baby bunching pep talk

Up until now, one of the wackiest Baby Bunching stories I'd heard of was a friend of mine who was in the process of adopting a baby after years of infertility, when she suddenly found herself pregnant - making her two daughters 6 months apart (and I know we have at least one reader who shares this unique situation).  Yesterday, my mom called to tell me of an acquaintance she had recently made whose biological children are 5 months apart.  Yep - you read that right.  In this case, after years of infertility, the parents were preparing to welcome a child via surrogate when the mom got pregnant.  It's so crazy that despite all of our plotting and planning, Mother Nature still manages to keep us on our toes when determining who gets a visit from the stork and when.  Baby Bunching is sometimes planned, sometimes not, but almost always really, really hard for those first couple of years.  

I remember back when, as a newly minted Baby Buncher, I was taking my second son to the pediatrician for the first time at just 4 days old. Hubby had a "can't miss" work meeting, which left me to take both boys to the doctor's office with my mom's assistance.  It may have been a twinge of post-partum blues, but at one point during the visit I almost had a breakdown when I caught my mom looking at me with a look that just screamed, "How in the hell are you going to do this on your own?"  With a husband who traveled frequently and family who were in town for the birth, but actually lived 4 states away, I really was kind of on my own.  And the birth of #2 pre-dated my super duper mom friend network - I was just beginning to befriend the women that I now consider part of my extended family.

At that moment, I mainly wanted to cry because what I needed to hear was, "You can do it." But with no mom friends who had traveled this path before me, there wasn't anyone to tell me that I could do it.  I have never missed my grandmother (who had 4 children in 27 months) more than in those first few months when I just needed someone to tell me that while lots of babies at once may eat you alive in the moment, it won't last forever (and in retrospect you will think it all went too quickly, in some ways).

Honestly, as much as I appreciated my parents' help in those first few days, I was secretly so relieved when they pulled out of the driveway because I needed to prove to myself that I could do it on my own.  I won't deny that there were times when I wanted to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, but I survived and emerged with a family that's better for it.  And you will too.

Comments

[JessPond]

*waves hand* I'm the other 6m-apart-er. Yep. Shockingly, sometimes IVF does work! Whoda thunk it?

(But can we think it again real hard for a few days and make it so again??)

I agree....I think my family is better for it. Psychotic and crazy and OHMYGOSH WHAT are we DOING trying seriously for MORE....but....also very very good. My husband and I were just talking today about how different our life would look if the first pregnancy I had had panned out...single baby, no adoption, no Ava. Different Ethan. Sad, definitely sad!

I'll admit it....while I do not want twins because of the riskiness for everyone involved during pregnancy, I feel a little sad that future babies likely won't get the awesomeness that these two get to have together.

[Cara Fox]

Hi Jess - Didn't want to call you out, but thanks for waving your hand. : ) We love the great advice you always share - thanks for chiming in!

[Elaina]

Today my 2 week old and 17 month old took turns screaming for an hour, causing both to miss much needed sleep. Of all days, I appreciate this most today.

Thank you.

[Cara Fox]

Glad we could be there in your hour of need, Elaina. Hang in there!

[Natasha]

SO good to read this. My little Bunchers are quite grown now (nearly 6 and 4.5 yrs old!) but we have just welcomed our 3rd daughter, it's the middle of the 6-week vacation here in the UK and Dear Husband goes back to work on Monday...I have been wondering how I am going to do it all. BUT, I think I will manage! I raised a newborn & a 19 month old, and potty trained the eldest with the littlest crawling around, didn't I? Lots of Baby Bunchers do it every day, and we don't know until we try just what we are capable of when nurturing our families. Thanks for this, Cara x

[Amanda]

Today I met the owner of a great bakery in my neighborhood, and upon seeing my 9-month-old and 20-month-old, she shared that her children are only 14 months apart. She and I agreed that despite the crazy hours, days, nights, and years, it is totally worth it to have them so close...and that only the STRONG survive it :)

[Alisha]

I'm still looking for a local mommy friend network... Hopefully it happens sooner rather than later!

[melissa]

Thanks for encouragment...on a day when neither the 10 month old nor the 27 month old would go to sleep for their naps (took an hour!); this was a welcome read.

[Ruchi]

Thanks for the encouragement,Cara.Since the kids are sick,they will rarely get off my back.As you this too shall pass.

[maria wilson]

my friend adopted a baby, but by the time the adoption was final she was about ready to deliver her biological child. She became a mom for the first time to a 14 month old and an infant in the space of two weeks! I don;t know how she did it, but she did, and as you say, is stronger for it.

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