keeping up appearances: 10-minute cleanup sprint

Last week a friend called to catch up for a bit. One thing led to another during the discussion and the next thing I knew her whole Bunch was heading over for a playdate. Right then. I quickly scanned the house to check at what last-minute pickup/wipe down was needed. Fortunately, I've been playing this game long enough that it's become easier and quicker.

Over the years I have learned a thing or two about presentability of your house for a playdate. Some moms are awesome at surrendering to the chaos of their new life and are unfazed that guests have to navigate an obstacle course that involves crunching over an entire box of Cheerios on the kitchen floor in order to get to the toddler toy minefield in the living room.  They take it all in stride. Other make great attempts to fool us into thinking they have it all together.

No one wants to come over to a spotless house. That's just weird. Mess is good and healthy. Crumbs on the floor are even cool with me. But parents of crawlers may be less than ecstatic to have their child mopping up the floors with their hands. It's one thing when it's your floor, but another when it's someone else's perhaps. And while we all understand bathroom pee on the seat and perhaps even on the floor around it, it's kind of gross at someone else's house.

If you are one of the parents that feel obliged to making others think they have it all under control even when you don’t, we’ve developed a cheater’s guide to look your Baby Bunching Best.  It takes less than 10 minutes and we are embarrassed to admit that we have both, at times, let one or both children scream while we raced around the house for 10 minutes in an effort to ready the house for an impending visitor. 

Here’s what you do:
1. The minute you hang up the phone with your soon-to-be guest, sweep all dirty dishes into the sink and wipe down counters.  Some moms use the oven to stash dirty dishes, but Cara forgot and almost cooked hers once so we recommend the sink as a safer alternative.

2. Light a candle with a pleasant scent. Gets rid of disgusting diaper/spit up

3. Throw all toys in each room into the bin/container in that room. You do have one of these right?

4. Sweep up any visible (to the reasonable, not scrutinizing, naked eye) food/dirt/other debris on the floor or carpet.  Have a lightweight vacuum or Dustbuster for this purpose.  Do not get carried away with this step or you will run out of time.

5. Go to your bathroom your guests will use.  Use Clorox wipes to swipe the sink and then the toilet seat.  Bonus points if you have time to swish the bowl, but not necessarily unless you have toilet training toddler tracks in the bowl.  Throw the used wipes (you bought scented ones, right?) in your wastebasket and throw a clean tissue on top to hide them – they will keep the bathroom smelling lemony fresh.  Make sure you put out a clean hand towel to replace the finger paint stained one your toddler used to wash up with before lunch.

6. If your upstairs or other areas of the house are such a disaster you can’t bear to have visitors see them, bring toys into the living room and put up a baby gate to block off disaster zones.

7. Wash your hands.  Put on a pot of coffee or get out the iced tea, and plate some cookies/Goldfish/whatever else is appropriate for the time of day.

8. If there is time, take the trash out.

9 Comfort screaming children, if applicable.

10. Smooth hair, paste smile on face, and prepare to greet visitor.

Comments

[Stimey]

Excellent tips. I particular enjoyed the part about Cara almost cooking her dishes because I would totally do that.

[Kelsey]

I love it, as this sounds like exactly what I do on a regular basis for guests. I never thought about putting dishes in the oven, and despite the potential for cooking them, I just may use that in dire circumstances.

[Rachel O.]

Truly awesome.

[jean grow]

the oven makes a good back-up drying rack, too... unless your husband likes to take over the kitchen, and doesn't know how to pay attention when firing things up. This has happened multiple times at our house.