We're currently in the process of deciding whether or not to send the younger of our Bunch to Kindergarten in the fall or wait until next year, since he is a late July birthday and will have just turned 5 when school starts. Academically, he's probably more prepared for K than our oldest was (February birthday), but we're weighing his social readiness. He's a (constant) finger sucker, still has some separation anxiety issues on occasion, lacks confidence in unfamiliar settings, is hyper-competitive, refuses to participate in new/unfamiliar environments, and is slow to warm up in groups where he doesn't know anyone.
Sound like your average 4 1/2 year old, much? On the one side, we feel like he still has a lot of time to grow up before school starts in the fall. On the same side, we wonder if some of that is just HIM - that he'll always be a more competitive, less outgoing, and little more sensitive than his older brother.
On the flip side, we wonder if by holding him back and letting him be the oldest in his class instead of the baby might provide a much-needed confidence boost. Plus, it might not hurt to have a year in school in between him and his (very different) older brother. Not only do I foresee the potential for more complicated social dynamics with shared friends, etc. when they get older, it would be really nice for the younger one not to immediately follow in the older one's footsteps with every teacher, coach, etc.
I've had numerous discussions debating the pros and cons of starting Kindergarten with several of my friends who, ironically, are in the very same boat (Baby Bunchers with the baby of the Bunch having a summer birthday). Upon comparison, it's interesting to note (and it may just be coincidence) that all of our eldests are outgoing and confident, while all of our youngers are sensitive and a little more reserved. We all know the impact birth order has on personality - is it possible that spacing makes a difference, too?
I often wonder about how having my boys so close together may have impacted them. My oldest had to grow up pretty quickly and be more independent when his brother came along, even though he was still just a baby himself! As a Baby Buncher, I shushed and pampered the second child because, frankly, it was just easier and faster to do it myself than go at his pace and wait for him to do it. And bless his heart, just about the time things calmed down a little and we could move at his pace, his baby brother came along, landing him solidly in the middle of a pack of three boys less than 4 1/2 years apart.
Going back to the Kindergarten issue, we've pretty much decided to hold him back. If he experiences some incredible emotional growth spurt over the summer, we can always decide to go ahead and send him to K at the last minute, but otherwise he'll be enjoying another year in preschool along with a lot of other Baby Bunched friends with summer birthdays. Maybe the chance to be on the top of the heap at school will counteract the fact that he never really had a chance to be King of the Hill at home.
Since the youngest of my Bunch is a girl, we're pretty sure we'll go ahead and send her even with July birthday. But I often feel the same way about the dynamics. Oldest one grew up way too fast. Youngest one is clearly in the shadow of the first. And while she can certainly hold her own weight or take anyone down in her path, I see the effect Baby Bunching may have had on her. What would it have been like if she'd been just a year younger? I guess you can't dwell on it too much. I'm curious what others have to say on this.
Posted by: Linda | Feb 11, 2010 at 06:24 PM
Ugh, we pretty much have been worrying about this since the our first was born and I was expecting our second. Our oldest is a girl (May) and youngest is a boy (Dec, of the same year). Our son will HAVE to go when he has to go really, because he's a Dec, but we were so hoping to get them in separate grades so they could have their "own" everything at school (and so that our daughter didn't HAVE to answer 600 adoption questions all.day.long. But it's looking like sending our May girl will possibly not be in her best interest because she's....a little more hyper-wild-lacking any good attention span.
Uuugh!
Posted by: jesspond | Feb 11, 2010 at 06:53 PM
Our second child has an October birthday, and being the oldest in preschool has been great for his self confidence. He and his sister are so close and play together so much, it is nice for him to be the top dog, the one who can do the activites easier than his classmates, the kid who helps. Our third is a march birthday and our fourth a September, I'll probably not hold them back because they'll have time to ease into their age group.
Posted by: Sierra | Feb 11, 2010 at 09:11 PM
I recently read a blogpost about when it's best to start school that was excellent: http://planningwithkids.com/2010/01/21/school-starting-age-our-personal-experience/
It's about a Mum's experience in Australia, but it's still applicable I'm sure. We're not quite there yet, but we most likely will decide for our eldest to start when he s already five. Adults I've spoken to that were very young in their class suggest that while it didn't make mch difference when they were little, it had an impact when they were in high school and university. And I've been told that for boys especially it can affect their emotional
development negatively in adolescence if they are much youNger than their peers.
Good luck!
Posted by: Amy | Feb 11, 2010 at 10:02 PM
For starters, we wouldn't get to make that choice here in the UK. But I'm intrigued - I'm a buncher and I know quite a few mums in a similar situation who have a more cautious, dependent elder sibling, and a confident, outgoing, well-socialised younger sibling (there's 19 months between them). We tend to put it down to them being the second child and always having someone there to play with and show them the way of things - yet what you're suggesting is the opposite of that. Interesting. I know there are other factors - birth experience, nature/nurture - it's got my mind ticking now!
Posted by: Natasha | Feb 12, 2010 at 05:10 AM
Our bunch is only 15 months apart, and the oldest is definitely very mature and well spoken for her age, but she is actually the more socially shy of the two. At home she is a motor-mouth and never stops putting on a show! But in public she is much more reticent. Meanwhile, the younger of the two is super outgoing in public, but not quite as gregarious at home. I think that is simply their given natures and bunching has very little to do with it. We don't have to worry about the school question though since we homeschool! :)
Posted by: Amanda | Feb 12, 2010 at 02:19 PM
What a great topic! While we are still a few years away from making this decision, it's one I've already fretted about a lot. Both of my kids are on the youngest end of the school spectrum, but I worry most about my son. My daughter was born Aug 26, and my son Sept 30 of the following year. So his birthday is literally the cutoff date for school. My inclination from the get-go has been that I don't want to hold him back for several reasons. First, I feel like he and his sister are growing up almost like twins, and it seems somehow wrong for them to be two years apart in school. Along that same vein, I feel that they will have a lot of the same friends and same activities. And last, he is a big boy. With a daddy who is 6'8", my Charlie has always been in the 95-98th% for height, and I worry that he will really stand out awkwardly if he is the oldest in his class.
With all of that said, the more people I talk to about this, the more I start to question my initial inclinations. Most people say that the youngest kid (especially a boy) in the class tends to have the most social and behavioral problems, and he will be better off being the oldest. And since mine are still only 2 1/2 and 16 months, I don't know how their personalities are going to change between now and then. I'm hoping it's an obvious choice once we reach that point and we will know which decision is right!
Posted by: Emily Faulkner | Feb 12, 2010 at 02:24 PM
I am finding the opposite personalities with my bunch. My older son, who is 2.5 years old, is very sensitive, serious, analytical, and shy. His birthday is alo August 20th. Unless, something big happens to change things, he'll start school late. He can already count to 20 and has letter recognition (upper and lower case), so our decision to hold him back will purely be social.
My younger son, 10 months, is showing himself to be Mr. Independent. In fact, my toddler likes to be held and cuddled more than the "baby."
Posted by: Michelle | Feb 12, 2010 at 04:37 PM
I find that my oldest is far more the dependent one of my three, and he is more quiet and reserved (in public, anyway). My second child (13 mos difference) is much more indepedent and stubborn, and in fact she is usually the ringleader when they get into trouble. My youngest (20 mos later) is only a baby, so it's difficult to tell, but he definitely enjoys his brother and sister. I have to think, like Amanda, above, that bunching has less to do with it than just personality. But who knows?
Posted by: Ashley | Feb 13, 2010 at 11:02 AM