Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching Q/A: potty training toddler w/ baby

Q: Can you give me advice on potty training my very ready 22 month old girl while, juggling my five month old? We tried and she likes it, but the baby is always needing something when she wants to go, or she wants to sit forever and the baby starts to cry. Help!

A: This is one of the first of many Baby Bunching lessons you will have to master. Everyone always suddently needs something when you're dealing with the other. Always. Our kids, collectively, have gone through many 'windows' of being potty ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. So if it's 22 months and you want to brave it, we applaud you! My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

But if you do the math, most of us are doing the potty training when our oldest kids are 2 ½ to 3 years old. Where does that put your little one? Crawling and/or walking around in the lovely he’s-into-everything-phase. So while you’re trying to cajole one to pee pee on the potty, the other one is probably emptying the trash, taking the TP off the roll or in the kitchen eating from something in the pantry.

You can’t be in two places at once at any point in this process. So whether it's now when your baby is 5 months old, it will be equally (if not more) difficult when baby is 14 months old.

When I potty trained my son, he was just about two-and-a-half. My daughter was 15 months and hated to be left alone for longer than half a second. I was trying to spend all my time in the bathroom with him and she was crying because I couldn’t spend the time with her. If he hadn’t been ready for the potty, I probably would have just waited 6 months, and trained them both at the same time. Although I imagine that’s not easy either.

Here are some general thoughts to consider before/during potty training your first born:

Be realistic. If you’ve just had a new baby and your toddler show signs of wanting to use the potty, know that this probably is not the best time to tackle this. I tried this with Alex at 18 months. (Anna was 2 months old) Yeah, it didn’t work. I missed that window of opportunity. [Hint to you who haven’t gone this route: There will be another one.] Each of my kids had about 3-4 ‘windows’ where they showed interest in it. As a new mom, the first time we hit one, I went out and bought the potty and tried to go forth. Little did I know potty training is about both child AND mom being ready. Do it when you’re in the right mental state to do it. Cuz it ain't easy. They don’t call it training for nothing!

Do it fast. Don’t drag out the training process. It’s better to dedicate a weekend or a weekend plus a few days to just doing this and being done. You have another little one who needs you too. If it’s not working after a few days. Back off and try again another time.

This will change up your outing routine. Nothing says nightmarish fun like having a great time on the playground with your kids, and your oldest--who you’re potty training--decides he has to pee RIGHT NOW! That means you have to go right now, too. Even if you just spread out lunch on the blanket. Even if you just sat down at McDonalds to eat. You have to go right now. I have fond memories of us loading our Happy Meal into the stroller so Alex could pee….Anna still chowing down on the hamburger in the bathroom. Gross, huh? (See, at 5 months, your baby is still happy to just hang out!)

The good news is your little one is little and doesn’t mind a sprint or change of venue to dash to the bathroom. The tables will be turned—in probably a year or so—when you’re doing this dash for your younger one. Your older child will be the disappointed one at that point.

Potty Training is a full-time job. Potty training is an all-day affair. Call in reinforcements when you do it. Have your spouse around to take the younger child off your hands or to give you a break from cleaning up pee. Grandma? Great. Have her come in and befriend the wee one. No one should do it alone.

The bottom line is everyone in the house needs to be in this together. And once you decide it’s the right time, just go for it. Rip it off like a Bandaid. It will go much faster and in the end a weekend of madness is worth it if you’re done.

reflections on reflux

Disclaimer: Please remember that we at Baby Bunching do not have medical degrees and we would never, ever suggest that you take our medical advice (especially that involving medication for your child) without the knowledge and support of your pediatrician.  So read the following advice...and then consult your doctor.

Recently, I had a park play date with a Baby Bunching friend whose youngest child (at 5 months old and CUTE as a button!) broke my heart because I think he may be struggling with reflux (gastroesophogal reflux disease, or GERD, in the medical world).  

I say *may* because I feel as though reflux is the mystery ailment of the baby world.  Linda is convinced that EVERY baby has reflux. This is a theory I would support, but for the fact that my eldest child was literally the happiest baby on the block.  After three children (and half a dozen pediatricians along the way), I'm convinced that even pediatricians don't know definitively.  If it looks like reflux and smells like reflux, they'll encourage you to give the reflux meds a try and see if it IS reflux.

My third baby was "diagnosed" with reflux after a particularly high-stress trip to urgent care over Labor Day weekend when he was a little over a month old.  My husband, who had had just about enough of the constant crying, laid down the law and insisted that there MUST be something wrong with the kid and it was inhumane to "wait and see" until regular doctor's hours on Monday morning.  With little reflux diagnostic technology on hand in urgent care on a Saturday night, the pediatrician on call suggested that we give the medicine a try.  I resisted the idea of medication at first, being the type of person that will walk around for 4 days with a  headache before taking an Advil, and I certainly didn't like the idea of a daily dose of anything for my newborn.  But the doctor insisted that the medication was so safe that it was used on preemies and that we should just give it a try and see if it worked.  

It worked.  Just a few hours later, we had an entirely different baby on our hands, and silence that was music to our ears - for the first time in a month.  

Although my mother had previously suggested the possibility of reflux, I poo-pooed the suggestion because the symptoms didn't "match."  Although the baby was fussy, he wasn't projectile vomiting (and in fact, barely spit up), slept in decent stretches, and was appropriately gaining weight.  He nursed ok (although not great, and did better from a bottle once I introduced it around the 3-week mark).  He was just fussy and fidgety every waking hour. It turns out that reflux has a stealth mode - otherwise known as "Silent Reflux" - that doesn't involve any projectile vomiting, but hurts just as much.  And while most babies grow out of it around the 6 to 9-month mark, it makes for a VERY long 6 to 9 months if not diagnosed and treated.  In addition to medication, we were under strict instructions to feed the baby sitting up (as opposed to reclining), leave him sitting up for 30 minutes after each feeding, and put his mattress at an incline.  As you can imagine, these instructions make for some tricky nursing acrobatics, but we made it work (although now I can barely remember how, in all honesty).

In retrospect, I believe that my Baby #2 had undiagnosed reflux.  To this day, I'm overwhelmed with guilt at the notion that not only was he in pain for months, but I let it mess up nursing.  After going dairy-free myself, and then finally moving through soy and the full range of "sensitive tummy" formulas, we finalIy settled on the uber-expensive Alimentum because it was the only thing his little tummy could tolerate.  With him (and his 18-month old older brother in tow), I was in a Baby Bunching haze, quite honestly.  He could've projectile vomited in my face 10 times a day and it probably wouldn't have raised a red flag.   When I stumbled upon a solution that "worked," I didn't question it - I just went with it. For these reasons, I am on a one-woman mission to save all of my mommy friends and their precious darlings from the hell that is reflux. If your baby fusses all the time or never seems "settled,"  consider this friendly advice to ask your doctor (or an objective friend, or a grandma) about the possibility of reflux.  

You can absolutely try going dairy-free, eliminating other gassy foods from your diet and sampling a variety of formulas, but it can take weeks for dairy to work its way out of your system and in the meantime your baby is fussing his way through the "wait and see" approach.  I will admit that I am normally a big proponent of "wait and see" parenting, believing that kids progress differently at different developmental stages and in their own time, and also that some conditions clear up on their own if left alone.  However, this is one situation where if your pediatrician agrees that your baby may be a candidate for reflux medication, it's worth taking a shot at seeing if it works - for your own sanity and the baby's!

announcing your surprise

By Rachel Ostlie

Everything baby is traditionally a thing of joy and communal happiness. From gasps of “Congrats!” when the pregnancy news first breaks, to the handing out of cigars by the new father, the thought of babies seem to put people in a celebratory mood.

Babies who are Bunched, however, may not receive such unconditional unquestioning approval.  Many Bunching moms, especially those über-Bunchers out there, receive side glances and comments, ranging from the innocuous “You sure have your hands full” to the snide “You do know where babies come from, don’t you?”

As if the disapproval of the general public weren’t bad enough, many of us have relatives who are perfectly willing to share their opinion. Some question your sanity, others question your birth control choices. My own father-in-law, who for five years pestered me about a grandchild and even gave me a gag gift one Christmas of “fertility pills,” has now decided to trumpet the superiority of the birth control methods he and my MIL used, giving them children spaced 3-5 years apart.

And then there may be issues even closer to home. Did that second positive pregnancy test result in the same feelings that the first one did? With the memory of the last pregnancy still fresh in your mind (let alone this morning’s diaper blow-out), were you thrilled?  Afraid? Disappointed? Or maybe just resigned? Then there are questions about how this will affect your newly balanced life… Perhaps you just returned to work and dread announcing another impending maternity leave. You might worry how this new little one will take away from the attention you were once able to dedicate to the older sibling. On top of it all, the ambivalence about the new baby in your life can feed an extra large guilt monster.

How do you announce the “good news” if you aren’t so sure it is good news? Without feeling celebratory about your bunched baby, do you hide it until it is physically evident? Do you mask your emotions? Or is there a way to confront your ambivalence about this new stage of parenthood head-on?

However you feel, and however you manage those feelings, you have at least a few months to work it out. And years and years to learn to appreciate the crazy beauty of parenting, children, and baby bunching.

Rachel is a proud baby bunching mom of a daughter (3) and a son (22 months).  She is expecting another “surprise” baby, due in September.

baby bunching bests

We've been busy on the web this week. We have found a few things that you might want to read about. Enjoy!

Heather at Rookie Moms has announced she's having Baby #3. Have a look at their site as they are still doing the 52-Week Rookie Mom with lots of great ideas.

Melisa at Lil Bee has the right spirit for her new Baby Bunching role. She's a fashion guru and her photography will always bring a smile to your face.

Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored is doing a 'be a better spouse' challenge with lots of great tips. And while we're loving all of them, we do want to give her a thumbs up for finishing a half-marathon about nine months since her fourth baby was born.

We Baby Bunchers are always looking for a quick clean-up fix. Oh Dee Doh has 10 Things you can Tidy in less than 10 minutes.

how alamo car rental almost ruined spring break...until great wolf lodge saved it

Editors note:  Y'all know we don't get paid to review stuff here on Baby Bunching, which means we can be totally honest and tell you about our love/hates.  This is a story about both.  Just a heads-up that this post is targeted towards older Bunchers who may be considering family vacation options.  But younger Bunchers take heart as well - we saw lots of babies here and the youngest of my crew (just 2 1/2) had a blast - so you're not far off from a visit to Great Wolf Lodge!

Last week was Spring Break.  With some pre-paid tickets to Disney that we needed to use up, we made a last-minute decision to head on over to Orlando.  Last minute + grandparents who decided to tag along and help out = astronomical air fare, so we decided to rent an 8-passenger vehicle to get us all there (from Texas).  Grandma was kind enough to do the research and scored a Yukon with unlimited mileage and no extra fees for interstate travel. She booked it online, reserved it with a credit card, called an hour beforehand to confirm availability, and then headed on over to pick it up.

And this is where the story gets nasty.

Upon arrival, Alamo car rental company offered us an upgrade to a Suburban for only $100, an offer we gratefully accepted.  But then they couldn't find the Suburban.  Or the Yukon.  Fortunately, we were at the airport rental location, so the manager quickly went around to all the other rental car companies to find a car.

Unfortunately, since the entire state of Texas goes on Spring Break during the same week and approximately 50 percent of Texans were also undoubtedly Orlando-bound with grandparents in tow, there were no cars to be had.  A frantic call to 1-800 numbers of three other major car rental companies confirmed our fears - that we were SOL. The Alamo manager, poorly schooled in the art of customer relations, provided the following proposed "solutions":

1) We could wait an extra day to leave and they would "try" to get us a car.  A promise we (understandably) didn't feel held a whole lot of credibility.  The only thing worse than telling your kids you can't leave for Disney is making them wait around to leave for Disney for a whole 'nother day and THEN telling them they can't leave for Disney.

2) They could give us TWO cars.  At regular rates, of course.  With gas hovering around $4 a gallon, chartering a freaking private jet would've been a cheaper options.

We briefly discussed the possibilities of taking our own two cars (which hadn't been serviced, since we weren't planning on driving them across five states) or leaving someone behind (Grandpa was overwhelmingly blackballed) but found neither of those satisfactory options, either.  If it was the kiddos' first trip to Disney, I would have WALKED there, come hell or high water, but given that they've been several times, we decided to break the news that we would have to postpone the trip.

Fortunately, Grandma was thinking on her feet and booked us a trip at Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine, Texas - just a few short hours away.  And this is where the story gets happy again.

Talk about exceeding expectations.  This indoor/outdoor water park is the ultimate resort for kids, and manages to pamper parents a little along the way.  The place was spotlessly clean and since only guests of the hotel/resort can use the water park, crowd control is kept to a very reasonable level.  The park features several dining and drinking options, with familiar, family-friendly brands such as Pizza Hut, A&W hot dogs, Starbucks, and Jose Cuervo.  Each morning and evening there is a character-driven show, plus a night-time story hour, which children are welcome to attend in pajamas (much to the excitement of my eldest child, who I fear will show up for his own wedding in pajamas).  Add in a scavenger hunt (plan ahead - it was all booked by the time we registered), an arcade, spas for both kiddos and adults, and even an evening kids club (for an extra charge) so mom and dad can catch a break - Great Wolf is practically a cruise ship on land.

Having been a former teenage lifeguard, I am not a fan.  But the lifeguards at this place give new meaning to the word hyper-vigilant.  One lifeguard at the Lazy River attraction was so laser-focused on manning his bend of the river that I actually wished he would relax a little - he was totally stressing me out with his quick, spaz-pacing of his zone. But once you become a parent, stress is a constant state, so I felt oddly reassured by our shared anxiety over my children's safety.  

There are water amenities for everyone - death-defying water slides, a water obstacle course, a hot tub, a wave pool, a lazy river, a water fort - and even a miniature version of all these for the wee-est ones!  Attractions are graded by height/swimmer skill level and your kids are banded with appropriate wrist bands when they walk in the door.  Life jackets (clean! in good condition!) are available free of charge in a  variety of sizes.  And did I mention there's an outside replica of practically the entire park as well?

The 50 percent of Texas that was not in Orlando was at Great Wolf Lodge, so in our last minute haste to book a room, all that was left was the super posh Grizzly Bear Suite.  Admittedly, the price tag attached to this baby would've given me pause, but fortunately for us Grandma was not above throwing money at the problem to make things right for the kiddos.  Our two-bedroom suite had a little kitchenette and slept 8 (with a  pullout sofa in the living room), so there was plenty of room for everyone.  We lucked out because Grizzly Suite patrons can apparently check in whenever they want, but even regular guests can enter the water park at 1 pm, even though they may not be able to check into their room until 4 pm, depending on availability.  You can swim until 9 at night, and then stay until 9 the next day (although you have to check out of your room by 11 am).  So although it's not cheap, each one-night's stay is accompanied by a full 1.5 days of water fun! 

In summary, Great Wolf Lodge:

Clean - check
Safe - check
Fun for all ages - check
Value for the chunk of money - still a check

Great Wolf is one place we'll definitely go back to!  My mother, who reads this blog, made me delete the part where I tell Alamo National where they can go.

baby bunching Q/A: going out with three under 2 1/2

We found this question buried in our archives. Our apologies for it taking this long to surface, but this always seems to be a popular question.

Q: I need ideas on going out with my boys, I have 4 kids but 3 are bunched--ages 4, 3 and 1. I had an umbrella stroller double, but it is to hard to maneuver and I still have a child that may or may not cooperate. Any ideas from you or your readers would be greatly appreciated.

A: Getting out is always going to be a challenge and will always take some planning and strategy. Always! You're at the point where purchasing another double stroller is probably moot since your 4-year old isn't riding much and your 3-year old probably won't be for too much longer. Where you go will probably also determine what you need when you're out and about. With this configuration, places with carts may be the easiest, but it often depends on your kids and their ability to stay with you or sit down in the cart.

There are a few possibilities you could explore, but it might mean getting a few accessories.

1) Find a used Sit n' Stand and give this try. You might be able to even get your two Bigs to sit on the seat together now and then.  This stroller will probably still only last you another year, but it does give you some good options to keep everyone together.

2) Ditch the double and revert back to your previous single. (We're just assuming you have one of these.) and use a product like a tag*a*long.These after market accessories can be added to strollers or even carts. Yes, you could make your own with a rope or something similar, but it wouldn't look this cute. Keep these on hand and use with your single or double stroller.

3) Buggy Board. Note: these are not for little kids! You probably couldn't attach this to your current double umbrella if it's already too hard to push with two kids, but this on the back of your single might be a nice option for either your 4 or 3-year old to jump on and off while you're out and about.

You mentioned an older sibling who isn't Bunched. You might enlist him/her to be on sibling duty with one of the older two of the Bunch. Perhaps he/she takes the 4-year old's hand and you have the 3 year old ride on the Buggy Board. Whatever you decide to do, will depend a lot on your kids' personalities and stroller temperament. When my son turned 3, he was completely done with the stroller. But I know kids who are nearing 5 who are still up for a ride.

All in all, it's a lesson for every child in learning to stay with you. When they are 2-3 this is a bit harder to teach since they tend to roam, but by age 4 this is something worth investing some time in teaching, especially since you have younger kids you will have to continue to rein in for some time.

We'd love to hear some suggestions from our readers.

new car seat advice: waving from behind

This just in from yesterday--the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) now recommends that children should be rear-facing in their car seats until age 2. This puts a whole new spin for us Bunchers since it means our Bunch is now facing backwards, and we can just have to hope and pray that they are behaving themselves back there.  No more looking back in the rear view mirror to catch those toddler smiles; now it might just be some bobbing heads with a few toys flying back and forth. Good times.

This is not new for me since our early Bunching days were in spent in Sweden where their kids ride rear facing until age 3 or even 4! The car seats are made differently and stabilized in ways that look like they also might be drilling for oil while restraining your kids. (Now that's a fun concept.) I often wondered how my Baby Bunching neighbor did it with both kids facing that way. How do you know what trouble your toddler's up to. Well, they also can put their kids rear-facing in the front seat (air bag disabled) so that eliminates that issue. I couldn't go this route because my Britax car seat at the time wouldn't allow for a child over a certain height to be rear facing. Here is a good resource for what they do in other countries.

This is only guidance and not a law set in place, but here's the scoop on why:

One-year-olds are five times less likely to be injured in a crash if they are in a rear-facing car seat than a forward-facing seat, according to a 2007 analysis of five years of U.S. crash data. Toddlers have relatively large heads and small necks. In a front-facing car seat, the force of a crash can jerk the child's head causing spinal cord injuries. [We admit it's kind of hard to argue with that.]

Car seats have recommended weights printed on them. If a 1-year-old outweighs the recommendation of an infant seat, parents should switch to a different rear-facing car seat that accommodates the heavier weight until they turn 2, the pediatricians group says.

We're curious what you think about this new recommendation. Do your kids like to face backwards? Are their legs scrunched up? Is this something you'll do or will you address the issue on a child-by-child basis?

*photo credit: Carseat.se--Rear Facing for a Safer Future.

three under three & home alone

By Julie Fuller, Little Sinners 

If you had told me when E was just born—and I hardly knew how to make it through Seth’s 12-hour shifts alone by myself—that I would one day be watching three children aged two and under all by myself for a week, repeatedly, I would have told you you were crazy.  (Primarily because I was a brand-new mom with no idea of how easy I had it, but that’s another story!)

But as it turns out, Seth’s job has turned into one with a good deal of long business trips, which leaves me home with the munchkins all day and all night for days.  We survive, and honestly I enjoy the change of pace every once in a while.

Prioritize.
This is a two-step process: figure out the things that are really, really hard to do with just one pair of grown-up hands, and then do everything possible to make those tasks go smoothly.  Things that fall in this category include: bathing the children, bathing oneself, and putting the children to bed.  Getting a bath myself is the hardest task for me, but I’ve learned that if I time everything carefully, I have a few minutes in the morning when the girls are fed and will play very happily by themselves, and L will usually sleep. Sometimes the girls even set up playing shop in the bathroom, which is fantastic, and I enjoy taking the longest shower I can.

Take full advantage of help.
Remember the priorities you just thought of whenever another pair of helpful hands walks in the front door.  What can you do in one-tenth of the time if someone else is there to entertain the kiddos?  DO THAT.  Or, if you’re going absolutely nuts by yourself for the week with no adults to talk to, then throw the todo list away and just talk.

Stagger bedtimes.
This is pretty much essential even if there are two adults in the home, but this is the one task that could truly be nearly impossible if all the kids go to bed at the same time.  You only have two hands, but toddlers at bedtime can be a nightmare!  Keeping even the most well-behaved child in Place A while you struggle to put another child in Place B is unspeakably difficult.  Stagger bedtimes.  Also, make it a habit to not let them get up in the middle of the night. With just one adult home to fetch and soothe them in the wee hours, it’s just not possible to get up two or three times per child!  Zero is good.  Daytime is tiring enough without adding night wakings into the picture.

Go out.
Back when there were only two, sometimes it seemed like the day would stretch on forever and ever and ever.  And maybe it’s intimidating to haul all three off to the mall, but it’ll entertain everyone, use up a lot of time, not create any mess at home, and if it turns out to be too much work, then you just go back home. Be chill, have no expectations, and enjoy the ride.

Schedule.
I’m not normally a very scheduled person, but when I’m the only grown-up around, everything turns into a hyper routine.  Our life becomes a series of blocks of time: first we’re going to get some milk for breakfast, then we’re going to get dressed, then Mommy will get a shower, then we will go downstairs for the food component of breakfast and Mommy’s coffee, then we will clean up and do morning chores… and so on.  With no deadline of “Daddy’s coming home!” there is no accountability for me to get things done properly, and also no major obvious breaks in the day.  Scheduling keeps things sane and also helps us move through the day more pleasantly and smoothly.

Minimize weaknesses.
I am not a morning person.  Seth gets the kids every morning and I silently go get my morning shower, preferably without talking to anyone until I’ve been up at least a half hour, and without actually doing anything until I’ve had my coffee.  The girls, on the other hand, are definitely morning people. They come chipperly chirping into my room before I’m even awake, much less ready to address two cheerful but hungry toddlers. I hate mornings.  So, the night before, I get their breakfast all ready, get my coffeemaker scheduled to be piping hot and ready to drink by 7am, so that when they come running into my room, all I have to do is creep downstairs, pick up everything and bring it upstairs, then crawl back under the covers until I’m a little more happy with the world.

Experiment.
There is great consistency in the house when there’s only one grown-up around to give directions, and toddlers love consistency.  I’ve found it to be a great time to change sleeping schedules, make a child learn to sleep through the night, initiate potty training, and so on.  “Daddy will be so proud when he comes home!” is also a great motivator.

Cook.
I don’t care very much what food I eat, and would happily eat pizza for dinner every night.  Toddlers are very much the same—they don’t distinguish much between macaroni and cheese or coq au vin.  So, when Seth is not home, our dinners focus more on being basically nutritious and less on being culinarily impressive.  I use the chance to try new made-up meals that might flop, and I also do a lot of baking instead of cooking.  Sometimes it’s hard to do both, and baking usually takes the hit, so it’s a good chance to make some cookies and cakes!  (Of course, then I have trouble not eating them before Seth gets home, but that’s another story!)

Do everything with the kids.
When you’re alone with the kids, the most precious commodity is time alone without the kids. Don’t waste it by using it for chores! Whether it’s laundry or mopping the floors, try to do it when they’re awake and demanding, and save the naptimes and nighttimes for the things you really need to be child-free for–or just to breathe. Or sleep.

Expect some tears.
With three quasi-rational children around, you’re guaranteed to have a few moments where you just can’t make them all happy fast enough, and there will be much more screaming than there would be if another adult was around.  But it’s okay.  Just attack their grievances methodically one at a time, stick one child in a crib in another room while you deal with the other(s) if they keep setting each other off, and patiently work through all the problems until all is right with their world again. No matter how loudly they all scream, eventually you’ll work through it all and there will be quiet and peace in the house again.

Find zones.
Find, or create, childproofed areas to put your kids for a few minutes or more.  Know where you can put the youngest safely away from the older ones.  Know where your children can play happily and safely while you run to another room to put a baby down, to put on a load of laundry, or to use the bathroom!  Get as many gates or childproof door locks as you need to make it happen! When you’re alone around the clock, the tasks you usually save until there’s another adult around still need to get done.

Pray.
I don’t mean pray to make it through the week, although that might be necessary! But I find that the house, and my mind, are much quieter when Seth is not here.  The children are much quieter (probably more bored, but still), and I have more work to do, which means my whole self is more focused and reflective.  I  have a lot more time to think, and study, as I go about my daily business, and so these weeks are often some of the most helpful to me spiritually.  It’s always good to be unable to be idle.

The biggest focus for me on home-alone weeks is trying to make our days go by smoothly enough that Seth doesn’t feel badly about leaving, or like he’s creating a great burden for me.  We talk all together on the webcam before the kids go to bed, and the kids always get all wound up and happy about that.  They make crafts for him while he’s gone (although they often get disassembled before he actually comes home!) and we’re very excited when he finally walks in the door.

[This post was reprinted with Julie's permission.]

baby bunching tips in your inbox

We are finally getting our act together, we think. We are working to set up a newsletter that will provide you tips and a round up of our weekly posts. This will help those of you who are just too damn busy to read the blog every day. We know you all have other things to do. So sign up and in a week or two we hope to start sending out some news to you with all kinds of great information.

baby bunching Q/A: getting back on track; staying on top of it all

Q:  As a Buncher of an 8-month old and a 21-month old, the level of control and organization needed in our household to survive each day is comparable to that of the military. But what do you do when you feel it all falling apart? I feel like I'm behind with everything in the house so don't know where to start, the youngest is teething and the oldest is showing signs of needing to potty train. How do you take stock of it all and get yourself back on track - any advice?

A:  As we all know, Baby Bunching at its best is a finely oiled machine (even thought it may appear to the average outsider as sheer chaos).  This requires a Buncher to bring her A-game every day and there is ZERO margin for error.  In order for my household to run smoothly, each day must include children napping on schedule, at least one (sometimes two) loads of laundry, at least one dishwasher cycle, and a clean sweep of the kitchen and toys in the living room.  At a minimum!  And that's before I even factor in the job I get paid to do.

Heaven forbid you should deicide to spend one naptime hour simply watching General Hospital instead of folding the day's laundry while doing so - you will feel the tidal wave of housework begin to creep up on you.  If, by chance, a child gets sick, there is an out-of-town house guest that generates an extra load of sheets and towels or requires a home-cooked meal, or the family decides to go on vacation (usually defined for mom and dad as taking some time off work so that they can Baby Bunch in a different location), all bets are off and you will find yourself consumed by mess.  Or even worse case scenario - if you yourself get sick, forget it.  You may as well lay there and die because by the time you come back to reality your house will be unrecognizable.

The only thing you can plan on for sure is that one of these things WILL happen to you.  The good news is that you can also pretty much assure that eventually, you will get your footing back.  Here's a few suggestions for how to get started regaining control:

• Settle the kiddos.  If everything's gone to hell in a hand-basket, cut yourself some slack and give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to get the kids settled long enough to think for a few minutes. Don't be afraid to pull out the big guns:  Elmo DVD's, fruit snacks, maybe even a juick box or a cookie, or even a new toy you've been saving for the next birthday.  Find something that will keep both kids occupied for a bit.
• Clear a spot.  The next thing you need to do is get control over ONE (don't get carried away and start doing multiple rooms) room or even area in your house.  Start with a clean kitchen/counter or a tidied dining room/table, or even a straightened living room/desk.  Find one area where you can clear the physical clutter enough to feel like you can clear your mind.
• Brain dump.  I am a huge pen-and-paper list maker.  For those of you techno junkies, there are also apps that you can use.  I like to make categories - mine are usually: House (chores, fix-it projects, yard stuff, etc.), Home To Do (things like bill paying, Goodwill drop-offs, make Dr. appointments, put away hand-me-downs, etc, and Work To Do (I work part-time in theory, and frequently from home, so my to-do lists are always getting intermingled).  The point here is to make a list of every item you can think of that is hanging over your head that needs to be done.  This way you have a master working to-do list.  Keep in mind that if it took you a week to get behind, it may take you a week to catch up - that's ok.
• Outsource.  Quickly (italicized because it is the operative word in this sentence) go through the list and see if there is anything you can get someone else to do - your husband, a friend, a babysitter/house cleaner, etc.  Zip the person an email right then, if possible, and ask them if they can do it.  Then it's (at least temporarily) on their to do list.
• Prioritize. Get a weekly calendar.  Pick the top FIVE (no more than five, b/c you know even that's ambitious) things that need to be tackled THAT DAY ONLY.  This way, you know in the morning what your daily goals are.  As soon as the kids go down to nap or bed, you can tackle those items instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off feeling that there is so much to do you don't even know where to start.
• Call in reinforcements.  This is a biggie.  Have the hubs, a grandparent, a neighbor, a babysitter - anyone who will say yes - take the kids for just two hours so that you can run around and make as much progress on that to-do list as possible.  If it's your husband, we recommend that you push for four hours/a half day.  After all, the predicament you're in is half his fault.  You will be amazed at how much progress you can make without your little assistants in tow!
• Check off.  When you complete an item, don't forget to check it off.  We all derive satisfaction from that little positive reinforcement of progress.  It'll keep you motivated. 

I try to use this system on a weekly basis and try to make Sunday night as my "take stock" night to prioritize and get geared up for the week.  My mother-in-law even got me a nifty personalized notepad where I jot my daily priority items for the week, but a plain old calendar will do too.  No, it doesn't always happen every Sunday, but it always happens post-crisis and gets me back on track every time.