We received this question from Baby Buncher Jeanette.
Q: I'm looking for advice for dinnertime. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old (19 months apart). Basically so far I've survived by feeding everyone at different times (including me and my husband!). This keeps the chaos at bay but I would love to get us all at the table for some together time. Oh, and the toddler the toddler has now decided she should sit in the highchair again, ugh. So the baby is left to roam the floor while I cook. Any suggestions? Is it unrealistic?
A: This is a two part question - A) How to get everyone to eat together and B) How to get dinner ready with a baby/toddler underfoot. Because we have lots to say on this, we're going to break it down into two separate posts. Today's focus is on getting everyone to eat together.
We're big supporters of the importance of family dinners - so much that although both of our husbands frequently work late into the evening, we force ourselves to make a "real" dinner and sit down with the kids every night, rather than foraging on the fly. Sitting around the table with your family is important for so many reasons besides just eating. A meal together teaches table manners and prompts mealtime conversation, which are good lifetime habits to develop. Plus your kids begin to learn dinnertime routines of washing hands, saying a blessing, toasting and cleaning up the dishes. We know that very young children are messy, demanding, and have short attention spans when it comes to sitting through a meal and it is not super enjoyable all the time. We also know that especially for Baby Bunchers, dining as a family can be hard because the wee ones are on different feeding schedules or are starving at an early dinner hour before you and/or your spouse are both home for the evening. Having said that, we believe family dinner is important, so here's some food for thought.
Your youngest is likely eating real food by now, and it’s fun to expose him/her to new tastes, textures and the whole dining experience. The most important advice we have for you is to offer a pre-fixed, not ala carte, menu. Do NOT get into the habit of making different dinners for everyone. Make the meal you have planned, although you might have to look at how you could make more kid-friendly dishes. We’re not talking about chicken nuggets and pizza every night, but plan to include at least one thing you know your kids will eat--sweet potatoes, chicken, pasta, rice, applesauce, etc. People can either eat or not. No one will starve from not eating, but if you knock yourself out catering to everyone’s preferences, you will drop from exhaustion. Expose them to different healthy foods again and again – eventually they will find ones they like (or at least tolerate enough to eat).
We're also firm believers in not hovering over kids and trying to force-feed them. Of course, they must eat a healthy variety of foods and steer clear of junk. But some kids eat earlier in the day and aren't hungry at dinner. Don't force the clean plate club issue - the more you make food an issue, the more it becomes a power struggle for kids and makes the dining experience miserable for everyone.
Regarding seating arrangements, we love the little booster seats that strap on chairs in lieu of full-scale high chairs, if you need a second seat. They are inexpensive, portable, and easy to move on/off chairs in case you need extra seating for adults. But consider strapping even active toddlers into boosters. Frequently, having everyone strapped down is the key to extending the dinner process.
As with all things Baby Bunching, have realistic expectations. At this age, don't expect your kids to sit at the table for an hour and converse politely about the day's events. Don't even expect that you will be able to tell your husband about your day uninterrupted. Expect food on the floor, knocked over sippies, whining about vegetable consumption, and bolting from the table. Honestly, our Bunches were 3 and 4 before we had what we thought was a reasonably enjoyable meal with them. In the meantime, try to add structure to meals like you do to the rest of the day - start with a blessing or other "convening" comments, ask everyone about their day (we play Sad, Glad or Mad at our house - everyone has to say one thing they were sad, glad or mad about that day and it sparks conversation), and encourage toddlers to ask permission to be excused and then carry their (non-breakable) dishes to the sink when the meal is over. The dining experience is as much about socialization as nutrition.
As we mentioned before, if hubby gets home too late for everyone to eat dinner, together, at least sit down with the kids yourself. Or if dinner is too hard for everyone to do together, try to do another meal all together.
Most importantly.....cut yourself some slack and leave the clean up until after the kids are in bed.
Thanks so much for addressing this topic. I don't have a bunch, just a 2YO, but we still struggle to sit down for dinner as a family. Your tips are very helpful.
Posted by: flybigd | Nov 19, 2009 at 09:18 AM
Preparing dinner with a bunch is challenging, especially during the late afternoon/early evening tired, fussy period. Sometimes, I cook early in the day and then warm everything for dinnertime. I also recently bought a crockpot. It's great, when I actually use it!
I strongly believe in feeding myself and the kiddos at the same time. My husband gets home later but we always eat together on the weekends. My kiddos, ages 2 1/2 and 15 mos, are on the same schedule. Otherwise, I'd never get a break!
I agree- make ONE meal- and include something healthy that you know the kids will eat. We only have booster seats, too, so even my little guy is at the table.
Posted by: Knowles | Nov 19, 2009 at 11:35 AM
Thanks for those tips. Our preparation post is in the queue and scheduled to post this evening so please feel free to give us more of your tips. We love to offer them to others!!
Linda
Posted by: Baby Bunching | Nov 19, 2009 at 01:17 PM
this post is exactly why i love your site. i wanted to comment as soon as i read the intro because my children are exactly the same ages (2 1/2 and 10 months)! but, i have no other suggestions.
while it is true no kid will starve, we did serve my toddler the same meal 3 days in a row before she ate it - i almost caved, but held out that last day :)
Posted by: erin | Nov 19, 2009 at 02:13 PM
good post, and timely too. I keep stressing to hubby how important it is to me and the kiddos to eat together. sometimes he doesnt make it home in time from work, but i always try and sit down w/ my toddler to eat. baby is just starting solids, and i've been trying to have her eat at the same time as us, but it may not work as her bedtime is really close to our typical supper time.
about the booster seat situation... we found an old school wooden high chair at goodwill that was missing the tray. hubby took off the metal part the tray used to attach too and now we just scoot it up to the table for the toddler. its like a big person chair, but taller. it's been a great solution for us b/c the booster seat was always just disgusting w/ bits of food falling in all the cracks.
Posted by: kelly | Nov 19, 2009 at 02:18 PM
Love the old wooden highchair without a tray solution and wish I'd gone that route. We had a fancy, schmancy Peg Perego that looked great in our dining room but was impossible to clean, so I ditched it the minute I could for a booster, which was easier to clean, but took up precious chair real estate.
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