Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

Baby Bunching Bye-Bye

So....we feel incredibly guilty that we left you hanging.  We still get tons of emails from y'all asking for tips, questions, when the book will be published, etc., and we're so grateful that you still love us.  Unfortunately, due to other priorities - mostly work and the fact that our bunches are no longer babies so they ran off and got their own lives and we're running in a million different directions trying to keep up with them.  All of which equals sorely neglected blog.  

We still have a dream that the book will be published, especially since it is like 60% (maybe more) complete and the blog has given us all the "case studies" we could ask for from fellow Bunchers!  We are one or two writing retreat weekends away from having it signed, sealed, and delivered via self-publishing.  We just haven't actually *scheduled* said retreats.  

But fear not - we're not ACTUALLY leaving you alone!  The good news is, the blog generated a couple of ways to get support from other Bunchers (which was really all we wanted all along):

1)  SEARCH the blog.  We brain-dumped just about everything we know about Bunching on the blog.  We promise to pay the hosting fees forever so that it will be here for posterity for you to search any time you want to.  If you scroll down a little, there's a search function in the middle of the right-hand side bar.  You can also click on search by topic at the bottom of the left-hand bar.  Most Baby Bunching questions revolve around sleeping, eating, strollers, and how to keep from going crazy (not necessarily in that order).  Almost everything you want to know has been asked before, so please read the archives - they remain as relevant today as they were the day we wrote them.

2) FACEBOOK page.  We started it, but y'all keep it going!  It's a great place to find and ask questions of other Baby Bunchers.  Please support Web 2.0 by making it a two-way street - ask your questions, but ANSWER those from others as well - it's a way to pay it forward and support other Baby Bunching moms behind you!

3) MEET-UP.  Start them in your local area to meet other Bunchers.  We encourage it.  Use the name Baby Bunchers if you want - although we'd love for you to give us a heads-up if you do, just so we can keep track of what all we're up to.  : )  In fact, if we know about you, we can link to you through the blog or Facebook to help spread the word, so shoot us an email if you get one off the ground.

Finally, do keep a heads-up for the book - we'll post updates here.  We promise it'll get written someday, and while you may not need it by then, we can almost guarantee you'll know someone for whom it would make the perfect baby shower gift.

Thanks for reading and enjoy the early years!  Because before you know it, your Bunches will be bigger and you'll be running even faster to try to keep up with them. Take it from us - cuddle and hug them while they'll still sit on your lap.  Happy Baby Bunching!

and that is the right number....for me

A few weeks ago, I attended a mom's night with a group of ladies. I knew only a few of the ladies, but they were all linked by one common person. We did the traditional introductions of how do you know the hostess, where do your kids go to school and how many kids do you have.

This one lady surprised me with the most genuine response I have heard in a long time. She said she had two kids--some Baby Bunched ages--and she followed up with "and that's the right number of kids for me." I loved it! It was perfect. It didn't beg the question "Are you having more?" which seems to be the trend these days with parents. If you have any less than three kids, people really want to know if you're having more children. Why is that? 

For people like myself who struggled with conceiving the first time, simply surviving my very active Bunch and having been on the fence for many years about more offspring, this seemed like the perfect statement for inquisitive people who were obviously wanting to ask. Although I don't know why it should matter. It's not anyone's business on whether I'm having more children or not, right? But people seem to feel the need to push. Perhaps it's for their own validation or pehaps it's just our tendency to need to know everything about everyone.

I have two children who are 7 and 6. I love them very much. They are amazing kids. We have tried a few times to have #3 and it didn't happen. So two is the right perfect number for me.

baby bunching Q/A: exhausting your toddler

This question arrived just in time for our weekly Q&A.

Q: I have an 18 month old & 2 month old. My question is how do exercise your older child when you're alone with both? Before my daughter was born I'd take my son to the playground & he did a class at The Little Gym. Now he isn't getting the physical activity he once got & it seems to be affecting his ability to sleep. All feedback is greatly appreciated!

A: Oh, we never want anything to interfere with anyone's sleep so let's get on this question. First off, unless you're going to get a sitter, skip places like Little Gym with your toddler for a long while (until you can get both kids into the same class). I have a very vivid memory of a Little Gym class with my 18-month old son and my daughter who was about the same age as yours in the Baby Bjorn screaming her head off. I never went back.

You have a few options here of places to visit with toddler and baby to exhaust your older one:

1) Playgrounds. Remember that not all playgrounds are created equal so find a very toddler-friendly one and do what you can in the great outdoors with baby in the stroller, sling or carrier. They may be shorter trips than you're used to, but meet up with some friends so you have some helps spotting your toddler. He'll be tired when he's done.

2) The pool. It's summer now and while your wee one may not be ready for fun in the sun your toddler would probably love the play in the baby pool. Get some fun toys for the pool, have the baby again in a carrier or stroller and go until someone gets fussy.

3) Nature centers, farms or gardens. Bring the stroller along and let your toddler just go hog wild by running. You may have to run to keep up with him, but he'll be exhausted.

4) Backyard playdate. Even if you don't have a backyard, you probably have a friend who does. I always found yards, with friends of course, to be the best exercise for me. That meant baby could hang out, be changed and fed in privacy without too much sprinting and we might even be able to enjoy a cup of coffee while they played.

 If you can't get out to exercise, have him help you fill the laundry basket with several trips back and forth or have your own at-home dance party. Remember that this phase is short and your toddler will exhaust from normal everyday stimulation. Before you know it you'll be chasing after him down the street as he takes off on his scooter with little one right behind. Then you'll be getting the exercise.

 

the juggle: mommy guilt is back

My kids are a year apart in school. There are some definite pros and cons to back-to-back teachers. However one of the cons is that both kids are able to easily track and remember what I attended, volunteered for or organized last year for child #1. Child #2 probably wouldn't care except child #1 always likes to remind her.

Tomorrow is the big kindergarten field trip to the zoo. I had missed the fall field trip to the pumpkin farm last year and managed to rally my work schedule to be gone the whole day in the spring for the National Zoo. To make it even, I did the same this year. No pumpkin patch in the fall, but the zoo in the spring. Only this year, work is way too busy for me to miss a whole day.

Now let me back up and remind you that I work from home with a kindergartner who attends only half day. That translates to 3 hours each day that I frantically work as much as I can so I can be available to both kids when they hop of the bus. Our spring break put me behind at work with a looming deadline and to be able to work for 5 hours without paying a babysitter just seemed to make sense.

I tossed it around in my head for days and finally came to the conclusion that it just didn't make sense to go on the field trip. Would she be disappointed? Would she even notice my absence once she was there? I have to keep reminding myself that all working parents--full time or part time--have to make choices. As I'm quickly learning, the older the kids get the more obligations we have. The more things they have to attend. The more things I have to attend. Three years ago when the only event I had be at was the Christmas program at preschool. Now the committments come at me at lightening speed for both kids. How equal do I make it? Is it a lesson for them that mom just can't do it all, all the time?

The decision has been made and I will be at home tomorrow working while child #2 is walking through the zoo with another devoted parent. I still can't help feeling guilty.

(For those that wanted to know, she was not initially disappointed, but I did manage to get a few tears this morning.)

common everyday illnesses: some tips to help you look before you leap

(Please remember once again, we are not doctors or at all related to the medical profession or even play one on TV. We just have lots of experience dealing with illness and doctors. Always consult your physician.)

Our family recently recovered from the illness of the month. This time it was strep. But it always seems to be something--stomach issues, fevers, congestion, sore throats.

While the remedies for all that ails us ranges from prescription meds to "wait it out," one thing is for certain--it sucks to see your kids sick and in pain.

Because of this, I think as parents we sometimes tend to leap before we look. And it never fails to surprise me that year after year, the more experienced (one would think) I get with illness, I still leap too soon.

In reflection on this past bout of sickness, I'd like to share some wisdom I've gained over the past few years to save some of you the hassle of leaping before you look, observe and consult. And my hope is that many of you will chime in as well, since this is collective knowledge.

1) Not all fevers are bad. Thanks to a very helpful nurse very early on, I was reassured that fevers are a sign of fighting infection. A high fever (even up to 104 in toddlers) while a sign of sickness doesn't usually warrant the response I usually have. Which is something like "Oh my God. My kid's brain is going to bake." Apparently, that's not true. My latest doctor told me it bakes around 108. Always good knowledge to have.

2) Tylenol and Motrin is a 'fever reducer' not a 'fever go-awayer.' I believed for many years that once you gave a kid meds the fever would disappear. Again if you have a 103 degree fever, chances are medicine isn't going to make it go away, but it will make it go down so your child can feel better. Whew!

3) Not all ear infections need prescription meds. This once shocked me as well. An ENT in Sweden informed me when my daughter had her second ear infection. The first she was four months old and had a ruptured ear drum and he thought that definitely called for antibiotics. However, four months later when she was struck with pain again, he assured me we had too many antibiotics in our community and that most were viral anyway and to wait it out. Floored by this response, I was surprised that four days later she was better. Now come to find out, doctors here in the states are following suit with a similar recommendation.

4) Strep throat is only the cause of  approximately 30% of sore throats.* I learned this little fact from the nice nurse at the CVS Minute Clinic. (By the way, if you don't know these, check them out!)  For any of you who have taken your preschooler to get one of these strep tests, you know that it sucks for them and you. So look before you leap on this one.

An added note on this: After you've had strep in your house a few times, you'll recognize the pungent smell that comes from it. Stick your child in a room for 5 minutes and come back, if it reeks of some awful bad breath smell, chances are it's strep.

5) Croup sounds scarier than it is. We are veterans of croup. But I am happy to say that after four years of annual croup visits, it has been a long time since that cough has resurfaced in our house. I promise you will panic the first time you hear this cough, and you might even make it to the doctor or ER for this one. But keeping your child calm and comfortable seems to be about the best medicine. There are the cases where you should take them if they can't breathe, obviously. We did have one of our trips to the ER that was semi-warranted, but they assured us that we probably could have gotten him calmed down enough to breathe regularly. 'Probably' wasn't good enough so we went. But that was our last trip to the ER for croup even though we had many more visits from the cough.

6) You'll only make one high-fever ER run. Again, like croup, a fever of 104 in the middle of the night will scare the bejeebers out of you. You'll pack up and fly out the door to the hospital only to be welcomed with a slew of blood work and tests that will make everyone upset and exhausted the following day. Yep, we did it and you will too. We guarantee you'll only do it once. Chalk it up as a learning experience and one to pass along to other moms.

And while cold and flu season is over now, we're positive, something will show up in your house in the future. Remember to stay calm and observe before you leap or sprint to the ER. After all, you probably have another child or two to drag along with you.

*This number was quoted from the nurse.

baby bunching Q/A: potty training toddler w/ baby

Q: Can you give me advice on potty training my very ready 22 month old girl while, juggling my five month old? We tried and she likes it, but the baby is always needing something when she wants to go, or she wants to sit forever and the baby starts to cry. Help!

A: This is one of the first of many Baby Bunching lessons you will have to master. Everyone always suddently needs something when you're dealing with the other. Always. Our kids, collectively, have gone through many 'windows' of being potty ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. So if it's 22 months and you want to brave it, we applaud you! My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

But if you do the math, most of us are doing the potty training when our oldest kids are 2 ½ to 3 years old. Where does that put your little one? Crawling and/or walking around in the lovely he’s-into-everything-phase. So while you’re trying to cajole one to pee pee on the potty, the other one is probably emptying the trash, taking the TP off the roll or in the kitchen eating from something in the pantry.

You can’t be in two places at once at any point in this process. So whether it's now when your baby is 5 months old, it will be equally (if not more) difficult when baby is 14 months old.

When I potty trained my son, he was just about two-and-a-half. My daughter was 15 months and hated to be left alone for longer than half a second. I was trying to spend all my time in the bathroom with him and she was crying because I couldn’t spend the time with her. If he hadn’t been ready for the potty, I probably would have just waited 6 months, and trained them both at the same time. Although I imagine that’s not easy either.

Here are some general thoughts to consider before/during potty training your first born:

Be realistic. If you’ve just had a new baby and your toddler show signs of wanting to use the potty, know that this probably is not the best time to tackle this. I tried this with Alex at 18 months. (Anna was 2 months old) Yeah, it didn’t work. I missed that window of opportunity. [Hint to you who haven’t gone this route: There will be another one.] Each of my kids had about 3-4 ‘windows’ where they showed interest in it. As a new mom, the first time we hit one, I went out and bought the potty and tried to go forth. Little did I know potty training is about both child AND mom being ready. Do it when you’re in the right mental state to do it. Cuz it ain't easy. They don’t call it training for nothing!

Do it fast. Don’t drag out the training process. It’s better to dedicate a weekend or a weekend plus a few days to just doing this and being done. You have another little one who needs you too. If it’s not working after a few days. Back off and try again another time.

This will change up your outing routine. Nothing says nightmarish fun like having a great time on the playground with your kids, and your oldest--who you’re potty training--decides he has to pee RIGHT NOW! That means you have to go right now, too. Even if you just spread out lunch on the blanket. Even if you just sat down at McDonalds to eat. You have to go right now. I have fond memories of us loading our Happy Meal into the stroller so Alex could pee….Anna still chowing down on the hamburger in the bathroom. Gross, huh? (See, at 5 months, your baby is still happy to just hang out!)

The good news is your little one is little and doesn’t mind a sprint or change of venue to dash to the bathroom. The tables will be turned—in probably a year or so—when you’re doing this dash for your younger one. Your older child will be the disappointed one at that point.

Potty Training is a full-time job. Potty training is an all-day affair. Call in reinforcements when you do it. Have your spouse around to take the younger child off your hands or to give you a break from cleaning up pee. Grandma? Great. Have her come in and befriend the wee one. No one should do it alone.

The bottom line is everyone in the house needs to be in this together. And once you decide it’s the right time, just go for it. Rip it off like a Bandaid. It will go much faster and in the end a weekend of madness is worth it if you’re done.

car shopping: needing the third row

For those of you who are regulars here, don't get too excited by the title. No, no one's expecting here. Cara with her three and me with my two are about all we can handle right now between school, activities and jobs.

One of the side effects to Baby Bunching (that we're recently discovered) is the carpool. Following my own advice, I have befriended so many other Baby Bunchers with their kids in rapid succession that pick up/drop off from activities and school often means double the kids--way more than my Toyota RAV-4 can handle right now. Even with one extra child, you'll often find me loading people in and cursing as I try to tilt one booster one way and jam the seat belt in while the child is huffing and puffing from having to "suck in" to get everyone placed just so.

We have been talking about a new car in the future anyway so we're not upgrading JUST for the carpool factor, but I must admit the idea of being able to throw more kids/carseats or perhaps a grandparent or two in the car is a huge factor in a new car purchase.

I will never be a mini-van mom. No matter how many times Cara has tried to tell me how much she loves her van, I still catch her preferring to drive her CRV when kids aren't in tow. You all may feel free to chime in and tell me I'm crazy for not even considering one, but I'm not. So let it go.

We're deciding between the Mazada CX-9 and the Toyota Highlander based on reliability, price, gas mileage, driveability (aka speed), ability to turn and park in tight spots. (The latter comes after owning a Volvo wagon that took us 3-4 times for each parking spot because of it's turning radius. Turning on a dime is a nice thing to have.)  

I'm curious about your decision process when upgrading to your next car, specifically for that third row.

baby bunching Q/A: working out

We received this question from Amy.

Q: How do moms get their workout in? I have three under three and have to get super creative, but we've been successful for 8 weeks now.

A: Amy, first of all congratulations for being successful for 8 weeks. That is a great start and one that will keep you going. Because as you probably know, the more you workout, the more you feel the need to workout.

Fitting in a workout with two or three little kids can be a challenge. There are as many excuses to not workout as their are reasons to get there in the first place. As a lover of working up a good sweat, I can tell you it's hard to get back after a baby. Cut yourself some slack in the early days. I had one trainer tell me that 6 months is when most moms start returning to the gym. That's when they feel both physically and mentally ready to start working out again. If one of your kids is still an infant, walking (and pushing a heavy double stroller) may be your best option until you feel motivated. Because motivation is 99% of working out.

But here are a few tips to fitting in a workout.

1) Find a gym with childcare. There are many benefits beyond just a line of treadmill that you can get from a gym. Most gym child care centers give you two hours to work out. I know moms (including myself) who bring their laptop to the gym after a work out and follow up on emails, take care of some business or return phone calls. This is a perfect way to get a few minutes to yourself and maybe even have a cup of coffee. I've even seen moms nursing babes in the locker room for some uninterrupted feeding time. Don't be put off by gym costs. If you actually go, it's worth it for babysitting, for your health and a long life of good habits. It can be an investment in your well-being. (Note: you'd be suprised how much room there is for bargaining on fees.)

2) Get a friend to join. All you need is one other person at the gym with you. If you make regular "gym dates" with a girlfriend, you're less likely to find an excuse to bail. It's even better if she has kids close in age to yours because then your kids get a play date out of the deal as well.

3) Get a trainer for a few sessions. I did this last fall and it's amazing what it did for my workouts. I only paid for 4 sessions. My workouts had become stale and boring, and she was able to offer me advice (and a routine) for getting in a thorough workout in 45 minutes (weights and cardio!). It provided me new energy for working out and a reason to go because I could do it in less than an hour.  

4) If you're motivated to workout at home, get a few good workout DVDs and let your kids work out with you. (I have never been able to make this successful, but know many people can do this.) Heck invite a friend over for this, too, so you can do it together. It might keep you from stopping to unload the dryer.

5) Walk. You'd be surprised how much walking can do for you. it's a lot easier than loading kids in the car sometimes, load everyone into strollers, wagons, scooters or other appropriate means of transportation and walk more places. You'll save on gas too.

6) Bike. Get a bike trailer and take the kids for a very long bike ride. Even if they are arguing you won't hear it.

7) Sign up for a 5K. If you're a beginner, a 5K is a good motivation for working out. Decide you will run the 3+ miles and do it. Running just 15-20 minutes a few times a week is a good way to give you a realistic goal. Chances are by then you'll decide you love the benefits to working out.  

Don't set unrealistic goals. If there is no way you will work out at home, don't go buy a treadmill thinking you will. If you are not a morning person, don't expect to be out for a run at 6:30 a.m. No one expects you to train for a marathon with little kids. The best advice we can give is to have a friend do this with you if you're not internally motivated to sweat. It's more fun and it makes you accountable.

Get out there and get in shape girl!

baby bunching Q/A: bunching alone in a new place

Q:  My husband is active duty military and while I am able to stay at home with my children, his job requires his absence for extended periods of time on a regular basis, not to mention the fact that when he is at home, he regularly works very long hours and  often leaves before my oldest wakes up and comes home right around bedtime. I would like to know if you have any tips that would ease the transition of settling in with the new baby, or bedtime, mealtime etc. with my oldest (and surviving the baby bunching scene alone). The two will be 15 months apart and I should add that we just moved out of the country, so in addition to the already momentous transition, we also are very far from family and don't really know anyone where we live yet.

A:Congrats on your impending arrival, and how fun that you'll be living overseas. I also raised my two kids overseas, and arrived in a new country when my youngest was 7 weeks old and my oldest 17 months. While challenging, it was an experience I wouldn't trade for anything.

You have a few questions here so let me address one at a time. First of all, surviving the early days alone. Settling in alone will be challenging.

We always like to offer a few tips:

• Get your toddler on a bedtime routine now! This will make things SO much easier later if you can count on the fact that he/she will be in bed at 7:30 and you're not still screwing with toddler AND baby at 10 p.m.
• If you can get someone to come help you out, like a grandmother or an aunt for the first few weeks, that would be worth it. Flights are often cheaper in the winter and having extra hands if hubby is not there, will at least help you get the lay of the land of this Baby Bunching lifestyle.
• Don't be afraid to not do it all. If your toddler doesn't get a bath or eats mac and cheese 4 nights a week, don't beat yourself up over it. No one can do it all, especially alone. So cut yourself some slack. (This will be ongoing motto you have to repeat to yourself.) 

Mealtime, bedtime, new baby and toddler will be chaotic no matter how you slice or dice it--with or without help. It's all part of the game.  But in fact, the first few weeks, what we call the quiet period, may be easier than you think when baby is sleeping all the time. Bring in extra troops when hubby is back traveling and baby has suddenly discovered his lungs.

Baby Buncher Michelle wrote a great post about surviving a deployment that might offer up some other great tips.

From what I have learned about overseas life and hubby being gone is the support system often tends to be BETTER overseas than here at home. People are ready to engage and help out when they can. So it might actually be better that you're there with a closer-knit support system. Immediately join whatever mom's group you can now to get your network in place. Having people bring you meals and stop by to help you entertain two kids is a HUGE help. 

We have so many moms on this site with traveling dads, we'd love to hear your stories as well.

readjusting to new phases

Just when you have the routine down and life is going great, we promise something will change (growth spurts, potty training, illness, dropping naps, outgrowing the baby carrier, you get the idea).  What worked yesterday may not work tomorrow.

In the first year or so of Baby Bunching, we both got used to never letting ourselves get locked into thinking the way it is today is the way it has to stay. Heck, our kids keeping us on our toes is what makes life interesting.

As we steamrolled (or better yet hurricaned) through the first few years leaving the house a mess, birthday cards unsent and holidays half-assed, at some point it all plateaus. Yep, ladies and gents, you're hearing that right. At some point, you will wake up one more and everyone will sit at the table feeding themselves--they might even be able to pour the cereal, they will dress themselves and you will actually be able to finish your morning coffee. The tricky part is this may continue for a while and you'll fall into that comfortable routine. Then next week you'll wake up and and find yourself scrambling and trying to readjust all over again.

Folks, I have entered into a whole new phase of this Baby Bunching ride and while it is not quite as crazy as before, I'm finding myself at a new level of exhaustion trying to be one step ahead, but still catch my breath.

My kids are both in school now, and while one is still half-day kindergarten, I am finding the required level of both physical and mental energy on the steady increase. Each morning is filled with getting kids out the door. You think that's not hard well consider all the factors. The afternoons are filled with play dates, soccer practice, swimming and music. And for some reason this new phase is causing me to stop and reassess. The downside is I haven't had a chance to take a breath. One activity leads into the next and the next thing I know I'm waking up and it's morning. Here we go again today.