back from maternity leave, with a little news

We recently received this question from one of our Baby Bunching readers.

Q: I recently found out I am pregnant with my second baby and my first daughter is only 12 months old. How do you deal with telling your manager you are going back on maternity leave. Or even worse in my case, coming back to work from leave pregnant again! I’m sure I am not the only one facing this but it sure feels like it.

A: Let us reassure you, you're not the only one. Many people are taking more time off for leave these days....even up to 6 months. And as all know, some of us found ourselves pregnant around this time. We remember talking to a Baby Buncher in your same situation. She ended up telling her immediate supervisor of the news, since she was sure her boss would be supportive. But she waited until she was about 6 months along before telling the rest of her team. (We're impressed she could hide her bump that long!)

It's unfortunate that this is what it's come to--lying to coworkers or evading the question. But the fact of the matter is, the U.S. is not amicable toward maternity leave. It is what it is at this point and you can rally the troops to make change, and we certainly welcome that. Or, you can move to one of the countries that has maternity leave set up for Baby Bunching. Yes, it's true, places like Canada totally have the right idea for supporting Baby Bunching.

But living here in the USA can mean being a slave to 'the man' or some other being. Just a few things to note. Be prepared as people will ask/comment: "Was this planned? Didn't you just have a baby? Can't you keep your hands off each other? Great, now I have to take on your projects....again!" They can be nasty comments and hurtful at a time when you're still getting your head around the idea of two under two! The other things is going back to work with one kids can be very different than going back to work with two. With both of us we were ready to hit the ground running soon after Baby #1, but Baby #2 can do a number on you physically and emotionally. Just note we have many friends who did some heavy readjusting of schedules and expectations after the second child--meaning more work from home, flexible hours, etc. Things are just different when there are two.  

We wish we could offer some great sound advice on this on how to tell your boss or even how to manage expectations. But since both of us were the work-from-home-part-time Baby Bunching moms who have cobbled together an assortment of sitters, mother's helpers, naptimes and wee hours of the night to get work completed, we don't have concrete advice here. So we're asking all of you to offer up some advice. Please.

Comments

[bee]

I got preg when my little one was 7 months old. With #1 I took a 4 month leave, 3 months was FMLA, the last was a personal leave. I was also allowed to bring my baby to work. So it was a supportive work environment. Regardless I was stressed to tell my employer that I was preg again. Especially since I had been bringing my little one to work.

It had been a month or so of working sans baby and I had to tell my boss that yet again I was pregnant. (at one point I had the baby in the ergo and was pregnant and working...and was wondering...why am I soooo tired?!) She was cool with it...or so it seemed. I reassured her that I would only take the 3 months leave. I also worked 5 hours a week from home for months 2 & 3 of the leave.

Yes, our maternity leaves SUCK in the states, but hopefully your job does offer FMLA, (the company has to be over 50 people). If that is the case you are guaranteed a 3 month leave once a year.

Whatever you do, tell your boss personally instead of letting it come to her via the grapevine.

[Nicole]

I was a little nervous, I was 15 weeks pregnant with a 7 month old at home when I found out I was pregnant. I remember wondering what to do, and I ended up leaving my boss a message. She called the next day and I'd assumed she heard it, even though she was totally calm. So I had to essentially tell her again. She worked in Austin and I was in CA so I had to do it by phone, in fact I told the rest on a conference call. We were so busy and short-handed, but I had to tell them. We laughed and I was fortunate to work with all women at the time, although by then I was the only one left actually "having kids" I got plenty of comments like "weren't you just pregnant?" and once I came back for the second time, some even thought I'd just had a super long pregnancy :) You really have to keep your sense of humor as a baby buncher, and take all the help and sympathy you can get.

At the end of the day, remember your rights and this is a very natural part of life. No matter what people say, we need babies to keep the population going. People and companies may gripe, but 4 or 5 months away from work is a lot shorter than it seems.

[Dr. MeCrazy-Happy]

I feel this is something that I need advice and support on... and we have a 1 in 9 chance of natural twins again. Now we have 3, and we want 4 (or five, sure) but the career-on-hold game is really hard. This weekend I am drafting the proposal to my boss (who is also out of town) that he hire a second doctor for the office I support... even before another pregnancy. That has to be in place before we try again, and even then I am surely going to chose to keep it quiet when it does happen - since even family can be so extremely unsupportive about baby bunching. Especially family that stress professional careers... (I did that, I will continue to be a doctor!) just THIS FAMILY is the most important thing, and comes first. I've always espoused non-stepford behavior, and today I am ready to bite the bullet and admit that I am guilty of trying it with my career goals... time to take more of that energy back home, THEN roll the dice on the next pregnancy. I'm sure even a lot of the baby-bunching crowd will agree that I am clearly crazy, but someone has to be the first to admit it... and I'm glad for it to be me:

Right now we have twins (2.5) and a little darling 6 month old. I'm sure if God gives us one or two more, I'll be very very crazy, but very very happy... and continue to love your site! ...but I'll admit, trying to plan how many is 'just right' still eludes me. Can you have a post about that sometime? Just for women with *lots* to share their opinions and experiences?

[Dr. MeCrazy-Happy]

How completely insane is it that since the last post, I've gotten to talk in-depth with the owner of the company... and he has agreed to all of my suggestions about hour changes and career growth?

I know this doesn't happen to everybody, but just as much as we need to share our challenges with each other, we also need to share our successes... and acknowledge (sp?) the contributions of others. This would not be happening in my life without the support of the women on babybunching who I have interacted with here. So thank you... I would not have had the guts or creativity to do this (for sure not this soon!) without you ALL.

So with that in mind, I'll change my anonymous sign-off I used last night... and sign myself with my real name. Thank you.

Dr. H 'Jean' Grow, DVM

[Renee]

I am currently in the same situation. I have a 4 1/2 month old girl at home and just found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. Granted this was not planned, but my husband and I are thrilled. We have a history of miscarriage and yesterday we heard the heartbeat so all looks pretty good. I am the supervisor of 24 and with my last pregnancy my bosses were overwhelmed and did not enjoy taking over for me (per there words). When I told them yesterday that I was pregnant again...they were not happy to say the least. They did grin alittle and say "well we arent covering for you again. We will have to hire an outside person". They also asked me in a joking manner "now are you going to get your tubes tied after this one"? I felt this was inappropriate. I also got the response..."you and your husband need to calm down". Maybe I am being to sensitive, but the more I think about these comments the more angry I get. Anyone have any advice?

[jean grow]

Consider your anger to be "righteous anger" and remember that you have a right to it. But that doesn't stop the crazy selfish people who don't want to support you. After that, take deep breaths and do what is right for you and your family.

I do this all the time. Good luck.

[Parsons28Becky]

I received 1 st home loans when I was a teenager and this supported my family a lot. Nevertheless, I require the college loan once again.