baby bunching Q/A: bunching alone in a new place

Q:  My husband is active duty military and while I am able to stay at home with my children, his job requires his absence for extended periods of time on a regular basis, not to mention the fact that when he is at home, he regularly works very long hours and  often leaves before my oldest wakes up and comes home right around bedtime. I would like to know if you have any tips that would ease the transition of settling in with the new baby, or bedtime, mealtime etc. with my oldest (and surviving the baby bunching scene alone). The two will be 15 months apart and I should add that we just moved out of the country, so in addition to the already momentous transition, we also are very far from family and don't really know anyone where we live yet.

A:Congrats on your impending arrival, and how fun that you'll be living overseas. I also raised my two kids overseas, and arrived in a new country when my youngest was 7 weeks old and my oldest 17 months. While challenging, it was an experience I wouldn't trade for anything.

You have a few questions here so let me address one at a time. First of all, surviving the early days alone. Settling in alone will be challenging.

We always like to offer a few tips:

• Get your toddler on a bedtime routine now! This will make things SO much easier later if you can count on the fact that he/she will be in bed at 7:30 and you're not still screwing with toddler AND baby at 10 p.m.
• If you can get someone to come help you out, like a grandmother or an aunt for the first few weeks, that would be worth it. Flights are often cheaper in the winter and having extra hands if hubby is not there, will at least help you get the lay of the land of this Baby Bunching lifestyle.
• Don't be afraid to not do it all. If your toddler doesn't get a bath or eats mac and cheese 4 nights a week, don't beat yourself up over it. No one can do it all, especially alone. So cut yourself some slack. (This will be ongoing motto you have to repeat to yourself.) 

Mealtime, bedtime, new baby and toddler will be chaotic no matter how you slice or dice it--with or without help. It's all part of the game.  But in fact, the first few weeks, what we call the quiet period, may be easier than you think when baby is sleeping all the time. Bring in extra troops when hubby is back traveling and baby has suddenly discovered his lungs.

Baby Buncher Michelle wrote a great post about surviving a deployment that might offer up some other great tips.

From what I have learned about overseas life and hubby being gone is the support system often tends to be BETTER overseas than here at home. People are ready to engage and help out when they can. So it might actually be better that you're there with a closer-knit support system. Immediately join whatever mom's group you can now to get your network in place. Having people bring you meals and stop by to help you entertain two kids is a HUGE help. 

We have so many moms on this site with traveling dads, we'd love to hear your stories as well.

Comments

[Michelle Little]

I wasn't out of country, but I did just move and didn't have a support system yet and my husband works long hours too. How did I do it? Well, for the first few months I made meals 3x a week, then the other days we had cereal, pancakes or piggies in the blanket. I shouldn't have tried to do so much, and let the house get a little dirtier or the laundry pile up a little more. But I did sleep every moment I could. You can do it!

[Jamie Craig]

My babies are also 15 months apart, my husband was deployed and I live about 4,000 miles away from my family. It is tough for the first couple months but you'll be so busy it will seem to go by at light speed. Get in contact with your FRG they can help you find other moms and babysitters if you need one...it's tough to manage doctor appointments and such with a newborn and toddler. Another good idea is to try and get them on the same nap schedule ASAP this will give you some time during the day to relax. Good Luck!

[Geemiz]

I cant imagine being away from the man I love. i always wanted to have an intact and happy family. I want me and my husband to look over our kids together. I just wish that he will not leave far away for work.