Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

toughing out the terrible two's

Number 3 in my crew has just entered the terrible two's - right on schedule at exactly one month shy of his second birthday.  What has surprised me the most about it is how I had forgotten how much it sucks.  Given that with my Bunch, I spent four straight years in the terrible two's because one was entering just as the older one was leaving, you think I would've remembered something like this.  But I guess that's one of the most magical things about parenthood - it dulls your ability to both think coherently and remember accurately. 

One nice thing about this spin around the block is that I have a little perspective.  Given that his older brothers are now elementary-aged and have perfected fit pitching, tantrum throwing, and (my personal favorite) back-talking, managing a little toddler hissy-fit seems like child's play.  It takes a lot to get me as worked up as the offending child usually is.

But one thing I do struggle to remember is how to appropriate discipline a toddler.  It's been 3 years since I last had a toddler and my discipline methods have grown up right along with my kids.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure that losing computer or outside play privileges or having to single-handedly pick up 2.5 million Legos is really gonna work that well with the wee-est of my wee ones.   And really, until recent weeks, Baby (as the entire family calls him) has been just that - sweet, innocent, and incapable of wrongdoing.  

But today I was finally forced to re-learn Toddler Behavior Management 101 on the fly when Baby pitched a GIANT, inconsolable temper tantrum over an absolute REFUSAL to share Dot Art markers with his brothers.  As I watched the situation escalate (which eventually included him pelting his brothers with the markers he was trying so hard to maintain possession of), I knew that I was going to have to lay down the law with my little guy.  After two straight years of having everyone in the family cater to his every whim, I'm starting to see less "Baby" and more "Big Baby" - as in the Toy Story 3 variety.

Dusting off my toddler discipline skills, I finally ended up taking the following approach:

 

• Spend several minutes cajoling with Baby to share, while he snatches all markers right back out of my hands and screeches.  
• Redirect. Redirect again.  And again. Repeat 15 times.
• Finally get it through my thick head that redirection won't work and turn to stern admonitions to share.  By this point, screeches have turned to tears, screaming, twisting out of seat, and throwing markers at brothers (staining my dining room rug in the process).
• Marker throwing I can sort of deal with, but rug staining has sent me over the edge.  Unbuckle Baby from booster seat, march him to stairs, and park him on the bottom stair for a time out.  Briefly explain to him why he is in time out and leave him on the step, sobbing.
• Attempt to clean rug.  Baby appears, having left the step. March him back to step.
• Repeat 3 times, with his screeching and screaming getting louder each time.
• Finally, pick up thrashing, sweaty, screaming toddler and deposit him in crib.  Tell him he must take 5 minutes to calm down and I will be back for him.
• I take 8 minutes to calm down and go back for him.
• Lift him out of crib, where he is now silenced, but hiccuping uncontrollably.
• Dry his tears, rub his back, give him a hug, and tell him we're going to take another try at sharing.  Bigs have long lost interest in markers and disappeared, so grab markers and shove them in a drawer when he isn't looking.
• Buckle him back in the seat and hand him some crayons, upon which he immediately forgets about the markers and begins laughing and babbling about bananas and babies.

Toddlers - gotta love 'em.  I know someday when he's back-talking, I'll miss the screeching.

 

keeping up appearances: 10-minute cleanup sprint

Last week a friend called to catch up for a bit. One thing led to another during the discussion and the next thing I knew her whole Bunch was heading over for a playdate. Right then. I quickly scanned the house to check at what last-minute pickup/wipe down was needed. Fortunately, I've been playing this game long enough that it's become easier and quicker.

Over the years I have learned a thing or two about presentability of your house for a playdate. Some moms are awesome at surrendering to the chaos of their new life and are unfazed that guests have to navigate an obstacle course that involves crunching over an entire box of Cheerios on the kitchen floor in order to get to the toddler toy minefield in the living room.  They take it all in stride. Other make great attempts to fool us into thinking they have it all together.

No one wants to come over to a spotless house. That's just weird. Mess is good and healthy. Crumbs on the floor are even cool with me. But parents of crawlers may be less than ecstatic to have their child mopping up the floors with their hands. It's one thing when it's your floor, but another when it's someone else's perhaps. And while we all understand bathroom pee on the seat and perhaps even on the floor around it, it's kind of gross at someone else's house.

If you are one of the parents that feel obliged to making others think they have it all under control even when you don’t, we’ve developed a cheater’s guide to look your Baby Bunching Best.  It takes less than 10 minutes and we are embarrassed to admit that we have both, at times, let one or both children scream while we raced around the house for 10 minutes in an effort to ready the house for an impending visitor. 

Here’s what you do:
1. The minute you hang up the phone with your soon-to-be guest, sweep all dirty dishes into the sink and wipe down counters.  Some moms use the oven to stash dirty dishes, but Cara forgot and almost cooked hers once so we recommend the sink as a safer alternative.

2. Light a candle with a pleasant scent. Gets rid of disgusting diaper/spit up

3. Throw all toys in each room into the bin/container in that room. You do have one of these right?

4. Sweep up any visible (to the reasonable, not scrutinizing, naked eye) food/dirt/other debris on the floor or carpet.  Have a lightweight vacuum or Dustbuster for this purpose.  Do not get carried away with this step or you will run out of time.

5. Go to your bathroom your guests will use.  Use Clorox wipes to swipe the sink and then the toilet seat.  Bonus points if you have time to swish the bowl, but not necessarily unless you have toilet training toddler tracks in the bowl.  Throw the used wipes (you bought scented ones, right?) in your wastebasket and throw a clean tissue on top to hide them – they will keep the bathroom smelling lemony fresh.  Make sure you put out a clean hand towel to replace the finger paint stained one your toddler used to wash up with before lunch.

6. If your upstairs or other areas of the house are such a disaster you can’t bear to have visitors see them, bring toys into the living room and put up a baby gate to block off disaster zones.

7. Wash your hands.  Put on a pot of coffee or get out the iced tea, and plate some cookies/Goldfish/whatever else is appropriate for the time of day.

8. If there is time, take the trash out.

9 Comfort screaming children, if applicable.

10. Smooth hair, paste smile on face, and prepare to greet visitor.

recall alert: check your cribs!

If there's one thing a Baby Buncher can't do without, it's a crib.  In fact, many of us have two.  

We all know the warnings about the safety hazards of using cribs from unfamiliar sources where we don't know the history (much like car seats), cribs older than 10 years, or cribs with missing pieces of hardware.  But recently, there's been a rash of crib recalls that should have all of us on notice.  The drop-down crib in and of itself is taking a major beating these days - the industry is moving away from them and major retailers such as WalMart and BabiesRUs are moving towards taking them off the floors altogether.  The government is actually revising safety standards on cribs this year and there are rumors that manufacturing of drop-downs in the US will be phased out all together within the next few years in favor of those with hinged sides, possibly.

New today is a massive recall from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission of cribs from seven companies manufactured between 2000 and 2009 - which means potentially, many our of cribs.  An estimated 2 million cribs will be affected by the recall, so PLEASE check the list and your crib(s). In most instances, the injury or death was caused by the drop down side failing to latch securely and the child getting trapped between the drop down and the mattress.  This is, apparently, frequently due to improper hardware or improper installation, often in cribs with missing parts being re-used for the 2nd or 3rd child.

Personally, my second crib was recalled about a year ago and I was elated to hear the news because although Baby #3 was in crib #1, I never planned to use crib #2 again and I was able to return it to Target for a full refund (which means basically I got to use a brand new crib for free for 2 years)!  Of course, my child wasn't injured in it, so I had no complaints. And as a mom on the taller side, I think I actually USED the drop-down side of my crib approximately twice in my 6+ years of parenting, there wasn't exactly a lot of risk associated with my usage patterns.

But we love our Bunchers and their Bunches and it would break our hearts to hear of any of your wee ones being assaulted by a drop-down crib, so do your research and use good judgment.  Just thought we'd keep you in the know since if you're like us, you haven't seen the news or read a newspaper since your first baby was born and might very well have missed this important recall.

baby bunching pool survival guide

If your area is anything like mine this week, you're sweating! Besides being indoors in the AC, the only other place we can stand is the pool. And for me, after a few hours my kids start climbing the wall so a-swimming we will go!

Taking your Bunch to the pool, along with all their associated piles of junk and keeping everyone from drowning may seem like an impossible feat. But never fear. We have your Baby Bunching Swim Survival Guide right here. Ready, Set Swim. (We are pulling posts from last year and still stand by all of these tips.The pool can be your savior in the summer heat. It just takes some prep work.)

Plan carefully on what you bring. There is so much you COULD bring to the pool like water guns, toys, diving sticks, rafts, extra change of clothes for everyone, picnic lunch, popsicles, wallet, etc. The list starts to look like a kindergarten school supply list.  Please realize that because you have your Bunch with you, you will probably only actually BE at the pool for less than two hours (in fact, it will likely take you longer to get ready than it will to experience the outing).  Also, you will be lugging two babies plus whatever you decide to pack, PLUS you will have to haul it all back home, so be diligent about what you DO actually bring

Know what to expect. We're not sure why, but "fun" at the pool always seems to involve overcoming a series of obstacles.  Someone has a giant poopy swim diaper mess (inevitably on the day you forget to throw in the diaper wipes). Or one child somehow falls in while you squint your eyes in the sun. Be prepared.

Be safe. There are ways to plan for safety. It usually involves life jackets or staying in the baby pool unless you have other adult hands to help you out.

Read up. Go have fun and stay cool. Summer is about being in the pool and yes, you can do it with your entire brood.

 

is your juice box safe?

Logged on yesterday morning and found a story about how 85% of fruit drinks cound contain high levels of lead. Can I just say, I'm finding it a little hard to believe these days to shop anywhere? And if you missed the story about flame retardant clothing, you might want to read that one, too. Thought that Spiderman PJs smell and feel strange. Yeah, you're right to think so.

Cribs, carseats, carriers, toys, clothing, medicine, food all being recalled for this and that. But a juice box? C'mon people! Lead?! You're taking away the simple things and things bought from a store (Whole Food and Trader Joes) that I trust. Really, where can I go next? Sometimes I feel like it would be safer to just move off to some deserted island and hunt my own meat, grow all my veggies and sew my clothes. (Ok, I don't sew, but if I was on a deserted island I could totally learn.)

Just in case you missed many of the recalled baby items in the past year, here's a reminder. Curious about what you all think about the latest of "bad" news on juice.

summertime at baby bunching HQ

We want to let you know how summertime looks for us here so you know what to expect from the blog this summer. For those with older kids, you know what no school translates to: lots of free time to entertain kids and not be on computer. This is good, but can certainly effect the blogging efforts. Cara's older boys are out of school already, and she is traveling a bit during the summer. Her summer may also include a major move--exciting but overwhelming, too. Linda is still embracing one more week of school before her kids descend upon the house and ask repeatedly to be taken to the pool. Everyday. All day. Don't forget both of us also have part-time jobs we have to manage, too.

We would love to see some more guest posts from our readers. We know this helps round things out for those who are just beginning Baby Bunching, in the throes of it, or dealing with the older Bunch. Email us if you'd like to guest post or have questions about Baby Bunching topics. [email protected]

As an added note, both Linda and Cara will be in New York City this summer for the BlogHer conference. If you attending, please make sure you come track us down as we'd love to meet some readers in person.

product review: magic bullet

Yes, you absolutely read the title right. As you all know, my sister-in-law moved in with our family a few months ago. The first thing she insisted on purchasing for the house was a Magic Bullet. Since I don't have TV in the house (yes, that's a whole other blog post), I didn't quite get what all the snickering was about from her. Then this blendery thing appeared on my counter.

Now I love to cook. I have gadgets everywhere and this one looks just like a little handy-dandy food processor. I rolled my eyes as she mixed her protein shakes and smoothies. Whatever.

Only problem is now I love the damn thing! And when she leaves, I'm going to have buy one for myself. Every morning now I make myself a smoothie--banana, frozen berries (blueberries, cherries, blackberries, raspberries), low fat yogurt, milk and protein powder. I swear it's the only breakfast I've ever made that has held me over until lunch and makes me feel great all day long. My kids will eat them, too.

And at dinnertime you will catch me using it to chop up onions, make breadcrumbs, puree some salsa or mix up pesto. To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I love it so much. If it's because it lives next to my sink or because it really is that easy to clean up. Now that I own one, I have seen the infomercial--which is really quite entertaining--on Sunday morning at the gym. Now I roll my eyes because I actually own something that said "As Seen on TV" on the box!

I wished I'd had this when my kids were little. What an easy way to make baby food out of whatever you're cooking for dinner for Big Baby. Throw it all in there. Grind it up, puree it, whatever and clean up....OMG, it really is as easy as the infomercial says it is.

(I was not paid in any way or give free product for this post. I really do think I may need one of these when it leaves my house for good.)

baby bunching Q/A: stranger danger

While this question, not exactly related to Baby Buncher, per say is a good topic for discussion, especially since we bet you can't always have your eyes on your kids. (Since you're probably dealing with at least another somewhere.)

Q: Does anyone have tips on how to help a 16-month old with "stranger danger?"

A: This is a very hard one to teach kids who are so little. Many children are naturally friendly and have no qualms about just walking up to someone and start chatting it up. Believe me they will share more than you can imagine. And generally 99.9% of the population you encounter will be friendly back. In fact, probably that same percentage is probably pretty safe in most places.

But there are some good habits to instill in them early on. We've recently had to teach my 6 and 5 year old that it's not OK to just chat with people walking by our house. We let them play in the front yard of our cul-da-sac while we're working in the yard or even in the house (since I can keep an eye/ear out for them). For a long time, they wanted to talk to the strangers walking by with the dogs without us there. That's not OK with me, even though probably 99% of them are fine. (Actually more worried about the dogs than the people.)

Start by teaching your children to let you open the door when someone knocks or that you should be answering the phone. You begin to set boundaries that way. As they get older (3-5) It's hard for kids to know when it's OK to chat or not. When the checkout lady at the grocery store wants to talk, kids are afraid because she's "a stranger." The stranger knows that. You know that. The kids know that.(I can't tell you how many times my kids say they won't answer because it's a stranger.)  Explain to your kids that it's OK to share the news since you're there. Moderating the situation is key. Eventually your kids will learn as they get older who is considered a "stranger" and who is not.

In the beginning, when they clam up because they haven't seen Aunt Jo in 6 months, realize it's OK. They are learning the rules and getting to know the boundaries. Explain to Aunt Jo that they are not being rude just learning the rules with the people they don't see every day.

When your kids get a little older, you can always read them Garth Pig and the Ice Cream Lady. One of my kids' favorites, although you'll be horrified during the first read through when little Garth Pig is kidnapped by the Ice Cream Lady (a wolf) who is out to eat the piggies. That will certainly teach them not to talk to strangers! It's still a good book.  

thred up: wear, trade, wear, trade

 

My house is overflowing with outgrown clothes. I have bins in the basement that both my kids no longer fit into. I have stacks of winter clothes that they MAY be able to fit into next fall/winer since I never know how much they will grow. I have stacks of summer clothes that are a bit too tight but beloved by those who previous donned them. (It's funny how kids can actually become attached to certain things.) But what to do once it's too small.

We are loving the concept of ThredUp which could actually help you with this problem. It's perfect for us Baby Bunchers with little time to consign our "good stuff." With ThredUp, you list your items by size/gender and people in turn order your boxes. There is a fee to "buy" but it's a flat rate per box. But it's free to list. For everybox you list, you do have to send a box. It's like a giant online clothing swap! What we love is this is great for buying things like fleeces, jackets or snowsuits that your kids may not wear very often--especially if you live in hottler climate. It's a great opportunity to pass along your premium clothing (Hanna Andersson, Mini Boden, Polarn O. Pyret, Gymboree, Janie and Jack, Tea Collection, Zutano) to those who really know and love the brands.

Not comfortable wearing stranger's clothing, you can set up an inner circle of contacts and swap with them around the country. Pretty cool, huh? As a bonus, this week they are beginning their Golden Threds, where high-end clothing companies will be listing new (overstocked) items in the mix. But like Willy Wanka's Golden Tickets, you have to find these little treasures on their site.

 

 

we are family

By Rachel Ostlie

A hundred years ago, Baby Bunching was more the rule than the exception. If you were healthy enough to carry a baby, and your babies were healthy enough to survive, then two under two, or even three under three, was your lot.

A hundred years ago, there were no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners or even frozen vegetables. However, you did have family. Most people blessed with a bunch of babies had a mother, or a sister, or a cousin, who was readily available to lend a hand. Perhaps those with money even had a maid or a nanny.

The landscape today is rather different. Those of us with two babies in tow can quickly feel alienated and lonely. We don't “fit” with our current culture: with preschool schedules, baby gear, and even backseat carseat accommodations, which are structured around children spaced at the magical 2.5 year mark. Moreover, many of us are lacking that mother, sister, cousin (or maid or nanny) to help us through the pull-your-hair-out crazy times.

With my children's grandparents in Paraguay and Chile, an uncle in Albania, and aunts scattered throughout the midwestern States, I have had to take a creative approach to family. Because even though I have a dishwasher, a vacuum cleaner, and frozen vegetables, I know I still need family as well.

So here it is, my two-pronged strategy to Baby Bunching Sans Family:

1) Build up your pseudo-family. In the absence of family nearby, you must create a support structure. Take the time to establish close friendships with people who have your back, and you can cover theirs. This could be a retired next-door-neighbor. Or another family in your playgroup. Or a single gal from your church. Find ways to help each other, and make sure to spend time building your friendship as well. Invite the retired neighbor over for tea, and you might find out that she'd love to keep your spare house key (just in case you manage to get everyone and everything out the door except your purse). Exchange babysitting with the other family, and do summer cook-outs together. Go have some fun with your single girlfriend from church; down the road you could ask her to babysit while you go out for your wedding anniversary. There are so many other options- be creative! The only requirement is to find people around you who already feel like family, and then treat them like family (in the best sense of the word).

2) Cherish your far-flung family. Maybe you miss them like crazy. Or maybe your style is more along the lines of out of sight, out of mind. Either way, you need to cherish grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and involve them in your lives. Much of the same technology that has resulted in families living across the globe can also make a new closeness possible.

Examples and ideas:

- Call family up on the phone (speaker phone seems to work best with little ones) or video call through a program like Skype. You could even set a weekly appointment for “spending time” with family this way.
- Spend your money on travel, instead of that new deck. Give your kids a chance to visit their family, and reconnect with them in person. If skimping and saving still isn't getting you there, maybe the family member you are visiting will pitch in for the gas/tickets.
- Don't forget to bring your family into your kids' daily lives. When I was growing up overseas, my mom prominently displayed pictures of our grandparents, so we wouldn't forget them. My kids each have a board book with photos of grandparents, aunts, and uncles- – these books are favorites around here! Try www.blankslatebooks.com/ to make your own.
- Make story time a family time. Have a relative read a book aloud (on cassette, or recorded on their computer's microphone), then send the recording with the book for your children to enjoy.
- Keep a map up with everyone's location pinpointed, along with pictures to identify them. Older kids could do all kinds of geography, time-telling, and even math activities with a map like this.
- Have your older kids play board games or card games with their relatives online. Programs like Yahoo! Messenger allow you to voice chat and play classics like checkers or dominoes online with an opponent (and no possible interruptions by random strangers).

These ideas of my two-pronged strategy are all ones that I have done or seen done. But I would love to hear any from your end. How do you build up your pseudo-family? How do you help your children cherish their far-flung relatives? We aren't living one hundred years ago, so how do you do family with your bunch?

Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of a 27-month-old girl who loves parties and a 12-month-old boy who loves adventure. She grew up in Colombia, and now lives in the Chicago area.