baby bunching Q/A: transitioning to two toddlers

Thanks Royann for this great question on our Facebook page.

Q: Any suggestions on how to deal with the transition to two toddlers? Mine are 26 months and 11 months. The little one is walking already, and it's an entirely different experience. I got so used to being able to wear him all the time to run after his brother, and now I am going to have two little boys running in opposite directions.

A: We have touched on this subject, but it was about two years ago. We figure those readers have moved on, and our new readers need the scoop. So we're reposting this awesome advice. Linda classifies the 12-18 month stage (or even onto 24 months) as toddler hell. Yes, they are walking and starting to talk. That IS super fun, but not when your two-and-a-half year old is still darting into the street any chance he can get. If you thought two babies were hard, we have a surprise for you. Two toddlers are equally as hard, if not harder, since both are in fully upright and unlocked positions.

The good news is that there will be new places you can explore with both kids, like certain playgrounds, but be careful as all playgrounds are not created equal.  You will start to see some intentional, playful interaction between siblings, which is always very fun and makes it all worth it!  Your newest toddler can finally get off the sidelines and actually play.  Nap time will definitely be the new happy hour since both kids are probably napping on a schedule (if your oldest one isn't...make him!) and you can reclaim some time in the afternoon.

A few tips for this stage:

• Baby proof the crap out of your entire house, if you haven't already.  Plug every socket, gate every stair, put away everything breakable, and rearrange all furniture to block potential hazards (like the fireplace).  We're talking total home renovation. Don't worry, it's only temporary, and by the time your youngest is 2 1/2 or so, you will be able to reclaim your living room.  Trust us - it will be exhausting enough to keep your Bunch safe in public.  You need your home to be a safe sanctuary for everyone to live and play safely.
• This is a physically exhausting phase because you are literally running after both kids all the time.  Take advantage of the fact that they are likely on decent bedtime routines by now and go to bed at a reasonable hour (preferably after a bath to soak your sore muscles). 
• Transitions transitions, transitions. During this time period there will be major transitions for at least one--if not both--of your kids. We're talking about giving up bottles, pacifiers, breastfeeding, cribs, or diapers. This is a huge transition time. We're the first to admit that our kids have hung onto bottles, blankies, etc. longer than they needed to because it was easier, but transitions will still happen and with these come battles. Do what you can when the time feels right for both you AND toddler(s). Your doctor, while very important, doesn't live in your house. If the breastfeeding feels right, continue. If you can't find it in yourself to deal with potty training, wait just a bit.  Cut yourself some slack on these things until things calm down a little, if it's too much. 
• Because everyone is running everywhere, have 2-3 exhausting (for your kids) activities that are lower-maintenance for you that will wear them out while you can catch your breath for a bit. If play dates/playgroups save you and run them ragged, get those established regularly. If taking them to mall to just let them roam aimlessly saves your sanity, do it. If you have a fenced-in dog kennel backyard, take advantage of it and throw and ball and RUN them like dogs every day! 
• Speaking of activities, do yourself a favor and have a PLAN for each day.  There is no better way to sabotage a day with kids this age than by planning to "relax and lay low at home." Each evening, sketch out your plans for the next day, knowing that you will have to be flexible and change them if needed, but at least you've got a plan/purpose.
• Which brings us to our next point, which is be flexible.  Someone will wake up extra early and that means morning nap will get pushed up.  Someone will refuse to eat breakfast and then melt down out of hunger at the playground.  It will rain.  You will forget something for dinner and have to run to the store with both kids, resulting in a late dinner hour.  All children will refuse to nap some days. 
• Pick your battles.  Two talking toddlers means double the opinions (and corresponding tantrums) in your household now.  You can't win every battle, nor is every one worth fighting.  Kids this age don't understand the logic behind a bunch of rules anyway - have a few basic family rules for behavior and enforce those.  Let some of the others go a bit until your kids are old enough to reason with (around 4 or 5).

Comments

[Lori]

I'm just ending this stage- my youngest is turning two in a week. I have to say that I thought two toddlers was way harder than two under two. Those are all great tips for this stage. The most important for me was regular nap and bedtimes. I needed those guaranteed down times during the day or I would have gone crazy!

[Janna]

I too have found having 2 toddlers- well, really a toddler and a preschooler now- much more difficult than 2 under 2. My boys (ages 38 months and 19 months) seem to have boundless energy and are into EVERYTHING. I'm constantly on guard and frequently playing referee. To make it even more challenging, my 3 year old dropped his nap about 6 months ago so during the day I barely get a break. Thank goodness for early bedtimes! I hope, hope, hope things get easier when my littlest turns 2 in July.

[melissa]

I really needed to read this post! My little boys are 34 months & 16 months. The younger of the two just learned to climb; and it is driving me nutty! If I had space, I might consider creating an indoor climbing wall! I'm trying to ENJOY all of the moments and not get frustrated. I'm finding myself relying on God's strength not just daily, but hourly! :)

[sleep]

Nap time is recommended for toddlers. This allows them to rest up for even more energy. It sounds crazy though.

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