Originally posted at DC Metro Moms.
I lay her on the changing table—although she almost doesn’t fit anymore. I wrap her up in the big white blanket. The biggest cotton blanket you can imageine. Can it be that I’m still swaddling my 18-month old? Turn out the light. Give her the bottle of watered down milk. Well, it’s more water than milk by now. I won't tell her doctor I still give her a bottle. Sing her favorite song. Hum it when I’m done. Rock her some more. And lay her just so in the crib so she rolls over about 45 degrees and goes to sleep. I can’t make a noise. I have to sneak out. Quiet.
This was the routine we did every night for my daughter about a year and a half ago. I’m amazed by what every mother will do just to get her kid to sleep: comfort blankets, stuffed animals, songs, etc. All the secrets we don’t reveal until it’s necessary to divulge the information of what goes on behind closed doors. I’m often amazed at what games and tricks we participate in for our children to slumber.
I used to have to hold my son at just the right angle when I put him into bed. He would have to face a certain way—always—or else we’d have to start the ritual all over again. Like adjusting the 'bunny ear' on an old TV set—stand on one foot, touch your nose, wink and hope for the nightly news. Nevermind the fact that neither of my children has ever been able to sleep without their lovies. Now as time has passed on, I am fortunate that their bedtime rituals have become less rigid. My kids don’t need a nightlight or me next to them while they fall asleep.
I have a friend who has to lie next to her girls (each one every night) while they rub her elbow or a certain mole on her shoulder in order to fall asleep. After four years, she’s never been able to have anyone else put them to bed. A neighbor confessed to having to sit upstairs while her kids were falling asleep in order for them to be able to fall asleep. Some kids need music, white noise, a certain bedtime story, pull ups (that they hide from their friends), a certain song, a back rub, bottles, pacifiers, blankets and so on.
All of us seem to have deep dark secrets for what goes on in our children’s dark rooms at night.
This is interesting to me.
We don't do any of this kind of stuff for our daughter. She is 17 months old and still gets a pacifier at night, but that is it and we are about to lose the pacifier too. We have never made a big deal out of bedtime, it is just another part of the day (including naps). We do have a bedtime routine, but she doesn't care who does it (me, my husband, grandparent, etc.) and she goes into her crib wide awake and is usually standing up when I leave the room and close the door...then she sits down and plays for a little bit and talks to herself and then goes to sleep. The same is true at naptime, I take her in her room, give her a pacifier, change her diaper and put her in the crib. From newborn to around 11 months, we did hold her before putting her down and often she fell asleep within 10 minutes, but as she approached one, we just started holding her less and less each night. My husband had a hard time with this though and wanted to keep holding her...maybe it is more about what the parent thinks the kid needs than what they actually need? I also think these things, like the pacifier, become a habit and although it can be tough, all habits can be broken...even for parents!
Posted by: L | Aug 18, 2009 at 08:44 AM
I'm with L....we don't do anything at all. We say our prayers and then the kids kiss us goodnight and we split one adult to one kid and stick them in the cribs and go.
Sure, sometimes there's a little yelling or talking or playing a little while, like L said. Sometimes they don't want to go to bed! ....but I think it's better to bite the bullet early and make them go to bed normally so that they don't have as many sleep issues later on (hopefully!).
Our daughter does want a blanket now (not a certain one, any will do) that she's older (2.5) and sometimes our son (1.75) asks for a blanket or toy, too...but nobody wants anything in particular.
Posted by: JessPond | Aug 18, 2009 at 03:44 PM
i am so glad you posted this. we have sleeping issues at our house also. i know that i am not the only one, but sometimes you just need to hear it form some else. so thank you!
i read to my oldest (2yrs) then i leave the room. after that i have to stand outside her door for about an hour to put her back in bed each time she gets up. she was letting my husband and my mom put her to bed before the baby was born, after the second came along it is only me that she wants.
the little one (5 months) gets walked around the block by the husband in the bjorn, because by the time bedtime gets here no matter how many naps she is tired and wants nobody but me. so by the time they get home she has taken a 20 min. power nap and is no longer tired and i spend the next hour trying to get her to sleep.
i remind myself each and every night that this is not forever...but most of the time it feels like it is.
Posted by: marla | Aug 19, 2009 at 03:02 PM
Does anyone have an alternative to TV/DVDs for keeping the toddler occupied while putting the younger infant to bed at night, when you have to do it all alone? I'm finding myself in this situation a lot lately as my husband has a deadline to meet. The toddler enters the baby's room and gets him riled up and awake from the drowsy state I've worked so hard to get him into...I'm frustrated with DVD malfunctions and feeling guilty about TV/DVDs every night.
Posted by: Clara | Aug 25, 2009 at 06:57 AM