A great question from Katie on disciplining her Bunch.
Q: I have two boys-almost 2 and 10 months (13.5 months apart). My 10-month old has recently started using behaviors that we are teaching my 2 year old are not okay, particularly biting (the 10-month old is actually sort of mouthing/chewing on you- but it still hurts). Other behaviors include throwing toys, dropping food on the floor, etc. We know these are developmentally appropriate behaviors for a 10-month old, but you can't reason/explain to a 2-year old why the baby is doing (blank) because he doesn't understand the "rules." We are "scolding" the baby in the same manner we do my 2-year old just to consistently model for him our response to the negative behaviors. So I was wondering if you had any advice/ thoughts about how to help explain to my 2-year old the behaviors are not okay but really are okay for now because the baby is still so young?
A: I think you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Your youngest probably doesn't understand much beyond 'no,' your tone and the sad/mad facial expression you give him. That alerts both him and your older son that the offending behavior incident is unacceptable.
Even when your youngest is throwing food or toys on the floor, a simple "no no, sweetie" will probably suffice for everyone. However, I will say that when your older child tries the same thing you might need to make it a little firmer. You certainly can elaborate to some extent for your two-year old about the behavior, but our guess is that he's probably not going to get too much past the "no no, that's not Ok with Mommy" kind of bit. Explaining might work, but probably not at this age.
Your older child knows your tone and if he does something off limits, you have every right to make sure he knows, without a doubt, that it's unacceptable. For example, biting is never OK. My youngest was a biter and started at about one year and continued for two years. Yes, TWO years! A biting baby is a whole different story to a biting three-year old. And I would also note the behavior, dropping Cheerios on the ground--whether it's baby or toddler-- probably doesn't warrant the same kind of "scolding" as a bite.
It's a hard balance and the first of many, many experiences where children learn that things aren't always equal. Big Baby needs to know the rules and Little Baby still has some time to learn them.
We'd love to hear what others have to say on this and any advice/tips.
I "scold" my baby, just like I do my toddler. For example, I'll say, "Nathalie! Don't throw food!" to my baby and the same thing to my toddler. I also add, "Emily, Nathalie is a baby. We have to teach her that we don't throw food." when I scold my toddler. So that way I get the explanation and the scolding in....without going "easy" on my baby.
Posted by: Michelle | Jun 09, 2010 at 10:24 PM
I use my baby's behaviours as reinforcement for my toddler, as in "oh, look, we need to teach L not to do that! Can you show him what to do?" It reinforces what E needs to do/not do, while serving his own need to help,be involved, and 'boss' his brother in a more positive way.
Posted by: Nava | Jun 10, 2010 at 01:02 PM