Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

knowing when to say when (how many babies are enough?)

Family size and spacing can be delicate topics here at Baby Bunching.  Some of us have ended up with larger families than we planned, sooner than we planned.  Others have embraced the blessing of expanding to include twiblings (and beyond), but experienced strong judgements on family planning from family and friends.  In any case, if you've been a parent, at some point you've likely grappled with the question, "How many children is enough?"  

I personally always pictured myself with four of them.  In earlier years, my husband shared that vision, but the addition of our third boy in less than 5 years brought family expansion discussions to a grinding halt.  Too much of a good thing, too soon?  Maybe, although we both agree that our current family dynamics (for all of their challenges) suit us very well and we're quite happy with our brood.  So happy, in fact, that my husband would willingly head in for the snip-snip any day to ensure that things stay this way.

I, on the other hand, have struggled.  I pretty much lost the privilege of EVER sitting down with the delivery of my third child and that took some getting used to (have you noticed that two children can be settled together for short periods of time, but three children are almost never settled at once?).  For the first two years of #3's life, my answer to the prospect of a fourth child would've been an affirmative negative.  In recent weeks, I've been having a lot of internal (and external) dialogue about how great it is that my baby is starting to grow and run fast enough to keep up with the big boys.  And in recent days, I've found myself solidly wanting...just one more baby.

Admittedly, I hit my Advanced Maternal Age birthday a few weeks ago, which has ratcheted up the volume on my ticking biological clock.  And part of the reason I chose to have my children so close together is that the thought of getting the youngest off to kindergarten and starting all over in baby mode does not appeal to me.  With the youngest approaching the 3-year mark this summer, the voice in my head is screaming, "NOW OR NEVER!"  Talk about pressure.

Add that to the fact that I can pretty much guarantee that there are exactly 2.5 people in this world that would actually wholeheartedly celebrate and embrace the news of another baby for me (and none of them are my husband), and I am in a real quandary.

I love my job and it's going great.  I'm steadily adding more hours as my kids get older, so the extra money is also nice.  As the kids get older, it's easier to carve out time to exercise more, spend a little more time with my husband, and (on occasion) farm children out to friends and relatives who are able to manage a few kids (but not a few babies) so that I can spend time with husband, spend quality one-on-one time with kids, work out, organize the house, etc.  

On the flip side, my career will always be there, but I only have a short window in which to birth and raise children.  The first 7 years of that window have flown by in a way that frightens me - so I know some part of me would be grateful for the excuse to make the window a little wider by adding another child.  When the kids are gone, hubs and I will have so much time together we will be sick of looking at each other.  Exercising can be overrated (I always eat more when I work out so it's an exercise in futility, anyway), travel will be there when I retire, and I can hire someone else to clean my house if it means that much to me.  

Of course, a 4th baby would mean I'd probably have to temporarily throw in the towel on work, which would mean less money, which would mean more stress (and no cleaning lady)....you can see the vicious cycle of this thought process.

So what are your thoughts on how to know when enough is enough?  Does anyone out there have a 10-point checklist I can use?  Because my husband totally responds better to analytical data in decision making.

traveling with your bunch: the epic journey

By Rachel Ostlie

My family recently returned from what we deemed our “Tour de Latinoamerica,” a marathon vacation to four cities in three countries, involving a total of ten flights. Both my husband and I grew up in South America, and our parents still live there (though in different places than where spent our childhood) so we wanted to visit all the places and people dear to us. Plus, this was our first chance to show off our adorable blonde bunch!

Long car trips or flights are nothing new to us, but international travel with children was a whole new animal. One unforeseen hassle ended up being our 22-month-old lap “infant,” whom we have never paid a cent for in North America, was charged anywhere from 10-25% of the full fare on most international carriers. What really made it an issue (apart from forking out more money) was the fact that we purchased our tickets online, and when we found out about various airline's policies, it was impossible to purchase an infant “ticket” without purchasing an adult fare simultaneously. This meant my husband had to figure out the status of our youngest at each check-in, while I desperately threw fruit strips, stickers, and lollipops at the kids to keep them happy during the wait.

You can view the above as Baby Bunching Epic Travel Tip #1) Know the airline's rules about infant travel.Here is some more knowledge gleaned from our month of travel, and I'd love to hear any more that those with multi-stamped passports have to add!

2) Be flexible – Of course this tip is a given, but it is SO TRUE. Flexibility when you are not in your own home, let alone your own country, is a must. Prior to this trip, I was concerned what all our “schedule-is-out-the-window” and “take-life-as-it-comes” would do to our toddlers, but I was pleasantly surprised. They were willing to take it all in stride, and our type-A firstborn had only one meltdown related to lack of schedule the entire trip.

3) Bring stability along – Temper the need to be flexible with the opportunities your family has for stability while traveling. Make sure to bring the kids' favorite toys and books, or even a picture of a beloved playmate. Try to establish some routines, even if you can't keep your normal ones. We started a daily habit every night before they went to bed: reading a Bible story to the kids, letting them color a related coloring page, giving them a sticker and a gummy vitamin, and singing the same songs, then brushing their teeth. Maybe for your bunch having the same thing for breakfast every morning would be nice, or keeping a strict naptime. No matter what, small points of stability can be found anywhere you go.

4) Be educational – Though the kids might not be going to their mommy-and-me classes, or may be skipping school days altogether, there is no reason not be educational on the trip. Take advantage of the new places and things you'll see. Our kids learned about sea lions and seaweed, farm animals and produce, and most of all, about airplanes. I printed out a few coloring sheets for each country we visited with the map, flag, and national flower or bird; older children might enjoy fact lists or worksheets. Of course everyone enjoys a good book to help them connect what they are learning to what they already know. Growing up in a big city where about thirteen stars are visible each night (per the Chicago Planetarium), an evening of stargazing in a remote desert was a huge deal for our three-year-old. It helped that we had read How Big Is A Million? by Anna Milbourne the weeks before, so she was excited to see a million stars.

5) Mooch off friends and family – The independent American in us is usually quite averse to anything that resembles charity, but if you have friends or family available on your trip, feel free to mooch off of them. Staying in a home is infinitely cheaper than staying in a hotel, and you might even gain some cultural experience for yourself and the kids. Having a family member show you the local spots could teach you a lot more than the Lonely Planet guidebook. Of course, relationships can bring hassle, and it's up to you to decide what living circumstance would be best for your family. But we found that for our family, the benefits outweighed the trouble.

6) Do your homework – If you are a do-it-yourselfer, or a travel nerd, then you might want to disregard the suggestion in number five. The last big trip my husband and I took was our “babymoon” to Morocco and Spain. We had friends in Morocco, but in Spain we were on our own. We brought along Lonely Planet guidebooks for both countries, asked a lot of advice from those who had traveled there before, and meticulously planned our trip. At the end of our four weeks in South America, I realized that I had missed a little bit of that independence, and a lot of the learning experience and socio-historical background. Next trip I'll remember to do my homework ahead of time.

Stay tuned for the next post, where we'll cover packing, bribes, and risks...
 
Rachel is a happily baby bunching mom of two, with another baby on the way. She has been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the entire past four years (minus one month).