mominatrix giveaway: bringing your sexy back

By Kristen Chase, author of The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex

As a mom of 3 and Baby Buncher, I can completely understand how sex slowly drops down on the priority list. We'd all probably pick few hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep over sex on any day. Well, almost all of us, that is. 

It's hard enough being a parent, but when you're chasing after two kids (or more) that are less than two years apart, time is realllly of the essence. And if you've got spare minutes, there's a good chance you're sitting in a laundry pile or enjoying the sweet silence before all hell breaks loose again. 

So making sex a priority can be a pretty hard sell. 

Now there are certainly situations where it's completely appropriate and understandable that sex gets put on hold. But the problem for many couples, particularly extra busy couples, is that it goes from being out on hold to permanent layaway. And then by the time you do have a free moment and the motivation to hop in the sack, Murphy's Law kicks in and inevitably you've got a sick kid or a traveling spouse. 

But I truly believe that every mom eventually finds her "sweet spot" (no, not that one), you know, when life becomes fairly manageable, and you're able to leave the house in a clean shirt, matching socks, and if you're lucky, with a face of make-up. 

And when you do hit that point, it's the perfect time to integrate the sex goddess you were with the hot mom you are now to create some sort of morphed sexy hot mom goddess that's able to make a mean batch of organic baby food and do a strip tease for her partner - maybe even in the same day. 

However, if you're still not convinced, and your bed still screams "sleep" louder than "sex," here are a few reasons that might convince you otherwise:

1. Doing the deed is a fantastic way to escape what can often be a monotonous existence. We all love our children dearly, but after the third loop of Dora or umpteenth request for a butt wipe, it's really nice to be able to set the "mom" persona aside, even it's only for a few minutes (sorry Dads), and act like the naughty girl you used to be. And it can make waking up to your little screaming alarm clock for the fourth day in a row a little less frustrating. 

2. We all know that parenting can be pretty tough on even the best of relationships. And when you've got little ones that are little ones at the nearly the same time, there's really not much of an opportunity for you to connect with your spouse other than through grunts, dirty looks or desperate "Where the heck are you?" texts. A little rekindling of your relationship, even if it's not actually having sex, but through more intimate contact (remember that - it's called "foreplay") or heck, even a night out alone with each other can make the challenges of parenting much more bearable. 

3. Letting your inner Mominatrix out to play can do wonders for your overall mood and attitude, which is bound to rub off on your kids. Our children require plenty of our time and energy, but the best thing we can do for them, other than make sure the crusts are nowhere near their sandwiches, is make sure they see our happy self. We often forget that we're not just here to teach and guide them with our words. They're intuitive creatures, those kiddos, and they can sense and internalize our emotional state just by looking at us. And I'm pretty sure that most moms (if not all) want their kids to see and remember them as enjoying life. Plus, it sets the example for what a mom is (and what a relationship looks like) later in their life. 

And if that's not enough, one fantastic orgasm, courtesy of your partner, or your battery-operated partner (ahem), might just change your mind. 

Get more tips and tricks for getting back on the sex wagon and whipping your libido into shape in Kristen's new book The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex a funny, frank, and yes, slightly irreverent advice book for new moms or seasoned baby wranglers. When she's not dishing out sex advice, Kristen writes about every day life as a sometimes single spouse of a commercial (and military) pilot with really insane in-laws at Motherhood Uncensored. She's also the Publisher and COO of Cool Mom Picks, a shopping blog that features gifts and gear for kids (and their awesome parents) with a small, non-mainstream focus. 

CONTEST DETAILS: For Valentine's Day, fellow Baby Buncher Kristen is giving away a copy of The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex to one very "lucky" Baby Buncher. [Note: This book could result in more children so be smart before you use it.] Leave a comment here with your best suggestion on how you help keep your marriage/love life alive and well. We'll randomly select a winner on Feb. 15.
 

Comments

[Jessica]

As difficult as it is with three kids in 3.5 years, one thing we try is "date nights" after the kids are in bed. We serve them dinner early and then save takeout or a special meal for us to eat in quiet, maybe watch a movie. Its not much but we do what we can!

[Stimey]

For a while, my husband and I set aside a specific hour every night to hang out together. No TV, no kids, just the two of us and a board game. It was a nice time to just be together as a couple.

[kelly]

My advice would be to just do it. I'm not always in the mood for sex, but I try not to ever turn hubby down when he wants it. I always end up enjoying myself too. ;)

[Elaina]

I wish I had some advice. With a near toddler and one on the way sleep is most important.

[Karla]

With a 2-year-old and a 2-month-old, sex is usually the last thing on my mind! And we're all getting sick for the 2nd time this year - and it's only February! The easiest way for us to fit in romance is on the weekend during naptime (I'll be like, "hey hon, are you doing anything? I had an idea..."), or after bedtime when we can settle down and watch a movie. Sometimes we'll have the grandparents take the older one so we have even more of a chance. We haven't gone so far as to mark it on the calendar, but maybe that's what it takes!

[Bobbie]

Believe it or not some positive feed back goes along way. I find if I compliment or praise my husband often that I get good in return. :-) Make him feel good.

[Brenda]

my best advice is to communicate - remember that you don't have a glass head- so he won't know your thoughts, and likewise- you don't know his as well.

[sierra]

Now that we have four grapes in our bunch, we've decided that investing in our marriage is more important than ever. We opt for a date night once a month or date lunch - nothing super fancy, but time when we are out of the house together. We used to do date night at home, but I always ended up folding laundry and he'd end up watching TV; getting out became nec. IMO what we spend on food/sitter (though we have an au pair, so we have the hours to use) is less expensive than marriage counseling or divorce lawyers. Seriously, a good marriage is the best gift we can give our kids and so important for quality of life.

[Michelle]

I find that doing something sensual together (i.e. bubble bath, eating fondue, massage) after the kids go to bed helps set the stage.

Of course, with my hubby deployed, I'd just be happy to have him home. ;-)

[Tracy Greer]

Okay, I have six children age 14, 13, 13, 10, 6 & 5. A husband who is very helpful thank God, but still a man. I hate saying this, it sounds really wrong, but it's the only way we can find time to ourselves. We have recently designated Wednesday nights "date night" because the kids started going to Bible School at church for an hour and fifteen minutes. We drop the kids off to their classrooms and jet over to our favorite restaraunt or if the funds are low we just go to Barnes & Nobles and just sit & visit with each other and read books and drink a Starbucks. I hate using God as a babysitter, but who better to leave your children with? I look so forward to that hour every week. It is just "our" time alone every week. Thank you God...

[Jan]

We're still in the throws of the early baby bunching years (7mo and 2yrs)... so I'd say the biggest thing we've done is to move the little one into the boys' shared room. He still doesn't spend the whole night there but at least we get to go to bed (ALONE) together.

[Lia Susla]

As others have said, communication really is the best aphrodisiac! Now that our kids are almost 3 and almost 5, we have a little more "free time." We really have to make Sat. night a priority for our alone time. After the kids go to bed, we give each other foot massages, watch a good movie and then go from there. Sometimes, a sexy outfit does the trick.

[Joelle]

I've been (trying to) quietly cleaning up all those little messes he leaves (shoes/socks in the middle of the room, clothes on bathroom floor, his dishes on the table after dinner) without nagging him to do it himself. i used to be of the mind that if my 2- and 4-year-old can pick up (mostly) after themselves that he should be pulling his share, too. now, i (try to) do it without comment and it's done wonders for our mood toward each other!

[MaryBeth @ Four Silly Sisters]

The big deal for us is simply making time for one another... turning off the tv and computers after the girls have gone to bed has really helped us to reconnect.

[mrs.notouching]

Some days I just go all Nike... JUST DO IT!... because I know my sex drive will be back (as soon as the baby starts sleeping through the night...) and I just want my husband to still be there when that happens. It will happen right? RIGHT?!?!

[Lindsey]

we make sure our kids are in bed early (6:30-7:00pm) so that we can have a few uninterrupted hours at night together.

[Petra]

We decided to stop giving each other smaller gifts for birthdays/holidays and instead save up that money and take short day or weekend trips without the kids a couple of times a year. Getting away, even for a day, is very romantic (i mean clean bed and breakfast rooms, meals prepared by someone else and quiet baths without interuptions!!!).