This question came to us from Baby Buncher Carrie.
Q: How can I help the oldest of the bunch (in my case, she'll be 22 months old) transition to a new baby. She's too young to understand what is going on, but there must be some great tips out there to help!
A: This is one of our most popular questions. Ironically, it's the easiest to answer, yet probably not the easiest to do. One of the best things about Baby Bunching is that Baby #1 will never remember life without Baby #2. We're convinced this is why siblings so close in age really can remain close over a lifetime.
Before baby comes you can do what you can, when you can, to educate your toddler about the impending arrival. Books and talking about the baby will help. In the end probably nothing will ever prepare your toddler--or you--for the changes that will occur. Many toddlers like to touch mommy's belly and you can tell toddler that a baby is in there. Yeah, they don't "get it," but on some level I'm sure they do. Maybe.
After baby comes it gets a bit trickier since again, there's not much you can do to really prepare a big baby for little baby. She will find out quickly. Their communication skills are limited, and they still need you for everything. Your toddler will learn the art of patience since you can't attend to his needs at that very moment anymore since you have someone else now. (Give yourself that...it's OK for people to cry, including you.)
Rather than repeating what we've said in a few posts, we recommend a few tips for you here:
- Baby Bunching Stages: What to Expect When You're Expecting #2
- Baby Bunching Novice: Infant + Toddler
Hopefully, these past posts will help you mentally prepare for what is yet to come. Your kids pick up on your attitude as well and this can help them transition into their new world. The best advice is to go into this as prepared as you can and have a sense of humor. Everything you can possibly imagine can and will go wrong during the first few months. You will mix things up. Get the timing wrong. Give someone the wrong pacifier. Put the diaper on the wrong kid. Find yourself shoving Cheerios into a 3 week-old's mouth. Wear your underwear inside out all day long. Laugh it off (and cry later). You will need the laughs to keep you going and so will your kids.
I'm pregnant with #3. #1 will be 4.75 and #2 will be weeks shy of 2 when #3 arrives. We obviously weren't bunchers the first time around and we're just skating in under the line this time, but how much more difficult is this going to be when #3 gets here? Do all of the regular bunching tips apply? #1 has always been pretty helpful with his little sister, so I'm hoping that carries over. I'm also hoping that he'll stop tackling her with death grip hugs in the intervening 6 months...All advice welcome!
Posted by: Lie | Mar 31, 2010 at 01:35 PM
Thanks for this! Baby #1 will be 20 months old when I have #2 in a few weeks, and I'm doing my best to not FREAK OUT. #1 took 13 months to sleep through the night, and is just recently on a decent, predictable, happy schedule...and I can't help but worry that we're going to mess up what is finally a really good thing. I suppose a sense of humor will be my strongest ally :)
Posted by: Janelle | Mar 31, 2010 at 09:36 PM