Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

new car seat advice: waving from behind

This just in from yesterday--the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) now recommends that children should be rear-facing in their car seats until age 2. This puts a whole new spin for us Bunchers since it means our Bunch is now facing backwards, and we can just have to hope and pray that they are behaving themselves back there.  No more looking back in the rear view mirror to catch those toddler smiles; now it might just be some bobbing heads with a few toys flying back and forth. Good times.

This is not new for me since our early Bunching days were in spent in Sweden where their kids ride rear facing until age 3 or even 4! The car seats are made differently and stabilized in ways that look like they also might be drilling for oil while restraining your kids. (Now that's a fun concept.) I often wondered how my Baby Bunching neighbor did it with both kids facing that way. How do you know what trouble your toddler's up to. Well, they also can put their kids rear-facing in the front seat (air bag disabled) so that eliminates that issue. I couldn't go this route because my Britax car seat at the time wouldn't allow for a child over a certain height to be rear facing. Here is a good resource for what they do in other countries.

This is only guidance and not a law set in place, but here's the scoop on why:

One-year-olds are five times less likely to be injured in a crash if they are in a rear-facing car seat than a forward-facing seat, according to a 2007 analysis of five years of U.S. crash data. Toddlers have relatively large heads and small necks. In a front-facing car seat, the force of a crash can jerk the child's head causing spinal cord injuries. [We admit it's kind of hard to argue with that.]

Car seats have recommended weights printed on them. If a 1-year-old outweighs the recommendation of an infant seat, parents should switch to a different rear-facing car seat that accommodates the heavier weight until they turn 2, the pediatricians group says.

We're curious what you think about this new recommendation. Do your kids like to face backwards? Are their legs scrunched up? Is this something you'll do or will you address the issue on a child-by-child basis?

*photo credit: Carseat.se--Rear Facing for a Safer Future.

car shopping: needing the third row

For those of you who are regulars here, don't get too excited by the title. No, no one's expecting here. Cara with her three and me with my two are about all we can handle right now between school, activities and jobs.

One of the side effects to Baby Bunching (that we're recently discovered) is the carpool. Following my own advice, I have befriended so many other Baby Bunchers with their kids in rapid succession that pick up/drop off from activities and school often means double the kids--way more than my Toyota RAV-4 can handle right now. Even with one extra child, you'll often find me loading people in and cursing as I try to tilt one booster one way and jam the seat belt in while the child is huffing and puffing from having to "suck in" to get everyone placed just so.

We have been talking about a new car in the future anyway so we're not upgrading JUST for the carpool factor, but I must admit the idea of being able to throw more kids/carseats or perhaps a grandparent or two in the car is a huge factor in a new car purchase.

I will never be a mini-van mom. No matter how many times Cara has tried to tell me how much she loves her van, I still catch her preferring to drive her CRV when kids aren't in tow. You all may feel free to chime in and tell me I'm crazy for not even considering one, but I'm not. So let it go.

We're deciding between the Mazada CX-9 and the Toyota Highlander based on reliability, price, gas mileage, driveability (aka speed), ability to turn and park in tight spots. (The latter comes after owning a Volvo wagon that took us 3-4 times for each parking spot because of it's turning radius. Turning on a dime is a nice thing to have.)  

I'm curious about your decision process when upgrading to your next car, specifically for that third row.

baby bunching bff

"Help! Help! My best friend's dying!", my oldest son sobbed hysterically as he came running (naked and sopping wet) into the room.  Flying back into the bathroom and wondering how my almost-five-year-old could've managed to arrive at death's door since in the 2.5 seconds since I had left the room, I found him sitting up in the bathtub right where I left him.  Just fine and dandy, and surprised as all get out to see his older brother freaking out all over the place.

It turned out that in the few seconds that it took me to lift the Baby out of the tub where all 3 were playing, wrap him in a towel, and carry him from the master bath to the master bedroom, Middle had decided to lick the bar of soap.  And no amount of reassurance could convince Big that his brother was not going to die from it.

Once I had assessed the situation and my heart stopped beating four million miles a minute, I was touched to realize that Big had referred to his brother as "my best friend".  For his part, Middle seemed more upset by the fact that he had scared his brother so badly than by the fact that he was potentially facing death from soap poisoning.  Despite the arguing, head butting, punching, kicking, slamming, stealing, hitting and yelling, at the tender ages of 5 and 6, my boys are truly each other's best friends.

Did it suck for two years of my life to have them so close together?  Yeah.

But was it worth it?  Most definitely.

Today, at least.

baby bunchers on the move--step 1: getting your house ready to show

There are many things in this world that suck, and I figure that moving has to be near the top of  the list.  Moving with your Baby Bunch has almost certainly got to be in the top 3.  Life is hard enough in the early years of Bunching - the last thing you need to throw into the mix is ANOTHER major life change. 

Linda is a seasoned mover who relocated several times, including internationally, within the first 5 years of Baby Bunching.  I personally have never moved with children, but we have mentally revisited the idea of moving every year since our oldest arrived and we have watched our starter home groaning under the weight of our expanding brood.  Each year, the very IDEA of moving with my kids was enough to convince me that it was worth staying put at any cost. 

But the moment of truth has finally arrived.  The home that we never intended to have children in is now one bedroom short of enough to house our three kids that arrived in rapid succession.  The one-car garage isn't big enough to hold all of our strollers, bikes and scooters, more less a car (forget about the minivan).  The backyard isn't fenced, the street is too busy, the neighborhood school isn't very good - I could go on and on with the reasons why this house isn't working anymore.  

So for the past month we have been killing ourselves to get it into tip-top condition, while our Bunch and the Caboose tag along behind us, undoing our progress.  I kid you not when I say that our painters painted the foyer and less than two hours later, the Caboose ran a toy along the wall and scraped it up.  Getting it ready to put the house on the market was almost impossible.  Keeping it clean enough to show will be a Sisyphean challenge.  

Fortunately, we already had a spring break trip planned and the realtor convinced us to extend it by a few days so she could have ten consecutive kid-free days to host a realtor caravan, an open house, and show it.  It's pretty sad when even your realtor wants your kids to go away.  

For now, I'm clinging to a few key pieces of advice  for survival that other friends in the same boat have offered. They include:

• Plan to become a nomad. Spend as little time as possible at home.  Call in all favors from your friends for playdates, tackle that long list of errands you've had for months, spend a lot of time at the playground, drive around and check out neighborhoods for your new house.  On the bright side, since your house is spic and span, you now have time to do all that stuff outside the house that you never seem to get around to.
• Eat somewhere else - a restaurant, the park, a friend's house, your car - doesn't matter as long as it's not your kitchen.
• Have a one big basket or container for when you have just a moment's notice for a showing.  Run around and throw everything in it and find a well-disguised hiding place for it.

And a few I've learned on my own, the hard way:

• Decide what size storage unit you need to move some stuff out so it looks less cluttered.  Whatever size you decide on, double it and get that size.
• Make a master list of everything that needs to get done.  In the beginning, when you are just purging/moving to storage, it won't feel like you're making a lot of progress. Write it all down (broken down into specific steps) and cross off as you get it done - it will keep you motivated.
• When getting your house ready to put on the market, always get the windows washed last.
• Do not host a birthday party for your child during this timeframe and if you do, make it "no gifts".  Birthday parties generate a lot of clutter that will replace all that stuff you worked so hard to move out.
• Move to paper plates and plastic utensils for just a few months. The environment will give you a free pass.
• Scope out all the cheap/free meals in town. We hit two different Moe's for kids eat free on two different nights of the week and we've learned that WalMart rotisserie chicken is cheaper than Costco's.  But Costco still has the cheapest pizza and hot dogs, hands down.  
• And finally, you will be tempted to work yourself to the bone on the house, but remember that you still have kids.  Ours noticeably suffered as we poured so much energy into the house while they played off to the side.  Enlisting the help of babysitters, friends, and family will help keep them occupied when you can't.

Tell me what I'm missing.  Because I need all the help I can get.

it takes a bunch to get me to buy a minivan

By Amy Hoang Wrona

With the arrival of boy #3 only weeks away, my husband and I have come to a truce about buying a new car. In seven years of marriage, we’ve rarely had a disagreement involving this much digging-in of the heels, differing philosophies, and exaggerated eye-rolling. The source of all this conflict is the dreaded “M” word: minivan. I want one, he doesn’t. 

When we got married, my husband and I considered ourselves a pretty hip, urban couple. I lived in the trendy U Street corridor in the middle of Washington D.C. Jim owned a zippy sports car and used BedHead hair products to achieve a playfully urban, messy look. Three kids in four years later, we live in the suburbs and neither Jim nor I need expensive hair products to look messy. We’ve held onto our pre-kids cars thus far, but the reality is that there is no way to fit three kids who are all in car-seats, two adults, and a dog in a Honda Accord. The logistics gets even harder when you're considering stuffing the bunch in a Lexus sports car. We are getting a minivan...Honda Odyssey, to be exact. And boy, what an odyssey it's been to come to peace with this decision.
 
When I first got pregnant with our soon-to-be caboose, I let Jim live with the delusion that we'd get an SUV. I even indulged him when he mentioned that he loves Range Rovers (otherwise known as the car with the worst reliability rating on the planet). Cue to the scene where I’m standing in the middle of the street with three kids strapped in a very cute, broken-down SUV waiting for AAA.
 
I let other people first mention the M word. At Christmas, his brother and sisters asked if we were going to get a minivan. He scoffed. No self-respecting man would drive a minivan, least of all him. Minivans, he sneered, are ugly, fuel-guzzling, monsters for people who have totally given up any hope of coolness.
 
At this point, we had already found out that we're having our third boy and I am leaning very heavily toward staying at home with the bunch. Oh, and little did Jim know that I've given up any hope of coolness. I'm sure God is up there chuckling at me as I was one of those very snobby, very judgmental people in my 20s who derided those who owned minivans. I was appalled when my brother got one and sympathized when my sister-in-law looked like she was going to commit hari cari after she got hers. In my form-over-function days, I was convinced that a little discomfort was well worth the self-esteem boost of not driving a vehicle that resembled an upside-down bathtub. Eight years and three pregnancies later, I'm a poster child for not judging until you walk a mile in someone's shoes. Quite frankly all I've been doing lately is imagining myself a couple of weeks post-partum, climbing over the second row of some God-awful SUV after snapping in my newborn, climbing over the head of my eighteen-month old, to strap in my 3 year-old, and shuddering. Honestly, I'm just hoping to get through the day without leaving one of the little savages behind somewhere. I wanted a minivan. So I started turning the thumbscrews myself.
 
I started with the rational reasons: the ease of use with the automatic sliding doors; the number of people the van could seat; the different configurations of the seats; the DVD player; the trunk space; the ability to transport all of the humans and our 70 lb slobbering dog from one place to the next. I then eased into an emotional appeal, citing my quickly failing sanity and my need for any device, tool, or machine that would make my life easier for those first years with three very little, very active, boys. Now, my husband is a sucker for keeping me sane and happy and gave in. Oh, and I agreed to sell my Accord and let him keep his zippy sports car.

My concession was to let him get it in black (which, in his mind, is somehow cooler) and get leather seats, which is great for cleaning up vomit and spilled stuff anyway. So we're going to get a tricked out minivan and have already christened it the Big Black Bus. It's amazing what having a bunch will do to your perspective.

Amy is a Baby Bunching mom to a 3 1/2-year old and 18-month old. She is currently 33 weeks pregnant with her third boy.

baby bunching Q/A: the perfect baby bunching ride

This question is from Baby Buncher Melissa.

Q:  We'll be in the market for a mini-van soon! I never thought I'd want one but have been using one overseas for the past 2 years and realize I can't live without all the room! We've got 2 toddlers and a dog. I'm a little out of touch with the new features on vans...have seen some commercials where you can store stuff ...in the floor, built-in DVD players behind the front headrests, etc. Which models do you like and why?

A: Minivans are popular with Baby Bunchers for many reasons and once you get inside you'll see why. Lots of options. Lots of room. Bonus is getting everyone inside and THEN getting everyone strapped in. Heck, isn't that what the original VW bus was for? Linda's parent's (back in the early 80s) even had a pop-up table. (Pre-car seats/booster, of course.)

Today there are many choices to make when choosing a minivan for your Bunch. It's no secret that the top two out there are the Honda Odyssey and Toyota Sienna (note, the Sienna is not included in Toyota's recent recall related to faulty accelerators). Car & Driver Magazine continually rates the Odyssey, especially, as one of the top ones each year because it outperforms the competition and is fun to drive, which is a big bonus for dads. Cara and Linda have both owned (or currently own) some kind of Honda vehicle and can vouch for all things Honda!

While Linda refuses to ever own a minivan (though she secretly covets the extra room her friends have over her RAV-4), Cara reluctantly delved into the world of minivans  a few years ago by purchasing a Hyundai Entourage. Once the ugly stepchild of Asian automakers, Hyundai has significantly increased in both safety ratings and reliability in recent years. It was the price tag (a full 10K lower than a comparable, fully loaded Sienna) and extended warranty that lured Cara to the Entourage in the first place and she has never looked back.

So what to consider when buying a van?

Naturally, safety-related features (air bags, tire pressure warning systems, rear/sensors and backup cameras, etc.) are of concern, so do your Consumer Reports homework.

Practical features we consider pretty important:

-Seating. Middle and rear seating come in various bench/captain configurations, but only the Odyssey and Sienna have eight-passenger seating options last time we checked.  So if you're locked in on that extra seat, your options are a little more limited off the bat.  Also, some models feature reconfigurable 2nd row seats, so if you're wanting to maximize seating, ask about that.

-Fold-flat third row seat. Even though most Bunchers max out their minivans with car seats, it's still handy to have the third row for cargo space for when you've got Dad at home to watch your Bunch so you can remove a car seat and run out and buy that second crib.

-Automatic doors/rear lift gate - So, so handy to be able to open/close all doors with a click of your remote. Careful, though - Cara's Entourage is not as sensitive to sensing tiny bodies obstructing the door as she wishes it was, so watch your kids around the doors at all times.

-In floor storage - Dodge Caravan, Chrysler Town & Country, and the Odyssey have it.  Who among us isn't constantly searching for more ways to contain our crap?

And the fluff:

-Cup holders.  Cara has 3 drinks going at all times (water, coffee, and usually a Diet Coke) plus drinks for all of her Bunch. Excessive number of cup holders = Cara's dream vehicle.

-DVD/Entertainment System - Cara (and Linda) opted expressly AGAINST this so she didn't have to fight that battle every morning on the way to school, but some moms consider it a plus.

-Built-in sunshades - We hear they've been in luxury cars for years (not that we would know anything about that) and they're migrating over to minivans.  Big improvement over our cheapy BabiesRUs ones that break all the time!

-Navigation system - Yeah, many of us have it on our cell phones now.  But it's just easier to have it on a screen right in front of you. 

We thought we'd pass along this ConsumerSearch site with a few things to consider as well. Share any other tips/features you love that we missed!

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a question on moving kids in with each other.