Q: HELP! Need some support from those who understand! My husband is traveling (again!), my seven-month old is teething, and my 25 month old has decided that he no longer wants to sleep at night and as a result is throwing HORRIBLE tantrums... any tantrum advice? Love my little and my big but think I am going to lose my marbles!
A: This is difficult when everything comes to a head at once. Let us address each of these individually. Probably the easiest is the teething. Teething at any age and during any circumstance, sucks. Give him some Tylenol/Motrin so he's not in total pain. Some other remedies that might help are Hyland's Teething Tablets (which came highly recommended by both Cara's pediatrician and dentist when #2 was teething and DID help), the Fresh Food Feeder from Munchkin (put in some cold frozen food and let them go to town) or even a wet washcloth or pacifier put into the freezer for awhile works well. Sadly, there's not much you can do other than make your baby feel comfortable.
Husband traveling is unfortunate. Both Cara and Linda endured periods where husband was rarely around, even if they were in town. Again, it's kind of the way the cards fall and you have to make the best of of it. Bedtime can be the hardest to cope with solo since you only have so many hands. Getting the easiest one to bed first is always a must.
Your biggest challenge is the "not sleeping." If your husband is traveling, you need the sleep as much as your kids since you're doing double duty during the day (and probably night). Sleep issues start a vicious cycle of whining, hunger, tantrums and myriad of other fun activities. Sleep training is critical at this point, especially if you're doing this alone. Perhaps he's not taking a long enough nap or maybe it's too long. You might have to play with nap schedule and bedtime to get it. But the main thing with bedtime is consistency, which of course, is the hardest thing to do when everyone's tired.
If your current routine is no longer working, change it up a bit to help you when hubby's away and try to stick with it even when he's home. The main thing is not backing down. You have to expect there may be some tears for a few nights if you're holding your ground. It's OK. By age 2, your son knows what's expected of him at bedtime. Be strong.
I know exactly how hard it can be when you're doing the parenting alone. My husband works shifts so every other week I'm on my own to deal with the kids alone during the day and night.
Just before our daughter arrived we had to sleep train our son. He's now 15 months and we rarely have any issues at night now. This is how we did it:
- Start the bedtime routine about 30 - 45 mins before you intend your oldest to go to bed. We usually do bath, milk and then a book.
- Place them in their cot awake, say goodnight and then leave.
- If they start to cry leave them 5 minutes and then go back and gently comfort them. Try to do this whilst they are laying in their cot rather than pick them up. Stay a maximum of 10 minutes and only comfort them for as long as it takes them to calm down. Say goodnight and leave.
- If they are still crying leave them 10 minutes and then repeat the comforting.
- After this you leave them for 15 minutes, comfort and then 20 minutes and then comfort. Carry on going in every 20 minutes if they haven't settled after this long but I'm pretty sure it won't get to that.
Our son was settling himself at night within 7 days. It is hardwork especially when you are already sleep deprived but it is well worth it in the end. If they wake in the night leave them 10 minutes and then go in and repeat the above. It has worked wonders with our son.
The most important thing for me to keep my sanity when I'm alone is organisation. I have lots of food I've prepared when my husband was around in the freezer so I can grab it when I need it. The house is stocked with everything we need like diapers, wipes, milk etc so we don't have to go shopping.
When I'm really tired I put lots of toys on the floor and my sons favourite programmes on the TV. I then lay on the sofa keeping an eye on him but getting some much needed rest. There is no harm in letting them play whilst you rest as long as you know they are safe.
I really hope it works out for you. Remember you need to look after yourself as well. Try and do something for yourself every day at a time that suits you. I try and grab a nice hot bath once both kids are in bed and this really helps unwind.
Posted by: Clare (England) | Sep 16, 2010 at 08:15 AM
Well I have to admit defeat in this area. My husband is often not home for bedtime. I get everyone including myself fed and bathed together. Teething pills (homeopathic camomilla) for the little one, and we all snuggle up together with lots of books in my king size bed. Little one knocks out first and I read to my son for a while. By 9 I'm asleep too. It's not ideal but it is an alternative to crying which I just can't take. Also if anyone wakes in the night they settle right back and I don't have to get out of bed. This too will pass!
Posted by: Miranda | Sep 17, 2010 at 11:04 AM
If he absolutely refuses to settle, give him a dose of Benadryl and put him in front of a movie. The combo of the two should make him drowsy enough he might sleep. Not a permanent solution, but possibly can get you through your husband being gone. When your husband gets home, SLEEP TRAIN. I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth. It's the best book on sleep training there is, and I've successfully sleep trained my big and little with it! Good luck-- we've all been there!
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