baby bunching Q/A: sleep all night long

Q: Does anyone have hints on how to get a baby to sleep through the night that do not involve "crying it out?" I personally am not a fan of that method, and we have a small apartment with paper-thin walls so white noise machines cannot drown out the sound. Maybe this isn't a baby-bunching specific question, but then again I wouldn't have this problem if I didn't have two babies at once...

A: Doing cry it out can be a very personal decision. And personally, we think it depends on both the baby's and the mom's personality. Linda was able to do "CIO" with baby #1, and as much as she tried with #2, her daughter was having none of that. Two hours of crying later, Linda gave in.

The good news is there are tons of different sleep methods out there, and it can't hurt to try them all until one works.

You might give the white noise machine (at least for your oldest) another try. The Marpac one actually drowns out more noise than you might think. But here are a few additional tips. We're hoping some of you will chime in with your no-fail tips as well.

1) Stick to a schedule. Yes, even a daytime schedule can help with nighttime sleep. More times than not, waking up in the middle of the night can be from not sleeping well during the day and being overtired. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a great go-to book on this method.

2) Make sure the environment is right. Some kids can sleep in any type of place with any kind of noise or light. But if they are not sleeping, think of the external factors that might be keeping them from slumber. Most of us prefer to be cooler at night and snuggled up. Perhaps the room is too warm or too light. Maybe baby needs to be swaddled, even if she's 9 months old. Get a nice big blanket, lower the temp and swaddle her up.

3) Set nighttime expectations. Remind baby (in some way) that bedtime is bedtime. During diaper changes or feeds at night, try not to turn on the light or talk too much. Go in, feed/change, and get out. Having a midnight party may set the expectation for a nightly gathering.

4) Remember their age. It's often hard for us in a state of fatigue to remember that they are babies. Babies younger than 6 months (or 10 months) often just wake up for no reason. You may be blessed to have one who slept through the night at 3 months and the next takes 8 months. They are babies and eventually they will fall into a pattern if you set up healthy sleep habits for them sooner rather than later. Also note, that as kids grow and hit new milestones it might affect their sleep. Many parents we know have complained of new nighttime issues (waking up at night, early morning wake up for the day) between 12-18 months. We've heard so many of these stories that we're convinced it's probably just a phase. Carry on as usual and go to bed early.

Let us hear a few of your test suggestions.

Comments

[Elizabeth Gallo]

I couldn't do crying it out either. My younger daughter, 13 months behind her older sister, had a hard time going to sleep in her own crib. The two share a room, which makes it even more difficult. What worked for us is putting the baby in her crib and just sitting in the glider next to her -- but not engaging. You could try softly singing or shhhhhhhhh -- both worked well for me, but try not to talk to her or answer her. Close your eyes and model falling asleep. This way the baby knows you're right there and can see what she is supposed to do. You'll know if she cries if something is really wrong and you can judge whether or not to react. We started this a bit later, but got the tip from someone who did it when her baby was about six months old. Worth a try?

[jenni]

CIO worked for #1, but we did cry and comfort with #2. That might be just the trick for you. There is some crying, but you stay with your baby and comfort them (without picking the up) until they fall back to sleep. It took a full week of waking, but it worked. He still wakes occasionally, but we always go in and comfort him and it always takes under 10 minutes. Good luck!

[Lisa]

I use a modified version of the Baby Whisperer advice for my 4 month old...we set the scene for sleep with a routine at night and then I let him fall asleep on the bed and then move him to the crib...I can't lean over the crib and pat him like she recommends, so I just adjusted it for us! We do still swaddle him and we keep his room cool, which he seems to like. If he cried in the night, we go to him and try to determine the issue and get him back to sleep. Typically, it is hunger with him, so I feed him and put him back down. He is doing well and seems to be adjusting fine. As he has gotten older, he has been able to go longer before waking up to eat. You just have to be consistent, but flexible and really focus on your baby and what they need.

[JJ]

We don't "CIO" either, but at 15 months our daughter was still waking up once per night and we were bringing her into our bed out of exhaustion. To break the habit, we would lay her back down and tell her it's time to sleep. The first night it took me over an hour of continuously laying her back down while she screamed. It got easier and after about 2 weeks she stopped waking at all. Then if she woke up it would only take a few minutes to get her back to sleep.

So, we went from full on co-sleeping with her as an infant to now (21 months later) laying her in her crib, turning out the light and seeing her 12 hours later...all without resorting to "cry it out".

[jesspond]

We used a crib vibrator (Gentle Vibrations, maybe by First Steps?) for our son and it worked well. Our daughter always slept, but our son had/has sensory issues and the vibrations and music (it was triggered by baby's noises) helped him teach himself to soothe himself to sleep.

[Michelle]

The very best book I've ever read on sleeping is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." For our first daughter we did CIO, but with our second (20 months later)it didn't work. So instead I would stand next to the crib rubbing her back while she cried (we started this at 9 months). The first two nights she woke up twice each night and it took 45 minutes each time. After that, it was so easy! Now when she cries in the middle of the night, I just have to rub her back and she falls back asleep.

[melissa]

I also highly recommend the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book. We did CIO with our first son, and it worked (he's almost 2 now). With our second son, it's a different ball game! We're still trying to get him to sleep through the night at 6 months old. We are doing more "cry & comfort." I hope he starts sleeping through, because this is one tired mama!

[Clare D]

Our 10 month old started night waking about 6 weeks ago following an illness. Prior to that he'd been sleeping through the night from about 2.5 months so it was a shock to the system. We tried CIO with him and it just didn't work as he got himself so worked up that sleeping was the last thing he was going to do. We've found some simple changes to his routine seem to have dramatically improved the situation:
- regular day time naps and trying to extend these from the short 20 minutes they used to be
- No TV at least 30 minutes before bathtime, we now have quiet playtime or book time
- Massage after bathtime
- Book time after the bath
- His last bottle is about 10 minutes earlier now to reduce the likelyhood of him falling asleep on it. We can then soothe him in his cot
- We try not to pick him up once he is in his cot and just rub his back or hold our hand on him until he seems settled
- Our son is formula fed so we have switched to a hungry baby formula at night time which keeps him satisfied for longer

This is by no means perfect every night but we have been able to stop night feeding and reduced night waking significantly. Teething seems to be the biggest problem with his sleep at the moment but the above has reduced the stress of bedtime and given us some quality sleep time again.