When my kids were born, I loved them for who they were. I loved them for all the wonderful things they did (that every other baby did, too) and for all the not so wonderful things (that every baby also does.)
I have to admit that it hasn't been until recently that I've had time to stop and really take a look at my children. We go through the day, sadly, so many times on autopilot. I know what each of my kids needs at any given time and have learned to anticipate before they even request it. I figure this is parenthood.
But it's only been now that I really have had my eyes opened to their individual (and amazing) personalities on more than a superficial level. Boy likes puzzles and chess, girl likes drawing and animals. Bunch babies usually get, well, bunched. I put them into the same activities and scoot them off together and sometimes forget they are not the same. They are not twins. They are different ages with different interests and needs. As they grow and can explain their love of one thing and dislike of another, I, too, grow as a parent.
As my love for them grows, so does my fear. More now than ever, I'm afraid of sending them off to school or going to a friend's house. I feel vulnerable as I have gotten to know them as little people. I can make mistakes with them. I could mess this up. I want to keep them safe. I want to help them grow, learn, love and be the best they can be. Am I the only one who feels this way?
I looked over at my baby girl this afternoon (who is now almost 5). She smiled back at me with her amazing smile and said, "Mommy, this is the best day ever. I love you." I looked at her. Really, really looked at her. Wondering who she resembled at that moment. Pondering what she might be someday. Perhaps living out this moment right now.
I looked back at her and smiled and said, "I love you, too, baby."
Thanks for the beautiful piece. Brought tears to my eyes. I completely understand the autopilot thing, and every so often when I have second, I look at mine (26 months and 11 months) and already think where did the time go? What a wonderful piece to read this morning!
Posted by: Susan | May 17, 2010 at 09:59 AM
Tears in my eyes!
Posted by: Jenny | May 17, 2010 at 03:30 PM
lovely post:) mine are 4 months old & 21 months.
Posted by: CAmommy | May 19, 2010 at 02:51 PM
I follow you VIA GFC and I love your blog!
Posted by: North Face Jackets | Dec 16, 2011 at 08:36 PM