Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

show us your bunch

A few months ago Baby Buncher Rachel sent us these pictures of her soon-to-be 17-month-apart Bunch. She was trying to imitate the Baby Bunching logo and managed to perfectly capture it. We're opening up the opportunity for you to show us your favorite Baby Bunching picture over at our Facebook Fan page.

Fellow Buncher Kristen of Baby Brewing--she makes the very fabulous Mommy Needs a Cocktail shirt--has offered to donate one of these T-shirts as a prize! Because really, don't you need a cocktail, wine, chocolate, latte. You might after you capture one of these pictures!

So if you want to play, here's the game.

1) Go over to the Facebook page. (Please join as a fan)

2) Upload your Baby Bunching photo. It can be your kids in the double stroller, you balancing your bunch, your kids tackling each other....whatever "Baby Bunching" means to you.

3) We'll pick a winner at the end of October. This gives you a full month to take a picture and upload it. Feel free to leave us a caption with details if you like.

4) We welcome your comments to help us decide on a winner.

If you have questions, please let us know as this is the first time we've attempted something like this

 

toting for two: diaper bags

By the time you are in your last month of pregnancy with Baby #2, you'll have downsized your diaper bag significantly. No more of the giant-ass baby diaper bags where you haul everything in God's creation + the kitchen sink. You're likely down some to a swank Skip*Hop diaper wallet in a cute bag.

When Baby #2 arrives, we're sad to report you'll probably have to upgrade again since now you're toting for two.  

There are an assortment of diaper bags out there in every size, shape and color. It can be overwhelming, but we're guessing since you probably already have a bunch on hand from Baby #1, you'll know a bit more about what goes in and what you can leave behind. (Note: Always have wipes, diaper, change of clothes in the car, too.)  I'll admit to going through about four different bags during my first year of Baby Bunching, always trying to find the right one to go with my ever adjusting assortment of crap. We've put a few suggestions for our favorites at the end of this post.

There are a few things to consider if you're in the market for a new diaper bag:

1) Find the smallest bag possible to hold all your stuff. Lay everything you need in your bag out and find one that fits everything and gives you enough room to stuff a baby fleece in if you need to. You're not going ANYWHERE without a stroller so in a pinch that can hold excess stuff. Why do we recommend small? Because you are already juggling a baby, toddler, a stroller, some kind of carrier/sling and some carseat. Don't weigh yourself down with a big giant bag, too. Believe me, when you're physically balancing it all, a lighter bag is better!

2) Don't be fooled by tons of pockets. You need to know how you use your stuff. If you're like me and you just toss everything into one bag, don't fall for the pocket or compartment gag. It just means you'll have to look in more places than necessary to find the binky. If you love having it all organized, go for it. (Secretly, I wish I could be you).

3) When things fall into the deep, dark cavernous crevices of your bag, it's because it's dark. Get a bag with a light (or better yet white) tinted interior. Yes, I may show all the Goldfish crumbs, anyone who judges you by the tidiness of your diaper bag interior is not your friend anyway.  All my diaper bags except for one were black inside and it was impossible to find anything. With a light interior you're 50% more likely to find things quickly. (Yes, I made up that stat. Sounds good, huh? But I bet it's true!)

4) Finding the perfect bag is like find the perfect stroller. It depends on what you do and where you go. If you're leaving it at the sitter's house, then a big giant bag may not make a difference. But if you're an urban girl maneuvering through narrow streets, something smaller is going to be better. Consider these two things a) Find a bag that attaches in some way to your stroller. Even if it means buying an after market hook to keep it there. b) Find a bag that you can throw on your back or across your chest like a messenger bag.

Now, I personally don't have any great recs for diaper bags. I used a Maclaren bag for a while and I liked it enough to use it a second time around. Cara loved her Skip*Hop which was big enough, yet small enough and coverts from messenger to stroller bag.  She also used an Eddie Bauer Sport Sling Diaper bag, now only availalble on eBay probably, but beware the dark interior!  Lands End also makes a smaller bag called The Little Tripper. I bought their bigger version with my first baby (which ironically they don't make anymore) and it was so huge I could use it as an overnight bag. I ran across the Ju Ju Be "BeLight" bag which really says it all. You probably aren't ready for something quite this little, but it's quite possible if you're packing light this could do it. I love that the inside is also light colored (they're reversible, too).

Now, you know we only endorse things here at Baby Bunching that we think are really, really great for Baby Bunchers. I have not tried this one out, but think this is quite possibly the coolest thing ever. The Kemby Sidekick Diaper Bag/Infant Carrier Combo is a diaper bag that converts to a carrier in a pinch. Some mom was definitely thinking. Wow! I'm not sure how long you'd get use out of this, but it says it holds a baby up to 35 pounds so if granny wants to get a another gift for Baby #2, perhaps this is the one to get!

We're all about fun, funky baby stuff. So we'll leave you to pick out those on your own. Just a few tips here from us on what to keep in mind when toting for two....

handling your hand-me-downs

The weather is starting to cool off, which means it will soon be time to pack up the summer clothes and bust out the fall/winter duds for your Bunch.  If you are still in the critical first two years of Bunching, you will likely find that "busting out" means nothing more than shifting clothes from one child's dresser to the other's since you never quite got them put away in storage last winter.  In my case, a constant stream of boy babies coupled with the fact that babies grow out of everything so quickly meant that I often felt as if I was drowning in a sea of baby clothes until my boys started hitting size 2T and wearing things for longer than five minutes. 

After awhile, I did develop a system for managing my off season clothing hand-me-downs (sytems are KEY to a Baby Buncher's success).  Your approach will likely vary depending on the spacing and genders of your children as well as your available closet space, but this will at least give you an idea of how I (attempt to) stay on top of the mountains of children's clothing around here.

• Invest in a few large plastic bins with lids to stash in your kids' closets.  You can label them by size (0-3 months, 3-6 months, etc.) and toss clothes in there for the next child when they become too small for the oldest.  Don't worry about neatly folding the clothes, but labeling the bins is critical – even if it is just with a marker or piece of masking tape.  Otherwise, all your organizing will be for naught! Be sure you have washed the clothes and remove stains, as spit-up and formula stains worsen over time.  
• When the bin is full, stash it in the attic or basement.  In my case, as my kids got older and I found there was only a few months gap between when they got tossed in the bin and worn by the next child, I just labeled the bin “Next Season’s Clothes, Both Boys”.  I toss all hand-me-downs, as well as any end of season sale purchases for the next year, in the bin and pull it out at the beginning of each season to inventory what I have for each kid and what I still need.  This also provides easy access to the occasional jacket or shorts needed in the off-season.  
• To keep it all under control, I use a little system I call Purge and Pass.  In addition to the hand-me-down bin, I have another bag for give-aways or consignment items.  This is stuff that is it decent shape but that I won't use for the next child for whatever reason.  I keep an ongoing bag and every once in awhile, I take it to Goodwill, pass along to a friend, or consign it.  Anything that is beyond ratty goes straight to the trash - please don't inflict that on Goodwill!  I usually quickly itemize the bag before I donate it and then staple the list to the tax receipt and file it so it's all ready for tax season.  Purge on an ongoing basis as you go along so things don't pile up and overwhelm you.

After 5 years, I've fine-tuned this system a number of times.  I was pretty proud of myself last spring when I realized that between my well organized hand-me-downs and few end-of-season sale purchases, Middle was pretty much outfitted for the summer without any additional purchases!  Hope it works for you, or please share your own suggestions.  Happy organizing!

what moms really do at the gym

The one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the number of moms at the gym on any given weekday morning--the classes are nearly full, every cardio machine is packed and every lane of the pool is taken.  Are these women really there to pump iron or just sweat out their frustrations from the morning? Maybe. Are these women training for a marathon or just losing baby weight? Perhaps I think the dirty little secret is a great gym membership includes free babysitting. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a nearby gym like a neighborhood YMCA (or some such equivalent), you get a pool, sauna and maybe even a coffee bar and spa with Wifi to boot.

I love working out. But I will attest that the gym is often my ticket to some peace in my own head or at least a mental break. Sometimes I will just walk on the treadmill and watch trash TV. Sometimes I will completely write a blog post in my head (then scribble it down on the aerobics schedule) on my way to pick up my kids. Sometimes I will daydream. Sometimes I will zone out. Sometimes I read a book on the stationary bike.

My kids are safe, playing, having a great time, and I can have a few minutes to get my blood flowing and find peace or at least some version of that.

So when I saw my friend there today, and we chatted on this topic, she relayed to me one of the funnier stories I’ve heard related to moms-going-to-great-lengths-for-a-break. Last week there was a young baby crying, and it took the staff 45 minutes to find the mom. Where was she? In the sauna, reading a book. Clearly the last place anyone would look. Silly mom for not writing down where she would be (not recommended), but good idea on a place to escape.

So during my Baby Bunching years, this is what I’ve seen and heard from moms looking for their own time out at the gym:

• A mom put her oldest child (still a toddler) in the childcare and sat on one of the comfy couches in the lobby to nurse her baby.  (Another mom admitted later she did this almost daily because it guaranteed her a good feeding without the interruption of her toddler.)
• A mom came to walk her newborn in the stroller--and sometimes it was a Baby Bjorn--around the track (which also sits above the childcare center) so she could get exercise, put the baby to sleep and keep her other kid happy.
• One mom had a long night of all three kids being up for various reasons—she took a shower at the gym after walking on the treadmill and zoned in the locker room for a good 15 minutes (almost falling asleep) until she felt better.
• Another mom--very pregnant--was still chugging along on the treadmill because it was still a rest from dealing with her other two kids.
• A mom needed to get some work done, used the Wifi in the lobby, grabbed a coffee and sat down to work for an hour.
• A mom was trying to finish a book club book and she plunked both kids in the nursery and set off to finish the book on the bike at a book-reading pace. The same mom also used the time to return phone calls on her cell phone so her two children wouldn't interrupt the calls.
• A mom (me) finally realized I needed a break after a week of husband out of town. I worked out, showered and sat to read a magazine with a cup of coffee…until my daughter caught me during a potty break.
So don't judge your neighbor who's always at the gym and not losing all the weight. She might be working out or simply "working it out."

This post was originally posted at DC Metro Moms.

sleep deprivation: this too shall pass

The early days of a new baby’s sleep schedule can be daunting for a new mom. We don’t have to tell you since you just did this, like yesterday, right? But not sleeping through the night and dealing with new baby and needy toddler can be hard on mom. Sleeping when baby sleeps just doesn’t cut it since you’re probably inclined to use naptime for doing your own chores—with one less child. If you followed our previous advice to get your toddler on a schedule prior to new baby, you can probably count on at least two hours a day with only one kid awake. And let’s face it, at this point, your baby might be the more manageable one. Then pop her into a sling or swing to hang out and you might get some work done. It’s possible, however, that you need some of that time to sleep yourself.

Many Baby Bunchers say the first few months is like sleepwalking and living off coffee. One Baby Buncher admitted to having her close by in-laws come in to help out in the mornings so she and her husband could catch up on sleep. Others say they used Big Baby's naptime as quiet time for themselves by pulling in the baby to nurse and eventually everyone is asleep for a bit.

Unfortunately, the game changes when subsequent babies come along. Sleep is hard to find when battling everyone's issues. Throw in your toddler and his own new sleep issues and you've got quite the juggling act. (Note: We have discovered some babies who previously were magnificent sleepers develop some crazy I-will-not-sleep-anymore syndrome somewhere in the 13-20 month age range. We're not kidding!) So when you add that into the mix, you are....well, very tired.

So how do you cope with sleep deprivation?

In the first two weeks or so, most babies sleep blissfully all day long. That journey out of your body probably caused them as much anxiety as you. So during the first two weeks, sleep when your toddler sleeps. This at least ensures you're not in a sleep deficit when baby finally wakes up. Enjoy this "quiet period" as unquiet as it may seem, it will still be quieter than it is in a few weeks.

Once everyone is fully awake and aware of the world the only really way to cope with fatigue is to remember that it's temporary. Sorry, we wish we could provide you with better advice. But the truth is, it is. Get yourself some good coffee, diet coke, vitamin C, ice water or whatever it is you use to perk yourself up during the day and go with it.

And it pains me to write this one, alcohol only makes it worse. It makes sleeping worse, it makes getting up in the night worse. We won't tell you what's best for you (since we are party girls), but we'll even admit the wine does not help in the morning.

Learn to zone. You don't have to be "on" all the time. We promise it's OK to not be moving every second of the day. Sitting on the sofa watching toddler play while baby sleeps might give you a chance to rest a bit even if it's just staring at the wall.  

We know it's hard to give up naptimes for your own rest time, but if baby is sleeping and toddler down for his 2-hour nap, sometimes just a five or 10-minute catnap will be enough to boost you for the rest of the day. Remember to adjust your expectations. Sleep is better than cleaning your house or doing the dishes if it means you're happy in the long run.

Let baby sleep with you. If you're getting up all night to feed, but bringing baby into sleep with you for a few months means you'll get sleep, do it! Your day is busy running after a toddler and holding an infant so it means you're sleeping for 6 hours instead of 3 by nursing in bed, do it! Don't worry about making it a habit this early in the game. Your MO right now should be whatever it takes to make it through the day (or night).

And if all else fails, get some good under-eye concealer and realize that "this too shall pass."

(Photo: Linda taking a few minutes of quiet time in a room with filled with family. Apparently someone caught her snoozing.)

 

finessing the feeding frenzy (for mom!)

We're guessing that you spend a LOT of time dealing with food for your Bunch - nursing, planning, preparing, feeding, cleaning up, etc. etc. As moms of very young children with tiny tummies, feeding is probably our single most time-consuming activity (after changing diapers?)  But how much time do you spend feeding yourself?

When the youngest of my Bunch was about 6 months old, I actually weighed almost 10 pounds LESS than I had when I got pregnant with my first baby.  I would have been really happy if I could claim this was due to healthy eating and exercise.  But no - instead it was due to sheer lack of time to eat.  Babies have a tendency to keep us hopping with their Constant Needs, and TWO babies meant that I barely had time for a sip of water, more less a full meal. 

I'm almost always hungry because I make food but can't seem to finish eating it before I'm interrupted, or I think about making food for myself but I'm too tired to actually DO it, or (worse!) I've had a chance to consume food but I had to do it so quickly that my body doesn't even realize it has eaten!  Frankly, it's easier just to stick to a liquid diet of Carnation Instant Breakfast, coffee, and Diet Coke, than try to figure out what, when, and how I'm going to eat.  I am so sick of worrying about food for others that I literally cannot even deal with it for myself.

It's all fine and good to talk about how we moms should take better care of ourselves (and we should!), but the reality is that we probably won't until our Bunches are a little older because there is NEVER.. ENOUGH. TIME.  So instead, let's share our favorite tips for feeding ourselves as best we can, given the circumstances.  Here are a few of my favorites:

• Carnation Instant Breakfast, as mentioned before.  Mornings are the worst at my house and there is no way I'm gonna get to eat.  Instant Breakfast can be made with skim or whole milk and easily paired with the uber-portable (and healthy!) banana.  This has been my Breakfast of Champions for five and a half years now.  I also went on a bottled smoothie kick for awhile, but I just like the chocolate better. 
• Fruit and veggie trays.  I take time to cut up fruit for my kids but never eat it myself.  If I buy a pre-made fruit/veggie tray, I will eat it.  There is no method to this madness.  Just telling you what I do. Linda just buys baby carrots and calls it good with those and some hummus.
• Water. I fill up a huge bottle every morning and then drink the whole thing, refill it, and drink the whole thing again - between the hours of 5 and 10 pm.  At least I'm getting my daily allotment of water - so what if I'm drowning myself because it's all at once.
• Popcorn.  It's a snack!  It's a meal!  Low-cal and super filling, it's always a good choice.  Just be careful you don't leave a trail of un-popped kernels - choking hazards for the wee ones.
• Hummus.  Goes with carrot sticks from the veggie tray or whole grain crackers from the box in the pantry.  Plus the kids love it too.  Yum.
• Cereal.  I treat myself to a junk food box (Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms, etc.) every once in awhile and eat it as "dessert" before I go to bed.  Cereal is good for you, even if it's coated in sugar, right?
• PB&J.  The world's most perfect food for people of all ages. In a pinch, I will slap one together on yummy whole wheat bread while I'm making one for the kids and scarf it down with a glass of milk to give me energy to keep going all afternoon.
• Meat. Linda always makes a little extra chicken, steak, shrimp, etc. to munch on for some extra protein. It also helps when you have to throw it in the little bit of leftover Mac & Cheese that the kids didn't finish. That + protein makes a meal.
• Hard boiled eggs. Every weekend--even now--Linda boils a dozen hardboiled eggs. Again, in a pinch the eggs help round out an all-carb meal with a bit of protein.
• Tortillas. Linda is a big fan of this Tex-Mex treat. She stocks up for the week with several packages of flour tortillas and uses them as wraps for all-things-leftovers. She says anything in a "wrap" tastes great. Throw in a few veggies and you have a meal.

Help me add some more easy, (semi-)nutritious foods to my repertoire.  What's your favorite fuel?

Note:  Before you get too excited about Baby Bunching as a potential weight loss strategy, please note that by the time my Bunch was 3 and 4, I found the muffin top creeping on.  With my lifting, carrying, and chasing responsibilities significantly reduced, my job as mom had become more sedentary, but I continued to graze absentmindedly like I had for the past 3 years.  Now that I have a one-year old again who is constantly on the move, my weight is back down.  Starting to see a pattern?

the early days: channeling your inner octopus

We absolutely, positively love feedback on this blog or over at our fan page. So if you have a question, please ask us and we’re happy to help out. Today's topic came to us from Baby Buncher Jennifer who asked for a few tips on surviving once all the new-baby help goes home.

You know the saying "when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window." (I quote from Sound of Music.) When your Baby Bunching reinforcements close that door (grandma, sister, hired help), we really hope YOU--or any other member of your family--does not go out the open window.

First rule: Stay calm! 

I remember the first days of facing off with my Bunch. (Cue John Wayne cowboy music here.) I felt a little intimidated. Ok, I panicked. Cara had a go at this several weeks before I did when her family bid her goodbye when the newest member of her Bunch was just about a week old. I remember her saying something like "I'm so relieved that they're gone so I can figure out how I'm actually going to do this on my own."

Can I just say right now . . .I NEVER felt that way. I was a bit overwhelmed about how I would handle this new life with not just one, but TWO babies.

If you're lucky, your help will stay longer than one week. If your family really loves you, mom will come help for the first three months. We realize that's not feasible in many cases, but many cultures are attuned to it, so if grandma wants to come and make you food every night and help you take care of Big Baby until Little Baby sleeps through the night.....say YES!

My help left at 7 weeks. Or better yet, I left it. I moved with my youngest (7 weeks) and oldest ( 17 months) to a new house, country and culture. If you're going to rip off the Band aid, I say . . . do it all at once and make it extra painful!

Here are a few tips to surviving those first few weeks after your reinforcements bid you adieu.

• Feeding baby, whether by breast or bottle, is business as usual. You remember from the first time around that schedules mean nothing to a baby until close to six weeks when you begin to feel a pattern and learn your baby’s rhythm. In the meantime, you feed the baby upon demand whenever (and however often) baby is hungry.  As you recall, this can sometimes mean lots of time spent feeding and not a lot of time to manage anything else—such as a demanding toddler. That's why we're saying grandmas are also great AFTER the first two weeks.
• Unless you are an octopus, you will need to create some extra hands. Some moms have found a sling to be helpful in the early days. We’re talking the wear-your-baby-around-your-body kind of sling. If you can start them early on this, you might find some relief from being glued to your “nursing throne.” Often times, babies can eat, sleep, hang out in the sling while you do other things like make peanut butter sandwiches or play puzzles.
• Reset your expectations right now! No two babies are alike. Whatever you came to know, love and expect with your first-born child, you can bet that your second will be the exact opposite. Baby #1 may have eaten for 20 minutes and then not needed another nibble for 2 hours--giving you time to do other things, while Baby #2 may eat around the clock from Day 1. Stop trying to make #2 fit in #1's box.
• Eventually you will be kicked off the new baby gravy train and people will stop bringing you meals. To help offset that a bit,  see if you can schedule those yummy dinners for AFTER your mom leaves and she's no longer making you tuna noodle casserole or lasagna. When you're into week 6 of Baby Bunching and hanging on by a thread, that will be when you need the food.
• And the last piece of advice is one Cara and I strongly stand by and wish we had taken ourselves. If you must go out with both kids, the rule of thumb is this: Only one errand/activity a day. Seriously, if this is all I can offer you (besides adjusting expectations) my advice is to not be a giant psycho like I was. My first outing with both kids was a trip to IKEA and lunch at McDonald's in a rainstorm with me driving a stick shift for the first time. Really, how stupid was I? If you need friendly faces, make people come to you. If you venture out, go out for an hour and go home while everyone is happy. Don't try to squeeze in one last trip to the store. Go home and do it later. In the end, everyone will be happier, but especially you.

It takes practice, patience and trial and error. Just remember, you can do this.

baby bunching challenge: going solo on bedtime

(This post in response to a reader's comment on getting everyone to bed without dad around.)

Bedtime can be a mad dash to the finish line after a long day of negotiating schedules. The clock can tick away slowly until 7 or 7:30 p.m. and you may find yourself counting the minutes until the entire clan is tucked into bed with vision of sugarplums in their heads.

A few weeks into your new Baby Bunching gig, as you dash downstairs to grab your daughter’s lovey and your baby starts to wail in the upstairs bouncy seat, you may return to find your oldest pouring the last remains of the soapy bath water on your baby’s head, you’ll wonder how you got into this mess in the first place. Bedtime can be a bit messy with bottles, pacifiers, lovies, blankets, books, bath, songs, drinks of water, diapers and the last effort attempt to make a statement for the day by someone. There are nights that someone in your house will have to go this route alone, it’s inevitable that someone is working late or traveling at some point, but for the most part if you can enlist your husband to take a very active role in bedtime, your sprint time to the end will go much smoother for everyone.

Here are a few things you need to remember.

1. First and MOST IMPORTANTLY, get the easiest one to bed first. If your toddler tends to call out a million times for one thing or another and your baby literally will sleep the minute he hits the mattress, then by all means get your baby to bed first. If baby needs 30 minutes of cuddle time prior to the final bottle/nursing session, then get your toddler to bed first. With this neverfail soution, you'll only have the one left to manage and believe us, one is so much easier than the two at the same time. Do note, you might have to switch this around as kids grow. Toddler may be a breeze to get to bed today, but next week things can change. Be flexible.

2. Stagger their bedtimes. There’s nothing worse at the end of a long day than having everyone meltdown the last 30 minutes before bed. That does not set the correct tone for your upcoming happy hour, right?! Shuffle bedtimes a bit by 15 to 30 minutes so you’re not having to do the last minute things for both kids at the same time.

3. Be firm about bedtime and shorten the routine. In the early Baby Bunching months, bedtime is not the forum for lackadaisical parenting. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow. Nighttime, at this stage in your kids’ life, can be unpredictable—waking up due to illness, teething, night terrors, bad dreams, etc—is very common and you need a break from it all as well. If bedtime for the last child is at 8 p.m. and at 9 p.m. you’re still battling someone to bed, you need to reassess somewhere and get your routine back on schedule.

Even with the above mentioned items, bedtime can require some fancy footwork. Bathtime for two little ones can be tricky, the last feeding might take longer than expected and many times you may have to call out a search party for the lost lovey—yet again.  As with everything else in Baby Bunching, you need to have the right supplies and get organized.

Let’s start with bath. If bathtime is part of your child’s bedtime ritual—as it was for Linda’s kids—keep bath at night. For both her kids, bath signaled the end of the day. Every once in a while she'd forgo a bath due to the lack of another set of hands. But for some kids, bathtime can be anytime. Consider bathing one child during the other’s naptime, having one parent bath each child separately, bathing them together to cut down on the mess/water. Both our husbands travelled quite a bit and we found ourselves doing this solo.

Here is our number 1 tip: bathe both kids together. This could mean puting the baby bathtub in the big tub with toddler sitting next to baby in bath or it could mean skidproof mats to keep baby upright. Bring all necessary items to dress both kids into the bathroom (diapers, PJs, lotion, etc.); get the younger one out first (diapered and dressed) and then let her sit in the bouncy seat or play on the bathroom floor while finishing with the older one. With this recipe, most kids are contained and generally happy until it's time to transport from point A to B.

When you move onto the bedtime ritual, there may be a few things you need to simplify getting everyone to bed, especially when you’re down a parent. We strongly recommend your older child be “contained” somehow in his room. This means he’s either in a crib or in his room, with a gate or some similar item to keep him from getting into trouble while you’re putting the other child to bed. As Linda’s oldest son grew, his bedtime warranted a later time—even though he was the easier one to get to bed. She would put him in his room, with the baby gate up and let him play while she dealt with her younger one. Otherwise, he would run in every few minutes asking if she was done feeding the baby. It would just drag out the bedtime process that much more.

The last thing we will mention regarding bedtime are the things that soothe your children. If your oldest still has a pacifier, needs a bottle, has a lovey or sucks his thumb, we suggest assessing the severity of the situation before you give into making him give it up. A pediatrician will tell you the bottles and pacifier need to go around age one. Linda will be the first to admit that both her children went well into the second year—her daughter until age two—getting a bottle before bedtime. It was a ritual she just wasn’t ready to deal with. If you have a newborn baby and your toddler still wants his pacifier and it means peace for you and him, by all means don’t make this the moment to force the issue. When he’s a little older and you can rationalize/bribe him out of his habit and you’re getting more sleep, then you might tackle these harder issues. Comfort items in the long run help them get the sleep they need, and you as well.

polishing those pearly whites

As a Baby Buncher with not more than 3.5 seconds a day to spend on my own personal appearance, I would not say that I am a vain person.  The one exception is when it comes to my teeth.  My husband and I have a collective 65 years of life between us and NOT ONE cavity to show for it.  We really feel like our kids have a competitive advantage when it comes to good oral health and they have a responsibility to carry this family legacy forward, so dental hygiene is a big deal in our house.  Our babies start brushing their teeth as soon as they come in and lifelong bi-annual dental cleanings and check-ups are de rigeur. 

That's not to say that it isn't a battle to keep everyone's smiles sparkly fresh, because do remember that we have three boys ages 5 and under who are fundamentally wired to resist cooperation with any hygienic procedures.  I can deal with letting their hair stick up if they won't let me comb it or allowing mismatched clothing that they have selected themselves, but two things I cannot stand are dirty fingernails and ranky teeth.  So how exactly do I pin them down to address the teeth twice (if not more) daily?  It's not easy, but we've found a few tips that work over the years.

Now, as a Baby Buncher you may not think these tips apply to you because A) your children only have 5 teeth between the two of them and they are going to fall out in 5 years anyway, and B) brushing twice a day is a moot point because you are so sleep deprived that your life is just ONE LONG DAY.  But if for no other reason, you want to expose your kids to the routines that lead to lifelong healthy habits and good oral hygiene is one of them.  There's a few ways to make it easier on yourself AND your Bunch.

• Start early and often.  You can buy infant dental kits that have little finger brushes to massage gums and tiny, super soft toothbrushes for the very first little teeth that poke through.  We started these early, not just to knock milk residue off teeth and gums but also to get them used to having people (gently) poking and prodding their mouths.
• Have toothbrushes and toothpaste for all children at all sinks (ESPECIALLY your kitchen sink).  This is HUGE in terms of making it easier to ensure teeth actually get done as you're dashing out the door, because you don't have to run back upstairs to their bathroom to get the kid's teeth brushing gear - you've got a set everywhere you turn.  In my very early Baby Bunching days I had spare toothbrushes for myself stashed at all sinks as well, since my bedtime routine went out the window because half the time I never knew what time I would get to fall asleep and where.
• Sing the "Happy Birthday" song twice while brushing.  This is also our hand washing duration rule.  Ensures that if nothing else, they are swishing the brush around for a good while.
• Sit cross legged on the floor and have your child put their head in your lap while you brush after them.  This allows you to get a good bird's eye view of what's going on in there so you can be sure you are thorough.  My kids are such pros now that I can sit on the toilet (lid closed!) or the side of the tub and they just kind of drape themselves across my lap so I can check for "sugar bugs".
• Make it fun.  Speaking of sugar bugs, this was something I invented when my toddlers were resisting teeth brushing.  I acted completely shocked to "see" a sugar bug crawling out of their mouths because they hadn't brushed thoroughly enough and then I insisted that I be allowed to brush after them.  Gross?  Yeah.  But they thought it was hysterical and it works.  A little too well, actually - one day my oldest found a dead fly on the windowsill and told me he thought it was a sugar bug from his mouth since he'd just eaten fruit snacks.
• Visit a pediatric dentist.  Although I have a dentist that I love and I also have a very dear family friend who my kids love that is a dentist, I take them to a pediatric dentist.  The offices, staff, and often the dentist themselves are just more kid-friendly and equipped to deal with the special anxieties and needs of kids.  When should you start taking your baby?  I asked all the dentists in my life, my pediatrician, and called two pediatric dentists as well and got answers ranging from 6 months to 3 years.  I think the current American Academy of Pediatrics standard is one year.  When my oldest was one year, he barely had any teeth so I found myself wondering what a dentist would even look at.  My youngest just turned one and has a full set of chompers, so he'll be heading in with his brothers for the next checkup.  Use your judgment here, but erring on the side of early in your window of judgment, rather than later, is always good.  After all, even though baby teeth fall out, you want to be sure that good dental habits are instilled earlier in life!  Also, before taking my boys to the dentist for the first time, I dragged them with me to my checkup once so they could watch me be brave and get a cleaning.  Not sure if it helped or not, but we have never had any dental anxiety problems with our kids, so it can't hurt!

I am sure someone will point out that noticeably absent from this list are tips for flossing.  I will not lie to you.  That's because the feeling of string sliding between my teeth absolutely sickens me and I have been a lifelong resistant, and only occasional, flosser.  At my Bunch's last dental checkup, I was told to hold them down and floss, which I cannot do because the sight of floss sliding between other people's teeth (especially while they are being physically restrained) also sickens me.  Haven't quite figured out how to address this issue yet, but I'm pretty sure it will somehow involve turning the task entirely over to my husband.

So happy brushing (and flossing)!  And start saving for those tooth fairy visits because as with all things Baby Bunching, they'll be back to back!

sleep, baby, sleep: in the big girl bed, please

What's a Baby Buncher's biggest challenge?  Sleep, apparently, as we've gotten yet ANOTHER reader question about sleep issues!  Here goes...this one's from Baby Buncher Kirsten - help out if you can!

Q:  We are about to transition our 23-month-old daughter from her crib to a bed so that we can move our 5-month-old son out of his mini crib into the much needed extra space of a big crib.  The big bed has been in her room for a while now because we attempted the transition back before the baby was born (yeah, not a good idea, apparently). I'm wondering what the best way to get her psyched up for the move into the bed would be and how to make the transition as smooth as possible for her. The other problem is that she's just starting preschool and already a little unnerved about that and I don't want to freak her out too much all at once.  If you or any of your other blog contributors have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!

A (from Cara):  In my mind, the "transition to the big girl/boy bed" question really has two parts:  1) safety and 2) security of the child.  When it comes to safety, you have two concerns - falling out of bed and leaving the room.  To address the falling out of bed concern, either temporarily forgo the bed frame and box spring and put the mattress on the floor (low to the ground) or invest in bed rails.  When I transitioned my kids, I pushed one side of the bed up against the wall and put a bed rail on the other side.  This creates a boxed-in, crib-like feeling that may actually address some of your concerns about her feeling secure enough to sleep in the bed.  To address the leaving the room part, put a baby gate across the door of her bedroom.  In case she does wake up in the middle of the night, this will keep her in one place until you can get to her.  Again - may help her feel more secure too, as it just turns the room into a really big playpen.  And always, always be sure that the room is thoroughly baby proofed, including bolting any large furniture items, such as dressers and bookcases, to the wall.  

So now how to get her to feel secure enough to make the transition?  My first suggestion would be to wait, if you can, until she has a week or two of preschool under her belt.  If she's anxious about that and since the start of school is upon you anyway, give her a couple of weeks to get settled and feel comfortable there if you can.  While you're waiting, really talk up the transition to the big girl bed.  I am not above a little bribery, and with my kids, I identified a "big kid activity" that they really wanted to do, but hadn't done yet.  Then I would tie that to the bed transition, potty training, etc.  For example - at age 2 1/2 my oldest was DESPERATE for a DustBuster (yeah - he's a little weird like that).  I told him that Dust busters were for grown-ups and he would have to be a big boy to use one.  Part of being a big boy is putting your pee pee in the potty (or sleeping in the big boy bed) and once he was able to show me he could act like a big boy, he could use the DustBuster with Mommy's help.  It took a few weeks, but worked like a charm.  Another suggestion is to start the transition during the day.  See if she will first take naps in the big girl bed, since they are of a shorter duration.  Once she gets used to naps, you can move towards the longer periods of sleep in the big girl bed.  Familiar items, such as a blanket, that could make the transition from the crib to big girl bed would help, as might a nightlight so she can see what's going on in her room.

My kids could not WAIT to be free of their cribs so they could wreak more unrestrained havoc, so I don't have first-hand experience with this. 

(from Linda) My kids were also anxious for the big boy/girl bed--well, my son more so than my daughter. We made it a big event, which also included a new comforter and room decor with the arrival of the new bed. My kids started out on an IKEA bed that sits 4 inches off the floor. On the first night of the big-kid bed, both my kids fell out of bed (we put a bunch of pillows on the floor) and after that it was fine. The gate for the room was critical with my oldest. He had just turned two and my daughter was about 8 months at the time, and I needed him to have a place that was safe for him to be in while I was dealing with her. We used a Kiddy Guard Gate and it was worth every cent we spent on it. My husband traveled/worked late so this helped doing the bedtime routine solo, too.

In the end with both kids, the transition went smoothly. I think it may be a bigger transition for us than for them. Saying goodbye to the crib is hard.

We'd love to hear from those of you that have successfully tackled a similar situation!