Let me start by saying, there is a reason that there are a multitude of websites and chat rooms dedicated to the art of having "two under two" (read: two children under the age of two)! When my husband and I decided to have our kids close in age, we thought something between 18 months apart and 2 years would be ideal because it would give us a chance to have a break before having babies #3 & #4. Yes, we were going to have four kids when we started all of this! While that remains to be seen (we have since decided that we will take the expansion of this family one day at a time), we did manage to have kids #1 (Hadley, now two) & #2 (Jameson, now 9 months) a mere 15 months and 10 days apart. Wow. What can I say, we are blessed in this department.
From the moment I was showing with Jameson it opened the flood gates of commentary from strangers on the street and friends and family alike. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me (unsolicited of course) that I was going to have my hands full - I'd be a wealthy woman. Instead of pumping me up for the challenge ahead, all this did was completely terrify me. The thing is, being an only child myself, I was really excited to have the kids close together. But I was also beyond nervous. Those websites & chat rooms I mentioned, they scared the crap out of me. There was so much negative commentary out there about two under two. So many bitter, cranky women complaining online about how hard their lives were. I should have ignored all of them and focused on the ones (like the Baby Bunching ladies!) that had good things to say. But I didn't. I got totally bogged down by all this negative energy. So much so, that the whole last 3 months of my pregnancy including the day he was delivered is a complete blur to me. I barely even remember being there, which now just makes me sad because what a sweet, sweet day that was!
What I wish I could've told myself back then, is to RELAX and to completely ignore the hype. What I now know, is that with a 2-year old that is prone to public displays and running for the hills while mommy is behind strapped with a 20 pound baby yelling "come back here NOW!" that, YES, I do have my hands full. And yes, there are times that this is hard. Not every outing is a smashing success (success of course equaling a simple trip out of the house with no meltdowns and no running into the street). And sometimes both kids are crying and I'm tired and I'm covered in all kinds of food, and I'm wishing I were on a beach with a cocktail. But the words "hard work" and "hands full" no longer have a negative connotation like they did before I became a mom of kids 15 months apart. Now, I wear those words like a badge of honor -- YES, it's hard! But it's awesome. I am so beyond blessed to watch my 2 year old and my 9 month old playing together, hugging each other, wishing the other was there on the rare occasion that they are separated. This sibling bond that I am watching, helping cultivate, is simply beautiful.
Here I sit, 9 months into two under two and I have an overwhelming sense of "I can do this." I know there will be challenges ahead (#2 is about to go mobile and become a strong willed, active toddler himself). But #1 is getting easier by the day. Like all things, it's a balancing act, hard times ebb and flow, but you know what, so do the good times. And those good times -- they are REALLY GOOD!
I am not super mom, and I am far from perfect. And I'm not an expert, but I do have advice!
The best advice I can give to moms about to embark on 2 under 2 is this:
- keep your cool
- maintain your sense of humor
- be organized
- have a plan (but let that plan get blown to pieces if need be)
- try to savor every moment of the kids being so little, because while tough at times, it is precious and fleeting as well.
- Oh, and for the love of God, get both kids on a good sleeping schedule as soon as humanly possible. It saved my life! (Both kids sleep 7pm - 7am without any wake ups. And no, they did not come this way.)
*FYI - I have since sworn off all 2 under 2 chat rooms / advice columns, with the exception of Baby Bunching. And I am much happier for it. And when the day comes that I am pregnant with #3 (maybe :), I am going to smile at every stranger that comments about my hands being full. Yep, they are full. Full of love.
Thanks for this post! I have three boys. The oldest was 23 months old when we had the middle and the middle was only 12 months and 16 days old when we had the youngest!! It is hard to always stay positive but so important because time does fly and we'll miss it dwelling on the negative things. Thanks again!
Posted by: Kelli Houston | Mar 14, 2011 at 03:20 PM
Love it! T-minus 28 days until my second (15months apart, as well). You inspire me! :)
Posted by: Anna | Mar 14, 2011 at 03:29 PM
LOVE this post!! THANK YOU!!
I have 3 under 3 (ages 38 months, 21 months and 1 month), and I LOVE it! Yes its chaotic and crazy sometimes - that's a fact no matter what ages your kid or kids are... but I love it and I chose it and I would not trade it for the world. I get bazillion negative comments everywhere we go - it drives me nuts. Thanks for the encouragement and for letting me know there are others out there that share my perspective!!
Posted by: Suzy | Mar 14, 2011 at 03:30 PM
I second the sleep schedule! I have a 27 month year old and a 7 month old and our saving grace is the 7 to 7 sleeping. Little girl is teething though so there's a few understandable hiccups.
Posted by: Katie | Mar 14, 2011 at 05:47 PM
Great post! I'm right there with ya! I have a 3 and 2 year old little boys, both born in May. Only 11.5 months apart or Irish twins, as some say.
Courtney
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Posted by: Courtney | Mar 14, 2011 at 08:25 PM
So true, especially the nonstop "Wow! You have your hands full!" comments. Like poster Courtney, I have Irish Twins (11.5 months apart too). Even with the bad times there are more good ones. Great post!
Posted by: Amanda | Mar 14, 2011 at 11:00 PM
I remember fretting all through my pregnancy about how I was going to cope. If only I knew what I know now - I can do it and it can also be very fun. There is no denying its hard at times but its like that no matter how many kids you have. The joy of seeing my two (21 month and 8 months) interacting makes up for the tough times. The baby bunching website never fails to cheer me up on bad days - it really helps to motivate me.
Posted by: Clare | Mar 15, 2011 at 09:58 AM
Love this! Thanks for positivity & truth. My boy just turned 2 years old last week & my girl just 2 months old the week before that. Yes our hands are full but watching them get to know & love each other makes it all worth it. Each smile, laugh or coo is priceless & outways the crying & tantrums.
Posted by: Rebecca | Mar 15, 2011 at 10:07 AM
This is great! I have 3 under 3 (15 months and 14 months apart) and LOVE it! In fact, I'm hoping to see 2 lines again in a few days for baby #4 so we'll have another 15 month age difference :) It's not as hard as so many people think it is - but it is a LOT more fun!!! :)
Posted by: Nicole | Mar 15, 2011 at 09:55 PM
nicole - please tell me how you do it! i would love a 3rd...but can't seem to get myself to commit to that until my youngest is AT LEAST 2 years old!
Posted by: Shannon | Mar 22, 2011 at 02:37 PM
Great! My kids are 14.5 months apart, and I feel like you have read my mind somewhere along the way...
Except that when I was prego with number two there just wasn't a lot of resources. No boards about two under two. At the time I felt very alone, but reading this, I'm relieved I didn't have any other mom's negative comments rolling around in my addled brain.
And cheers to everyone who says, "boy, you have your hands full!" That's hilarious. I have seen my fair share of moms with one kid who are frantic and near tears, and conversely a mom with kids far apart in age scolding the oldest for being a horrid sibling or ill-mannered.
Parenting is hard, period. We are just blessed enough that we get to watch this truly beautiful sibling experience...no matter how hard it is; every time I hear my 4 year old "lol" at her sisters ONE joke, I know it was all worth it.
Hands full of love over here too. :)
Posted by: MaeB Momma | Oct 09, 2011 at 11:48 PM
My kids:
10-27-2006
01-18-2008
12-28-2009
07-27-2011 (twins)
My body is worn out!!
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