Baby Bunching has long been a defining personal characteristic for me - for about 18 months before Linda and I even coined the term. I am a baby person and once I gave birth to one of my own, I was all back-to-back babies, all the time. I realized how much babies had taken over my life when the youngest of my Bunch was about 2 1/2 and I was stunned to realize that while I was standing in the baby section of a children's clothing store, I no longer had a child that fit in those sizes. Four straight years of baby will addle your brain that way.
I always knew I wanted a third child, but quickly realized that neither my sanity nor my marriage would survive Bunching a second time. Our carefully timed third child arrived almost exactly three years after the second. He has been a joy for me, especially for every age after 9 months because I feel like I never really fully got to experience those stages the first two times. When my oldest was nine months old, I was sick as a dog and exhausted all the time, as I was pregnant with my second. When my second was nine months old, I was in sheer survival mode and it was all a blur. So there was no doubt that my spacing for #3 was right for me. But of late, since my oldest has started kindergarten, I've started to wish that the spacing was a little less. Just a tad. Why?
Baby Bunching is a double-edged sword. Yes, everyone is a baby at once. But on the flip side, everyone is a baby at the same time. Which means that they are preschoolers at the same time, and grade schoolers at the same time. If your're in the throes of Baby Bunching now, I bet you can't even GET to five years from now, so I'll just spell it out for you.
It sucks to drag a baby to soccer practice. It sucks to wake a baby up from his nap because you have to pick one of his brothers up from school. It sucks that they are playing cars and he's too young to play without wrecking the game. It sucks that if you try to do arts and crafts with older kids, the baby will invariably find and eat the googly eyes, buttons, or any other small parts involved. It sucks that babies can't sit through movies or baseball games or story hours or magic shows - all favorite past times of older kids.
Now don't get me wrong, I am loving every minute of this baby - my last (there, I wrote it for all to see!) - and am actually very grateful that he is a tether to the part of my identity I know (mom of baby) as I feel out the part I don't know (mom of school-aged kids). But I am also really glad that I didn't wait any longer to have him. My Bunch is moving on to a new chapter of their lives - one that isn't very baby friendly - and they're dragging me with them. No way am I wishing away their brother's babyhood, but I'm looking forward to the day when soccer practice is fun for the whole family. Or even better - when I can realize the Baby Bunching benefit of putting them on the same team!
I was grateful for the fact that all four of mine were born within 17 months of each other for this very reason. The first year with a toddler and 3 babies was rough, but now at 4, 3,3,& 3 they are all into pretty much the same things, and considering we had 4 children we were done with diapers in record time... life is good!
Posted by: MaryBeth @ Four Silly Sisters | Sep 08, 2009 at 12:35 AM
Love this post! And love that it applies to me even though I'm not a fellow Buncher...my oldest is the same age as your oldest and my youngest is right around the same age as your youngest. And while I love the age difference between my two because I can fully live in the moment with each of their phases, they are at two TOTALLY different phases. Thanks for the good read!
Posted by: Jen Slipakoff | Sep 08, 2009 at 10:26 PM
I'm just starting into this phase except opposite of you- I have a 4yr old and then my bunch of a 21mo and a 5mo old. I'm not looking forward to packing all 3 up for preschool drop off and pickup 3 days a week and trying to work naptime around it. For me it sucks that my oldest has to miss out on a lot of preschool age activities because we just can't do them with the babies in tow. And when little baby is old enough to mess with his toys the way big baby is now, I think it will be world war 3 at our house!
Posted by: Lori | Sep 09, 2009 at 12:00 AM
My bunch is 38 months and 20 months now, and I'm almost sad that I'm not preggo again for just this reason!
Posted by: 3 under 4? | Sep 09, 2009 at 02:11 PM
I have a pair of baby bunched boys, now 2.5 and 4. I totally get what you're saying. I'm sad to not be having another one (right now or ever) but also excited as we move into the next chapter together.
C'mon end of the diaper daze, I can almost see you!
Posted by: RookieMom Heather | Sep 09, 2009 at 02:33 PM
I loved this post! Does having a third child make things A LOT more difficult? My younger child is 13 months and I'm just beginning to breathe... However, the clock has tocked but another baby would be nice!
Posted by: Knowles | Sep 09, 2009 at 10:42 PM
Knowles, wish I could tell you that having a third child does not make things a lot more difficult. I would not change a thing, but the third has pretty much sent me over the edge with my balancing act. I always thought I wanted four, but am thinking I'm good with three.
Having said that, I've heard from lots of people that the third always tips the scale and once you have three, you might as well have ten - the marginal difference is negligible. I, for one, do not intend to put that theory to the test. : )
Posted by: Cara Fox | Sep 16, 2009 at 11:28 AM
This is fantastic. I am, currently, in the throes of 3rd child bunching, with a just-3 year old, an almost-2-year-old (13 mos apart), and a 3 month old (21 mos apart). Did I mention that my husband works nights, and I do bedtime/baths all on my own? Right now I'm teetering on the edge of insanity, and it's articles like this that actually get me back off the couch and out of the fetal position so I can wipe my tears and feed baby another bottle. I keep telling myself it will get better!
Posted by: Ashley | Sep 21, 2009 at 09:25 AM
Hi Ashley,
I know it's so hard right now. Hang in there. We promise it gets easier and
better! Thanks for reading.
Linda Kerr
On Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 9:25 AM, wrote:
Posted by: Baby Bunching | Sep 21, 2009 at 09:54 AM