baby bunching Q/A: getting back on track; staying on top of it all

Q:  As a Buncher of an 8-month old and a 21-month old, the level of control and organization needed in our household to survive each day is comparable to that of the military. But what do you do when you feel it all falling apart? I feel like I'm behind with everything in the house so don't know where to start, the youngest is teething and the oldest is showing signs of needing to potty train. How do you take stock of it all and get yourself back on track - any advice?

A:  As we all know, Baby Bunching at its best is a finely oiled machine (even thought it may appear to the average outsider as sheer chaos).  This requires a Buncher to bring her A-game every day and there is ZERO margin for error.  In order for my household to run smoothly, each day must include children napping on schedule, at least one (sometimes two) loads of laundry, at least one dishwasher cycle, and a clean sweep of the kitchen and toys in the living room.  At a minimum!  And that's before I even factor in the job I get paid to do.

Heaven forbid you should deicide to spend one naptime hour simply watching General Hospital instead of folding the day's laundry while doing so - you will feel the tidal wave of housework begin to creep up on you.  If, by chance, a child gets sick, there is an out-of-town house guest that generates an extra load of sheets and towels or requires a home-cooked meal, or the family decides to go on vacation (usually defined for mom and dad as taking some time off work so that they can Baby Bunch in a different location), all bets are off and you will find yourself consumed by mess.  Or even worse case scenario - if you yourself get sick, forget it.  You may as well lay there and die because by the time you come back to reality your house will be unrecognizable.

The only thing you can plan on for sure is that one of these things WILL happen to you.  The good news is that you can also pretty much assure that eventually, you will get your footing back.  Here's a few suggestions for how to get started regaining control:

• Settle the kiddos.  If everything's gone to hell in a hand-basket, cut yourself some slack and give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to get the kids settled long enough to think for a few minutes. Don't be afraid to pull out the big guns:  Elmo DVD's, fruit snacks, maybe even a juick box or a cookie, or even a new toy you've been saving for the next birthday.  Find something that will keep both kids occupied for a bit.
• Clear a spot.  The next thing you need to do is get control over ONE (don't get carried away and start doing multiple rooms) room or even area in your house.  Start with a clean kitchen/counter or a tidied dining room/table, or even a straightened living room/desk.  Find one area where you can clear the physical clutter enough to feel like you can clear your mind.
• Brain dump.  I am a huge pen-and-paper list maker.  For those of you techno junkies, there are also apps that you can use.  I like to make categories - mine are usually: House (chores, fix-it projects, yard stuff, etc.), Home To Do (things like bill paying, Goodwill drop-offs, make Dr. appointments, put away hand-me-downs, etc, and Work To Do (I work part-time in theory, and frequently from home, so my to-do lists are always getting intermingled).  The point here is to make a list of every item you can think of that is hanging over your head that needs to be done.  This way you have a master working to-do list.  Keep in mind that if it took you a week to get behind, it may take you a week to catch up - that's ok.
• Outsource.  Quickly (italicized because it is the operative word in this sentence) go through the list and see if there is anything you can get someone else to do - your husband, a friend, a babysitter/house cleaner, etc.  Zip the person an email right then, if possible, and ask them if they can do it.  Then it's (at least temporarily) on their to do list.
• Prioritize. Get a weekly calendar.  Pick the top FIVE (no more than five, b/c you know even that's ambitious) things that need to be tackled THAT DAY ONLY.  This way, you know in the morning what your daily goals are.  As soon as the kids go down to nap or bed, you can tackle those items instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off feeling that there is so much to do you don't even know where to start.
• Call in reinforcements.  This is a biggie.  Have the hubs, a grandparent, a neighbor, a babysitter - anyone who will say yes - take the kids for just two hours so that you can run around and make as much progress on that to-do list as possible.  If it's your husband, we recommend that you push for four hours/a half day.  After all, the predicament you're in is half his fault.  You will be amazed at how much progress you can make without your little assistants in tow!
• Check off.  When you complete an item, don't forget to check it off.  We all derive satisfaction from that little positive reinforcement of progress.  It'll keep you motivated. 

I try to use this system on a weekly basis and try to make Sunday night as my "take stock" night to prioritize and get geared up for the week.  My mother-in-law even got me a nifty personalized notepad where I jot my daily priority items for the week, but a plain old calendar will do too.  No, it doesn't always happen every Sunday, but it always happens post-crisis and gets me back on track every time.  

Comments

[pollyzmom]

Cara Fox to the rescue, as usual. I needed that little reminder today as I sit on my bed checking email and neglecting what I know is about to turn into a tower of laundry!

[Lori]

When I was in the middle of two under two I finally realized that I needed to give myself a break. I decided not to stress about the house and household things and just focus on taking care of the boys. My stress level went way down, I was able to slow down and enjoy my kids and the house didn't fall down around us. We didn't live in filth either- I found that when I wasn't stressfully trying to do it all I was actually able to keep up enough to get by with clean clothes and a semi clean house.

[Cori]

If you're at the point where you are completely overwhelmed, try to get out of the house...I know it's not easy with two under two, BUT, find a mall that has bathrooms/nursing rooms, etc. or a park, etc. A change of scenery can help you think a little more clearly about what needs to be done without it all staring you in the face. It also ensures that your house won't fall into further disarray since your bunch won't be there to mess it up.

[Heidi]

It's helped me tremendously to make a laundry schedule. It keeps me from putting it off & makes it manageable. For instance:
Monday- sheets, towels
Tues- Hubbys scrubs
Wed- kids clothes
Thurs- parents clothes
Dish rags & such get washed as needed & diapers are every other day, but this keeps me on top of the heavy stuff...
Before I had a housekeeper I had a cleaning schedule too.

[Clare]

Thanks for the great advice. We are slowly getting back on track. It only takes such a small thing to knock you off course. I'm an organised person but I need to step my game up a bit. Laundry schedule to be planned shortly - Sunday night will be planning night (weeks outings, meals, chores etc). My husband has taken the kids out this afternoon so I can clear my head and think about what needs to be done - plus get some rest as we've had a lot of illness induced sleepless nights. Thanks again - I always know I can count on the baby bunchers.