sleep deprivation: this too shall pass

The early days of a new baby’s sleep schedule can be daunting for a new mom. We don’t have to tell you since you just did this, like yesterday, right? But not sleeping through the night and dealing with new baby and needy toddler can be hard on mom. Sleeping when baby sleeps just doesn’t cut it since you’re probably inclined to use naptime for doing your own chores—with one less child. If you followed our previous advice to get your toddler on a schedule prior to new baby, you can probably count on at least two hours a day with only one kid awake. And let’s face it, at this point, your baby might be the more manageable one. Then pop her into a sling or swing to hang out and you might get some work done. It’s possible, however, that you need some of that time to sleep yourself.

Many Baby Bunchers say the first few months is like sleepwalking and living off coffee. One Baby Buncher admitted to having her close by in-laws come in to help out in the mornings so she and her husband could catch up on sleep. Others say they used Big Baby's naptime as quiet time for themselves by pulling in the baby to nurse and eventually everyone is asleep for a bit.

Unfortunately, the game changes when subsequent babies come along. Sleep is hard to find when battling everyone's issues. Throw in your toddler and his own new sleep issues and you've got quite the juggling act. (Note: We have discovered some babies who previously were magnificent sleepers develop some crazy I-will-not-sleep-anymore syndrome somewhere in the 13-20 month age range. We're not kidding!) So when you add that into the mix, you are....well, very tired.

So how do you cope with sleep deprivation?

In the first two weeks or so, most babies sleep blissfully all day long. That journey out of your body probably caused them as much anxiety as you. So during the first two weeks, sleep when your toddler sleeps. This at least ensures you're not in a sleep deficit when baby finally wakes up. Enjoy this "quiet period" as unquiet as it may seem, it will still be quieter than it is in a few weeks.

Once everyone is fully awake and aware of the world the only really way to cope with fatigue is to remember that it's temporary. Sorry, we wish we could provide you with better advice. But the truth is, it is. Get yourself some good coffee, diet coke, vitamin C, ice water or whatever it is you use to perk yourself up during the day and go with it.

And it pains me to write this one, alcohol only makes it worse. It makes sleeping worse, it makes getting up in the night worse. We won't tell you what's best for you (since we are party girls), but we'll even admit the wine does not help in the morning.

Learn to zone. You don't have to be "on" all the time. We promise it's OK to not be moving every second of the day. Sitting on the sofa watching toddler play while baby sleeps might give you a chance to rest a bit even if it's just staring at the wall.  

We know it's hard to give up naptimes for your own rest time, but if baby is sleeping and toddler down for his 2-hour nap, sometimes just a five or 10-minute catnap will be enough to boost you for the rest of the day. Remember to adjust your expectations. Sleep is better than cleaning your house or doing the dishes if it means you're happy in the long run.

Let baby sleep with you. If you're getting up all night to feed, but bringing baby into sleep with you for a few months means you'll get sleep, do it! Your day is busy running after a toddler and holding an infant so it means you're sleeping for 6 hours instead of 3 by nursing in bed, do it! Don't worry about making it a habit this early in the game. Your MO right now should be whatever it takes to make it through the day (or night).

And if all else fails, get some good under-eye concealer and realize that "this too shall pass."

(Photo: Linda taking a few minutes of quiet time in a room with filled with family. Apparently someone caught her snoozing.)

 

Comments

[Jennifer B.]

Whew, boy...thanks for the reminder of how things were for us about a year ago. It serves as a great dose of birth control for me! :) Seriously, it was like living in a nightmarish fog, and I thought I was literally going insane. But you are right. Now that I'm on the "other side" of it, it's just something that has to pass. I totally agree with everything said from going through that "quiet phase" when you first bring the baby home to the conflict between using the older baby's nap time to either sleep or get things done that you can't seem to get done at any other point in the day (which is also something it seems few working spouses understand).

But Linda, I had to laugh at the end b/c I truly thought the picture was you looking down and admiring your precious newborn rather than falling asleep! ha ha.

[baby hair bows]

Lols at snoozing!
Reading your blog gives me an overview of what I am about to experience next year! ^_^
I hope everything goes well for us.

[Misty]

Love this! I have a 16 mo old, a 4 mo old and #3 on the way and I have just learned to take it when ever and however I can! Some friends laugh at how much I get to sleep but I firmly believe in sleeping when the Babies sleep! The laundry will still be there when we wake up!