baby bunching Q/A: three boys, two rooms to share

We received this question from Aviva on our Facebook page. We'll start the discussion, but welcome tips and tricks from readers.

Q: I have three boys ages nearly 4, 17 months, and 4 months. We have a three bedroom house. Currently the two older boys each have their own room and the baby is in our room. Any advice on who should share and how to make the transition as smooth as possible would be appreciated.

A: Cara moved her Bunch in together when they were 3 and 4, which is a very different experience from throwing a toddler into the mix.  Our initial response on this is to put your two best sleepers together, even if it's the oldest and youngest. For reaons unbeknownst to us, toddlers in the 12-18 month phase have strange sleeping habits so moving him in with either other brother could be a mixed bag. Any way you look at it, the first few nights may be a little difficult no matter how you configure it, but stick with it and it will shake out fine - after all, kids have shared rooms (or caves) since the beginning of time.

Your toughest times will be naptime, first thing in the morning and bedtime. We have found that once kids are in a deep sleep, they sleep pretty soundly and will often sleep through a crying sibling.  It's the "getting to the deep sleep" phase that's tricky. Having said that, a few tips to consider:

1) Realize that they kids will probably wake each other up at first while everyone gets used to their new surroundings. This is inevitable. But it's something that will adjust after some time. Your best bet might be to use a white noise machine to help drown out noise from the other child--whether it's just waking in the morning or waking in the middle of the night.

2) Stagger bedtimes and naptimes.  Get the easiest child to settle asleep first, then slide the other in. 

3)  Naptime, which often involves a fair amount of goofing off since it's light out, may need to be staggered altogether (horrors!) or occur in separate rooms for awhile (yet another use for the faithful PackNPlay) until everyone gets used to a joint sleeping arrangement. 

4) When you make the transition, if your toddler is still in his crib, just leave him there in the new configuration until everyone has weathered the transition.  Having one less child free to roam the halls during a time of transition is a luxury you will be grateful for.

Comments

[Cori]

I moved my 3 year old and 21 month old into the same room so I could move our 6 month old from our room into the nursery. My first two are boys; the baby a girl, so it seemed obvious to put the boys together since this is how it will be long term. In retrospect, I wish I had put the two little ones together especially since I also introduced the 21 month old to a toddler bed as part of the move. The transition actually went great at first (talk it up about a week before! Get fun new bedding or PJs for both boys!) For two weeks, we were golden, then the shenannigans started. Think two boys running out of bed at bedtime (whereas beforehand my 3 old had outgrown that horrible phase and my middle one was confined to a crib!)and oldest waking up the middle one to play at 5:30 ...regardless, either way, you'll make it work. If you have a spare crib, I like the idea of moving the two oldest together but keeping the middle boy in a crib or if you plan on putting middle in a toddler bed, do it in the same room as the infant, so he's not encouraged by your oldes to take advantage of his new freedom.

[Alecia]

Considering that the 4 year-old probably doesn't take a nap anymore (or won't for much longer) I would pair the older two boys together. Then you would have a separate bedroom for each of the younger two boys available when they take naps during the day. During those times, you could keep the 4 year-old busy with other activities out in the kitchen, living room, etc.

My girls have shared a room since my youngest was born (oldest was 15 months old.) I never had any regrets about it except during nap times. Night sleep was easy, but getting them both to settle down during the daylight hours was often a struggle. I'm guessing it would have been better had they been in separate rooms to settle down for their naps.

[Stimey]

I have three boys and a three room house, so I know of what you speak. We kept our youngest in his own room until he was out of his crib and started asking to be with his brothers. Now all three of them share a room and we use the extra room as a playroom. Eventually we will have to move because these children are going to be too big to share a room for long.

[Megs]

Our 3 1/2 year old and 21 month old sons share a room. Actually our 9 month old daughter has her crib in there, but usually co sleeps. We stagger bedtimes by 30-60 minutes with our 21 month old heading to bed first at 7pm. It works great for us. For naps, the 21 month old sleeps in their room and the 3 1/2 year old naps on the couch because otherwise he wakes up little brother

[KC at Best Cribs]

Put the two kids with at least the same age and let the little one in his own room. Or maybe the oldest one be in that separate room.

[KateMinneapolis]

My boys are 14 months apart (3 mo. and 17.5 mo.) and they both still take two naps a day. I stick to a routine, usually put little baby down first and then move on to Big Baby (who requires much more emotional energy these days - teething, nightmares, general testiness and is beginning to transition from 2 naps to 1). I try to keep the naptime routine simple: for little baby, it's nurse, swaddle, soothe and swing (with oldest in the room, not always being quiet).

The little one is starting to grow out of the swing though, so I've recently been doing the "night night routine" (nurse, swaddle, soothe) and then letting him self-soothe according to Weissbluth (author of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child") for short periods in a safe place. While little baby self-soothes or sleeps, I put Big baby down for his nap (his routine: books, sippy, rocking, night night). Once big baby down, if the little one isn't asleep yet, I do his routine over. Usually I get at least 20 minutes to a WHOLE hour to myself once the routine is done for each. Bliss.

Once Big baby grows out of the two naps, he'll likely be able to play quietly in the same room (stickers, playdough, coloring, books) while I do the sleep routine with the younger one, who is sadly quite used to his brother's noisy ways.

I definitely am having to implement some form of Cry It Out though, because inevitably, both their needs/wants won't always be met at once. A strict routine where the kids know what's going on and a consistent schedule is helping us so far, but it isn't easy.

God help us when we have to transition them to the shared room though...

[Baby nap]

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