silver linings of working while bunching

By Corinne

“So [Oldest] just announced that it's not fair that you have to go to work so he wants you to come home and play with him. I'll echo his sentiments. Your family misses you.”

My husband sent me this email last week. I was having an unusually tough time at work. Emails like this one both make me smile and lament missing out on so much of my children’s days. Like these types of emails, working itself has its ups and downs. As the mother of a young Bunch of 3, I’ve struggled with working motherhood and find fellow Bunchers (with young Bunches anyway) a rarity in the workplace. It’s a tough juggling act.

While I was reminded of the downs acutely last week, in general, I’ve finally learned not only to accept my situation, but to enjoy the upside. While I would still gladly trade my job for more time with my children while they’re young, I’m focusing on the positive aspects of being a working mom and letting go of the guilt. Whether you work by choice, necessity or for reasons that straddle the two, returning to work after having a baby is hard. However, there are perks, not the least of which is a simple, uninterrupted cup of coffee each morning, and you mind as well enjoy them.

If you’re gearing up for a return to work after #2 or #3+, you will find the adjustment difficult, you will worry that you aren’t spending enough time with your family, but you will make it work. The anticipation is WAY worse than the reality. You will develop a routine. With the right attitude, compromises and good communication, your family will still thrive.

If you are about to return to work after a maternity leave or extended absence, here are a few things you have to look forward to:

• You will let things go more easily. Yes, your house, your desk and your multi-tasking brain will all be a mess, but you will let go early on [around day 2 of being back to work] of the disillusion that these things need to be neat & organized;

• You will have adult conversation about topics other than children every day. You may even enjoy a lunch at an adult restaurant once in a while;

• You will never look at the clock at 5:00 and find you’re still wearing your pajamas (this happened to me all the time on maternity leave);

• You can run a quick errand en route to work and not have to worry about bundling, strapping, and supervising your bunch to buy an emergency pack of diapers;

• There’s a good chance on any given day, you will feel productive either at home or at work, if only because you’re doing laundry to procrastinate finishing that report for work;

• Workplace goals have a nice finality to them (presentation, done; annual report, done; proposal, submitted) compared to the less concrete daily goals of the stay at home parent (laundry, done for now; meals, never ending; grocery shopping, aborted due to cranky toddler);

• A young bunch will greet you at the door when you arrive home as excited to see you as a pack of puppies;

• You will not have to face the difficult challenge of re-entering the workplace after a long absence to raise children.

As long as you learn to cope with stress, give yourself and your partner a break, and keep all in perspective (easy, huh?), you will come to value every second you have to spend with your family. Even the difficult moments that had me wanting to hide in the bathroom during maternity leave (anyone who’s ever tried to breastfeed while simultaneously putting a toddler in a timeout for pushing your other now hysterical toddler knows what I’m talking about) will be moments that you’ll learn to cherish (ok, appreciate at least).

You will quickly learn that the quality of time you spend with your family is way more important than the quantity.

Corinne lives in the Raleigh/Durham area of North Carolina She has two boys (ages 3 and 2) and a girl (8 months).

Comments

[Ashleigh]

I am going to print this out and carry it with me everywhere I go. I will be returning to work soon and you've addressed my concerns about leaving my 2 babies but you're right--there is an upside to this that I should focus on rather than dwelling on the negative.

[mrs.notouching]

I have at least another year before I have to go back to work, but even I can appreciate this post! Thanks!

[Ursula34Ewing]

Lots of specialists argue that mortgage loans aid a lot of people to live their own way, just because they are able to feel free to buy necessary stuff. Moreover, banks present car loan for different classes of people.

[Sara]

Great article! I only work part time now, but I struggle all the time with leaving my young bunch (boys; ages 18 months and 5 months). My husband says stay home but I can't imagine giving up what I've worked so hard for just to get back in the game in a few years.
I'm sending the link to this to my husband!

[Sully]

"The anticipation is WAY worse than the reality." You hit the nail on the head!

I find the bigger picture much harder to deal with than the day-to-day, i.e., I could quite easily go crazy calculating the number of hours away from home. This article really helps put things in perspective and reassures me that things will work out and there ARE lots of pros to complement the cons. The "pack of puppies" level of excitement definitely being the most fun. Thanks!