the fairness battle continues

When my kids were younger, the fairness battle was easier to mitigate. Little Baby wanted toy, we asked Big Baby to offer her another. As they got older, there were timers involved...you can have the toy for 3 minutes she gets it next when the timer beeps. Little Baby rarely knew what time she had been missing while I spent time with Big Baby. My point is that it was a lot easier to fool people back then when they had little to no reference points and well, couldn't talk.  

Now people keep score. Yes, we had to make sure the Christmas gifts this year were even (in quantity) because my older one kept track. And now we've moved on to keeping track of who goes where with whom.

That's right my older son is keeping track of what kindergarten field trips and parties I went on/to with him and happily reports to my youngest (now in kindergarten a year behind him) what type of things I did with him presumably so she can compare. And draw her own conclusions. Gone are the days of me battling who has more snack in his bowl, now I have to manage the fairness of what I do with one I also must do with the other knowing that everyone's truly keeping track.

If one child does soccer, does the other child need something comparable? My gut initially says no way! Each kid is individual and what is right for one is not right for another. But when one kids wants to take violin and the other asks for piano, I'm thinking you have to make it fair again. How can you say yes to one and not the other? Especially with something like music.

I'll tell you what this fairness thing gets expensive and time consuming. We wonder how we all get sucked into the craziness in the first place. And the challenge of managing back-to-back kids continues into elementary school.

Comments

[Jen]

Yes! I'm living this. I have a kindergartner (6) and pre-k'r(5). We have fairness battles every day. Grrr.

[Kristyna]

I find myself constantly apologizing to my 1 and a 1/2 month old and my 15 month old when I have to divide my time between them. My 15 month old got her pictures taken professionally every month of her 1st year and my 1 month old has old had them done for our christmas pictures.I'm alwasys feeling like I'm not as good of a mom as I was just a month and a 1/2 ago.

[Ang]

Kristyna, don't beat yourself up! It gets a little easier once Big starts to develop some loyalty to Little (the guilt goes away a little bit!) Be sure to take a deep breath yourself and acknowledge that things have changed FOR YOU too. Your Big and Littles are going to be just fine (even if photoed less!) because they have a Mom who fiercely loves them.

[A shorter mama]

Kristina I have three.the first got photos every month, second 7 out of 12 months and the last has only been twice in 7 months. I may regret it later but right now I have three children 4 and youngerq and this is what works. It gets easier.