Loved this question from Michelle on Facebook.
Q: My girls are 2 1/2 and 1 year, about 20 months apart. My 1 yr old is adorable and my 2 1/2 yr old is, well, 2. She constantly pushes, hits, takes toys from or tries to pick up her little sister. How do I show that I love them equally when I'm constantly on my 2 yr old's case? I feel like I'm playing... favorites because she's an incredibly difficult 2 yr old, and my 1 yr old is so adorable and easy.
A: Not to worry because in another year your adorable and easy one-year old will become the beastly two-year old and your older child will find ways to work the charm to get what she wants. On any given day one kid can be the fav and the other is....well, the punky one. Let it go and realize it's OK to play favs sometimes.
We will let you in on a secret. Being two-and-a-half is hard! Linda remembers her Baby Buncher neighbor swearing it was the hardest age and once they hit three it was much easier. And it was. Right around that time Baby #2 will be full-fledge toddler and into everything in sight. Then you'll have a new favorite for a day or two.
We continually try as parents to make things fair--the number of Christmas presents per child, the amount of milk in a cup, choosing a story to read or who gets the last meatball (that would be you!). In fact, we make ourselves nutso trying to make things even with our Bunch as best we can. It doesn't matter how hard you try, you will get it wrong! Someone will want the yellow cup one day instead of their usual favorite pink cup and make some horrible comment about how you're the meanest mommy in all the land. Then you'll send them to their room for the rude comment and in the interim they'll somehow turn the little one on you.
As a side note, if you're looking for advice on helping your older child with toys, here is a tip we received from Baby Bunching Tara (mother to 4 kids under 5 at one point.) If the older child wants a toy from the baby, teach the older child that he/she has to bring another toy to trade with the baby. The baby early on doesn't care what toy he/she has. The older child doesn't mind the "trade" b/c he just wants the toy. This teaches the older child that he just can't grab from the baby but he doesn't learn to resent the child for being scolded for grabbing a toy. There will come a time where the baby cares but this works really well in the beginning.
Uggh! Mine are not technically "bunched" as they are 25 & 1/2 months apart. But my oldest just turned 3 and youngest is 1. I'm waiting anxiously for the 3 yr old to get over her bullying and sharing issues with the baby. The "I'll do anything" for attention - good or bad, phase is really wearing on me. The temper, the fits and the competing for attention is so exhausting.
This article gives me hope!
Posted by: Shannon | Apr 28, 2010 at 08:25 PM