Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

baby bunching Q/A: new baby to the bunch

This question came to us from Baby Buncher Carrie.

Q: How can I help the oldest of the bunch (in my case, she'll be 22 months old) transition to a new baby. She's too young to understand what is going on, but there must be some great tips out there to help!

A: This is one of our most popular questions. Ironically, it's the easiest to answer, yet probably not the easiest to do. One of the best things about Baby Bunching is that Baby #1 will never remember life without Baby #2. We're convinced this is why siblings so close in age really can remain close over a lifetime.  

Before baby comes you can do what you can, when you can, to educate your toddler about the impending arrival. Books and talking about the baby will help. In the end probably nothing will ever prepare your toddler--or you--for the changes that will occur. Many toddlers like to touch mommy's belly and you can tell toddler that a baby is in there. Yeah, they don't "get it," but on some level I'm sure they do. Maybe.

After baby comes it gets a bit trickier since again, there's not much you can do to really prepare a big baby for little baby. She will find out quickly. Their communication skills are limited, and they still need you for everything. Your toddler will learn the art of patience since you can't attend to his needs at that very moment anymore since you have someone else now. (Give yourself that...it's OK for people to cry, including you.)

Rather than repeating what we've said in a few posts, we recommend a few tips for you here:

• Baby Bunching Stages: What to Expect When You're Expecting #2
• Baby Bunching Novice: Infant + Toddler

Hopefully, these past posts will help you mentally prepare for what is yet to come. Your kids pick up on your attitude as well and this can help them transition into their new world. The best advice is to go into this as prepared as you can and have a sense of humor. Everything you can possibly imagine can and will go wrong during the first few months. You will mix things up. Get the timing wrong. Give someone the wrong pacifier. Put the diaper on the wrong kid. Find yourself shoving Cheerios into a 3 week-old's mouth.  Wear your underwear inside out all day long. Laugh it off (and cry later). You will need the laughs to keep you going and so will your kids.

on the heels of big brother

This week we had kindergarten orientation for my youngest. Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are. Almost five years ago, I entered the world of Baby Bunching (before the term even existed) and here I am escorting my daughter into elementary school.

(Side note: It really does pass quicker than you think it will. As the guidance counselor told us on Monday--and it did make cry--these days speed by so treasure your little jewels while you can.)

There are many pros and cons to siblings close in age. I actually haven't decided if having one follow on the heels of another is good or bad, yet, since we've only just reach this point. You never want your child to only be referred to as so-and-so's brother/sister. But I think one of the occupational hazards of having kids in rapid succession is they are often lumped together as a "unit." As my kids have grown, I have learned that each kid really is an individual. I probably knew that from Day 1 when little sister slept and ate differently than her brother. All along the way everything has been unique for each child yet in the day-to-day so much is done with both kids together.

In the case of school, I'm curious how this will affect us next year. We've hopped around from preschool to preschool enough that my kids have never had the same teacher. Next year will be a first for us.

My own brother and I had three years between us. So while we had some of the same teachers along the way, time and 90 students or so had passed between my time and his. With many of us Baby Bunchers, we don't have this luxury. Child #2 or #3 comes along right after the previous one. I imagine as a teacher, it has to be hard to not compare and contrast siblings because even I, sadly, admit to doing that more often than I should.

Then I wonder that perhaps for Baby Bunched siblings the sense of being part of big brother/sister might actually help them feel better about situations and adjust better. My daughter will enter into a school of kids up to age 12 after only just turning 5. Her big brother, who adores her, will be there to help pave the road. She will have to find her own way separate from his.

On the way home from orientation, I asked her if during her breakout session with the teacher she told them she was Alex's sister. Her response: No, I told them my name was Anna Kerr. Perhaps this won't be so much of an issue after all.

cloth diapering your bunch

By Brenda Massung

When you hear the words - cloth diaper - does it make you cringe? Does it remind you of giant white towels that you watched your mother somehow fold onto your little sibling, or the horrid thought of sticking someone with a pin?  For me, when I first heard about cloth diapers, I thought it was nuts.  I began nannying a set of twin girls who were wearing them, plastic pants and all.  It wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and then they switched over to the world of high connivence cloth diapers.  Where all you had to do was snap a diaper around the child - and they were set.  It felt all too good.

But to be honest, it WAS good.  I learned that one disposable diaper sits in a landfill for about 100 years.  I learned that using cloth really does cut down on costs, and the best part it’s great for the bum of my precious baby.  So when our first little lady “announced” her arrival on the lovely little pee stick, my husband and I decided that we would venture into the cloth diaper world.

Entering the world of cloth diapering can be like walking into a foreign country - where people use words like, prefolds, snappis, one-sized, pocket, the list goes on and on.  So my advice to you is to find a website, such as the very helpful storkwarehouse.com, and look at cloth diapering 101.  There, you will determine what the needs of your family are and how to go about the process of cloth diapering.

I know what you’re thinking - “oh, no I”m going to have to rinse the poo out in the toilet, my husband won’t even touch regular poopy diapers.”  Well with the technology of today’s washers - you don’t even have to let that diaper touch the toilet.  You just toss it into a dry bag designed to hold the diapers, and wash within 3 days. Seriously it’s that easy.  Once your child has started forming solid poos- you just toss the solid into the toilet and put the diaper into the bag waiting to wash.  It really is simple.

The best part about baby bunching and cloth diapering, is for those who used sized diapers, you are most likely to have you children in the same sized diaper within several months after baby #2’s birth. The investment cost can be upfront higher, however you can use the diapers you bought for baby #1, on all your babies to come, and even better, if your diapers are still in usable condition you can pass them on/sell them to a friend!

Our family uses sized fuzzi bunz, which come in small, medium, and large - and currently both my girls are in mediums, which is great for the diaper bag.  Now don’t get me wrong, we still use disposable diapers too, when we go on trips, and some nights.  But as you will find with cloth, you aren’t having to run out to the store to do a
diaper run, you are seeing less/NO diaper rashes, and all around know that what you are doing is better for the environment.  Trust me, it’s not as scary as you think.

Brenda is a Des Moines, Iowa - Baby Bunching, part-time “take the kiddos to work with” mom to two girls, 28 month old dolly who arrived 15 weeks before her due date, and a 11 month old dolly who arrived right on time.

baby bunchers take on austin

Heads up to all you Baby Bunchers in the Lone Star capital.....Cara and Linda will be in town Saturday, April 3. It's rare we're ever together with all five kids in tow.  Our spring breaks overlap by a few days, and we're trying to set up a meeting at the Central Market Cafe' and playground. This is one of our favorite Baby Bunching spots because mom/dad can eat and kids can play. Both us of spent a good part of our young adult lives in Austin, including college. We're both so glad to be back to visit family and friends. Leave us a note here if you're in the area and might be interested in meeting us on Saturday morning (April 3)  at Central Market.  

baby bunching Q/A: potty duty

Q: Do you have some tips on how to deal with diaper changes when out and about and there is no changing table, or what to do with the youngest two when the oldest has to use the potty and can't be by him or herself?

A: First let's address the changing table since that's the simplest one to handle. We have changed our kids on an assortment of surfaces: sinks, park benches, picnic tables, dressing rooms, restaurant bathroom floor, etc. The trick is in the supplies. You will need wipes, antibacterial lotion, changing pad and a light blanket/towel. The towel/blanket goes under the bad to protect your child from touching nasty surfaces or rolling off the mat. Linda has even changed a poopy diaper with toddler standing. Cara hates public restrooms and her favorite place to change while out and about is the back of her van. Get creative and wash up later.

The second part of the question can be harder to answer. If you are out and about at the same places, try to scope out more kid-friendly bathrooms--family restrooms where you can all be in together, cleaner bathrooms that don't make you vomit when you go in, ones that have nice large handicap stalls, etc. Potty training a toddler with a baby when you're out can be super tricky. News Flash: It's still tricky even when they're older.

Linda remembers having to leave a playground with her Bunch and run to the nearest 7-11 while her son went poo. He sat and sat singing Mary Poppins while her toddler tried to lick the bathroom walls. Good times!

Our best advice here is to come prepared. If your little ones can be strapped into something, we recommend it. If you're in Target, by all means, wheel the whole damn cart into the bathroom. If you can manage your stroller into the bathroom, even better and less intrusive. Unless there is a handicapped person waiting for the larger stall, don't feel bad about wheeling your stroller in - we are handicapped in our own way. While snacks seem like a good idea to keep your kid busy, there's something that truly grosses us out about mixing food and bathroom. Yuck! Bring a ton of wipes to clean off what boosting your kid up at the sink doesn't clean off and sum it up with a nice slathering of Purell. Germs boost immunity, right?

Please share with us your fabulous tips. As you can see, we've had our own challenges mastering this combo.

doggonit! our new arrival

As you know, we have been wavering on the fence for some time about another baby to add to our Bunch. But, alas, hubby and I decided our current Bunch (with all their extraordinary energy) were enough for us to handle for now. Since then I have picked up extra hours at work, hired a cleaning crew for twice a month and a sitter for two afternoons a week to help me work more efficiently during my limited "working hours." All was going smoothly, until three weeks ago.

That was when the puppy arrived.

Let it be known it is never, ever a good idea to take a work call on the weekend. Because while engrossed in conversation with my boss, my Bunch and daddy slipped off to get a puppy! (Yes, I was in disbelief as well.) As I issued commands from home like "turn the car around and come home," I realized that my OKing the idea of a puppy a few weeks before left the window wide open for his imminent arrival.

And so Diego came to be part of our family, canine though he is, he's now here.

Just in case any of our readers are contemplating getting a puppy, I'd like to provide you with some insight into what a puppy can do for you and your Bunch. Remember that my bunch is on the older end with my oldest nearing 6 and youngest at 4 1/2. My kids can dress themselves, wipe their bottoms (most of the time), brush their teeth, and go to bed without too much fuss. Enter the dog. Think it's like having another baby? No, it's worse. It's like having a toddler that is......well, a dog. All the things we tolerate from our toddlers we do because they are in a massive developmental phase and an investment in our legacy. Someday soon, they will be little people with their own personalities. A puppy does all the same toddlery things, but he's still just a dog.

So I now spend my days, watching the dog to make sure he doesn't pee/poop on the floor because he will if you let him out of your sight. (Do they make doggie diapers?) I have to take him outside constantly to reinforce the outside potty usage. My kids who were so enthralled by the dog two weeks ago do nothing but make the dog a crazy nutcase then run to hide in their rooms while I deal with the repercussions. The dog has destroyed dresses, shoes, sofas, table in only a matter of weeks.  

Balancing your Bunch takes patience, percision, smarts, trial and error, and bravery. Picture standing on one foot, with kid on breast, other kid in arms and phone on ear (with dinner on the stove and laptop on the counter). We moms work very hard perfecting the balance and it can take years to even get close. There is nothing like a dog to come swooshing in at top speed, toppling you over and reminding you how one little drop can affect the whole pond.

to work or not to work

By Natasha Standen, Mutterings of a Mother 

My bunch are practically grown now (well - 5 and 3.5 years old!) I gave up my full-time job after the birth of my first child and I've (mostly) loved being at home. Our family see it as a positive decision. I  think I'm lucky I've had the opportunity. But a friend of mine said to me the other day that it isn't anything to do with luck - that she and her family have chosen to cut their income by more than half, going without financially, in order for her to be a 'stay at home' Mom. Which got me thinking - is it really a choice?

It's a contentious point for any mother, often because of what other mothers say about it. For Baby Bunchers, the issues may be more specific. Dealing with a baby and a toddler (or more!) can be extremely draining - I know quite a few moms who have appreciated an 'escape' to part-time work in this phase. Others don't want to contemplate having to deal with the workplace when they wake up exhausted every day. Single parents, or those in a family with no other income, don't usually get to choose. Some moms work from home, which presents its own challenges.

If I had returned to work, I'd have been back only a month or two before announcing I was pregnant with my second child. I doubt my employer would have been overjoyed. Some people I know with more than one child say there is no point in them going back to work as whatever they earn will go on childcare. Others say they need the money to support their lifestyle. Others want their children to see that they have a work ethic, or that women can have children and do paid work. Employment can provide an identity outside of the childcare role which many women don't want to do without. Many women, like myself, thrive on the role they have as an at-home mom, much to the confusion of some of their peers.

I remember my last attempt at freelance work vividly. I had been up in the night with a sick child, before leaving at 6 a.m. for a 3-hour drive to conduct on-site interviews with 9 vulnerable families over a couple of days. Cared for by Daddy and Grandma, my 3-year old was in good hands, so rather than let other families down, I continued with the paid work. On my return (after another long drive), I walked in to see everyone at the dinner table, picking up my 18-month-old for a cuddle, who promptly covered me in vomit. I was up all of the next night. I have not pursued any further paid work since that time!

My 5-year old is now in the equivalent of kindergarten, my nearly-4 year old at pre-school 12 hours a week. Much of my time without them is spent studying for a qualification which will be a stepping stone to a different career - in the future. I also help run a church group for under-5s, with the kid/s in tow. So I'm still at home, and happy. And in the summer we will welcome a new baby. It works for us. But tell me - is it really something moms can choose, especially for those with children spaced closer together? What do other Baby Bunchers think?

Natasha Standen is a 34-year old stay-at-home mom & church volunteer. She lives in Nottinghamshire, UK. Mother to 5 year old and nearly 4 year old girls, 19 months apart.

baby bunching bites: dijon chicken and lemon zest spinach

As if it weren't enough trouble trying to convince everyone in the family to eat what I put on the table, Hubby was recently put on a cholesterol lowering, heart-healthy diet by his doctor.  Imagine my surprise when everyone, including all kiddos, gobbled down one of the first "new" dinners I prepared.  The marinade in this recipe provides a very mild, understated flavoring for wee ones and the sauce over the top takes it up a notch for adult taste buds. Quick, easy, healthy and Bunch-friendly - you can't beat that in my book!

Dijon Chicken (recipe is for two boneless chicken breasts, so I doubled it to feed my family of 5)

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

4 tablespoons fresh lime juice

2 tablespoons vegan Worcestershire sauce (OK, I cheated and used regular because I had it on hand)

4 teaspoons Dijon mustard

2 cloves minced garlic

Trim all fat from chicken breasts. Mix together all other ingredients.  Reserve half and pour the rest over chicken, marinating for 1/2 an hour.  Broil on low or grill for 7 minutes per side or until cooked through.  Serve with remainder of marinade spooned on top. I served it with brown rice and the spinach recipe below.

Lemon Zest Spinach

1 1/4 pounds fresh organic spinach or baby spinach

6 cloves minced garlic

5 tablespoons pine nuts

3 teaspoons lemon juice

1 teaspoon olive oil

1/2 teaspoon lemon zest

Steam spinach and garlic until spinach is just wilted.  Place in bowl and toss in remaining ingredients.

baby bunching Q/A: snubbed by little baby

This question comes from Baby Buncher Kelly.

Q: My baby is now 9 months and has terrible seperation anxiety, so I feel like I'm holding/wearing her all the time and I feel like my poor 2 year old is getting the shaft. Any tips on getting through this stage w/ my sanity?

A: First of all, let us assure you, you're doing the right thing. Wearing your baby keeps her happy and you, since you have one less person to keep track of. Your toddler is probably less bothered by this than you think. By the way, this is the life you will come to know.....for a long time. You only have two hands so unless you can produce two more, Baby Bunching means you will become a master in juggling.

Try not to beat yourself up over it. No matter how close in age your kids are they will both come to realize (in their own time) that the world doesn't center around them. A definite pro to siblings.

Kids will learn patience over time, whether they like waiting for you to finish up with little brother or big sister is not really the point. But they will like having a playmate down the road so chances are they'll take the bad with the good.

A few things to consider:

--Your kids, especially when they're small, really just want you around. So even if you're dealing with baby and still talking to your toddler and engaging with him in some way, he's probably OK with you multitaskking.

--Even small amounts of 1:1 time make a difference. Baby is taking a nap and you need to run around doing laundry, cleaning up and getting dinner ready while you only have one kid to manage. Stop and take 10 minutes (yes, even 10 minutes is huge) to read a book or cuddle with your toddler. Chances are after 10 minutes they lose focus anyway.

--It's a short phase. Soon, both your kids--especially since they are so close in age--will be playing together so you'll be able to play with both of them at the same time. Or better yet, they'll take off, shut the door and play together for 30 minutes while you read a magazine. Score!

solo ops 201: surviving a deployment

(Editor's note: While this post is about an extended military deployment, Michelle's tips for making it through really apply to any short-term or long-term absence of a spouse.)

By Michelle Routhier, Manaical Musings on Motherhood

In the military, any business trip is called a TDY (temporary duty).  My husband's job has always had him TDY alot.  During our first year of parenthood, he took 11 business trips, totaling about 60 days give or take of our older son's first year of life.  His first trip left me alone with a 7 week old in a foreign country, and I was scared to death.  Soon, I developed my own routines of how I would manage  when he was gone.  I relied heavily on frozen food and mac-n-cheese and seldom showered.  My husband's current TDY took him to Afghanistan for approximately 200 days, not counting the 4 weeks of training he was TDY before he left for Afghanistan.  It was pretty clear that I couldn't live from the beginning of October to the end of May on chips and salsa and frozen food.  I am not yet at the half-way point of the deployment, but still picked up a few pointers.
 
1. Simplify Your Routine--If you normally read your toddler 5 books, sing certain songs, and ensure he/she is tucked into bed following a precise routine, you'll probably want to start thinking about what you can change.  You need the routine simple for two reasons: you might not have time to do all the steps while your baby is screaming or you might need a mother's helper to put the toddler to bed, and the fewer steps to teach, the better.  If the holidays come up during the deployment, you might want to simplify your celebrations.  It makes sense to decorate your house, but you don't need to use every decoration or go all out.  For me,  decided to skip a 1000 mile trip to visit family as my bunch does not travel well when there are 2 adults and 2 children, and I knew travelling alone would leave me more stressed and missing my husband more.
 
2.  Prepare Your Troops--Both of my boys were non-verbal when my husband left, so most of our preparation was visual.  I videotaped my husband reading several of my toddler's favorite books.  He now often points to the computer and asks "more Daddy?" meaning he wants to watch one of these video clips.  I also play the video clips for the baby while he sits in the highchair.  www.militaryonesource.com has a multitude of FREE deployment resources, and the best one for the preschool set is a Sesame Street DVD where Elmo's Daddy deploys.  For about a month, my toddler requested that video several times a day.  You can buy a stuffed "Daddy doll" with a picture of Daddy in uniform at this website:
https://www.hugahero.com/  You can even buy a voice recorder for the dolls, so your husband can record a special message for your bunch.  I got my boys their own Daddy doll, so they can keep him in their crib.  You can also make a personalized board book at:  http://mycustomstory.com/shop/storylines.  I'll admit that I was too sad to write the storyline for it, so I sent in pictures I wanted to have in the book and a general idea about Daddy going to Afghanistan and returning home safely and they wrote the story for me.
 
3.  Ask for Help or Buy the Help You Need--I was very specific when telling people what would help me most.  I had lots of offers to baby-sit, but my younger son does not take a bottle, and my older son does not do well in unfamiliar settings, so babysitting actually causes me more stress.  The help I need is meal delivery as I have a hard time finding time to cook.  It became obvious during my husband's training that people could occasionally bring me meals, but I would need to have a more regular plan, so I hired a mother's helper to come around dinner time.  It gives me an extra set of hands so I can throw a quick dinner together and she sticks around to help me put the boys to bed.  Initially, I felt bad spending the money, but without that regular help, I would have lost my sanity weeks ago.
 
4.  Take Pictures and Videos--Your days will sometimes drag on and other times fly by.  You will spend your days changing diapers, feeding, cleaning up, more diapers, and chasing, and during all that monotony your bunch will continue to grow.  You'll want to record your days for your husband who will be missing lots of milestones and changes, but for yourself too as you will be elbow deep IN raising your bunch and won't see the subtle changes or will be likely to forget.

Michelle is the mother of 2 boys, 19 months apart in age (2 years old and almost 1 year old).  Her husband's job in the U.S. Air Force has taken the family to Florida, the United Kingdom, and now Alabama.  To read more about her thoughts on baby bunching, deployments, special needs parenting, visit: http://routhierfam.blogspot.com/