Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

announcing your surprise

By Rachel Ostlie

Everything baby is traditionally a thing of joy and communal happiness. From gasps of “Congrats!” when the pregnancy news first breaks, to the handing out of cigars by the new father, the thought of babies seem to put people in a celebratory mood.

Babies who are Bunched, however, may not receive such unconditional unquestioning approval.  Many Bunching moms, especially those über-Bunchers out there, receive side glances and comments, ranging from the innocuous “You sure have your hands full” to the snide “You do know where babies come from, don’t you?”

As if the disapproval of the general public weren’t bad enough, many of us have relatives who are perfectly willing to share their opinion. Some question your sanity, others question your birth control choices. My own father-in-law, who for five years pestered me about a grandchild and even gave me a gag gift one Christmas of “fertility pills,” has now decided to trumpet the superiority of the birth control methods he and my MIL used, giving them children spaced 3-5 years apart.

And then there may be issues even closer to home. Did that second positive pregnancy test result in the same feelings that the first one did? With the memory of the last pregnancy still fresh in your mind (let alone this morning’s diaper blow-out), were you thrilled?  Afraid? Disappointed? Or maybe just resigned? Then there are questions about how this will affect your newly balanced life… Perhaps you just returned to work and dread announcing another impending maternity leave. You might worry how this new little one will take away from the attention you were once able to dedicate to the older sibling. On top of it all, the ambivalence about the new baby in your life can feed an extra large guilt monster.

How do you announce the “good news” if you aren’t so sure it is good news? Without feeling celebratory about your bunched baby, do you hide it until it is physically evident? Do you mask your emotions? Or is there a way to confront your ambivalence about this new stage of parenthood head-on?

However you feel, and however you manage those feelings, you have at least a few months to work it out. And years and years to learn to appreciate the crazy beauty of parenting, children, and baby bunching.

Rachel is a proud baby bunching mom of a daughter (3) and a son (22 months).  She is expecting another “surprise” baby, due in September.

three under three & home alone

By Julie Fuller, Little Sinners 

If you had told me when E was just born—and I hardly knew how to make it through Seth’s 12-hour shifts alone by myself—that I would one day be watching three children aged two and under all by myself for a week, repeatedly, I would have told you you were crazy.  (Primarily because I was a brand-new mom with no idea of how easy I had it, but that’s another story!)

But as it turns out, Seth’s job has turned into one with a good deal of long business trips, which leaves me home with the munchkins all day and all night for days.  We survive, and honestly I enjoy the change of pace every once in a while.

Prioritize.
This is a two-step process: figure out the things that are really, really hard to do with just one pair of grown-up hands, and then do everything possible to make those tasks go smoothly.  Things that fall in this category include: bathing the children, bathing oneself, and putting the children to bed.  Getting a bath myself is the hardest task for me, but I’ve learned that if I time everything carefully, I have a few minutes in the morning when the girls are fed and will play very happily by themselves, and L will usually sleep. Sometimes the girls even set up playing shop in the bathroom, which is fantastic, and I enjoy taking the longest shower I can.

Take full advantage of help.
Remember the priorities you just thought of whenever another pair of helpful hands walks in the front door.  What can you do in one-tenth of the time if someone else is there to entertain the kiddos?  DO THAT.  Or, if you’re going absolutely nuts by yourself for the week with no adults to talk to, then throw the todo list away and just talk.

Stagger bedtimes.
This is pretty much essential even if there are two adults in the home, but this is the one task that could truly be nearly impossible if all the kids go to bed at the same time.  You only have two hands, but toddlers at bedtime can be a nightmare!  Keeping even the most well-behaved child in Place A while you struggle to put another child in Place B is unspeakably difficult.  Stagger bedtimes.  Also, make it a habit to not let them get up in the middle of the night. With just one adult home to fetch and soothe them in the wee hours, it’s just not possible to get up two or three times per child!  Zero is good.  Daytime is tiring enough without adding night wakings into the picture.

Go out.
Back when there were only two, sometimes it seemed like the day would stretch on forever and ever and ever.  And maybe it’s intimidating to haul all three off to the mall, but it’ll entertain everyone, use up a lot of time, not create any mess at home, and if it turns out to be too much work, then you just go back home. Be chill, have no expectations, and enjoy the ride.

Schedule.
I’m not normally a very scheduled person, but when I’m the only grown-up around, everything turns into a hyper routine.  Our life becomes a series of blocks of time: first we’re going to get some milk for breakfast, then we’re going to get dressed, then Mommy will get a shower, then we will go downstairs for the food component of breakfast and Mommy’s coffee, then we will clean up and do morning chores… and so on.  With no deadline of “Daddy’s coming home!” there is no accountability for me to get things done properly, and also no major obvious breaks in the day.  Scheduling keeps things sane and also helps us move through the day more pleasantly and smoothly.

Minimize weaknesses.
I am not a morning person.  Seth gets the kids every morning and I silently go get my morning shower, preferably without talking to anyone until I’ve been up at least a half hour, and without actually doing anything until I’ve had my coffee.  The girls, on the other hand, are definitely morning people. They come chipperly chirping into my room before I’m even awake, much less ready to address two cheerful but hungry toddlers. I hate mornings.  So, the night before, I get their breakfast all ready, get my coffeemaker scheduled to be piping hot and ready to drink by 7am, so that when they come running into my room, all I have to do is creep downstairs, pick up everything and bring it upstairs, then crawl back under the covers until I’m a little more happy with the world.

Experiment.
There is great consistency in the house when there’s only one grown-up around to give directions, and toddlers love consistency.  I’ve found it to be a great time to change sleeping schedules, make a child learn to sleep through the night, initiate potty training, and so on.  “Daddy will be so proud when he comes home!” is also a great motivator.

Cook.
I don’t care very much what food I eat, and would happily eat pizza for dinner every night.  Toddlers are very much the same—they don’t distinguish much between macaroni and cheese or coq au vin.  So, when Seth is not home, our dinners focus more on being basically nutritious and less on being culinarily impressive.  I use the chance to try new made-up meals that might flop, and I also do a lot of baking instead of cooking.  Sometimes it’s hard to do both, and baking usually takes the hit, so it’s a good chance to make some cookies and cakes!  (Of course, then I have trouble not eating them before Seth gets home, but that’s another story!)

Do everything with the kids.
When you’re alone with the kids, the most precious commodity is time alone without the kids. Don’t waste it by using it for chores! Whether it’s laundry or mopping the floors, try to do it when they’re awake and demanding, and save the naptimes and nighttimes for the things you really need to be child-free for–or just to breathe. Or sleep.

Expect some tears.
With three quasi-rational children around, you’re guaranteed to have a few moments where you just can’t make them all happy fast enough, and there will be much more screaming than there would be if another adult was around.  But it’s okay.  Just attack their grievances methodically one at a time, stick one child in a crib in another room while you deal with the other(s) if they keep setting each other off, and patiently work through all the problems until all is right with their world again. No matter how loudly they all scream, eventually you’ll work through it all and there will be quiet and peace in the house again.

Find zones.
Find, or create, childproofed areas to put your kids for a few minutes or more.  Know where you can put the youngest safely away from the older ones.  Know where your children can play happily and safely while you run to another room to put a baby down, to put on a load of laundry, or to use the bathroom!  Get as many gates or childproof door locks as you need to make it happen! When you’re alone around the clock, the tasks you usually save until there’s another adult around still need to get done.

Pray.
I don’t mean pray to make it through the week, although that might be necessary! But I find that the house, and my mind, are much quieter when Seth is not here.  The children are much quieter (probably more bored, but still), and I have more work to do, which means my whole self is more focused and reflective.  I  have a lot more time to think, and study, as I go about my daily business, and so these weeks are often some of the most helpful to me spiritually.  It’s always good to be unable to be idle.

The biggest focus for me on home-alone weeks is trying to make our days go by smoothly enough that Seth doesn’t feel badly about leaving, or like he’s creating a great burden for me.  We talk all together on the webcam before the kids go to bed, and the kids always get all wound up and happy about that.  They make crafts for him while he’s gone (although they often get disassembled before he actually comes home!) and we’re very excited when he finally walks in the door.

[This post was reprinted with Julie's permission.]

reflections: 9 months into baby bunching

By Shannon Block

Let me start by saying, there is a reason that there are a multitude of websites and chat rooms dedicated to the art of having "two under two" (read: two children under the age of two)!  When my husband and I decided to have our kids close in age, we thought something between 18 months apart and 2 years would be ideal because it would give us a chance to have a break before having babies #3 &  #4.  Yes, we were going to have four kids when we started all of this!  While that remains to be seen (we have since decided that we will take the expansion of this family one day at a time), we did manage to have kids #1 (Hadley, now two) & #2 (Jameson, now 9 months) a mere 15 months and 10 days apart.  Wow.  What can I say, we are blessed in this department.

From the moment I was showing with Jameson it opened the flood gates of commentary from strangers on the street and friends and family alike.  If I had a dollar for every time someone told me (unsolicited of course) that I was going to have my hands full - I'd be a wealthy woman.  Instead of pumping me up for the challenge ahead, all this did was completely terrify me.  The thing is, being an only child myself, I was really excited to have the kids close together.  But I was also beyond nervous.  Those websites & chat rooms I mentioned, they scared the crap out of me.  There was so much negative commentary out there about two under two.  So many bitter, cranky women complaining online about how hard their lives were.  I should have ignored all of them and focused on the ones (like the Baby Bunching ladies!) that had good things to say.  But I didn't.  I got totally bogged down by all this negative energy.  So much so, that the whole last 3 months of my pregnancy including the day he was delivered is a complete blur to me.  I barely even remember being there, which now just makes me sad because what a sweet, sweet day that was! 

What I wish I could've told myself back then, is to RELAX and to completely ignore the hype.  What I now know, is that with a 2-year old that is prone to public displays and running for the hills while mommy is behind strapped with a 20 pound baby yelling "come back here NOW!" that, YES, I do have my hands full.  And yes, there are times that this is hard.  Not every outing is a smashing success (success of course equaling a simple trip out of the house with no meltdowns and no running into the street).  And sometimes both kids are crying and I'm tired and I'm covered in all kinds of food, and I'm wishing I were on a beach with a cocktail.  But the words "hard work" and "hands full" no longer have a negative connotation like they did before I became a mom of kids 15 months apart.  Now, I wear those words like a badge of honor -- YES, it's hard!  But it's awesome.  I am so beyond blessed to watch my 2 year old and my 9 month old playing together, hugging each other, wishing the other was there on the rare occasion that they are separated.  This sibling bond that I am watching, helping cultivate, is simply beautiful.
 
Here I sit, 9 months into two under two and I have an overwhelming sense of "I can do this." I know there will be challenges ahead (#2 is about to go mobile and become a strong willed, active toddler himself).  But #1 is getting easier by the day.  Like all things, it's a balancing act, hard times ebb and flow, but you know what, so do the good times.  And those good times -- they are REALLY GOOD!
 
I am not super mom, and I am far from perfect.  And I'm not an expert, but I do have advice! 

The best advice I can give to moms about to embark on 2 under 2 is this: 

• keep your cool
• maintain your sense of humor
• be organized
• have a plan (but let that plan get blown to pieces if need be)
• try to savor every moment of the kids being so little, because while tough at times, it is precious and fleeting as well. 
• Oh, and for the love of God, get both kids on a good sleeping schedule as soon as humanly possible.  It saved my life!  (Both kids sleep 7pm - 7am without any wake ups.  And no, they did not come this way.)
   

*FYI - I have since sworn off all 2 under 2 chat rooms / advice columns, with the exception of Baby Bunching. And I am much happier for it.  And when the day comes that I am pregnant with #3 (maybe :), I am going to smile at every stranger that comments about my hands being full.  Yep, they are full.  Full of love.

braving the grocery store (alone)

By Erin Brazofsky

If you’re like me, the idea of grocery shopping just isn’t fun. The carts, the people, the parking lots…add two children to that mix and well, you have yourself a ready-made adventure.

Typically, I do one ENORMOUS grocery shopping trip a month filled in with quick runs for milk, veggies and fruit as needed. And, because my list is usually so large, my adorable and darling husband comes with me and we make a family date of it. It ends up being a lot of fun and it’s much easier for me to handle the cart of groceries than the cart of groceries and another cart of babies.

A couple months ago, I had to make my monthly trip by myself. Before a snowstorm. With both boys.

I gave myself the best pep talk ever. “You don’t have any food in the house! If the snowstorm comes, are you willing to eat Seth?” (I’m just kidding; we would never eat Seth. Maybe Levi’s thighs, but never Seth.)

So I went and braved the elements and arrived at the store. Now, normally, if the weather were amenable, I would pop Seth in my Moby wrap and stick Levi in the cart and off we would go. But, because I live in an area where reaching 20 degrees in February is a good day, I opted to leave Seth in his warm car seat. This necessitated me getting two carts.

Pushing the boys in front of me and pulling the other cart behind me, I weaved and twisted my way through the grocery store. I handed Levi items that he couldn’t rip into to keep him occupied and kept Seth amused with his favorite teething rings. I tell you, I was awesome and looked like a pro. People were staring at me and smiling and offering up, “You’re so brave” comments and I would nod graciously to my adoring public. Until I hit the checkout.

I thought it would be brilliant to switch the order of the carts, so that the boys were behind me instead of in front of me. The line behind me was getting longer and longer, and I was getting more and more frazzled. I began to see it was a mistake to keep the boys behind me. I was trapped between two carts and no one behind me could unload their groceries because of the boys. Oy.

I did make it out safe and sound and with the resolve to not have to do that again for a long, long time. But this got me to thinking, what do my fellow BBers do?  What are your tips for successful grocery shopping with both kidlets? Feel free to leave your best tips in the comments.

**No one was harmed during this grocery trip, and Erin kept her temper. Both Levi and Seth also still have all their extremities and were unharmed.**

More tips for braving the grocery store: Grocery Shopping with the Kids, Because We All Have to Eat, Baby Bunching Q&A: Taking 4 Under 4 to Store

tips for a successful baby bunching outing

By Amanda Wright

I am definitely not a Type A buncher, and even with three little ones (3, 2 and 8 months) my fundamentally laid-back personality chafes when our schedule becomes too full and our commitments turn burdensome.  As much as such an existence is possible in the bunching world, I strive to maintain a stress-free approach to our daily lives.  However, my desire to not be a drill sergeant has at times backfired and mornings can become a whinefest when we are trying to arrive on time to an event - be it a playdate, lunch with Daddy, church, or so forth.

Therefore, it became necessary for this bunching mom to create a routine to ensure that I could maintain my cool on mornings when we must leave the house by a certain time.  Through trial and error, here are my tips to achieving stress free pre-outing preparation with your bunch:

1. Tell your bunch - yes even baby! - the night before what the game plan is for the following morning. “Tomorrow we have a playdate with the Jones crew, so that means in the morning we will eat breakfast and then right away get washed up, dressed and our hair fixed.  After those things are done, you can play until it is time to go.”  Now when they wake up, they will already know what to expect.  I am sure that I do not have the only 2 and 3 year olds who lay in bed in the morning and think about/discuss what they want to do after breakfast, and letting them know the night before eliminates a lot of potential whining or arguing (“But Mooooommy, I reeeeeally wanted to play baaaaabies after breakfast!!”).  I also strongly advocate for the approach of getting the kids fully ready first thing - that way when it is almost time to leave all that remains for them to do is have a last bathroom trip and put on shoes/coats.
2. Have the diaper bag and/or lunch bag packed and ready to go the night before. Somehow when I restock the diaper bag at night while the house is quiet and my attention isn’t being pulled elsewhere, the task takes me approximately 90 seconds - occasionally up to 5 minutes if I need to run to the laundry room for extra back-up clothes or bibs.  Yet when I try to tackle it while the kids are running around it takes me no less than 15 minutes and I *still* forget things. If there are lunch items that have to stay refrigerated until right before you leave, jot down a list and stick it where you will see it before you leave the house!  This will help ensure you aren’t needing to turn around right as you leave the neighborhood because you suddenly realize the fruit salad you’re supposed to bring for everyone in playgroup to share is sitting forlornly on the shelf in the fridge.  
3. Have your own clothes laid out, and if possible wake up just 15 minutes before your bunch does.  This is not always a possibility, whether from sheer exhaustion or because you have a baby whose current wake-up call beckons you from slumber at the unholy hour of 5:00 a.m.  And since I shower at night, if I am up 15 - 20 minutes before my bunch I can wash up, put on my makeup and straighten or style my hair and be all ready to go.  Trying to do those things with 3 little ones intent on dismantling my bathroom drawers is NOT conducive to a stress-free morning.  
4. Great!  Now you’re all ready to go but you’ve been so efficient that it’s 40 minutes prior to the time you need to depart - what to do?  DON’T make the mistake that I have made so many times and become caught up in a few last minute chores, or reading a few too many books and wind up later than if you hadn’t been so prepared!  Instead, enjoy the fact that you can avoid rushing, that you don’t have to bark at the kids to “Just GET YOUR COAT ON already!!”,  and load your bunch up so that you can hit up Starbucks on the way to your destination.  Now that’s a great start to your day!

Amanda is an uber-buncher who survives and thrives with her three (3, 2, and 8 months) by means of family, friends, Starbucks and prayer - but not always in that order.

when to break up: mommy-friend style

By Rachel Ostlie

For some reason, finding good mommy-friends has not been easy for me. I do all the right things to meet new people (attending baby classes at the library, visit a variety of playgrounds), but it's been difficult to find a friendship that clicks. Perhaps it's because I live in an extremely diverse suburb (both in terms of socio-economic class and ethnicity) of a big city, but it's hard enough to find someone who speaks English, let alone someone with similar interests and kids the same age.

I've also been unsuccessful in finding mommy-friends from the pool of people who are already my friends. Though my high school friends and college friends all are happily married with lots of new babies, I now share in their joys only through Facebook. And while I moved here eight years ago, all the friends I've made since are single and childless.

I did make one close mommy-friend. When my daughter was born three years ago, I started attending a little singing and book reading class at the library for babies ages zero to two. There was just one mom with a daughter as young as mine, and we hit it off right away. We started having playdates when our girls were three months old and barely acknowledged each other's existence, and our weekly meet-ups had a permanent place in my calendar. Soon we celebrated holidays together, and the dynamic duo took our sweeties to museums, state fairs, zoos, and aquariums. I even had the privilege of videoing her daughter's very first steps on one of our outings!

But then... something came between us. Something called Baby #2. Though my friend was overjoyed to hear I was expecting, and threw me a lovely baby shower, things just weren't the same. My life and hers were no longer mirror images of each other. She started rescheduling our hang outs, or canceling altogether. At first I was frustrated, then offended as she began moving our playdate around to accommodate all her other new friends. Finally, I worked up the courage to ask if I had done anything wrong, and if I needed to ask forgiveness. She assured me that nothing was wrong, yet the passive-aggressive behavior continued. Now, as I sit in front of my computer screen and stew over being at the bottom of her list for the hundredth time, I am seriously considering breaking up with her. Not a dramatic, in-your-face breakup. Just the kind where I stop trying any more. I don't want to give up on all the good times we had, but it seems as if baby bunching has driven us apart.

This Baby Bunching blog always encourages us to build our "momtourage," to find fellow Baby Bunchers to support us in our trials. After this relationship, I begin to see the wisdom of their advice even more. Some friends last a lifetime. Others can't last the divisive nature of a second baby (let alone the third baby some über-Bunchers manage before most people even start to think about another pregnancy). So my advice to you, and to myself? Make friendship a priority. We're all gonna need it.

Rachel is a baby bunching mom of a daughter (3) and son (20 months). If you live in the northern suburbs of Chicago, she is currently seeking members for her momtourage.

mastering the art of baby bunching

By Erin Brazofsky

As a momma of a 20-month old and 4-month old, I get a lot of strange, appalled and pitying looks when I go out in public. I bet you, since are reading this, get a lot of those looks, too!

Sometimes, a few brave ones will get up the nerve to approach me and ask me how I “do it.” I can only assume by “do it” they mean “how do I maintain sanity with such small children.” And, perhaps, you too are wondering how on earth you can maintain sanity while caring for two kids 18 months or less apart?

Today is your lucky day! I will impart all the knowledge you need to know to successfully master the art of Baby Bunching. (Well, I’ll try anyway.)

#1. Maintain a sense of humor. This is especially important when your older child vomits during his nap, but you don’t know about it till you get him up. Then you have to clean him and his crib up while the small one wails and your husband is either at work, or teaching a piano lesson in your home downstairs. Oh, and then both of the children have rather, um, interesting diapers that must be changed.

#2. Take some time for yourself. Seriously. I don’t know how it will look for you, but it is so important that you take some time to rejuvenate your spirit. A break is a good thing for everyone.

#3. Stay organized. I have found that if I have a flexible, but fairly regular daily schedule, things generally flow much, much easier and the babies are much more content and happy.

#4. Make sure you and your significant other are on the same page. If my husband and I aren’t communicating about the boys’ needs and what goals we have for the coming months, things tend to go awry.

#5. On the same note, DATE NIGHT, DATE NIGHT, DATE NIGHT. Oh, and did I mention DATE NIGHT?

#6. Find playgroups or mom’s groups to attend. Having a community of other mommas (Baby Bunchers or otherwise) is so important. Your friends can be some of your biggest cheerleaders and offer some of the best support when things just aren’t going right.

Of course, I could go on, and maybe later I will (lucky you), but ultimately, you know what will work for you and your brood. Hopefully some of these (admittedly tongue-in-cheek) tips will help if you’re newer to Baby Bunching (like me!) or just remind you of some things you can do to keep your blood pressure low.

[Editor's note: We agree on all points!]

trip to the doctor with your bunch*

*alternate title: The Very Best Use For Party Favor Bags

By Rachel Ostlie

Today was a big big trip to the doctor for me and my Bunch (daughter, who just turned 3, and son, 19 months). They were each due for a check-up, plus they each needed a physical as we apply for new health insurance. What that translated to at the pediatrician's office was keeping two toddlers happy in a tiny exam room, a full-body exam for each, two shots and a TB test for Big Baby and three shots and a TB test for Little Baby.

Once they stopped crying, I told them we were going for a walk to see the fishies. Our pediatrician's office is attached to a medical center with a lab, and the lab waiting room has... a huge aquarium. So off we went, their tears forgotten and their hopes buoyed by the thought of fishies. Down one hall, turn a corner, wait to be registered, squirm in chairs as the lady behind the desk took forever to register us, then down another two halls and turn three more corners all to find... the fishies were gone. For some inexplicable reason, they got rid of the aquarium. Now the only consolation was a TV high up near the ceiling, which was only of interest to Big Baby girl.

As I filled out forms (No, they aren't both three years old. No, the boy isn't potty trained.) Little Baby ran wild. The lab technician attended to the next person in line, and I overheard her say “I have two babies I need to draw blood from. But I'll do you first. One of them looks very strong.” I'd like to think that “strong” was what she actually meant, instead of “a real pain in the neck.” So I waddled down the hall to a bathroom, encumbered by my bag, various medical forms, and three winter jackets, calling my ducklings to come with me. The next trial was getting my three-year-old to pee in a cup. It's hard enough for some adults to pee on command, but getting my daughter to do it, with a cup positioned under her little bottom, was a challenge. I ended up having to semi-submerge the cup in the toilet bowl, then lift it up as soon as she started. I didn't get pee on me, but I got who-knows-what from public toilet water. All this while keeping Little Baby from having his own playdate with the johns in the next two stalls.

Back to the lab that no longer had fishies. The lab technician decided she'd try to do Big Baby, who by then was calmly sitting on a couch playing with stickers. Though the blood drawing went painfully slow, we managed to get through it with her. Then it was Little Baby's turn, who is actually in truth VERY strong. Thankfully, by then a second lab technician had arrived, and while I held his body in a legs-plus-arms-bear-hug, the other lab tech held an arm, and the original tech drew the blood. My son's blood had more viscocity than his sister's, and the ordeal was over surprisingly fast. I pulled out the lollypops I had received from the pediatrician's office and saved for the occasion, and granted them all some more TV viewing in the waiting area before we did our long walk to the car, and then home again.

All this would have been a much more painful experience, had I not made a split-second decision before leaving that morning. One that I highly recommend to anyone in for a long trip to the doctor's office, since you don't even have to prep anything. I brought along a party favor bag for each kid. We had been at a birthday party on Saturday, and, as usual, I hid away (there are definite benefits to having kids so young) the ridiculous amounts of candy and useless trinkets that the kids received. Frequently, the candy just sits around and rots. But this time, it had a noble calling. It saved the sanity of a Baby Bunching mommy and two poked and prodded toddlers, with each sticker, trinket, mini-book, and candy piece it contained.

Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of a daughter (3) and son (1.5). No persons were truly hurt in the writing of this post.

are they twins?

By Rachel Ostlie

It began when my son was 5 months old and my daughter was 21 months. The very first time that a stranger casually asked, “Are they twins?” At first my reaction was one of shock. Twins? I know that they were in a double stroller so you couldn't see the height difference (as if Little Baby could even stand at this point) but twins? Seriously?

Then again, it's no surprise that we Baby Bunchers are assailed with this question... after all, the number of twin births has risen by 50 percent in the past three decades*. On the other hand, Bunching your children saw a sharp downturn with the advent of oral hormonal birth control in 1960. So two adorable babies are generally assumed to belong to the multiples category. Right?

Honestly, I don't know what I answered on that day. Probably some variation of what I have answered the other hundred thousand times I've fielded that question at a school, library, church, or any other public area: “No.” If they were lucky, I might have said something spectacular after that, like “Umm...This one is older, that one is younger.”

Which brings me to an honest plea, sent out to the whole Baby Bunching community. Perhaps it stems from the fact that my petite firstborn daughter will surely be shorter than her linebacker large brother by the time they are four and three, respectively. But more likely, it comes from my desire to look clever. To have something better to say that just, “Um... no.” I would like to have a pre-formulated answer to give to all the casual strangers wanting to know if my kids cutesy twins or not. Ideally, it should be a sentence long, roll off the tongue easily, and be somewhat witty. Please, will anybody out there help me?

Rachel is the happy mother of two adorable children who are not twins, ages 3 and 1.5. She also really wants to be clever.

*National Vital Statistics Reports - Volume 48, Number 3 - from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

indoor fun for snow days

By Tara Wright

You wake up to see the white stuff coming down hard and the news advises you to stay off the roads. It's snowing too hard to play outside, so what do you do to keep the kids from tearing up your house or spending the day in front of the television? 

The following list of fun activities for all ages was cobbled together from a variety of websites, recommendations from other moms and other “in-the-know” sources.

Keep this list of ideas handy, or write each idea, plus any others of your own, on slips of paper and put them in a bowl. The next time the kids are bored, let them draw a slip of paper to decide which activity to do first.

Have a Picnic or Tea Party – Lay out a picnic blanket or an outdoor tablecloth on the living room floor and enjoy lunch together down there.  Or brew up some warm tea or cider and have a little tea time with crackers or sweet bread for an afternoon treat. Bring out the stuffed animals for extra company.

Do a Puzzle – Take out that 1000 piece puzzle, spread it out on the kitchen table or living room floor and dig in!

Resurrect Family Game Night – Dust off Candyland, Monopoly, Scrabble, a deck of cards or whatever other board games you’ve forgotten in the closet. 

Look Through Old Photo Albums – Pull out the old photo albums, sit around the table and show the kids what you looked like at your high school prom. They’ll love the old photos of Grandma, Grandpa and the rest of the family too. 

Scrap Book Together - Pull out that box of old photos that you have sitting in the closet that you’ve been meaning to do something with and let the kids make a scrap book of a family vacation or of themselves when they were young.

Build a Fort – There are always enough pillows, chairs and blankets around to build a fort or tent to go camping in the living room. 

Create Your Own Snowstorm – No two snowflakes are alike. Grab some white computer paper and scissors and make it snow indoors. Hang the snowflakes around the house for a winter wonderland.  If you have it, pull out glue and blue, white and/or silver glitter to help make your indoor snowstorm glitter like the outdoor snow.

Go on a Scavenger Hunt – Stash clues around the house (adjust difficulty based on the ages of your kids; use picture cues for little ones, tricky puns for older children), directing kids to hunt for hidden prizes.

Sit Around a “Camp Fire” – Turn down the lights, grab a few flashlights or candles, and gather around and sing songs or tell stories, scary or fantastic, as if you’re sitting around a camp fire under the stars.  If you have a fondue pot, melt some chocolate and grab the marshmallows and graham crackers to make smores to really get that camp fire vibe.

Bake – What a great time to bake a cake, brownies or cookies together! Then, you can pour some hot chocolate or hot cider and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Write a Story –Even if your kids aren’t writing fluently yet, they can still create stories on their own.  Create a collection of blank books from construction paper and ribbon or string, and let your kids illustrate a story of their own creation.  Later, you can write the words for them as they dictate them to you, or they can sound out the words phonetically and write the story on their own.  Make sure the authors sign and date their books. They make great keepsakes.

Have Story Time – Grab some picture books and read out loud together.  Or have older children read stories to the younger ones.  If your children have written their own stories, have this be the first “public reading” and make it a special event, with refreshments and a captive audience.

Be a Pen Pal – Old-fashioned letter writing is a dying art.  Help your child write a letter or make their own card to send to Grandma, cousins, a friend, or even an elderly neighbor and make someone’s day when they open their mailbox a few days later.

Make Puppets – All it takes are some paper lunch bags and crayons or markers. Or go through the sock drawers for a handful of orphan socks. Get some yarn, buttons and big fat needles. Have fun creating wacky puppets and then have the kids put on an equally wacky puppet show.

It’s Show Time – Challenge a group of kids to stage a play or talent show. If they need a little jump start, give them a theme or some wacky opening lines to get them started.

Be a Treasure Hunter – Everyone has boxes in their basement or attic that haven’t been opened in years, sometimes decades.  If your kids are a little older, pull out the boxes and go through them.  The kids will love finding and hearing the stories behind Dad’s old wrestling trophy or Mom’s science fair ribbons.  Make a rule that anyone who finds a treasure they like gets to keep it.  Who knows, you might even be able to clear out some of the junk you’ve been meaning to get rid of or you might find some treasures of your own that you forgot about.

Have Fun with Play Dough –Play-dough made from scratch is easy, there are recipes all over the web, and you can make an endless array of colors with basic food dye or powder drink mixes (think Kool Aid, fruity iced teas or lemonades).  Plus, you won’t have to worry about your younger ones putting their hands in their mouths while playing with it.  Spread the outdoor tablecloth on the floor, and give them dull knives, a rolling pin, and some cookie cutters.

Finish Their Homework – No kid wants to do it, but getting a head start on their school work will get it out of the way so that, when the weather does clear, they can be out building snow forts and throwing snow balls.

Do Nothing / Use Their Imagination – Occasional boredom is good for kids.  It’s rare that children are truly bored; they just haven’t learned to exercise the imagination part of their brain.  Make a rule that if your child say’s “I’m bored”, they’ll have to do chores.  Eventually, they’ll think of something to do.

[We'd love to hear some of your own ideas for indoor fun when the weather's bad.]