Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

flotation devices: one size/style does not fit all

As part of my never-ending quest to keep my many children safe at the pool in the summer, I'm constantly both trying new flotation devices and stalking other people's children to see how they work.  Honestly, more than one mom has probably thought I'm a weirdo for sidling up and dropping the line, "Does that precious little one belong to you?  How do you like the pod/floaties/life jacket?"

As I've posted before on water safety, when my Bunch was under 2, I was not messing around safety-wise, and I had everyone in life jackets - like the kind you wear when you're sailing around the world by yourself.  Although a little bit bulky/restrictive, these are great once the kid hits the lower weight limit for a "regular" life jacket, as opposed to the infant one.  Unfortunately, the infant life jackets are designed to flip babies on their backs, which means that your baby will find himself stuck like a turtle on his shell, all the while rotating like a chicken on a rotisserie.  While my oldest (a true adventurer) actually got a kick out of this infant X-Games swimming event, it really ticked the other boys off, sending me on a search for a new flotation device.

For tiny infants, the circular mesh (or inflatable) swim floats are nice, giving you a place to "park" them and free up your hands.  You can even buy fancy ones that have sun shade roofs and keep your little ones well-shaded.  But beware - while they free up your hands from baby, always have one hand on the float at all times.  All three of my boys managed to crawl right out of it at one point or another - even when they were far under the suggested age use limit.

This summer, for the first time, I've gone old-school with floaties.  Despite their time-tested prevalence, I've never felt like floaties were particularly safe, feeling like their buoyancy varies depending on brand (sometimes leaving baby's mouth right at water level) and worrying they could slip right off.  But this summer, with a 2-year old who refuses to do the baby float and is too young for the "upright" life jacket, but too active to just docilely play on the stairs and sit in my arms, I turned to floaties in desperation.  They've worked just great because A) they do not fall off and B) my little guy doesn't care if he drinks half a pool when he swims.

Right after I bought my floaties, I saw this nifty gadget at the beach - Puddle Jumpers, a seemingly safer floatie/jacket combo version!  I've never used one myself, but stalked two mom users to get the inside scoop and they get rave reviews.  If I was doing it all over again (and if summer wasn't almost already over for us), I'd get this.

Another option is the pod.  I had one and gave it away because we went directly from straight life jackets to independent swimming freedom, but the friend I gave it to uses it for her son with great success.  It allows a little more freedom than a life jacket, but provides decent buoyancy and support.  I'm not sure I'd use it on a two-year old, but it's great for the 3 and up set.  Unfortunately, I came by it several years ago and can't even find it on line anymore, so maybe it's not as great as I think it is?

So there you have it, friends.  My guide to flotation devices after 6 summers of parenting babies and toddlers at the pool.  I'm happy to say that despite my earlier fears about flotation devices becoming crutches and growing up to have a bunch of 16-year olds in floaties, the Bigs are absolute fishies this summer, and Baby is not that far behind.  I'm thinking that I'm two summers, max, away from sitting poolside carefree with my People mag while my crew splashes independently in the water.  And I have the complete continuum of (increasingly less restrictive) flotation devices to thank for that.  I know I've missed some, so let us know what your favorites are!

thanks to the mommy mentors

This week I'm saying goodbye to one of my mommy mentors, leaving only one more left in town. Perhaps you have a mommy mentor. Perhaps you, unwittingly, are one. These amazing women can be an extension of our families in a time when we all need all the hands/help we can get.

For me, a mommy mentor is the mom who has a similar parenting style and does all the things with her kids that I aspire to do. I'm not talking about the mom who runs her kids from sports to swim and scouts to dance. That I already know how to do. I'm referring to the mom who in the midst of all the chaos and chauffeuring from place to place, projects some kind of calm and peace over not just her kids, but me and my own kids as well. The mom who stops in the middle of the sentence and says, "Yes, sweetheart. Let me finish talking to Ms Linda, and I will read you a book." And then she does it, even with the "special" voices.

Throughout my parenting career, I have met three amazing ladies who have inspired me to be a better mom. Because as we all know, this parenting gig doesn't come with any kind of an instruction manual. These women do not know each other well or at all. Some of them work and others stay at home. Two of them have two kids and the other has four. One of them isn't even from this country. Interestingly enough, there are some similarities between them despite their differences. They are all well-traveled, extremely patient, positive and loving. Most of all they all have a great sense of humor and spirit of adventure.

And while I may not see these moms very often, even an afternoon with them can revive my parenting spirit. They say it takes a village to raise a child and in a time when extended family isn't around to help do the heavy lifting, it's nice to know that special friends are here to give us the courage to do it ourselves.

Thanks to all the mommy mentors out there (do we call them "momtors?") and the ways that they help us grow and inspire as parents.

**We'll miss you Jenny. Thanks for inspiring me.

bunched by surprise: this mom's experience

By Jennifer Boyle

Any parent or parent-to-be can attest to the fact that pregnancy, even under the best circumstances, can be very daunting…possibly terrifying.  Suddenly, you are solely responsible for another life!  It’s a lot to take in.  Add the term “unplanned” to that pregnancy and the anxiety can multiply exponentially.  Add in “unplanned” AND “two under two” to that pregnancy and…well, you’ve got a glimpse into my reality.  Almost four months after having our first child, despite taking the necessary precautions, I found myself having a staring contest with the double lines of a pregnancy test.  Needless to say, the stick won.  Our daughter is now almost four months old and our son is almost 16 months old.  We became a baby bunching family by surprise.  And we couldn’t be happier.

When we first found out we would be adding to our brood so soon after having our first child, we went through a mix of emotions; guilt, excitement, worry, curiosity.  You name it, we dealt with it.  For me, although I experienced the emotional gamut, aside from a lot of excitement, the emotion that plagued me was guilt.  Would we be cheating our first-born out of all the one-on-one time everyone else’s kids were going to be getting?  Would we be able to devote all the time necessary to proper development with two very young children?  How could we possibly spend as much time with the new baby as we did with our son when he was an infant?   Basically, every unanswered question that tainted our growing excitement centered around whether bunching our babies was fair to them or not.

As people began finding out that we were expecting baby number two, the responses were pretty predictable.  “Wow, you’re really going to have your hands full!” “Gee, don’t you two know what causes that?” “Well, you two will never sleep again!”  Honestly, I never worried much about how their father and I were going to fare.  We wouldn’t even really have a chance to get out of the baby stage before our new one arrived, so I figured we would be old pros by her arrival.  Plus, as parents, you just do what’s necessary.  Because you have to.  Because you want to.  Because it’s your job.  You thrive on little to no sleep.  You put yourself last.  You master the art of multi-tasking.  You become the person that you never imagined you could, but always hoped you would.  No…I didn’t worry about us.  I worried about them.  Nonetheless, time did not wait for us to answer all those nagging questions and we had our daughter six days before her big brother’s first birthday.

To say we had our hands full after our daughter was born would be an understatement.  They’ve continued to be full (overflowing, usually) every blessed day since.  I’ve had some time to process our situation and have made my own realizations. 

First, everyone has their “hands full” when they add a new child to the family.  Whether there are twelve months between babies or twelve years, there are always challenges and hills to climb.  It’s the nature of the beast.  Parenting is not a spectator sport.  If it is, you’re doing it wrong.  There are unique challenges that our parenting peers who spread out their children may not experience, but the pendulum swings the other way, as well. 

Second, we may not have planned it this way, but this is our reality now.  We have welcomed all the challenges head-on and gone full throttle up the hills.  We, as parents, are responsible for deciding what kinds of childhoods our children will have.  Bunching our babies doesn’t send us hurtling toward some sort of predetermined outcome.  It certainly does not mean we love our children any less or are not as concerned about giving them as much individual attention as possible.  We may be spread a little thin from time to time, but we can still give 100%.

Last, a baby is a blessing no matter when he or she arrives.  When I think about the few times I worried about our new baby detracting from the wonderful little family we had just begun to create, I feel pretty silly.  She fits perfectly into our family.  In fact, as cliché as it sounds, I cannot imagine our family without her in it. 

Being a parent is an amazing gift.  I feel a little ungrateful every time I think about how much time I wasted worrying about what we were getting ourselves into rather than being thankful that we were given the opportunity to experience two under two.  Yes, I realize that we’ve only just begun this journey, but now I am nothing but excited to be a part of this baby bunching adventure!

Jennifer is a 29-year-old SAHM with 2 under 2 (or more like 2 under 1).  Little Baby was born 6 days before Big Baby's first birthday.

baby bunchers at blogher

Our Blogher badges arrived and we are so excited to be making our way to NYC in just two weeks! We're hoping to meet many of our fellow Bunchers face-to-face. It's a great time for us to catch up with Bunchers like Jessica from A Parent in Silver Spring, Tech Savvy Mama, Kate from The Big Piece of Cake, MamaLaw and Jean from Stimeyland. But we're looking forward to meeting other Bunchers like Kristen Chase, Gabrielle Blair (Design Mom), Rookie Moms, Katja Presnal (Skimbaco), and Stacey (Is There Any Mommy Out There?). I am sure we missed lots of other Baby Bunchers out there. Are you going to BlogHer? Let us know. Make sure you track down either of us while you're there. We are so excited!!!

A special thanks to Hershey for sponsoring Linda's transportation to NYC. She'll be riding the rails with the DC area bloggers as part of the S’MORES Road Trip to BlogHer.

baby bunching playdate dynamics

Love the playdate. I'm not sure how other moms feel about them, but to me just the word evokes both calm and excitement. Any combination of built in play for my kids (no matter how chaotic) + companionship for me has to be the perfect recipe. Throw in the fact that it almost guarantees everyone will be tired and take naps/go to bed on time and we have a stellar morning/afternoon. Rock on! Go playdates!

When my kids were young, playdates usually meant both kids got to go along for the ride. With kids so close in age, it's easy for everyone to generally play on the same level. Notice I didn't say they all played nicely, but they did play together. 

Now things are still a bit the same. But different. This summer we have had a full line up of playdates, however, I fear the days of everyone playing together may be waning. The only way this works, right now, is to invite a girl that my older son already knows so he's comfortable playing with her and my daughter can do the girl thing. It does not work the other way. Invite a boy and they're in the back yard with sticks as swords.

Last week, I invited my daughter's friend over to play. My son constantly made valiant attempts to play knights with the princesses or try to be the shop owner of the Barbie hair salon. Major props for creativity. Eventually, after trying to occupy him with reading, crafts and computer, I finally called the neighbor next door and asked her to send her 5-year old son over to occupy mine. Why confront an issue when you can cover it up with a stellar playdate?!

Tomorrow I am faced with another playdate for my son. My daughter and I have plans to unwrap some very messy craft that her uncle sent for her birthday. Seemed like a good reason to break that open.

I would love to hear what people have to say on this. I would think the gender issue would work itself out and in a few years everyone will just leave everyone alone. But perhaps this is just one of the many side effects to Baby Bunching and I should keep finding other Bunched kids to invite over as a Bunch for mine.

baby bunching Q/A: morning craziness

We received this question from Shell on our Facebook page.

Q: Any tips on how to successfully get several children that wake at the same time our of bed and downstairs? I have a 2 1/2 year old and 16 months old. I am expecting #3 in September. I have just ordered at Stop Light clock for my oldest with hopes of teaching him to get out of bed by himself, but would love any other ideas!

A: Your morning routine will be dictated by two things:  1) what time everyone wakes up (and if everyone happens to wake up at the same time) and 2) whether Dad is around to help. While some moms find it easier if children wake up in a staggered order so you can start putting them through the morning routine assembly line (diaper change, breakfast, dressed, shoes) in the order in which they arise, most of us aren't blessed with this capability to choose when our kids wake up.   We get what we get and embrace it!

However, Baby Bunchers universally agree (no study needed) that given the choice, we prefer to have Dad around to help as much as possible in the morning.  This makes it easier for you to either Divide and Conquer (put a parent on each kid) or put Dad on the kids while you treat yourself to a quick shower and throwing on some clothes. If you can, get Dad to focus on getting your oldest child fed and dressed so that you can focus on getting baby ready for the day.

Whether or not the morning routine is a team effort, we do have a few Baby Buncher tips for streamlining the process.  Again, organization factors in heavily here.  Since it is a pain in the butt to travel back and forth from areas (upstairs/downstairs) as a unit, try to bring everything you need to get everyone dressed into the kitchen/dining area when you bring the children in for breakfast.  This means diapers, clothes, shoes/socks, toothbrushes (you should already have these at your kitchen sink, per our earlier recommendations).  Don’t forget any combs or hair stuff you might need.  We also recommend keeping a stack of inexpensive washcloths in the kitchen somewhere.  These are good not only for food spills and mop-ups, but also for face cleaning and hair-wetting when getting ready.

Assessing your children's eating habits can help alleviate morning crazies as well. Perhaps one child awakes starving and would be happier with a cheerio-like cereal or banana in his belly before moving onto the next activity of the morning or the other child isn't ready to be served breakfast until a morning poo. Watching toddler pick at cereal while you nurse a baby gives you time to snack everyone in the same place. Knowing everyone's eating preferences is a good skill and one that will help you down the road. (The good news is: many times how they prefer to eat won't change as they get older. So do your observing now.)

Certainly getting everyone out the door for work/daycare has a different level of energy than not. Here's a great post we found on Alpha Mom for getting your household ready in the morning. The tip about the coffee pot is a great one for Baby Bunchers as well. Schedule your morning cup of jo so it's ready when you wake up!  

Do yourself a favor and do NOT get the children dressed until after they have eaten.  They are only going to get food all over whatever you put them in, so spare yourself an outfit change.  Depending on your child’s age, we even dare to suggest that you put off changing morning diapers until after everyone has eaten – it is one less trip to the changing station and one less change of pants.  Obviously we don’t recommend this if your child’s pants are dirty or so wet they are sagging off his body – use your judgment here.  After they are done eating, once you have a kid pinned down for a diaper change, get them dressed from head to toe before you let them go so you can check that kid off the list as “ready for the day”.

One last bit that might help is to turn on the tunes. During the frantic mornings, it's amazing what music will do to calm not just the adults, but the kids. One of our favorite CDs for morning, noon and night is Susie Tallman's Lullabies for Sleepy Eyes. The next time your morning starts to take a turn for the worse, reset with some mood music and watch what it can do.

Everyone's household is varied with different morning routines, personalities and appetites. Remember that kids read you. Frantic mornings can make for frantic days. Many mornings may include food disasters, spills (from you and then), poo, stains, and tears. Believe us when we say that you are not alone. Laugh it off and move on because naptime is right around the corner.

bunking with your bunch

With the summer travel season upon us, my Bunch has been on the move quite a bit lately.  For one reason or another, on at least half a dozen occasions over the past few months we have found ourselves bunking with one or more of our children in a hotel room, rental house, relative's home, etc.  This past weekend, we found ourselves (yet again) crammed into a hotel room together.  Yes, that's right - all five of us. If we're staying somewhere for a few nights, we spring for the extended-stay/suite-type places.  But for a quick overnight on a drive to somewhere, we're trying to minimize cash layout on the drive there so we can save money to do the fun stuff once we get there.

The Bigs have mercifully reached the age where they can sleep A) in any bed or on a pallet on the floor and B) in the same room with each other, both of which make things a LOT easier.  Although they get pretty cranked when "on vacation" (which they define as sleeping anywhere except home, no matter the location or reason), they're definitely old enough to understand that when lights are down and Mom and Dad use a firm "go to bed" tone, it's time to go to bed.

Baby, on the other hand, is still too young to get it and he is difficult in a hotel room.  So difficult, in fact, that I am straining to remember how we managed to cram into a hotel room with TWO babies.  Oh yeah, we didn't.  We were pretty much on a two-year travel moratorium during our prime Baby Bunching years, but we did have a few occasions where we all had to bunk together and here's what I remember (and still look for, when making reservations) as keys to success when traveling with baby(ies).

1) Pack N Play is critical.  Either call ahead and make sure the hotel has one or bring your own, no matter what it takes.  You may be able to get away with letting one Baby (or Toddler) snuggle in your bed, but you will not get even half a wink of sleep if the entire family is there.

2) Get two beds. That way, if the PackNPlay thing doesn't pan out and baby is scared of sleeping in an unfamiliar environment alone, you can at least split the difference with your hubby and divvy up between two beds instead of cramming the entire family into one huge one.

3) Get creative with asking for alternative room layouts.  One of the biggest problems I have getting my babies settled is that they settle easier and sleep better in rooms by themselves.  Short of getting two hotel rooms (which seems a giant waste if 50% of your family is under the age of 2 and doesn't appreciate the extra space), a hotel stay means that they will not be able to have their own rooms.  But there are a couple of things you can do to mitigate this. Although it sounds gross, hotel rooms frequently have bathrooms large enough to fit PackNPlays and that is the first place I look for the possibility of creating a "separate" space.  Typically, scoring a room that is handicap-accessible significantly increases your chances of a larger room, so ask for it and if they have enough, they may give you one. Another possible "bedroom" is an over sized closet.  At the very least, see if you can get a "suite," which isn't always the exorbitantly-priced, multiple room affair - sometimes it's just a half wall separating the sleeping area from a small "living area" - for not much more money.

4) Bring the creature comforts.  Even if the hotel has a PackNPlay, bring your own crib sheets, blankets and favorite stuffed animals.  Few hotels have sheets that fit the crib - they just double-wrap the mattress in regular sheets, so having your own bedding on hand will increase your wee one's comfort level.  Don't forget the white noise machine if your baby needs one - it may be annoying for you to fall asleep to the sound of a waterfall, but at least you will get SOME sleep if your little one sleeps instead of cries all night.

5) Max out the amenities.  If there's a pool, use it.  Get the babes good and tired in the hopes that they will just crash from exhaustion, not caring when or where they sleep. 

6) Just plan on going to bed early. My husband finds it hard to wind down at night without reading or watching TV. That's unfortunate for him, because my Bunch finds it hard to wind down if he is reading or watching TV.  If you can score a room with an outdoor balcony, you might be able to slip out and talk quietly or read for a bit.  Otherwise, just call it a day when your Bunch does - heaven knows you'll need need the rest to be up for whatever they throw your way tomorrow (or in the middle of the night).

These are my best tips, but we STILL struggle with this, and most of the time check out having slept minimally.  If you've figured out how to make family-style bunking work, DO TELL!

the less examined life

By Rachel Ostlie

Many live by the quote from Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I learned, from the Baby Buncher I respect the most, that “The less examined life is more worth living.

My Grandma passed away last summer, a week after I officially joined the babybunching ranks with the birth of my second child. But before that sad day, as I struggled through pregnancy plus baby, I would sometimes call her for advice. After all, she was the queen of Baby Bunchers – four in four years, and a herd of cows to milk every morning to top it off!

One long-distance conversation, I asked her how she ever managed. My mind was already swirling with the challenges of caring for two babies, making sure they had every advantage, making sure there was no jealousy, doing everything perfect (as I delude myself into trying to do in every aspect of my life).

Her reply was telling. “How do you manage with two babies at once?” I asked. She said, “Oh... you just do.” Which, from her mouth, meant: You do the best you can with what you have. You don't spend time worrying about the future, or agonizing over the past, which are two things she very well could've done with two barns that burnt down and a family on food stamps. Instead, you just live each day, and make it through that day.

I'm not advocating that one should never examine their lives. It is important to step back from the present, evaluate choices, and get a perspective. But for an over-thinker like myself, perhaps a little less examining results in a little better living. This is something my Grandma knew to be true, especially if that living involves two under two.
 
Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of a 30-month-old girl and a 13-month-old boy who are already being mistaken for twins. She lives in the Chicago area.

happy birthday! five years of baby bunching

Five years ago today, Linda sat in a hospital room awaiting the birth of her second child--the baby who would officially bring her into the inconceivable world of Baby Bunching. At five days overdue and in between two international moves (with a husband who would only be around for two more weeks), she faked labor and managed to convince a very loving nurse to induce her. Nine hours later and after an incredibly speedy delivery where they could barely get the doctor there in time, her Bunch was complete.

Ironically enough, a few hundred miles south BFF Cara was also in a hospital room, unexpectedly getting ready to deliver her second child who decided to show up 11 days early. Labor was fast, but Baby Boy's head was turned sideways, complicating and lengthening delivery a little.  In the end, he just missed sharing his birthday with Linda's daughter by an hour.

This weekend, the two of us celebrate five wonderful years of Baby Bunching.  We had no idea what we were getting into, but we wouldn't change it for the world.  

baby bunching Q/A: don't make us leave this playdate

This question came to us from Marla on our Facebook page.

Q:When "bigs" was "littles" age, if she did any thing totally unacceptable while we were away from home (like biting friends) she got a warning and then if she repeated the offense we had to leave and go home. Little was to little to care if we left and still does not really understand if we have to leave because bigs is in trouble. now that little is going through this phase I wonder what bigs reaction will be when we have to leave what ever fun activity when little gets in trouble. Any advise?

A: As the mom to a former biter, I felt I might be the most qualified to answer this question. My daughter began biting around age 1. We claim it was self defense as it was the one thing that would stop her older brother dead in his tracks. Seeing how effective it could be, she continued. And two years later I was still dealing with biting, which I might add is not OK at anytime, but really uncool at age 3.

Looking for some advice, I turned to my local mom's group--whose children were victims to my little vampire--and their advice was I had to show it was not OK and it might mean leaving a playdate immediately. I think many times it was as hard for me to leave as it was for the kids because I needed the companionship as much as they did.

So we started Operation Save the Playdate, and I let everyone know on the way to the playdate that biting was not acceptable. If you bite, we leave. Immediately. At first I don't think they believed me, but we did it. Both kids cried and screamed. It was not a pretty sight. Although after a few of these, I think my oldest finally got how this played out and there was less resistance to our hasty exit. I usually let the hostess know ahead of time what the game plan was so she knew when we sprinted out that it was not about her. I also had to watch my daughter like a hawk to try to catch her before she took the bite. After a few times of this, my son would lecture his sister in the car about not biting because he wanted to play and it wasn't fair if they had to leave because of her.

I can't remember exactly how many interactions we had like this. Although if I had to guess I would say we probably had to do this only about 5 times. It shows they catch on quicker than we realize if you stick to it. And it is super hard to stick to it. Many times I wanted to cave and stay, but I kept thinking that would mean she won.

Your oldest one's reaction might be disgust or disappointment. But it's good to keep in mind that it's only one of many lessons for your Bunch illustrating the very-hard-to-learn fact that family operates as a unit. Bad behavior is not OK and sometimes everyone loses out. In fact, it may mean everyone loses privileges, like TV or going out to eat, because one child can't behave. While our kids are certainly individuals with their own personalities, they really need to work as a team. If one player doesn't get the play right, you lose the game for the whole team. On the flip side, if everyone can get it right, we'll have a fabulous time together and maybe even win!

Please chime in and let us know your thoughts on this.