baby bunching stages: what to expect when you're expecting #2

Finding out you are expecting a baby sends every mom-to-be on a lifelong nine-month emotional roller coaster ride.  When you discover you are expecting another child when your first isn't even walking yet, you will experience that same voyage - this time at warp speed.  Having weathered five pregnancies between the two of us, we've learned some survival tips along the way that we'd love to share with you. 

Hands down, one of the things that sucks the most about Baby Bunching for those of us gals who suffer from morning sickness is having to care for a baby while you're feeling like you have a four-month-long hangover.  Unfortunately, once the "hangover" is over, many women are so exhausted they then experience another 4-5 months feeling like they're recovering from a hangover.  There isn't much you can do to mitigate this, but we do recommend that you immediately and thoroughly baby-proof a section of your home that is bigger than a crib, but no bigger than a room.  You need somewhere safe for Baby to play while you rest your eyes or sprint to the bathroom occasionally.  Also, take care of yourself.  Sleep when your baby sleeps (we mean it even more now than we did when you were pregnant the first time!), take your prenatal vitamins (at night before bed if they make you sick), and eat small, frequent meals.    

Once you're through the first couple months, you will start to feel better, albeit exhausted because you are parenting one tiny person while growing another.  By this point, the whole concept of "another tiny person" arriving with still only one of YOU to take care of all tiny persons may be starting to sink in. But there is a job to be done and no amount of worrying is going to change the event at hand. Suck it up, get organized, get positive and know that when you get to the other side we SWEAR it will be worth it. Trust us.

To make the transition to a mom of multiple kids easier, do yourself these favors:

• Get Big Baby on a predictable eating/sleeping schedule BEFORE New Baby arrives. One unpredictable kid will be enough, we promise. Yes, there are those of us (not Linda) who can coast along on no schedule for a while, but adding in another person who more times than not will eat, sleep and cry differently than the first, will have you better set up if at least someone (your oldest) has a guaranteed bedtime. You'll be amazed at how simple it seems when just one kid is awake. You'll wonder why you complained so much the first time around.  
• If you stay home,find a Mother's Day Out program of some sort, even if it is just one or two days a week for a few hours. Your Big Baby will thank you for the playmates and time out of the house and you will thank yourself for creating quiet time with New Baby.
• Find some mommy friends with kids the same ages if you don't already have them (see Linda's tips on building your "momtourage").  These are your reinforcements - you will need them for support, advice, hot meals, and the occasional splash of Baileys in your coffee once New Baby is born.
• Once you've found those friends, beg, borrow, and steal any maternity clothes, baby clothes, or baby gear you need (including that second crib).  After all, that's what friends are for!

As you head into the final trimester and D-Day approaches, you'll want to be sure you've checked the things off your list:

• Slowly increase Big Baby's individual playtime - you will be grateful he developed the skill of solo play when you have another child vying for you attention.
• Hire a babysitter or swap services with friends for your doctor's appointments.  Don't make Big Baby (or yourself) suffer through these frequent appointments with you at the end.
• Make sure you have a bed for New Baby - it can be as basic as a PackNPlay - but it is one of the few things you MUST have when you get home from the hospital, along with a car seat! If you need some thoughts on a second crib, we have lots of opinions on that.
• Develop a plan of attack for delivery day - where your Big Baby will be and with whom while you're in the hospital.  And have a backup plan, maybe two!
• Don't worry about preparing your toddler for the Little Baby. He really has no idea what's happening. Talk to him about it. Read a story about it. Let him rub your tummy. But in the end, he really has NO idea what is about to hit him. Just go with the flow and surround him--as best you can--with lots of hugs and attention both now and after the birth. Bringing in grandma always helps.
• Stock your freezer with pre-made food.  If people ask you what you need as shower/baby gifts, tell them you need babysitters and meals!
• Relax and enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and your last few weeks alone with Big Baby.  With all the chaos joy Big Baby no doubt brings to your life, it's hard to believe, but this may be the most peace and quiet you'll have for a long time!

As always, please let us know about some of your Baby Bunching pregnancy tips.

Above photo: Linda (8 1/2 months pregnant with her daughter) sits with her son, then 15 months.

Comments

[sierra]

He he! Great advice! I would add to the list to prepare your spouse to be more hands on, b/c when he came home and there were two kids - it is all hands on deck.

I also got him to help w/ night feedings (pumped or formula - not opening a debate :-) b/c with the first he just said,"but you can sleep when she does." Not so much when big baby is trying to take apart the vcr and little baby is fussing.

Baby two really upped his level of involvment and helped keep my insanity level where it had been vs. going up (most of the time).

[Kelsey]

Great article... I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant with an 8 1/2 month old. The sleeping seems to be the key for me. Sleep as much as I can and I survive :)

[Michelle]

Be prepared for morning sickness even if you didn't have it in your first pregnancy. I did not have ANY morning sickness the first time, and it came as a huge surprise.

For me, carrying a 30 pound toddler while pregnant really took a toll on me. My big baby was not walking until my 2nd trimester and has always had bad separation anxiety, so I carried him alot. I never stopped carrying him, but my body paid a price. I'd have shooting pains down my legs and would be unable to move after he went to bed. I took alot of warm baths to relieve the pain.

I wouldn't bother trying to prepare the toddler for the baby. My son called my belly a ball. Be flexible on whether you have your toddler visit you in the hospital. We didn't have my son visit, as it would have caused an awful tantrum when he needed to leave.

[Katherine Rosania]

Thank you SO much for posting this "series"...it's perfect timing. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with a 13 month who isn't walking yet and your site has already given me (and my husband) so much good, practical info.

One really helpful thing we've done was hiring a mother's helper for the end of the pregnancy and early post-partum. She comes a couple mornings a week just to play with Big Baby and help with lunch so I can keep my feet up and rest. It has gotten him used to other people and gives me a break. We also hired a cleaning service 2x/month, which has been a such a load off. We are not rolling in the dough, trust me, but decided to cut out/ back other spending to put these things in place to make the end of the pregnancy and transition with the new baby easier. And they have definitely made a big, big difference. I don't feel nearly as drained and can really enjoy the time I spend with my Big Baby.

[baby gifts]

Many are reading on and getting informed. My friends and I enjoys reading this.

[Mama Cas]

be prepared for ANYTHING to happen.

i am not kidding... we had everything planned for d-day for #2... brought a family member up to visit and stay with us for the last couple weeks of pregnancy, and a week or two afterward...

well, LydiaBug decided she was really really comfortable in there, and stayed in a week and 2 days more... so PP help was not as plentiful as we were hoping for...

and we needed it...

because about 3 hours after i delivered, BuzzyBee decided that this would be a great time for her to jump off a stack of boxes in the living room... everyone thought it was fine till i (in exhaustion) finally said just take the limping toddler to the er, it's not like we aren't here already...

so like i said... prepare for ANYTHING

[Heather]

My two are now 20 months and 6 months. Pregnancy was rough the second go-round...my heart goes out to all reading who are going through it! Not only does being prego again take it's toll, but lugging around Mr. Big was no joke!

One small tidbit I'd offer is to hold off on encouraging your walking Bigs to ditch the stroller now and then. Even if while pregnant it may be more of a pain (literally) to lug out the stroller and put Big in it just for those quick trips... it will be worth it once Little comes and you need to count on Big being happy when strapped into the stroller again.

Also, we never had Big come to the hospital once baby came. He stayed with Grandma until we came home and then joined us. It made the transition easier I think because he was on his home turf when all the newness entered his world.

[Leigh Anne]

Oh I wish I had seen this before having my #2! Although mine are 20 months apart, the pregnancy sent me reeling and was really rough on all of us. The post partum period was almost just as bad. Things are so much better now though!

[Chassidy]

Great tips!!!! I just found this blog. I am 9 weeks along and I have a 4 month old son and a 5 year old daughter and I am scared out of my mind. Any more words of wisdom and kindness would be GREATLY appreciated.

[stefne]

i have a 13 month old and am 20 weeks pregnant........i was wondering if there is any advice on gettin him walking b4 the next baby comes :)

[Lindsey33Leonor]

It is perfect that we can get the mortgage loans and that opens new possibilities.

[prenatal]

Wow, great information. I try to find it.

[Ultra CJ]

Bless you for this information. I feel much less alone. I'm putting this on my favorites for my last six weeks of pregnancy and my new life with two little boys who will be 16 months apart!