Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

yes, i have 4 kids under 5; no, i'm not crazy

By  Sharon M.

“Oh my!  You certainly have your hands full!”  a nice, elderly lady exclaims as I walk through the grocery store with my kids in tow.  My 4-year old daughter and 3-year old son are walking alongside the grocery cart touching everything on the shelf that catches their eye.  My 2 -year old whines from the baby seat of the cart, frustrated that he is not allowed to run around free like his siblings.  My newest addition is only 2 weeks old and is sleeping peacefully against my chest in the Snugli.

Everywhere I go with my 4 children, people tend to make comments about our “large” family.  At the very least, people always give us a second glance even when they do manage to hold back their comments of shock and amazement.  Apparently it is an uncommon sight in this modern world of dual-income families with 1.86 children.

Honestly, I have become accustomed to the stares and comments that inevitably follow my family wherever we go.  At times though I am puzzled by the very personal questions that accompany people's reactions.  The most common embarrassing question all around goes something like this, “You do know how babies are made right?”  The question is asked with a nervous laugh as though they are unsure if my response might actually lead to a discussion of how conception occurs.  Another common question is, “Are you planning to have more?!!”  This understandably makes me hesitate because a discussion of having more kids should be between a husband and wife...not a group of strangers! 

You might think that the majority of comments and questions would be directed towards me as the mother since my husband avoids going out with the children at all costs. And yet my husband is harassed quite a bit at work when he is asked about his family.  My poor spouse has gotten the most intrusive question of, “When are you going to get snipped?!!” on multiple occasions from people he barely knows.  

I understand that most of these inquisitive bystanders are completely unaware of the problems with their comments and questions.  They are truly just surprised to see a large family and they cannot help their knee-jerk reaction of saying exactly what is on their mind!  I have fallen victim to this speak-before-you-think reaction many times myself.  Even just recently I was surprised to find out that the principal of my daughter's school has 9 children.  I remember exclaiming, “Wow!” and later wishing I had given a less dumbfounded response.

Once strangers get over their initial surprise to our big family, they do tend to ask more in depth questions.  They want to know why we have chosen to reproduce beyond the standard 2 children.  I have a few different responses to this depending on my mood and the setting in which the question is asked.  If I feel comfortable enough to share my personal story with the person, I might tell them about how my first pregnancy was a miscarriage and that event led me to feel blessed for every pregnancy thereafter.  Or I might tell them about how baby number 3 was a complete surprise since I was breastfeeding my second baby and never even had a period before I was pregnant again.  If I am feeling uncomfortable, I might just give a quick, comical reply suggesting that I don't really know where these kids keep coming from!

In addition to the innocent, sometimes thoughtless remarks from bystanders, I have also been subjected to some very strong and purposeful criticism.  Much of this criticism has come from my own family.  My father has “recommended” that I get my tubes tied the next time I have a baby.  My father's cousin also challenged my decision to have a fourth child by saying, “Don't you feel like that is unfair to the children?  Don't you already have a hard time giving each of them the individual attention they need?”  Even my gynecologist (who has 4 children of his own!) gave me a lecture about limiting my family size.  He finished off my annual pap smear with, “Well, just keep breastfeeding so you hopefully will keep from getting pregnant again anytime soon.”  

Most of my older family members truly believe that I will go insane any day now.  They shake their heads at me and say over and over, “I don't know how you do it!  It's too much for one person.”  I will be the first to admit that it is not an easy task raising 4 kids under the age of 5.  There are challenges to maintaining my sanity every single day!  When the pizza has fallen on the floor, the kids are crying because “he hit me!” and there is a mysterious brown substance on the floor that everyone has stepped in...I feel like I should throw in the towel.  Dinner is usually the worst time of the day.  The kids are tired, cranky and unwilling to eat anything that resembles a healthy meal. 

Despite the craziness of having a multitude of kids under one roof, I have no regrets.  My husband and I are not perfect parents by any means but we believe we are providing a good life for our children.  We are healthy, well-educated and blessed with economic stability.  I left a well-paying job to be a stay-at-home mom.  I have worked very hard to devote myself to my family and make certain they do not feel neglected.  On the other hand, I dread the idea of having a rowdy, undisciplined group of kids so I do not hesitate to discipline when necessary.  Overall though, my kids are well-behaved compared to some 2-children families! 

I spend 24/7 with my children so I can't honestly say that I feel they are not getting enough attention.  They actually prefer to play with each other rather than spend time with mom!  I try to give them every opportunity I can by taking them to school, church, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tennis and field trips galore.  My husband feels like I spoil them too much by taking them everywhere.  Personally I see it as a way to give them a well-rounded upbringing.

Other mothers I have talked with usually wish they had had more children.  I commonly hear them say, “If I were a little bit younger I might have had one more.”  I have a hard time imagining a mother saying that she regrets having too many children.  As any mom knows, once each child is a part of our lives, we can never imagine life without that sweet, precious soul.  Life just would not be the same without our children!

There was a time when having 4 small children wouldn't have drawn a crowd in the grocery store.  It certainly is not the normal size family today but I feel strongly that it shouldn't be viewed in a negative way.  Baby Bunching is not something I would recommend for everyone but it has worked fairly well for me.  I only wish our modern-day population would have a little more acceptance of larger families.  Speaking for myself and my husband, we would be very grateful if inquisitive people would refrain from asking questions pertaining to our private body parts or our sex life.  Allow me to recommend some more appropriate responses such as, “What a wonderful group of kids!” or “What a lovely family!”  This would make for a much more comfortable interaction for everyone!   

Sharon is a mother of four in Georgia and the author of What To Do When You Have Heart Disease, www.TheHeartDiseaseGuide.com

baby bunching bests

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all of you. We hope you find some fun things to do with your kids. Enjoy the beginning of summer.

Here are a few favs from the past few weeks.

One of our favorite Baby Bunchers (and FIRL) Jessica from A Parent in Silver Spring is over at DC Metro Moms writing about the "Do-Lot" and "Do-Little" Volunteer Moms. Whatever side you're on, it's a great read and reminder to chip in when you can.

Heather at Rookie Moms introduces her readers to a great concept--putting your babysitter on a retainer. Great idea, huh? As a side note, I have Baby Buncher friend (4 kids under 6) who does this every Saturday night. This means she and her husband have a standing date night every week. On the weeks she doesn't use the sitter, she loans her out to others who might. But at least the opportunity is there.

Jenny who writes at Andrew's Family is ready for her big trip to Seattle. (Remember she asked about car seat logistics when traveling.) Check out the awesome goody bags she made for everyone for the journey. Great job.

Caitlin who writes at A Hen and Two (now Three) Chicks is at Sprout for Parents writing about her To Do List during the day. I love this post as it reminds us that our To Do list should also include (perhaps even celebrate) all the things we did Do by the end of the day, even if that means it wasn't cleaning the house, running errands or laundry.

Jean at Stimeyland (also a FIRL) has a great post (that only Stimey could tell) on her son's bathroom issues and doctor visit.

Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing is doing some spring cleaning. The photo of her little black dresses made me smile as my closet and Cara's, I know, look the same. It's my mini tribute to opening weekend of Sex and the City 2. Keep the dresses, Steph.

Alisha at Weesher Weesh had a great post about her trip to the grocery store. Haven't we all been there before?

Seen a great post or wrote one, let us know and we'll add you in. We try to read your blogs as much as we can. (Remember we're parenting, too). Sometimes it's only every few weeks so if we missed something great, please let us know.

sometimes it's the simple things: wading pool

It never ceases to amaze me how much fun kids can have in any amount of water. Last year we burned through one wading pool and a slip and slide. Give them some water guns or some buckets (can you tell how much I love buckets) and it's hours of fun as long as everyone knows the rules and no one is left alone.

I can't keep water blow up toys from being destroyed so for me spending the $20 each year is worth it to restock on anything that gets anyone wet, including our law sprinkler. And one year the heat came very early so we filled up an extra big bucket of water and had a blast in that.

Today it was hot. Summer hot. On the way back from picking my kids up from school, we dropped into Walgreens to pick up a wading pool. So glad that my kids are not too old for this. We invited the neighbors over, brought out a few snacks and ice water and turned it into a fun afternoon. It's funny because when I did the math of the afternoon--1 pool, 10 minutes to blow up with pump, getting swimsuits on, breaking up argument, explaining why it's OK to splash in the water (after all isn't that the point?), getting everyone showered/changed from the grassy water, cleaning up the pool--the two hours of fun (that's right folks I got 2 hours of fun out of this gig) it was still worth it. Always happy to find an activity that pleases people from as young as 18 months to 8 years.

I just love it when the simple things can be so much fun for everyone.

baby bunching Q/A: getting the bunch to bed

A great (and always popular) question regarding sleep from Baby Buncher Alli. We've touched on many of these points before, but we're always happy to pass the info along again.

Q: How do you handle bedtime when you have one you can't leave alone due to mischief (2 year old) and one who is too little to just leave alone (9 months)!! I still can't figure it out, 9 months into it!

A: Bedtime can be a mad dash to the finish line after a long day of negotiating schedules. The clock can tick away slowly until 7 or 7:30 p.m. and you may find yourself counting the minutes until the entire clan is tucked into bed with vision of sugarplums in their heads.

A few weeks into your new Baby Bunching gig, as you dash downstairs to grab your daughter’s lovey and your baby starts to wail in the upstairs bouncy seat, you may return to find your oldest pouring the last remains of the soapy bath water on your baby’s head, you’ll wonder how you got into this mess in the first place. Bedtime can be a bit messy with bottles, pacifiers, lovies, blankets, books, bath, songs, drinks of water, diapers and the last effort attempt to make a statement for the day by someone. There are nights that someone in your house will have to go this route alone, it’s inevitable that someone is working late or traveling at some point, but for the most part if you can enlist your husband to take a very active role in bedtime, your sprint time to the end will go much smoother for everyone.

Here are a few things you need to remember.

1. First and MOST IMPORTANTLY, get the easiest one to bed first.If your toddler tends to call out a million times for one thing or another and your baby literally will sleep the minute he hits the mattress, then by all means get your baby to bed first. If baby needs 30 minutes of cuddle time prior to the final bottle/nursing session, then get your toddler to bed first. This way you'll only have the one left to manage. Do note, you might have to switch this around as kids grow. Toddler may be a breeze to get to bed today, but next week things can change. Be flexible. If you have both kids who are into trouble and can't be left alone, our go to is to stick baby in his crib for some nice down time with some toys while you get toddler to bed first. At least this way, you know that everyone is safe and usually out of trouble.

2. Stagger their bedtimes. There’s nothing worse at the end of a long day than having everyone meltdown the last 30 minutes before bed. That does not set the correct tone for your upcoming happy hour, right?! Shuffle bedtimes a bit by 15 to 30 minutes so you’re not having to do the last minute things for both kids at the same time.

3. Be firm about bedtime and shorten the routine. In the early Baby Bunching months, bedtime is not the forum for lackadaisical parenting. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow. Nighttime, at this stage in your kids’ life, can be unpredictable—waking up due to illness, teething, night terrors, bad dreams, etc—is very common and you need a break from it all as well. If bedtime for the last child is at 8 p.m. and at 9 p.m. you’re still battling someone to bed, you need to reassess somewhere and get your routine back on schedule.

For more great reads on bedtime and sleep, don't forget to check out all our sleep tips.

summer is almost here

This weekend is Memorial Day and for most people that means summer. School is out for many, the pools open and schedules change.

For me, I have mixed feelings about summer. The biggest challenge is letting summer be what it's supposedto be: relaxed. In case you haven't picked up on that yet, I'm not a super relaxed person. In two days my four-year old will finish preschool (for good.) My kindergartener still has another month left so we're only in pseudo-summer mode until he's out, but I'm having to get my summer gear ready and put on my cruise director cap.

But going on six summers as a Buncher I have learned a few things about trying to make it fun for everyone, including a few summer camps for the kids to give me some free time, too.

• Be outside as much as you can. Yes, it's hot and kids can get sunburned, but chances are you're hotter than they are. For most kids, as long as they have water, sun screen and some shade, they're fine. Get your kids outside and let them get dirty. Give them the chance to run barefoot through the grass and make mud with the hose. There will be cuts and bruises and messes to clean up, but this is what it means to be a kid. This is summer.
• Ease up on the schedules. Obviously if you have younger kids who need 2 naps you may not be keen on this, but for the older ones (3 and up) let them stay up a little later with the light. I'm convinced we all need less sleep during the summer anyway with all the light. Once in a while, give in and let them stay up for the evening concert in the park or a July 4th party. This is summer.
• Befriend the pool. Getting to the pool with your Bunch and staying safe can be a feat. Plan as best you can with all the right gear (see related posts above) and get yourself and the kids comfortable in the water. This will be my third year of almost daily pool attendance, but the first where both my kids can swim. (Yay!) Kids can't swim? No worries. Find out what you can/cannot use for floation devices at the pool and figure out a swim lesson strategy. Cara and I both believe learning to swim is not optional. It's a life skill and safety issue. Get your kids swim lessons as early as you can so everyone can be safe in the water. At some point (this year for me), you'll be able to sit back with your Margarita pool-side and actually enjoy the pool. This IS summer.
• Stock up on summer toys. The best thing about these toys is they are cheap!! We're talking buckets and shovels. My kids even at 6 and almost 5 would do buckets all day long. Other ideas are stomp rockets, bubbles, bean bag toss, croquet set, water guns, wading pools, squirt bottles, foam squirters, more buckets, gardening tools and riding toys. All of this stuff and my kids still prefer the freakin buckets!
• Embrace summer fruit. Summer gives us the most beautiful menu of no-cook, no frills yummy food. Introduce it to your kids as much as you can. Our pick-your-own this weekend yielded 7 pounds of strawberries. We can't get enough.
• Take a trip. I'll be the first to admit we never go anywhere elaborate as my kids would be just as happy at the playground than trekking into town to the children's museum. But if you can manage an overnight or two to the beach, a cabin, a camping trip, grandma's house, etc. I do believe that change in pace/scenery, no matter how difficult, helps everyone grow.
• Can't manage a trip, take a staycation. Do the zoo, the museum or a mini hike in nature for the kids for a day or two. Change the tone and the scene and make it like a vacation.
• Go on a picnic. I truly believe picnics are highly underrated. Picnics can be free (if you bring all your food from home) and relaxing in the right environment. It takes you away from the TV, the phone, the computer and the chores. Kids may eat better as their is no option for other items beyond what you have in the basket. Or they may not eat at all and then you don't have to worry since there isn't another option. Best part is no clean up.

Summer is supposed to be low stress and fun. It's for enjoying outside and all the things you can't do the rest of the year. Enjoy and have fun.

homeschooling your bunch; it can be done

By Tricia Morgan, Reston Mom

Iʼm a homeschooling mom of 3 - soon to be 4. Hope is 6, Maddie is 4, Amelia is 1 and the new baby arrives in November. One inquiry I get pretty often is in regards to how I handle teaching Hope (who is completing 1st grade this year) with little ones under foot. Honestly, this is a difficult question to answer for other people. First, because so much of what happens in a homeschooling household is determined by the particular philosophy/method employed. Secondly, our particular routine has seasons. It seems to shift and change and adapt just as the children themselves are growing and changing. And also, a great deal is dependent upon the personalities and temperament of the children as well as the parents - obviously there can be huge and dynamic differences here from household to household. All I can do is share what works for our family and be honest and say that we are still figuring some things out as we go. 

Maybe the best way to begin is simply to take you through a day this spring.

6:30-7 a.m.- Weʼre up! Baby gets a diaper change, and we all head downstairs
7-8 a.m.- Hope and Maddie either watch a few cartoons or play while mom feeds herself and Ami. Then mom gets time to read to or play with Ami.
8 - 9 a.m.- Hope and Maddie eat breakfast while Ami either plays or joins us in her highchair. Mom will read books chosen by the girls during breakfast. Afterwards, Hope and Maddie get dressed while mom cleans up from
breakfast and dresses Ami. Then everyone heads out the door to enjoy the nice weather for a few minutes and give Ami the opportunity to toddle a good bit.
9 ish- Ami goes down for a nap. Hope, Maddie, and Mom begin with a morning devotional. Following which Maddie will play or look at books quietly while mom starts Hope on her math lesson/assignment. Once Hope is working, if mom hasnʼt showered yet, sheʼll do that now. Around 10 a.m. there will be a break for snacks. Hope and Maddie play for a few minutes. Hope returns to her other curriculum assignments ie: handwriting, individual reading, etc.... and mom will work with Maddie on reading or preschool activity eventually Ami will wake up and she will play until Maddie and Hope are ready to join her.
11 or 11:30 a.m. is lunchtime. Often mom feeds herself and Ami while Hope and Maddie play. Then she prepares lunch for the other girls and calls them in. During lunch, mom reads more books or everyone goes over memory work together.
12ish p.m. - This is usually when we do science. Maddie often joins in because she likes the experiments. Ami tags around or plays. If the lesson is more complicated, we might wait until Ami takes an afternoon nap.
1:30 p.m.- Naptime for Ami and Maddie. Hope finishes curriculum that requires momʼs help and then has quiet time to read and have a snack. Mom uses this time to pull stuff together around the house or relax or pull out stuff for dinner or whatever following naps, we have the rest of the afternoon to meet for play dates with friends, run errands, take special trips, do art/craft projects, bake, play outside with neighborhood kids or do whatever we like.
5:00 p.m. - Dad is home from work, the family eats dinner together.

Iʼll do my best to answer some questions that might have crossed your mind:

So, you have a pretty consistent schedule from day to day?
Yes, and it really helps a lot. The kids know what to expect. Actually, Monday is my husbandʼs day off and so it is reserved for family day - no school. We are part of a supplementary program that meets on Wednesdays and that pretty much takes the place of our home schedule that day - so really, we are only teaching according to this kind of schedule 3 days a week - but those three days are consistent and for the most part, we do manage to do everything we need to.

Still, within our schedule there is a lot of organic movement - from mom between children; answering questions, giving hugs, helping with tasks...just being mom to everyone as well as the teacher.

What do you do to keep the younger ones entertained/busy while you work with the oldest?
Nothing. They are expected to be able to entertain themselves with the toys and books that are provided in our home and to be respectful of the other family members. You may be thinking “yeah, right. That would never work for us!” Which may or may not be true - but again a couple things factor in - one, the temperaments of the children. Two, training. Since it has always been thus in our home, the girls have never known differently. Iʼve never been the kind of person who could/would entertain my children or give them my undivided attention every second. Even Ami at 1 yr. is aware that sometimes she has to wait and is capable of playing nearby by herself. That said, I also have worked hard to ensure that each of my children feel loved and secure and do get time with mom.

Again, I must say that we go through seasons. I remember when Maddie was a little younger, I used to let her watch an educational video sometimes so I could get a shower in or work with Hope. Now it is a bit easier, because while I work with one child, the other can help play with the baby.

What about teaching with a newborn?
I had a few months of this last year and will go it again this fall. Itʼs really not bad since newborns tend to sleep a lot. I just give the kids a break when the baby needs to eat. I couldnʼt ever manage to get used to wearing a sling/baby carrier - so the baby usually just hangs out with us where ever we are in their portable swing/chair or gym or on a blanket on the floor. Honestly, itʼs not the schedule that makes this difficult, itʼs the being so tired.

Does it get easier as the kids get older since you can overlap curriculum?
In that sense it depends. Since we use a classical methodology instead of a thematic approach, for instance, there is a lot less overlapping. It does however become quite a bit easier as the kids get older. They are more able to focus their attention for longer periods of time. They are capable of working individually on assignments. They become more responsible for themselves overall - if you teach them to become so. I find that one of the biggest bonuses of the girls getting older has simply been that they help me out more - with each other, with little chores around the house. I donʼt have to micromanage or oversee every little detail anymore. They get dressed, brush teeth, clear plates, get snacks, help with the baby, and more. I canʼt tell you how much time this frees up when it is all added together and I donʼt have to be there hovering and helping.

Iʼve been candid here, but keep in mind that this is just what Iʼve learned from our particular personal experience. I think that each family that chooses to homeschool will just have to move through each season with what works best for them, like anything else. If your family isnʼt like mine, that doesnʼt mean it wonʼt work for you.

Tricia is a Baby Bunching mom to three (soon to be four children).

can you turn the day?

It's been one of those mornings. Everyone woke up an hour earlier than they should have. You spilled at least one item of breakfast food per person and probably one was your own coffee. Surely some kind of human waste (poo or pee) appeared on something other than a wipe or in the toilet. One child was wounded (probably by the other) and there is blood and tears. Bad morning. Long day ahead. How do you turn the day around before noon?

Mornings of this nature tend to set the day off on the wrong foot. But even things as irritating as no-yield errands can piss me off. Like this morning, I rearranged my morning (skipping the gym) with only one child to run a slew of errands in the next town over--where of course they have a Target--only to come home empty handed and frustrated. Side note: Husband will be relieved that we only gained a pair of kids shoes from that Target run.

Then the level of the frustration with any bad morning just sends the whole day a-spiraling...heart rate goes up, I start to snack on salty things, then I feel fat and yuck and the kids can pick up on my irritability. This is when I just need to zen somewhere. But where?

I'm the worst at turning a day around. Any suggestions for stopping a bad day in its tracks and starting over (without actually have to go back to bed to do it.)

baby bunching Q/A: carseat logistics when traveling

In honor of kicking off summer vacation season this Memorial Day weekend, this question came from Buncher Jen as a follow-up to our post on traveling by air with your Bunch. 

Q:  We have a bunch of 3 (with 33 months between them). The oldest is 4.5 (in a booster) and the youngest are 2.5 & 1.5 (in convertibles). We are flying nonstop from Austin to Seattle & bought tickets for the 4 & 2.5 year olds and the youngest is a lap child. Do I really need to take all 3 carseats? For the longest part of our trip, we will be with family who can loan us all but one carseat so my temptation is to take only one convertible. However, what do I do for the last leg of our trip when we will be in San Francisco for the weekend without the family? I'm not exactly comfortable putting all 3 kids in the back of a cab without carseats, but is that a better alternative than spending an hour doing public transportation when it is a 15 minute cab ride? Also, are there legal requirements for children in the back of a cab? Maybe they're required to be in a carseat (in which case we can only take minivan cabs)? I'm really conflicted about how to handle the carseat situation and would appreciate any advice you might have. I hate to think about traveling with 3 little ones, 3 carseats, 2 strollers, luggage, etc. 

A: This is a complicated situation, and yet we experienced an almost identical one when we traveled last Christmas. I'm going to answer it the way I tackled it and perhaps others can chime in with alternatives. First of all, given the age of your middle child, I would consider bringing a car seat for that child on the plane because 2 1/2 is a difficult age to control and keep still on a long flight.  I always found with my kids at that age that it was easier just to to tell them they had to be buckled in just like in the car - that way it kept them from going crazy and wanting to squirm around like fools on the plane.  

The booster for your oldest child is actually quite lightweight and not that big of a deal to bring (maybe you don't need it on the plane, but you might as well bring it on the trip). And if your child is big enough--height wise--you might just bring the seat-only part of the booster. When we traveled with two boosters this past Christmas, we were able to fit both of them in one car seat travel bag and check them - it was way less hassle to carry them than I thought it would be.  Most airlines are not SUPPOSED to charge you for checked carseats - however, we experienced much confusion on the part of both gate agents and curb check both going both there and back.  One of them was going to charge us $25, but for my husband's frequent flier status, which allowed us to squeak through.  So check the charges with your airline first and get to the aiport WAY early both ways so that you can mess with the confusion that a checked car seat inevitably causes.  If you brought all 3 seats, you just have to check the baby's and you can bring the other 2 on the plane (we always just strapped a seat to each of our backs or tied to stroller somehow).  

In answer to your cab question, yes - California requires car seats in cabs.  Conversely, BART (subway) and MUNI (bus) do not - but as you pointed out, public transportation and your Bunch is a whole 'nother ball of wax.  I have heard that some cab companies DO furnish car seats, if you call in advance and request.  But I've never tested that out myself - maybe another reader has and would be willing to share?  

What it boiled down to for us was bringing all 3 car seats.  Between our 2 cars and 3 children, we have approximately 17 car seats of every type, so we always just select the lightest, narrowest, easiest to install ones for when we travel.  I'm not sure what your San Francisco plans are (are you visiting places where you can just take the car seats out of the cab and leave them at the front of the Children's Museum while you tour or are planning on hiking Fisherman's Wharf with 3 car seats strapped to your back), but my guess is that with 3 kids these ages, you're not going to "do" San Francisco at the breakneck pace that you would if you were just with hubby. So car seat logistics are just gonna have to be part of the plan. Sucks.  On the bright side, we lived in San Francisco for a summer when my kids were just the ages of yours and it is an FABULOUS place with so much to see and do (even for kids).  I'm willing to bet that even factoring in a few car seat snafus, you will have an amazing trip.  Good luck and have fun!

a buncher's work is never done

Checking household chores off the list is never an easy feat for a Baby Buncher, but have you noticed that there are some chores that just seem IMPOSSIBLE thanks to your Bunch?  For me, it was vacuuming and putting away laundry.  

The nap trap made it almost impossible for me to vacuum - ever.  Either the kids were awake and underfoot so I couldn't vacuum or they were asleep and I couldn't vacuum for fear of waking one of them and losing precious "me" time (which I almost always used to do the chores I couldn't complete while they were awake). 

Ditto with getting clothes put away.  I could wash, dry and fold periodically throughout the day, but the only time I could ever seem to get things put away was during nap time.  Only I couldn't - because kids were sleeping in all rooms containing dressers.  For this reason, I managed to accumulate 3 laundry baskets perpetually filled with clean, folded clothes that just got shifted from the laundry room to the master bedroom to the living room to the dining room and straight to the kids' bodies, but never to their actual dressers or closets. I used to feel pretty bad about this until I talked to a Baby Bunching friend who told me that the youngest of her Bunch (at a little over a year) had never actually slept in her crib because they used it as the family laundry basket for clean, unfolded baby clothes.

As with many things Baby Bunching, time heals all wounds.  Now that I just have a baby and not a bunch of them, the clothes problem is solved because I put everyone's clothes except the baby's away during nap time and then put his away when I change his diaper after nap.  In fact, I'm getting ready to toss two of the laundry baskets just so I'm not ever tempted to get into a vicious failure-to-put-away cycle again.

Vacuuming still sucks because I can't do it during nap time, but when I do squeeze it in while the Bigs are at school, there's only one toddler to prevent from getting Hooverized instead of a toddler and a crawler and that helps.  That and the fact that we got hardwoods on the downstairs level so there's one less floor to vacuum.

Baby Bunching wants to know - what's your perpetually unfinished household business thanks to your Bunch? And more importantly, got any suggestions for other Bunchers on how to resolve theirs?

gardening with your bunch

By Jenny Rulli

Spring is the time of year when I drive around eying front yards and window boxes looking for ideas, jealous of one house’s great sunlight or a decades old hydrangea bush. I haven’t lived in any one house long enough to cultivate a ten year old anything but I’ve managed to restart a garden every two or so years and keep my bunch involved too.

The most important reason why I garden with my kids (or sometimes, just within earshot of my kids) is to teach them about nature. I started to think about this more and more as we visited the neighborhood farmer’s market and local farms and decided that I shouldn’t just show my kids nature, I should really get my hands dirty.

Most of us want to instill these values in our bunch but when it comes to all the things that need to get done in a given day, its priority falls somewhere between organizing the junk drawer and vacuuming the mini blinds, that is, “it can wait for another day.” But the great thing about putting in the work now is the almost immediate return you get on your time and money. Your bunch may even burn off some energy and gain some vitamin D after 30 minutes in the garden.

I can’t overestimate the importance of the soil you use. In Virginia, I see nothing but clay. This is where the real labor comes in. Break up your soil and remove any weeds. Add a few bags of humus from your gardening center or compost if you are a gardening overachiever (and don’t get me started on how awesome compost is!). Topsoil with peat moss is another good thing to throw on there if you want extra insurance on those plants.

Now the soil step takes time, so you’ll need to keep your Bunch busy and happy. Our neighborhood uses the “it takes a village” approach with kids flitting back and forth while the moms work in the garden. My neighbor has been known to bring out her 3 y.o. and baby, park the baby in the bouncy seat, set the 3 y.o. on his scooter and get down to work. Baby is happy as long as he can see mom and his older brother can scoot with his friends. A glass of wine when the work is done is a nice treat for you too.

Some other outdoor distractions for your bunch: playing with the hose, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, collecting acorns, feeding the birds or even the pesky squirrels. Another great activity is building a hideout under a tree (mom should check for poison ivy first).

And for those kids who tend to wander, fill a large plastic tub with a little water and let them take an outdoor bath in their swimsuits. Play with some bath toys or water guns. My daughter eventually turns this into compost “soup” by adding any scraps she finds in the yard. At the end of the day, we pour it on the plants to water them. This way, she feels as if collecting leaves, acorns and dirt did some good for the garden. She’s also a lot happier if she has her own gloves and a pink shovel from Target. A girl’s gotta accessorize.

If you are juggling a toddler and a baby or just have low gardening self-esteem, start with potted plants . You can move them around to find the best light and if they wither and die, you haven’t lost a ton of money. They make your back deck or your front porch look happy. Hell, they make me happy every time I drag my children home after a long day.

Great plants for pots: peppermint (grows like a weed), lavender, strawberries, coleus (vibrant foliage in purples, greens and reds), sweet potato vine (limey green heart-shaped leaves) or impatiens in any color. Just make sure you water regularly because these will dry out faster than plants in the ground. Other creative ideas on a small scale are hanging baskets and windowboxes. The newest ones even have reservoirs so that you don’t have to water them everyday. How easy is that?

Build your confidence further by successfully turning over a small section of yard. If you think about the whole darn thing, you’ll give up and have a glass of wine. But if you accomplish a reasonable plan or list of items, you’ll want to do this every week.

When you are in your planning stages, ask your child to draw a picture of what she thinks it should look like too. Maybe give her a small section that’s all her own. Let her plant some surprise seeds and just see what happens.

So what do I plant? Put a few tall bushes in back to anchor the space and then you can begin to layer smaller plants in front. You do not need to complete everything in one afternoon! Add one plant a week until it feels “done.” Keep in mind that if you buy plants at Home Depot or Lowe’s and they die within a year, you can return them! You must keep the original sku and receipt.

How much sun? Those of us with lots of shade have surrendered our dreams of abundant flowers and instead planted hostas, heuchera, nandina and astilbe. Maybe some impatiens in a pot to add some color. I’ve found that the Home Depot type stores sell very few shade plants. You really need to go to a true gardening center for these. If you have sun, the sky is the limit. You cannot kill a “knockout” rose bush! Ask the experts at the garden center for recommendations for your climate and light.

You don’t need to have a farm to grow food! I love to mix my herb garden in with my flowers. You would never know that there’s a kitchen garden hidden in my front yard in between the pansies. If I didn’t have time to make it to Trader Joe’s because of my four-year old's tantrum, I can clip some kale for dinner out of the front yard. Better yet, I can get him to fill up a colander himself, with a pair of kid scissors. I have a yard smaller than my bedroom but I’ve grown zucchini, acorn squash, tomatoes, strawberries, leafy greens, lettuce and every herb I can think of. Not all have been perfectly successful but I harvested much more than I thought possible in a small space.

Planting seeds with your kids is a fun project in springtime and it tricks them into learning about science. Let your kids pick some seed packets at the store. Beans work well as do lettuces and herbs. Have them choose something they like to eat or a bright flower. Buy some starter soil and fiber pots which breathe better than plastic ones. Help your bunch plant a few seeds in each pot.

Older kids can label their pots and find a sunny window for them to grow. Once a week, ask your child for an update on their seedlings. Is it sprouting yet? Can we measure it with a ruler? Does the soil seem dry? Give them very small amounts of water and keep them out of reach of little hands that might want to overwater them. Once the plants are several inches high, you can plant the whole pot in the ground outside. Make sure your child puts the plant label in the ground too. Hopefully, once grown, the kids will want to eat their own project or bring their own flowers to Grandma. My kids have a love of anything green and fragrant thanks to these kinds of experiments.

Like any other project we take on as moms, be realistic and congratulate yourself when you have a small success. Take lots of pictures to remind yourself how you started and how you transformed your corner of earth. Your bunch will be the better for it.

Websites to check out:
http://www.kidsgardening.org/ (click on Parents’ Primer)
http://www.composting101.com/
http://familyfun.go.com/ (type gardening in to the search field)
http://www.gardeningwithkids.org/ (catalog)

Jenny is mom to two children ages 6 and 4. She lives in Northern Virginia.