baby bunching and redshirting

By Rachel Ostlie

One of the benefits of bunching your kids is the bunching that occurs in other areas as well. Both your kids enjoy the same toys and are entertained by the same activities. And when it comes to structured programming, like story time at the library, or toddler swim lessons, they can both be in the same class. It’s a beautiful way to uncomplicate your complex baby-filled life.

I’ve taken full advantage of this since the birth of Little Baby; however, a few months ago this benefit of bunching began to seem like a liability. With a Big Baby daughter born in December, and a Little Baby son born in May, my bunch (similar to most) will follow each other like ducks when starting school. Just like many parents of twins, I worry that my twiblings will be harmed by such close association. Will teachers have set expectations of Little Baby, based off having the previous year with his big sister? Will Big Baby always feel in the shadow of his sister, forced to measure up, or to follow whatever pathway she forges? To make it all more difficult, my daughter has a personality and fine motor skills tailor-made for school, while my son is a stereotypical boy: active, strong gross motor skills, with a sprinkling of challenging authorities.

This is why I’ve begun to consider “redshirting.” This idea was named after a practice from college sports, where a delay in an athlete’s participation resulted in a longer period of eligibility (i.e. an athlete would take classes and practice with a team their first year, but not actually play in any games, resulting in a subsequent four-year playing period where they are older and stronger than their peers in the sport).  In academics, redshirting involves postponing entrance into kindergarten to allow extra time for socioemotional, intellectual, or physical growth.

If I go the redshirting route, and hold my son back a year, I believe he will be able to lead a different life than his twibling sister. He will be on par or even more advanced than the other children in his class, which might even create an unconscious bias towards him. His teacher may give him more opportunities to excel, as he will often be better behaved and more productive than his younger classmates. He himself may have a better self-image, as success begets success. This is all speculation, of course, but it finds its basis in a number of research studies on redshirting correlating with achievement in academics, sports, and other fields.

What are your thoughts, Baby Bunchers? Is redshirting a good or bad idea? What have you done (or plan to do) to solve the school dilemma with your bunch? Or, is this really a non-issue, and I’m creating a mountain out of a molehill?

Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of three (ages 3.5, 2.5, and 2 months). All her plans for potential redshirting are coming into question since moving to a new country with a different school calendar.
 

Comments

[Judith]

As a European mom I have never heard of redshirting. With two daughters born 16 months apart I have considered the issues you are raising, however I definitely won't hold my younger daughter back. In the Netherlands it's considered detrimental to a child's development to hold him or her back at school if there aren't any medical, socioemotional or academical reasons to do so. Also I have enough faith in the school we have chosen to believe that it won't be an issue there.

[Ashleigh]

I don't think it's a bad plan. The most important signs of readiness for Kindergarten involve social/emotional development. However, if the ages of your children in your blurb are correct, your son may be more ready for Kindergarten when the time comes than you think. 2.5 years is a lot of development time away from the 5 years required to enter Kindergarten. I know I was very worried about my oldest in the years leading up to her 5th birthday (she is a June baby). She seemed as if she'd never be able to function without me (major separation anxiety) and that was going on well into her 4th year. Now, she's doing quite well and is one of the more well-behaved children in her class. She changed a lot during the year leading up to Kindy and while she is still emotional during some morning goodbyes, she is otherwise adjusting very well.

[Ashleigh]

Ah, I just reread your blurb and you mention your new home has a different school calendar. Does that mean your children will start school earlier?

[Jodie Wilson]

I have babies 13 months apart, but they are no where near school-age yet. But, my sisters, who are a year and 9 days apart and now in their mid-30s, would probably say that if you think there might be an issue maybe holding back would be wise. My oldest sister ended up being held back 1 year in kindergarten because of medical issues. That meant that they both started school the same year. To say there was competition between them is an understatement. My mom thought that she was doing the right thing at the time but looks back and wishes she had held back my other sister a year so that they did not end up in the same grade. I know that your two wouldn't be in the same grade, but if your heart is leading you toward one direction then maybe it is the right thing to do. Best of luck and remember, no matter what we do and how hard we try, every parent screws up their child a little. We aren't perfect.

[Holly M]

I have 2 boys close in ages to yours (4 and 3). My 3 year old is within just a couple of weeks of the age cutoff and I face a slightly different issue with the redshirting question. I've seen no reason to expect I should, nor do I want to (unless given compelling evidence from his preschool teachers that he isn't ready). However, because of how close his birthday is, it is almost expected that because he is a boy, that I will "redshirt" him. It's almost the norm for boys in his situation in our area. So, I'm forced to consider it simply because he may not be with peers if I don't. So, I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill, because there are a lot of factors going into these decisions these day. When the time gets closer, the elementary school guidance counselor and his preschool teacher/director should be really good advisers. Another option is a private Kindergarten with smaller classes which can help someone who is "borderline" ready...

[Rachel O.]

@Ashleigh- About the different school calendar, I miswrote for the sake of simplicity. It's actually more of a different system of cut-off dates for entry into school. In this country, all children born in a given calendar year start school at the same time. This means that my daughter (aged 3, with a December 28 birthday) should already be attending a very structured pre-K. With a bunch of kids older than she. In a new language. I've chosen to hold her back and have her start next year, and I'm hoping that our "foreigner" status will mean they still let us into a school (I've heard horror stories about people who have tried the same thing).

What this means for my son, is that he will be more towards the middle of the group, age-wise, so many of my original concerns might not be real issues here. The only issue that remains is having them in neighboring grades, which may just be inevitable now.

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