Effectively and appropriately disciplining children is something that all parents of children of all ages struggle with. But Baby Bunching adds another dimension to discipline. This is because for most of us, just about the time our oldest child is entering toddlerhood and testing the waters of independence with first forays into willful disobedience, another baby joins the family.
If you're one of the lucky ones and the Big of your Bunch is the compliant one, discipline may not be as big of a deal. But God help the Baby Buncher with the misfortune to have a Strong-Willed Child entering toddlerhood just as an infant with reflux arrives on the scene (yes, there are autobiographical components to this post). Disciplining your Bunch once they're older is worth a whole 'nother post, but today we're going to focus on those very early days.
I've always found young toddler discipline to be the most difficult stage because they're just starting to recognize what it means to be intentionally naughty, but they're not really old enough to appreciate the full impact of time-out and are certainly too young for either physical punishment or withholding privileges. That pretty much leaves only one discipline tactic in your arsenal - repeated redirection.
Repeated redirection is great, but it requires time (like 100 times in a row) and laser focus (don't take your eyes off the offender for one second or they will sneak past you and you'll lose your edge of consistent enforcement). This is very, very difficult to do when you are A) trying to accomplish any other task of some sort, B) out in public and trying to keep your child(ren) safe, and C) wearing another child in a pouch on your chest or (even worse) using your chest to feed said child while his his brother runs amok. It really puts the poor Baby Buncher at a disadvantage.
While being a Baby Buncher is certainly not an excuse to have ill-behaved, ill-mannered children, I will say that I believe that discipline is sometimes one of those areas where a Buncher has to cut herself some slack (like keeping the house spotless or cooking a gourmet meal every night). I promise you that you will find yourself, on some occasion, physically unable to stop and discipline a child properly and the way you know it should be done. This is because you have two (or more) very small children. So handle it as best you can in the moment and move on.
I wish I could say after three children that I have discovered the magic bullet for discipline, but I can't. What I can do is offer a few suggestions that worked for me as a Baby Buncher (or that I wish I'd tried in hindsight) and hope that some of the discipline mavens out there will chime in with their two cents.
--Consistency (whenever possible) is always key. This is probably THE most important thing you can do at this age but the most difficult one to follow through on time and time again. Obviously, if you allow Big to stand on the coffee table while you're nursing, but not other times, it will send a mixed message. At least do your best to gesture or use a firm voice if you can't physically get up and let him know that the behavior is always unacceptable, even if you aren't able to immediately physically re-direct.
--Choose your battles. Yes, some behaviors (like throwing food on the floor) are messy, annoying, and attention-seeking. Certainly it's not ok to let this slide all the time. But if Baby is screaming from starvation and has poopy pants and Big flings his bowl of goldfish across the floor, use a firm voice to express disapproval and let it go. Later, when things have calmed down, you can make him help you clean it up. If he hasn't stomped all the goldfish into a fine powder in the crevices of your kitchen floor by then.
--Consider cutting your losses. Sometimes leaving the scene of the crime is as much for your sanity as it is your child's consequence. If you're at the playground and Big keeps being mean to other children and refuses to respond after a few attempts at redirection, you might consider packing up and leaving. Now I know that you have carefully timed this outing between the 6 naps and 12 meals a day that you facilitate and you haven't had any adult contact in 3 weeks, but is it worth it? You decide. If it is, then props to you. Stay and find a way to remove Big from the temptation. But if you have to leave 15 minutes into an outing, don't beat yourself up. Do whatever you can to preserve your own sanity.
--Safety issues are never negotiable and must be dealt with IMMEDIATELY, at all costs. My (older) three-year-old once gave a naughty glance in my direction as I was pushing his brother in the stroller, then darted as fast as he could (a good many yards) into the street during rush hour. By some miracle of God, he made it and it's a shock I wasn't Froggerized too, because I pushed the stroller to the side and ran into the street after him without even looking. Had there not been a flock of people watching by this point, I probably would've spanked the crap out of him, he scared me so bad (and he knew better by this age). Instead, I grabbed him by the hand, griped him out all the way back to the car, and packed him up to leave the ice cream social we were attending immediately even though no one had had any ice cream yet.
--When at a loss for logical consequences, enlist outside perspective. After the street incident, I called my mom crying on the way home because I had NO idea how to get across to him how naughty that behavior was. I was also so incredibly frustrated and overwhelmed by our seeming inability to ever take a normal, positive outing without him acting up. My mom suggested that I throw his Lovey on the driveway and run it over to show him what happens to things when they get hit by cars. Harsh, yeah. But something I never would've come up with on my own, and for a visual little guy like him, was certainly effective (just FYI, I ended up using a wagon, not my van).
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