driving under the influence (of my bunch)

A recently released study found that drivers who are texting are 23 more times more likely to crash than the undistracted driver.  It is also common knowledge that in addition to driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol, activities such as talking on a cell phone, eating, reading, putting on makeup,etc. while driving can also all increase our chances of having an accident. 

As an addled mother of three children age five and under, I can honestly say that more than any of the aforementioned activities, my driving is poorly influenced by the following:

• Thinking While Driving
• Parenting While Driving

Today on the way to a pool play date, I was preoccupied with thoughts of the start of school next week, the neighborhood playgroup I am trying to start for my youngest, the violin lessons I wanted to look into for my oldest, the birthday present I need to mail for my sister, and the blog post I needed to come up with to wrap up Car Week on Baby Bunching.  Damned if I didn't shoot right past the turn for the pool and not even realize it until I was several miles down the road.  As I made the U-Turn and cursed the fact that we were already 45 minutes late to the play date, I wondered what else I had missed as I was rocketing down the road dreaming of my to-do list.  My eyes were glued to the road ahead of me, but my mind was definitely wandering down a different one. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do to stop myself from thinking hard.  But my kids can.

If I'm not deep in thought in the car, it's because I'm playing deejay and fielding music requests, turning the A/C up or down to maximize the comfort of my complaining passengers, rolling windows down, doling out snacks, tossing water bottles to the back of the van, dangling toys in front of a crying baby, or refereeing fights between two fighting preschoolers.  To make it worse, due to my significant hearing loss I can't hear any child in the third row of my van so I can frequently be found lip-reading in the rear view mirror while driving, trying to decipher whatever Urgent Need is at hand.  I often feel that it would be safer to drive around guzzling a beer.

Before I had kids, I used to think that those people driving around with "Baby on Board" signs were absolute lame-ass dorks.  Now I realize that those signs are an SOS of sorts - as in, "Do yourself a favor and please stay the hell out of my way because there's a time bomb on board that that could detonate at any second and I have no control over any aspect of my life, least of all my driving."

As a Baby Buncher, I'm thinking there is an opportunity for us to lobby our state legislatures to designate us as emergency vehicles so we can be authorized to sport sirens.  We owe it to the rest of the world to let them know we're coming so they can clear a wide berth. 

Comments

[Gwen Halsey]

Cara, You are hilarious! This is SO my life in the car! Thanks for sharing! Love, Gwen

[Sierra Rix]

Ha ha ! I think we need "mommy driver" stickers like there are student driver ones.

[Lisa]

LOL! Thank you....I got a great laugh of your take on Baby on Board signs. I totally agree, they should be a warning to other drivers. I think I will go stick mine back on the rear window in the morning (it keeps falling off).

[Tiffany]

This made me laugh so hard! It is so true! Thanks for sharing!