I was at a dear friend's house today helping her out with her four kids (four under 6 to be exact) while she was babysitting two more for a week. Insane? Yes, I think so, but that is another story.
Her youngest is 5 months old. Truth be told, what she needed from me this week more than anything was just another set of hands, so I tried to step in and do what I could. I took the baby in my arms and moved about helping other kids and getting her dishwasher unloaded--all with baby in tow. (Hey, I still got it!) The baby showed signs of getting tired--looking away, whining, rubbing eyes--and I offered to put baby in bed. Funny, how things don't change. A little swaddling, a few figure 8 swings on the side and baby was out like a light. As I watched him suck away on the paci, I realized my son was one month older than this baby when we found out OUR Baby #2 was on the way. This baby who still needed 2-3 naps day. This baby who barely ate solid food. This baby who still wasn't crawling.
There is one thing consistent with all older siblings of a Bunch: they are forced given the opportunity to be big brothers/sister faster than the rest. Many older siblings are weaned earlier knowing another little one is on the way. Perhaps they are moved out of a crib quicker since Baby #2 will need it. They might even say goodbye to a bottle or paci before we they may be ready.
When you're going through Baby Bunching for the first time, the reference point for age-appropriateness may be blurred, and what the books say may or may not apply since you're essentially working with two babies. The word "toddler" seems to imply the next stage--moving from baby to child. But like the word "tween," I think we need to realize there often is no defining beginning or end.
Now looking at this phase from the other side, a toddler (as all our kids were when Baby #2 entered the world) is still little. As "big" as we force them to be because they have to be for us to survive, we must remember they are still babies, too. When it comes to comfort items such as pacis, loveies, bottles past the recommended time, we say let them be little. They are forced to grow up faster than their non-Bunched peers and a little bit of baby love might be just what they (and you) need.
This post is simply a bit of ramblings from me realizing that I may have forced my Big to be big a little sooner than I would have like.
That's a really good point. Mine are 19 months apart, and my oldest has always seemed so grown up... but have I forced her to be?
How does anyone survive the crushing guilt of motherhood, OMG? I'd have a glass of wine to drown my guilt, but I'm pregnant with #3! Hahaha!
Posted by: Amy | Aug 26, 2010 at 08:11 PM
I have two "bunches"--my oldest boys are 22 months apart, the second set is just a bit over 2 years apart, and then our baby girl is three years younger than the youngest boy. We are co-sleepers, and there's been a lot of pressure to kick the second-youngest to the curb (well, okay, his own bed) right before or after the birth of the current youngest. But each time we've found that it's just...kinder to give the recently-evicted child the option (even if it's not every night) of crawling in bed with Mom and Dad. Right now our son Owen--who's 4 1/2--really seems to need "snuggle" time. But our queen size bed just barely accommodates the two of us adults and our toddler. But I'm with you: even at 4, Owen's not a "big boy" just because he has a baby sibling. We don't let him stay in our bed all night (we'd never sleep if we did!) but I do let him snuggle for a while and sometimes drift off. We move him later but I know it helps him feel secure.
Posted by: Meagan Francis | Aug 26, 2010 at 08:42 PM
"This baby who still needed 2-3 naps day. This baby who barely ate solid food. This baby who still wasn't crawling."
Yep, this was my baby when we found out we were expecting #2. He isn't here yet, so this is good advice for me about keeping my oldest a baby. because really 15 months is still a baby!
Posted by: Cecily | Aug 26, 2010 at 10:02 PM
I agree! Thanks for reminding me!
Posted by: KRH | Aug 28, 2010 at 11:23 AM
I am grateful for this article. It is just what I needed to ead. Thank you so much for reminding me that my 29month old is still a baby even though she has an 11 month old sister.
Posted by: Katrina | Sep 02, 2010 at 11:49 PM