Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching apartment dwelling

We've just relocated back home to Texas and we're temporarily in a furnished corporate apartment.  Apparently, 3 bedroom apartments on the ground floor are in EXTREMELY high demand (think: over a year-long wait list) and so for the next month or so, all five of us are stuck in a two bedroom apartment ON THE THIRD FLOOR.  

Two weeks into this gig, I am surprised to find that the whole "third floor" thing is bugging me WAY more than the whole "two bedroom" thing.  In fact, I am thanking my lucky stars that this is happening THIS year, and not last year.  Or even worse, 4 years ago.

At ages 4 and 5, my Bunched boys are mercifully both big enough to not only walk up the stairs themselves, but be my grocery Sherpas.  Even the Caboose (just turned 2) is able to make it up the three flights of stairs about 25% of the time without being carried.  It's a good thing, too, because the crap-load of crap that three kids require to be shuttled between home and vehicle does not magically disappear just because said kids and their parents live on the third floor.  Yes, we've been more mindful in our grocery purchases and I've even been put on a hardcore Target moratorium, but we still have backpacks, water bottles, coffee cups, mail, library books, and even the ill-thought-out-purchase of a watermelon to shuttle back and forth between the three floors.

In my first year as a Baby Buncher, it took me a minimum of five trips to the car to go anywhere: one carrying Big (who refused to walk at 17 months old), one carrying Baby in his infant seat, one with the diaper bag, one with whatever stroller/sling/backpack, etc. we needed for the outing and one with my stuff (purse, coffee cups, returns, library books, etc.)  Yes, I wore a path in the cement in my garage and driveway that year.  I also had a newfound gratitude for the driveway hidden behind my house that even my friends couldn't find - so surely a child molester couldn't find it and snatch my precious darlings while I was carting coffee cups and coupons between the car and the kitchen.

But how could this work in an apartment?  You can't leave any babies unattended in a car in a parking lot, and it's not much of a better idea to leave them unattended in an apartment (although behind locked doors and in a crib for just a few minutes would suffice in an emergency, I guess).   I'm pretty sure it's a physical impossibility for me to carry a toddler and a newborn in infant seat, let alone their gear, up three flights of stairs in one trip.  But maybe not.  We Baby Bunchers are notorious for sucking it up and doing what sucks, so I guess I would've figured it out.  But my recent experience has made me wonder - how do you city and apartment dwelling Bunchers do it?  Anyone got tips to share?

making music with my bunch

By Abbey Nash, Everyday with Lulu and Goose

What do egg shakers, scarves and monkeys have in common? Music class, of course! My Bunch has been attending music class for over three years now, beginning when my oldest was only four-months old. Not only do my girls love singing, dancing and pretending to buzz like bees and jump like monkeys, but I revel in the special opportunity for bonding time that music class provides.
 
You can imagine how happy I was to learn that these early experiences with music are more than just one hour a week of guaranteed entertainment for my bunch, (and quite frankly, that alone makes the classes worthwhile). In fact, according to research I conducted for a recent freelance article, early childhood music classes can benefit tots both academically and socially.
 
Social-Emotional Skills
In music class, my Bunch works together with their peers to lift and lower a gigantic parachute, takes turns jumping on the trampoline to experience the feeling of a steady beat, and practices rhythm and tempo while seated with their entire class around a giant drum. And with all the fun they’re having, they have no idea that they’re learning how to behave in a structured setting and function cooperatively in a group environment.
   
Not only does music class provide a foundation for healthy social interaction, but it can also encourage the development of communication skills. In addition to teaching preschoolers creative ways to express their thoughts and feelings, internalizing rhythm and tone at an early age can help tots recognize emotion in spoken language later on.
 
Academics
One of the most exciting things about music education is its link to future academic success. Early experiences with music can impact the development of a child’s ability in math, and even reading. 

I know what you’re thinking--that’s a lot to expect from a couple of drumsticks and a colorful scarf or two.  But studies link music education to an increase in spatial intelligence. This is the type of thought process that we use when we solve a math problem, play a board game or read a piece of music. Experts believe that music forms strong connections in the brain, and that these are the same connections used in cognitive tasks such as critical thinking, problem solving and mathematics.
 
Choosing an Early Childhood Music Program
 Your Bunch can benefit from early experiences with music through any type or style of instruction. It’s a good idea to visit multiple programs in order to find a good fit for your family. And as you do, here are a few things to keep in mind:

--Make sure that the teacher is musically inclined. This may sound obvious, but with various franchising opportunities available for nationally known early childhood music programs, it’s important to make sure that the music teacher has not only earned the appropriate certificate in early music education, but also has the kind of innate music ability that can’t be taught in a certification program. 

--Make sure that the teacher can manage the class. It’s important to have a teacher who’s fun and exciting, but chatty parents or rambunctious kids can distract from the experience of music class. The teacher you choose should be able to keep the group engaged, and uphold classroom expectations.

--Pay attention to the size of the class. There should be enough kids for opportunities for social interaction, but not so many that the group becomes chaotic. Ten is a good number to look for; anything over fifteen is probably too many.
 
As you look for an early childhood music class, keep in mind that many national programs offer classes tailored to fit the needs of baby bunchers! Family or mixed age classes usually offer music experiences for parents with a preschool aged child and one or more younger siblings. To find this kind of program in your area, check out the links below: 

• Kindermusik www.kindermusik.com
• Music Together www.musictogether.com
• Musikgarten www.musikgarten.org
• Music for Young Children www.myc.com

Abbey's a stay-at-home mom to two girls who are 4 and 2 years old.

remember your 'bigs' are still little

I was at a dear friend's house today helping her out with her four kids (four under 6 to be exact) while she was babysitting two more for a week. Insane? Yes, I think so, but that is another story.

Her youngest is 5 months old. Truth be told, what she needed from me this week more than anything was just another set of hands, so I tried to step in and do what I could. I took the baby in my arms and moved about helping other kids and getting her dishwasher unloaded--all with baby in tow. (Hey, I still got it!) The baby showed signs of getting tired--looking away, whining, rubbing eyes--and I offered to put baby in bed. Funny, how things don't change. A little swaddling, a few figure 8 swings on the side and baby was out like a light. As I watched him suck away on the paci, I realized my son was one month older than this baby when we found out OUR Baby #2 was on the way. This baby who still needed 2-3 naps day. This baby who barely ate solid food. This baby who still wasn't crawling.

There is one thing consistent with all older siblings of a Bunch: they are forced given the opportunity to be big brothers/sister faster than the rest. Many older siblings are weaned earlier knowing another little one is on the way. Perhaps they are moved out of a crib quicker since Baby #2 will need it. They might even say goodbye to a bottle or paci before we they may be ready.

When you're going through Baby Bunching for the first time, the reference point for age-appropriateness may be blurred, and what the books say may or may not apply since you're essentially working with two babies.  The word "toddler" seems to imply the next stage--moving from baby to child. But like the word "tween," I think we need to realize there often is no defining beginning or end.

Now looking at this phase from the other side, a toddler (as all our kids were when Baby #2 entered the world) is still little. As "big" as we force them to be because they have to be for us to survive, we must remember they are still babies, too. When it comes to comfort items such as pacis, loveies, bottles past the recommended time, we say let them be little. They are forced to grow up faster than their non-Bunched peers and a little bit of baby love might be just what they (and you) need.

This post is simply a bit of ramblings from me realizing that I may have forced my Big to be big a little sooner than I would have like.

baby bunching Q/A: out and about with your super-sized bunch

A great question from reader Deanna:

Q: I need ideas on going out with my boys, I have 4 kids but 3 are bunched--ages 4, 3 and 1. I had an umbrella stroller double, but it is to hard to maneuver and I still have a child that may or may not cooperate. Any ideas from you or your readers would be greatly appreciated.

A: Cara here - I'll take a stab at this one, since I had a similar situation, although my boys were 1, 4 and 5 and as we all know in the world of Baby Bunching, every year (and month!) makes a HUGE difference.  My two oldest boys were darters, so they had to be restrained when we were out and about far beyond the age of when I have seen other kids walking calmly by mom's side, so I know a little bit about maximizing stroller options with multiple kids.  I really think your best bet here is a Sit n' Stand.  No, they're not cheap, but you can often pick one up second-hand at a consignment sale or on Craig's List and they're worth the money.  I had the Baby Trend SitNStand LX, which offers not just a "standing board" for the older child, but an actual jump seat with a strap.  By the time my kids were 5, I found they had outgrown darting into harm's way, but I certainly used it to strap down many a 4 year-old.  The LX's even more deluxe cousin, the SitNStand Plus Double stroller offers two full double seats (and also allows more flexibility in accommodating infant seat configurations for younger babies), which would be great for moms with 3 or more kids even closer in age than your youngest two.  I've included the Amazon review link to this product, which is super helpful because several reviewers compare/contrast it to the uber-popular, comparable (but more expensive) Phil and Ted's and Joovy Caboose strollers.  

I realize that this solution has 2 kids pinned down, but still leaves a roaming 4-year old.  It SHOULD help, because at least with two safely strapped in, you can focus on keeping the oldest near you (although, honestly, it is really hard to steer these bad boys with one hand and leave a hand free to hold a kid). We reviewed another product called tag*a*long a while back and something like this might help.

Alternatively, depending how big your kids are, you could maybe squish the two oldest on the standing board/jump seat together when you are in an absolute pinch.  It's not ideal (and the extra weight will give you a workout when you push), but we have done this on rare occasions when I just needed everyone close to me and contained.  A third option is to go for the mother of all SitNStands, the Joovy Big Caboose.  This isn't ideal for your situation because you will have to invest a lot in it and you will likely "age out" in a few weeks (recommended 40 lb weight limit for seats).  But it's an option.

I'll admit that now that I've got two walkers and am down to one baby, I've gone back to my super sleek single (which feels positively sportyafter years of doubles and SitNStands) so I may not be fully up to speed on all the options available.  Dear readers, help a girl out if I've missed something!

solving your sleep challenges

Had I known before I had babies what level of sleep deprivation I was facing, I'm honestly not sure I would've had the guts to take the parenting plunge.  I've always been a girl who needs her sleep - never 12 straight hours, but the recommended solid 8.  Now, 6+ years into this parenting gig, I'm running on all cylinders at 6 and can make due with 5 consecutive hours a night for about 3 weeks before I crash - and then start the cycle all over again. 

I do feel compelled to give my children credit by saying that they are all good sleepers (or, rather, have been trained to be good sleepers).  Certainly, we have our fair share of bedtime battles (one more cup of water, PLEASE?) and the odd uber early rising or skipped nap, but for the most part they are pretty good. But like any other kids, they are thrown off by changes in routine due to illness, transition, and travel.  And since we are pretty much always either going through sickness, a major life change for someone (or all members of the family), or a trip - well, I guess that just explains why I'm sleep deprived despite the fact that I have good sleepers.

The biggest sleep challenge I face with my Bunch is travel.  Although our travel schedules slowed a bit until the youngest of our Bunch was two, with family scattered all across the country, two cross-country moves, and even a family reunion in another country, being flexible enough to travel has been a necessity for my kids.  Unfortunately, that doesn't always result in a good night's sleep for me.  Here are just a few of the sleep struggles we've faced when traveling with our Bunch and how we've solved them.

• Until about age 2, every baby needs a crib.  Lucky you if you co-sleep.  Otherwise, the best way we've found to get around this is to lug a pack-n-play along and borrow one (or a crib) on site.
• Until about age 2, every baby needs a separate sleeping area.  Be sure that sleeping accommodations either involve lots of bedrooms or closets/bathrooms big enough to hold pack-n-plays.  Is it gross to stick your kid in a bathroom?  Kinda.  But they can't touch anything from the pack-n-play and it means more sleep for you, so go with it.
• At any age, we need multiple rooms - otherwise mom and dad have to go to bed and rise at the same time as the babies, which means ZERO down time for mom and dad.  No parental down time + no sleep + babies off routine = disaster in the making.  When staying in hotels, we look for multi-bedroom suite set-ups (Embassy Suites is our fave).  After all, what's a little extra money at night in exchange for sanity the next day?
• Late bedtimes for my Bunch because exploring new places is so fun.  And really - who puts their kids to bed at 7 pm when visiting grandparents they only see twice a year?  After 6 years of traveling parent trial and error, we do now.  Put one parent in charge of gently reminding the other about the need to stick to sleep routines.
• Travel destinations are rarely baby-proofed.  To this day, even with older kids, I worry that once my babies outgrow the cribs, they will wander out of their assigned sleeping room and somehow get into trouble. Triple lock all doors and baby-proof as best you can (don't forget to watch out for TV cords they can trip over or dressers they can pull on themselves while you slumber peacefully).  If necessary, split up adult sleeping arrangements to be with/near each kid.  Recently, our kids all slept in the cushy king-sized Heavenly Bed while we slept on the lame foldout sofa in the front room of the suite.  That's because I didn't trust them not to get up in the morning and walk right out the front door of the hotel room without us hearing.  Safety first, at all costs.
• When my Bunch gets up, the whole house is woken up.  Put traveling companions on notice that traveling with you sucks - and this is just one of the many reasons why.  If they think they have it bad, they ought to try to be you - at least they get to go home to peace and quiet at the end of the trip.
• Somehow, no matter how hard we try, we are always one bed/sleeping space short of ideal conditions.  Be flexible and embrace the adventure.  We rarely allow our kids to sleep with us at home, so vacation is a good excuse for Hubs and I to split up in different beds and each snuggle with a kid.  And bear with the tiny feet that kick you and keep you up all night - consider it a flashback to sleeping while pregnant.
• We always think we've solved all these problems and we're gonna get more sleep.  Forget about getting enough sleep, even on vacation.  In 18 years, you can sleep all you want.  For now, live to serve your tiny masters.  Remember, they're only little once - fire up the coffee pot and enjoy it.

Baby Bunching wants to know:  what's been your biggest sleep challenge and how did you solve it?

a working mom's daily routine

By Geeky Mummy, The Hairdog Chronicles

The neighborhood I live in has a lovely online parent group. Every day someone will post a link to an interesting article, a request to borrow a pack n play for out of town guests, a testimonial for their nanny, a "lost and found" item, or a general parenting question. People always respond. I've been given a jog stroller, I've loaned out most of my parenting library, and being the loquacious type I have put my two penneth into most of the discussions.  A year or so ago a fellow mum posted to ask how to handle going back to work. In responding to her I ended up summarizing our daily life. I hope I helped, though I felt exhausted just writing it.

Dear E.

My husband and I both work full time (and we have 2 little kids, 1 and 3). It isn't easy. But it has always been our plan not to fall into the trap where both parents work, and yet one parent (usually mum) also picks up most of the household/child care responsibilities too. We do both work fairly regular hours, though we have quite long commutes. This is how we manage our week:

Breakfast all together. Dad packs the kids lunches. Mum gets kids dressed. Dad drops of kids at daycare, while mum goes straight into work.

Mum picks the kids up and prepares dinner for them while the cats conspire to trip her up if she doesn't feed them first. Dad leaves work later, since he got into his office later, so comes home around bathtime or bedtime. The kids get a bath most nights, but hair washing is only once a week, we can't stand the screaming more often than that.

We tag team making our own dinner, I usually decide what we are having and get it started, then my husband will finish preparing the food while I read bedtime stories, or vice versa. One of us feeds the dog. (To the dog's great delight, sometimes lines of communication cross, and both of us feed the dog)

As for chores, we have some help:
We have a housekeeper service once every 2 weeks. This means that on the morning they are due we spend and extra thirty minutes in the morning picking up the house so its surfaces are accessible for cleaning. If we have people over to visit in between cleaner visits, I give the house a quick once over using convenient but unenvironmental products like the Swiffer and Clorox wipes. I try to schedule dinner parties and playdates around the housekeeping schedule as much as possible to avoid cleaning! We have a dog walker and help in the garden too, and once a week or so I order ready-made yummy healthy dinners from a local caterer.

We divide up the other chores:
My husband stacks/empties the dishwasher and does dishes, and he also pays all the bills. I do all the laundry (5 loads a week, on the weekend). We do not iron anything. I only buy easy wash and wear cotton jersey type clothes, and just accept that we look a bit crumpled. It is casual California, so we can get away with this. I have our fancier stuff dry cleaned and sometimes I even remember to pick it up.

Grocery shopping we do all together on Saturday mornings (Trader Joe's is quiet at 9.00am!)

I go to Target on my lunch hour once every couple of weeks for other household shopping, and buy most of our clothes there, or online (while I'm at work, shh!)

My husband is in charge of buying pet food, and also he picks up groceries on the way home if we run out of anything (which happens often).

We both take care of our own cars (they never get washed or cleaned, and are developing their own ecosystems based upon stale milk spray and dry cheerios, but we each organize the service for our own car)
We don't have much free time, our daily newspaper invariably goes straight from its blue bag into the recycling bin, our dining room table is piled high with mail, magazines, children's artwork, dentist reminder cards and all manner of junk. Weekend time has to be devoted to household stuff. Our house is not as clean as we would like it to be (especially now in dog shedding season!), we often run out of milk and other essentials, sometimes we forget to pay a bill, and we eat too much pre-prepared frozen food. But we wash it down with a nice glass of wine, and get up the next day and do it all over again with a smile!

 

Some great tips from GeekyMummy. What advice would you give to another Buncher heading back to work after Baby #2?

 

baby bunching pep talk

Up until now, one of the wackiest Baby Bunching stories I'd heard of was a friend of mine who was in the process of adopting a baby after years of infertility, when she suddenly found herself pregnant - making her two daughters 6 months apart (and I know we have at least one reader who shares this unique situation).  Yesterday, my mom called to tell me of an acquaintance she had recently made whose biological children are 5 months apart.  Yep - you read that right.  In this case, after years of infertility, the parents were preparing to welcome a child via surrogate when the mom got pregnant.  It's so crazy that despite all of our plotting and planning, Mother Nature still manages to keep us on our toes when determining who gets a visit from the stork and when.  Baby Bunching is sometimes planned, sometimes not, but almost always really, really hard for those first couple of years.  

I remember back when, as a newly minted Baby Buncher, I was taking my second son to the pediatrician for the first time at just 4 days old. Hubby had a "can't miss" work meeting, which left me to take both boys to the doctor's office with my mom's assistance.  It may have been a twinge of post-partum blues, but at one point during the visit I almost had a breakdown when I caught my mom looking at me with a look that just screamed, "How in the hell are you going to do this on your own?"  With a husband who traveled frequently and family who were in town for the birth, but actually lived 4 states away, I really was kind of on my own.  And the birth of #2 pre-dated my super duper mom friend network - I was just beginning to befriend the women that I now consider part of my extended family.

At that moment, I mainly wanted to cry because what I needed to hear was, "You can do it." But with no mom friends who had traveled this path before me, there wasn't anyone to tell me that I could do it.  I have never missed my grandmother (who had 4 children in 27 months) more than in those first few months when I just needed someone to tell me that while lots of babies at once may eat you alive in the moment, it won't last forever (and in retrospect you will think it all went too quickly, in some ways).

Honestly, as much as I appreciated my parents' help in those first few days, I was secretly so relieved when they pulled out of the driveway because I needed to prove to myself that I could do it on my own.  I won't deny that there were times when I wanted to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, but I survived and emerged with a family that's better for it.  And you will too.

solution for morning clothing battles

We are in back to school mode here, even though we don't go back for almost three weeks. But my anticipation (read purchasing back to school items) for new year is keeping my spirits up.

If you are one of our regular readers, you know one of my favorite morning activities is the treadmill/elliptical machine + Today Show. Especially of late since the summer lovin' has ended in our house and the gym means childcare! This morning I caught a great tip from one of the guests and wanted to share it.

For those of you with little kids, you may think I'm insane for thinking this is the perfect solution to our morning wardrobe fights (from one child). But every morning we have "negotiations" with my younger child about clothes. She has a beautiful assortment of clothing from many wonderful retailers. Yet, every morning is crap shoot on what she will end up donning to school. Even when I present her with a few choices, you can count on tears, lots o drama and pleading to wear something from the opposite season.

This idea may be one I'm willing to adopt:

--Decide, with said child, the entire week's "what to wear to school" wardrobe on Sunday night. Put each outfit in a ziploc back, complete with undies and socks, and mark "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc."

Now this may not work with some kids. In fact, it may not work with my five-year old, but the arguments are painful enough to excite me in trying something new. Heck, I might try it with both kids in the hopes it will make mornings a little more efficient and easier to get everyone out the door.

giveaway: eat, sleep, poop

As a soon-to-be-first-time mom, I was the ideal book consumer and purchased such titles as: What to Expect, Baby Love, Girlfriend's Guide to [well just about everything],  Baby 411, The Baby Book, The Birthing Book, The Breastfeeding Book (basically anything Dr. Sears). I read them all, cover to cover, as I was displaced from my homeland and living in the Middle East with little to do but sweat, eat and read books.

I was sure I was an expert in parenting after all my reading and 6 months of trial and error with one child. Then Baby #2 arrived. You only think you're well-versed in every topic until a subsequent child rocks your world a year into this parenting gig.

Baby #2 (my girl) did everything Baby #1 (my boy) didn't and then went on and did none of the things her older brother did. She vomited, but didn't spit up. She got ear infections, but rarely had fevers. She breastfed with ease and ate everything I put in front of her. She loved the car and the stroller and even slept in both. But she wouldn't sleep through the night. She hated to nap and let the world know how she felt about it. Even with two babies less than 16 months apart, I would continually run to the Web or my library of parenting books to find the answers to questions I was sure I would never ask since I was such a "baby expert" now.  

Baby Bunching moms don't have time to peruse baby books. We're reading it on the toilet while someone else is crawling around at our feet, while we're nursing, while someone is in the bathtub or while shoveling food into someone else's mouth at the table.

By the time we get to Baby #2 our parenting book cocktail is neat, we need it here and now and it will probably be room temperature. Eat, Sleep, Poop by Scott W. Cohen is the perfect mix for second-time parents. First of all, I love that Dr. Cohen is also a dad. In each chapter he gives a Daddy vs. Doctor analysis for things like sleep training, vaccines, travel and colic. It's easy for doctors to spout off about what we should or shouldn't do, but it's wonderful for a doctor to say, "Hey, I finally get this. Maybe you're not psycho for questioning 7 shots on one visit?" or "Yes, perhaps 4-months is too little to make a baby cry for 2 hours."

Throughout the book he interjects with lots of "Common Sense Bottom Line" advice. I find this comforting. We all have done this before, and we know what we should or shouldn't be doing. But when you're up late at night trying to cajole one kid to bed (since hubby is out of town) and your other kid will be up soon for a feeding, we need someone to be straight with us. Another bonus: pediatrician visit checklist, medicine dosage recommendations and flowcharts for diagnosis (aka when you should flip out and bother your ped at home.)

This book would be a great book for both a first-time and second-time parent. Not a bad one for a fresh perspective on parenting/advice books. So we're giving away the copy we received. I promise I was very careful when I read it. We're giving our copy away. To enter all you have to do is tell us the best "common sense" advice you have ever given  to another mom or received from one.  We'll take entries until midnight Aug. 23.

Congrats to our winner Janna!

the screamin' meanies (otherwise known as the terrible two's)

My youngest darling son turned two a few weeks ago and he has been (to put it kindly) unbearable since about June.   Toddlers are notorious for their desire to be independent, and with two big brothers to keep up with, this little guy sets the ultimate standard for age-inappropriate behavior.  It doesn't help that he still has only a handful of words in his vocabulary, so his favorite method of communication is screeching at the top of his lungs.  A lot of what he throws my way I can deal with, but the constant screeching and whining is sending me over the edge (and my hearing impairment is so bad that I'm deaf as a post without my hearing aids - God love the hearing moms of this world).

It seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating the charms of toddlerhood - oh, how quickly the tide turns.  Bearing in mind that, for boys, the only age(s) more difficult than two are like from 13-22, I'm trying to cut the kid some slack.  I've tried blaming everything from emerging two-year molars to impending illness for his poor attitude and constant demands, but I think the bottom line is that he has a wicked case of the terrible two's.  With a little bit of spoiled rotten thrown in for good measure.  The fact that he is so damn cute is really the only thing saving his little tush these days.

I keep reminding myself that my oldest was just as strong-willed (with similar communication patterns) and back then, I had a refluxey 6-month old hanging off the side as well.  If I survived that, I'll survive this too, but in the meantime, each day is a constant struggle to understand what my little guy wants and how I can get him to ask instead of screech for it.  I keep repeating the official Baby Bunching mantra of "this, too, shall pass", but in the meantime, a few tips on effective communication and behavior management with toddlers would help.

Anyone else have sure-fire strategies beyond busting out the wine mid-day for dealing with the screeching, screaming toddler meanies?