By Corinne
When I announced my first pregnancy to my boss, she smiled, gave me a hug and threw me a baby shower. When I shared my second pregnancy, she said something neutral like, “Wow! Really?” When I shared my third pregnancy in as many years, I didn’t have a carefully crafted speech. I was stressed, juggling my new Bunch, work and pregnancy hormones, and I guess it showed. One day my boss was in my office and said, “You seem a little off. Are you mad at me?” I blurted out, “No, I’m not mad, just pregnant again.” So much for a professional, prepared approach.
I am lucky. My boss, while I’m sure not thrilled, was supportive. My organization has a long history working in global health, including maternal and child health. My colleagues are probably more understanding than those in some other settings.
Regardless, I did receive my share of surprising remarks. One colleague told me that she’d like to take a 12 week break every year too. [Who said anything about a break? Hey, sign me up for one of those too!] When I told one of my normally lovely superiors about my 3rd pregnancy she said, “Well, that was fast.” Then silence. Hmmmm…what was I supposed to say to that? The prize though goes to my colleague, let’s call him Jack, who said with a chuckle, “just because you help us find information on family planning, it doesn’t mean you read it, huh?”
It is hard as an employee not to feel guilty for taking closely spaced maternity leaves. You may have a couple of opinionated colleagues who think it’s unprofessional or unfair. Most, however, will understand that maternity leave is not a vacation. I worked hard while I was pregnant, prepared a plan for the duration of my leave, and returned each time. For better or worse, I am the one with the uterus in my marriage, so I try not to feel guilty. I could have spaced my pregnancies to suit my employer, but that seemed shortsighted. I wanted three children close in age before I got too old. So, I went for it.
Before announcing a pregnancy, especially a second or third closely spaced pregnancy, you do have to consider your employer and situation as you consider timing and approach. How much leave are you requesting? Do you plan to return to work in the same capacity or at all? Are you asking for anything beyond the standard policy? How supportive has your employer been in the past? Is your employer large enough to be required by the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to preserve your job and benefits?
In my case, protected by FMLA and certain I would return to work, I told my immediate supervisor a couple of weeks before the rest of the organization, around 11 weeks. I went public at 13 weeks, early enough so the rumor mill wouldn’t start before I made it official. I stated early and often, with more enthusiasm than I felt, that I intended to return to work and talked actively about the projects I would take on when I returned. I didn’t share concerns my boss had no control over (e.g. how in the world would I get to work on time if I had to breastfeed an infant and get two toddlers dressed and out the door?). This approach allayed some of the concern my boss had about whether I would really return after each baby came.
How did you break your bunching news at work? What was the response?
Corinne lives in the Raleigh/Durham area of North Carolina She has two boys (ages 3 and 2) and a girl (8 months).
When I asked to speak to my manager a week after returning from maternity leave he presumed I was handing in my notice so was pleasantly surprised when I said I was expecting our second. It then dawned on him that I would only be back at work for 4.5 months before leaving again and the reality set in. I've had my fair share of 'thats quick' comments but most people seem to understand wanting 2 children close together. The problem I have is I've needed more time off this time around for hospital appointments so some weeks it feels like I'm never at work. I think the best approach is to work as hard as you can and to be actively involved in helping the business cover your maternity leave especially if you plan to go back. That way you look eager but know you can go off on your maternity leave and everything is covered.
Posted by: Clare D | Apr 21, 2010 at 02:56 PM