toughing out the terrible two's

Number 3 in my crew has just entered the terrible two's - right on schedule at exactly one month shy of his second birthday.  What has surprised me the most about it is how I had forgotten how much it sucks.  Given that with my Bunch, I spent four straight years in the terrible two's because one was entering just as the older one was leaving, you think I would've remembered something like this.  But I guess that's one of the most magical things about parenthood - it dulls your ability to both think coherently and remember accurately. 

One nice thing about this spin around the block is that I have a little perspective.  Given that his older brothers are now elementary-aged and have perfected fit pitching, tantrum throwing, and (my personal favorite) back-talking, managing a little toddler hissy-fit seems like child's play.  It takes a lot to get me as worked up as the offending child usually is.

But one thing I do struggle to remember is how to appropriate discipline a toddler.  It's been 3 years since I last had a toddler and my discipline methods have grown up right along with my kids.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure that losing computer or outside play privileges or having to single-handedly pick up 2.5 million Legos is really gonna work that well with the wee-est of my wee ones.   And really, until recent weeks, Baby (as the entire family calls him) has been just that - sweet, innocent, and incapable of wrongdoing.  

But today I was finally forced to re-learn Toddler Behavior Management 101 on the fly when Baby pitched a GIANT, inconsolable temper tantrum over an absolute REFUSAL to share Dot Art markers with his brothers.  As I watched the situation escalate (which eventually included him pelting his brothers with the markers he was trying so hard to maintain possession of), I knew that I was going to have to lay down the law with my little guy.  After two straight years of having everyone in the family cater to his every whim, I'm starting to see less "Baby" and more "Big Baby" - as in the Toy Story 3 variety.

Dusting off my toddler discipline skills, I finally ended up taking the following approach:

 

• Spend several minutes cajoling with Baby to share, while he snatches all markers right back out of my hands and screeches.  
• Redirect. Redirect again.  And again. Repeat 15 times.
• Finally get it through my thick head that redirection won't work and turn to stern admonitions to share.  By this point, screeches have turned to tears, screaming, twisting out of seat, and throwing markers at brothers (staining my dining room rug in the process).
• Marker throwing I can sort of deal with, but rug staining has sent me over the edge.  Unbuckle Baby from booster seat, march him to stairs, and park him on the bottom stair for a time out.  Briefly explain to him why he is in time out and leave him on the step, sobbing.
• Attempt to clean rug.  Baby appears, having left the step. March him back to step.
• Repeat 3 times, with his screeching and screaming getting louder each time.
• Finally, pick up thrashing, sweaty, screaming toddler and deposit him in crib.  Tell him he must take 5 minutes to calm down and I will be back for him.
• I take 8 minutes to calm down and go back for him.
• Lift him out of crib, where he is now silenced, but hiccuping uncontrollably.
• Dry his tears, rub his back, give him a hug, and tell him we're going to take another try at sharing.  Bigs have long lost interest in markers and disappeared, so grab markers and shove them in a drawer when he isn't looking.
• Buckle him back in the seat and hand him some crayons, upon which he immediately forgets about the markers and begins laughing and babbling about bananas and babies.

Toddlers - gotta love 'em.  I know someday when he's back-talking, I'll miss the screeching.

 

Comments

[Michelle]

So Toddler #1, who is almost 3, has been in the Terrible Two's for a long time. Since she was 20 months and we're JUST NOW starting to see some improvement. Just in time for beating up on Baby/Toddler #2 (14 months). When all else fails and Toddler #1 won't listen and continues to scream/spit/scratch/bite/whatever, we threathen "THE COLD SHOWER". Works like a charm.

[Amanda]

I have to ask, Michelle, what exactly is "The Cold Shower"? Is a threat for an actual cold shower or is it code for something else? I'm working on building up my bag of tricks because my 19-month-old is becoming more stubborn and ruthless as I type. Thanks!

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