family it was a noble endeavor, but for most of us our efforts were useless. Big Baby just saw this as one more thing to add to this crazy world she was trying to figure out. However, you now have two children who can speak, understand, and have definite opinions about the world. Time should definitely be spent talking up the changes ahead, reading good books, watching videos, and drawing pictures (our current favorites in this area are Baby on the Way by Sears, Sears and Kelly, Our Baby by Maier, I’m a Big Brother by Cole, Love the Baby by Layne, and the DVD Three Bears and a Baby by Sesame Street)

2)   Get up-to-date on current events in Babyland. This includes dragging all that baby gear out of the attic and making sure nothing has been recalled. Additionally, take some minutes to chat up a new mom-to-be; she’s probably spent a good chunk of her pregnancy reading magazines and internet articles and may have news of something that didn’t even exist on your last trek in Babyland.

3)  Enjoy yourself. First pregnancies are full of unknowns, overachieving, and worrying if you’re doing everything right. With the second pregnancy of your bunch, you were probably lucky if you had clothes ready and a name picked out before 40 weeks rolled around. This is your chance to truly take advantage of pregnancy. You know what is normal, and can take each month as it comes. You no longer feel that you have anything to prove, so feel free to let everybody help the poor, helpless pregnant lady. Spend time learning more about gestation and delivery, and tweak the decisions you made for the past two babies. Buy some new itty-bitty clothes, treat Caboose to things all his own. Take the time that you now have, with two children acclimated to a bedtime routine, to dream a little and rest a lot. Because, I suspect, you’re going to need quite a bit of both when you arrive in Babyland.
 
Rachel is a happy mother of a daughter (3) and son (2), who both like dancing in tutus and playing with trains. Baby #3 is a girl who is due in three weeks. 

remember to give yourself a break

By Palak

I went back to work after having my son, but decided to stay at home after having my daughter. I lost quite a bit of precious sleep over the decision to quit; but eventually I decided to give staying at home a go.

When I was a working mom of one, I had quite a few delusions of how perfect my life would be if I wasn’t working—and how I’d be the absolute perfect mom. When I came home from the hospital I was completely overwhelmed! Caring for two kiddos so young required a brand new set of skills. Now that my youngest is 5 months old, I finally feel like I can take a breath! Here are a few things that helped me along the way:

Maintain consistency for Big Baby. Babies who are welcoming a younger sibling are going through a huge transition that they can barely comprehend. If you are also planning on moving from work to staying at home at the same time (or even just maternity leave) consider trying to keep his schedule as consistent as possible. We were lucky enough that our sitter stayed on for a few weeks after my daughter was born. My son still has the same naptime/eating routine during the day as he did before I quit my job. It’s made everything much easier.

Get help. Especially at the beginning. Bringing home a newborn is hard. Bringing home a newborn when you have a baby at home is even tougher. Even if you are no longer working, line up support from your spouse, neighbors, your mom—heck even your mother in law! (desperate times….) One great thing about having two kids so close in age is that your older baby is still a grandma-magnet. Milk it for all it’s worth. The extra hands will help ease those bumpy first few weeks.

Plan some time away every day. I was told over and over how much I’d crave social interaction when I was a SAHM; but I find myself wanting the absolute opposite. I crave the quiet. I now refuse to shower with either of my children. I take the 15 minutes (or more, if I can stretch it!) and just relax and listen to the sound of nobody whining. If you can swing it, try building a little time to yourself into every day.

I thought long and hard about what advice to give another mom going through this transition. As you can tell it all really boils down to "give yourself a break." I had hopes of going to every library story time,  getting all my laundry folded, and never forgetting a single thing at the grocery store. Many of those dreams have been deferred-- just for a bit. Whether I'm working outside the home or not; I've come to realize it's just not my season for perfection. I'm learning to respect and enjoy the time of life that I'm in right now.

Palak is a brand new, stay at home, Baby Bunching mom to two beautiful babies aged 5 months and 21 months. If you want to read more about her adventures, hop on over to www.strawbazies.blogspot.com.

hold-on handles can help get your bunch out to enjoy the spring

We scored a great Baby Bunching discount from Greater Than One Kids, the manufacturer of Hold-On Handles. They've offered a 20-percent discount to our readers (see code below) for their Hold-On Handles. If you aren't familiar with this stroller accessory, we recommend you check it out, especially those of you in transition between stroller riders and completely independent walkers. These simple and colorful handles are the first stroller accessory and walking rope for up to 3 children. We first previewed this last year for our Baby Bunching readers. Perhaps some of you remember when we asked for testers for their awesome product. Since then, they have taken your feedback and launched internationally. (Also, if you were one of the original testers, let us know what you thought!)

Why we love the concept of Hold-On Handles:

• Keeps one to three kids within arm's reach, but doesn't look like those embarrassing harnesses, which we have considered using many times.
• Easily snaps onto strollers (or better yet shopping carts!) or can be worn comfortably on mom’s wrist. Children can be safely active.
• Comfortable parent wrist strap that adjust. Everything for Baby Bunchers should always adjust.
• Kids love feeling independent and not strapped in.
• An added bonus, it's all safe and lead free and non toxic which means your baby can chew on it too. We can't promise that they're clean from your toddler's hands though.

To purchase Hold-On Handles and redeem your discount, visit www.greaterthanonekids.com and enter BUNCH20 at check out.  Valid thru May 15, 2011.  Maybe this will help you get out and about and enjoy some fabulous spring weather.

Hold-On Handles are also available at Independent Retailers Nationwide, Buy Buy Baby (all stores and website), Amazon.com, and Diapers.com

(Baby Bunching only reviews items that we deem appropriate and targeted for our readers. We were not compensated nor given free product by the company. We just think this product is a really awesome idea.)

baby bunching Q/A: getting out of the house with baby + toddler

Q: Any advice on how to get out of the house successfully with a 14 month old and newborn?

A: Planning. Planning. Planning. Getting out of the house with your kids is a learned skill. Some days you will get it totally right. Some days you will need to give up and go home. But most days will be a combo of the two. Planning your trip will be the best way to get you out and back in one piece without any tears. 

We are reposting some of our tips because we all need to be reminded, especially me on the food issue as I pushed my Bunch (7 and almost 6) too far last week on no food and had to pay the piper in the end with two crying kids. Always come prepared. 

Definition of a Successful Outing: An excursion outside the realm of one’s abode—whether a walk down the street or a trip across town on the subway—where no child is in tears, hurt, hungry, left behind or locked in car; where mom is not in tears, hurt or needing a drink; where at least one of the outing’s goals is “accomplished;” and at least two of members of the family come home smiling. 

This may seem like a tall order to fill. Or you may be thinking that you don’t know what the hell is wrong with our disorganized asses, but all of YOUR outings will be successful.  Either way, we promise that you need the advice we are about to provide.

The three most important skills for planning and executing successful outings are: 

1) Developing your plan. A few questions to consider:
•     Transportation.  Are you walking, driving, or taking public transportation?  This will determine what kind of stroller you should take. With kids this young, you need something to carry everyone in--sling, carrier, stroller. Always.
•     Ease of navigation.  Will it be crowded?  Will there be ramps for your stroller?  Will you have to walk a long distance across a busy parking lot?  Again, all factors that determine what kind of “wheels”, slings, or baby carriers you should bring.
•     Proximity to food.  Can you buy age-appropriate (bonus points for nutritious) food for all parties if someone starts to break down or do you need to bring your own?  And never, EVER assume that you will be able to complete an outing without food.  Always, always, always have a healthy, yummy snack for all children on hand – you never know when you will have to buy time with a handful of animal crackers (yeah, yeah – we all said we never do it – get over it.)  If your outing will encompass a meal time, be sure you have plenty of food on hand, plus one extra snack beyond what you think you will need.  Don’t forget sippy cups/bottles for all! Did we mention lots of snacks?
•     Quality of destination’s baby-proofedness.  Whether you are going over to a childless friend’s house for dinner or to the mall, think realistically about what you will need to keep your little ones not only entertained, but safe.  We recommend always having some way to either strap all parties into a chair/seat of some sort or wear them on your body, in case you get desperate.

2) Having a Backup Plan. Now that you’ve packed your 63-piece luggage set with everything you need to make a “quick” trip to the drugstore, be sure you have a backup plan.  What will you do if you get there and it’s too crowded and your kids wig out or you can’t keep track of them?  Or if somebody woke up too early that morning and are so tired by the middle of the outing that they are acting like hellacious beasts?  You gotta be prepared for all these scenarios because you will encounter one or more of them at some point.  You need to be flexible in case things don’t go according to plan (and they frequently don’t).  This may mean accepting a substitute – product, outing location, whatever.  Or it may mean scoping out the nearest exit.  Which brings us to….

3) Recognizing When to Cut Your Losses. Sometimes it’s just not worth it.  If your kid(s) is so tired/hungry/bored that he is a fussy nightmare and no one is having any fun or getting anything accomplished, do yourself a favor and go home.  Who cares if you drove across town to treat your kids to the children’s museum – if they’re not having any fun, it’s not worth it anyway.  If you’re at Target and you’re only three items into your list, get only the most critical things you need (i.e. the diapers and the laundry detergent) and come back for the rest another time.  Which reminds us – with any outing, always, always do the most important thing that you came for very first, so that if things go awry and you have to bail, you at least got the most important thing accomplished.

 Enjoy your outing as much as you can. Take pleasure knowing that each time you get it right and each time you get it wrong, you get wiser and more experienced. And try, please try, to do all necessary errands if possible on the weekend when you have extra hands or even get the chance to go alone. This way the weekday trips are just trips to venture out into the world with your Bunch, for fun, shall we say.

 

reflections on reflux

Disclaimer: Please remember that we at Baby Bunching do not have medical degrees and we would never, ever suggest that you take our medical advice (especially that involving medication for your child) without the knowledge and support of your pediatrician.  So read the following advice...and then consult your doctor.

Recently, I had a park play date with a Baby Bunching friend whose youngest child (at 5 months old and CUTE as a button!) broke my heart because I think he may be struggling with reflux (gastroesophogal reflux disease, or GERD, in the medical world).  

I say *may* because I feel as though reflux is the mystery ailment of the baby world.  Linda is convinced that EVERY baby has reflux. This is a theory I would support, but for the fact that my eldest child was literally the happiest baby on the block.  After three children (and half a dozen pediatricians along the way), I'm convinced that even pediatricians don't know definitively.  If it looks like reflux and smells like reflux, they'll encourage you to give the reflux meds a try and see if it IS reflux.

My third baby was "diagnosed" with reflux after a particularly high-stress trip to urgent care over Labor Day weekend when he was a little over a month old.  My husband, who had had just about enough of the constant crying, laid down the law and insisted that there MUST be something wrong with the kid and it was inhumane to "wait and see" until regular doctor's hours on Monday morning.  With little reflux diagnostic technology on hand in urgent care on a Saturday night, the pediatrician on call suggested that we give the medicine a try.  I resisted the idea of medication at first, being the type of person that will walk around for 4 days with a  headache before taking an Advil, and I certainly didn't like the idea of a daily dose of anything for my newborn.  But the doctor insisted that the medication was so safe that it was used on preemies and that we should just give it a try and see if it worked.  

It worked.  Just a few hours later, we had an entirely different baby on our hands, and silence that was music to our ears - for the first time in a month.  

Although my mother had previously suggested the possibility of reflux, I poo-pooed the suggestion because the symptoms didn't "match."  Although the baby was fussy, he wasn't projectile vomiting (and in fact, barely spit up), slept in decent stretches, and was appropriately gaining weight.  He nursed ok (although not great, and did better from a bottle once I introduced it around the 3-week mark).  He was just fussy and fidgety every waking hour. It turns out that reflux has a stealth mode - otherwise known as "Silent Reflux" - that doesn't involve any projectile vomiting, but hurts just as much.  And while most babies grow out of it around the 6 to 9-month mark, it makes for a VERY long 6 to 9 months if not diagnosed and treated.  In addition to medication, we were under strict instructions to feed the baby sitting up (as opposed to reclining), leave him sitting up for 30 minutes after each feeding, and put his mattress at an incline.  As you can imagine, these instructions make for some tricky nursing acrobatics, but we made it work (although now I can barely remember how, in all honesty).

In retrospect, I believe that my Baby #2 had undiagnosed reflux.  To this day, I'm overwhelmed with guilt at the notion that not only was he in pain for months, but I let it mess up nursing.  After going dairy-free myself, and then finally moving through soy and the full range of "sensitive tummy" formulas, we finalIy settled on the uber-expensive Alimentum because it was the only thing his little tummy could tolerate.  With him (and his 18-month old older brother in tow), I was in a Baby Bunching haze, quite honestly.  He could've projectile vomited in my face 10 times a day and it probably wouldn't have raised a red flag.   When I stumbled upon a solution that "worked," I didn't question it - I just went with it. For these reasons, I am on a one-woman mission to save all of my mommy friends and their precious darlings from the hell that is reflux. If your baby fusses all the time or never seems "settled,"  consider this friendly advice to ask your doctor (or an objective friend, or a grandma) about the possibility of reflux.  

You can absolutely try going dairy-free, eliminating other gassy foods from your diet and sampling a variety of formulas, but it can take weeks for dairy to work its way out of your system and in the meantime your baby is fussing his way through the "wait and see" approach.  I will admit that I am normally a big proponent of "wait and see" parenting, believing that kids progress differently at different developmental stages and in their own time, and also that some conditions clear up on their own if left alone.  However, this is one situation where if your pediatrician agrees that your baby may be a candidate for reflux medication, it's worth taking a shot at seeing if it works - for your own sanity and the baby's!

reflections: 9 months into baby bunching

By Shannon Block

Let me start by saying, there is a reason that there are a multitude of websites and chat rooms dedicated to the art of having "two under two" (read: two children under the age of two)!  When my husband and I decided to have our kids close in age, we thought something between 18 months apart and 2 years would be ideal because it would give us a chance to have a break before having babies #3 &  #4.  Yes, we were going to have four kids when we started all of this!  While that remains to be seen (we have since decided that we will take the expansion of this family one day at a time), we did manage to have kids #1 (Hadley, now two) & #2 (Jameson, now 9 months) a mere 15 months and 10 days apart.  Wow.  What can I say, we are blessed in this department.

From the moment I was showing with Jameson it opened the flood gates of commentary from strangers on the street and friends and family alike.  If I had a dollar for every time someone told me (unsolicited of course) that I was going to have my hands full - I'd be a wealthy woman.  Instead of pumping me up for the challenge ahead, all this did was completely terrify me.  The thing is, being an only child myself, I was really excited to have the kids close together.  But I was also beyond nervous.  Those websites & chat rooms I mentioned, they scared the crap out of me.  There was so much negative commentary out there about two under two.  So many bitter, cranky women complaining online about how hard their lives were.  I should have ignored all of them and focused on the ones (like the Baby Bunching ladies!) that had good things to say.  But I didn't.  I got totally bogged down by all this negative energy.  So much so, that the whole last 3 months of my pregnancy including the day he was delivered is a complete blur to me.  I barely even remember being there, which now just makes me sad because what a sweet, sweet day that was! 

What I wish I could've told myself back then, is to RELAX and to completely ignore the hype.  What I now know, is that with a 2-year old that is prone to public displays and running for the hills while mommy is behind strapped with a 20 pound baby yelling "come back here NOW!" that, YES, I do have my hands full.  And yes, there are times that this is hard.  Not every outing is a smashing success (success of course equaling a simple trip out of the house with no meltdowns and no running into the street).  And sometimes both kids are crying and I'm tired and I'm covered in all kinds of food, and I'm wishing I were on a beach with a cocktail.  But the words "hard work" and "hands full" no longer have a negative connotation like they did before I became a mom of kids 15 months apart.  Now, I wear those words like a badge of honor -- YES, it's hard!  But it's awesome.  I am so beyond blessed to watch my 2 year old and my 9 month old playing together, hugging each other, wishing the other was there on the rare occasion that they are separated.  This sibling bond that I am watching, helping cultivate, is simply beautiful.
 
Here I sit, 9 months into two under two and I have an overwhelming sense of "I can do this." I know there will be challenges ahead (#2 is about to go mobile and become a strong willed, active toddler himself).  But #1 is getting easier by the day.  Like all things, it's a balancing act, hard times ebb and flow, but you know what, so do the good times.  And those good times -- they are REALLY GOOD!
 
I am not super mom, and I am far from perfect.  And I'm not an expert, but I do have advice! 

The best advice I can give to moms about to embark on 2 under 2 is this: 

• keep your cool
• maintain your sense of humor
• be organized
• have a plan (but let that plan get blown to pieces if need be)
• try to savor every moment of the kids being so little, because while tough at times, it is precious and fleeting as well. 
• Oh, and for the love of God, get both kids on a good sleeping schedule as soon as humanly possible.  It saved my life!  (Both kids sleep 7pm - 7am without any wake ups.  And no, they did not come this way.)
   

*FYI - I have since sworn off all 2 under 2 chat rooms / advice columns, with the exception of Baby Bunching. And I am much happier for it.  And when the day comes that I am pregnant with #3 (maybe :), I am going to smile at every stranger that comments about my hands being full.  Yep, they are full.  Full of love.

20 things (baby bunchers) should never feel guilty about

When I saw this list on CNN.com last week, I thought 'Bingo!' someone finally gets it, and I'm glad they are telling moms it's OK to not do everything by the book...whatever that means.  We've taken these 20 things and updated it a bit for you Baby Bunchers. Just thought this would be a fun exercise.    

1. Wanting to stay home with your baby. [But when baby #2 comes along wanting to find a way back to work to escape the chaos, but realizing it might just make you crazier that you would have to quit.]

2. Loving your job. [But being too tired and worn to love it for more than 2 hours.]

3. Hating your husband now and then. [But realizing that you have to love him so he'll help you out tomorrow morning when you're tired.]

4. Still not wanting sex -- way, way, way after your six-week checkup. [Well, apparently we all missed this one or else we wouldn't be in this situation. But after Baby #2 having sex with hubby will force you be much more careful.]

5. Not reading to your baby as much as all the experts say you should. [You're  probably "reading" to your toddler so that counts as reading to your baby as long as they are all in the same room. If not, talking on the phone to your friend counts as language learning and your baby will eventually want to "read" a book like you read your People magazine. You're good.]

6. Introducing a bottle as soon as you get home from the hospital (even though you're not sure your milk supply is established yet) so you can get some sleep. [Just don't get the bottles mixed up.]

7. Supplementing with formula at any time. [Same as above.]

8. Lying to the other women in your mommy group about how long your baby sleeps at night (but you will get more sympathy if you tell the truth). [Tell them how easy the second baby is and encourage them to do it again soon so you will have some Baby Bunching friends. Yes. Lie.]

9. Not keeping up with all the milestones you're supposed to be recording in your baby book. [Wa ha ha ha!]

10. Never even starting the baby book. [Uh, if you didn't do this with the first, then we promise it will never happen with the second. Just let it go.]

11. Saying, "Great idea -- I'll try it!" to your mother-in-law's advice when you have absolutely no intention of giving it an iota of thought once she walks out the door. [Then leave her with both kids and run!]

12. Telling your partner you're going to the doctor for a checkup when you're actually going for a massage, pedicure, or to have your hair highlighted (it's not like he's going to notice anyway). [Um, as a Buncher you should have learned that once you're out the door, you should do all three at the same time and stop at the grocery on the way home or you may never have the chance again.]

13. Paying cash for your massage/pedicure/highlights so he won't discover the credit card charge. [No worries, he'll be happy that you're happy when you get home.]

14. Refusing another mom's invitation to a playdate because you can't stand it that she can leave crystal on her coffee table and toilet paper on the rollers and her baby doesn't bother any of it. [Oh, no, bring your kids. That will teach her to be so optimistic.]

15. Feeling a twinge of delight when the above mom's baby still isn't saying any words and yours has a vocabulary of six! [Yeah, that really always feels good.]

16. Putting on the Baby Einstein DVD for the third time before lunch so you can apply some makeup because that cute landscaping guy is due to come by and cut your grass sometime this afternoon (just because you don't want to have sex doesn't mean you're dead). [Baby Einstein DVD for the landscaping guy? No way, use that DVD to eat your lunch in peace, go to the bathroom or take a shower.]

17. Wanting to spend Mother's Day alone instead of with your family. [Amen!]

18. Going to visit your parents for the weekend because you know they will insist on doing everything for the baby and your mother will cook all your favorite foods for you. (Grandmothers can spoil their own children as well as their grandchildren.) [Agreed. Grandparents are suckers for that no matter how many kids you have. After all, eventually you will leave and they can sit around and talk around and talk about how glad they're not you.]

19. Napping when the baby naps even though he's nine months old. [Nap. Eat. Shower. Pee. Make phone calls. Check email. Never waste a minute of a sleeping child.]

20. Driving your baby home from the mall with poop in his diaper because the bathroom is all the way at the other end and you know he couldn't care less anyway. [Absolutely! Because while you're changing the baby, your toddler will surely be licking the walls of the bathroom. Safer for everyone to wait until home.]

when to break up: mommy-friend style

By Rachel Ostlie

For some reason, finding good mommy-friends has not been easy for me. I do all the right things to meet new people (attending baby classes at the library, visit a variety of playgrounds), but it's been difficult to find a friendship that clicks. Perhaps it's because I live in an extremely diverse suburb (both in terms of socio-economic class and ethnicity) of a big city, but it's hard enough to find someone who speaks English, let alone someone with similar interests and kids the same age.

I've also been unsuccessful in finding mommy-friends from the pool of people who are already my friends. Though my high school friends and college friends all are happily married with lots of new babies, I now share in their joys only through Facebook. And while I moved here eight years ago, all the friends I've made since are single and childless.

I did make one close mommy-friend. When my daughter was born three years ago, I started attending a little singing and book reading class at the library for babies ages zero to two. There was just one mom with a daughter as young as mine, and we hit it off right away. We started having playdates when our girls were three months old and barely acknowledged each other's existence, and our weekly meet-ups had a permanent place in my calendar. Soon we celebrated holidays together, and the dynamic duo took our sweeties to museums, state fairs, zoos, and aquariums. I even had the privilege of videoing her daughter's very first steps on one of our outings!

But then... something came between us. Something called Baby #2. Though my friend was overjoyed to hear I was expecting, and threw me a lovely baby shower, things just weren't the same. My life and hers were no longer mirror images of each other. She started rescheduling our hang outs, or canceling altogether. At first I was frustrated, then offended as she began moving our playdate around to accommodate all her other new friends. Finally, I worked up the courage to ask if I had done anything wrong, and if I needed to ask forgiveness. She assured me that nothing was wrong, yet the passive-aggressive behavior continued. Now, as I sit in front of my computer screen and stew over being at the bottom of her list for the hundredth time, I am seriously considering breaking up with her. Not a dramatic, in-your-face breakup. Just the kind where I stop trying any more. I don't want to give up on all the good times we had, but it seems as if baby bunching has driven us apart.

This Baby Bunching blog always encourages us to build our "momtourage," to find fellow Baby Bunchers to support us in our trials. After this relationship, I begin to see the wisdom of their advice even more. Some friends last a lifetime. Others can't last the divisive nature of a second baby (let alone the third baby some über-Bunchers manage before most people even start to think about another pregnancy). So my advice to you, and to myself? Make friendship a priority. We're all gonna need it.

Rachel is a baby bunching mom of a daughter (3) and son (20 months). If you live in the northern suburbs of Chicago, she is currently seeking members for her momtourage.