baby bunching novice: infant + toddler

We're breaking this period into the time when your infant makes his way into this world until about four to six months.  After five children, we have realized that this is about the time frame that babies start to fall into a regular schedule. 

Linda would like to summarize the hospital in a few simple words - send your baby to the nursery at LEAST one night. Many of you may be huffing and puffing about this, but keep in mind that when you get home from the hospital there will none of this "sleeping when the baby sleeps" (which is about 20 hours a day, just not the same 20 hours that his sibling is sleeping). No, you have a toddler who hasn't seen you much in the past 48 hours and you're going to have to be ON for him too. So send baby to the nursery so you can at least get caught up on a little sleep before you have to go home and parent two kids. Please, please,  Note:  Cara dissents on this - could never quite bring herself to do it, but encourages all moms to exercise their rights to do so if it strikes their fancy - you need all the rest you can get!

Baby will come home in some kind of outfit, probably one you bought a week before you went into labor when you realized you didn't have your "coming home" outfit (we bet you bought that by month 5 at the latest with the first baby).  Remember to take some pictures.  Great news is that this time, you don't have to remember to take pictures of the dog "welcoming" New Baby home because you now have two children and your dog has become just that - a dog.

The first few weeks after baby comes home you will find yourself in what we call the quiet period. We've touched on this before, but it's the time frame when your baby sleeps all the freaking time and you think life is just so perfect. Uh huh! Enjoy it. Embrace it. Love it. Don't get used to it. But do use it to catch up on sleep and cuddle your oldest.

The first four months or so of the Baby Bunching gig we'll call the Trial and Error period. You will try. You will make errors. You will readjust. You might even wonder if life will ever be the same. Babies can be hard to manage in the beginning with nonstop feedings, colic, reflux, sleeping issues, etc. It's even harder when you're navigating that route with a toddler who can neither express what he wants (for baby to LEAVE!) nor sit still long enough to watch an Elmo video let you catch your breath. Don't expect your Big Baby to be a big help. He may be capable of fetching you a diaper, but chances are he is more likely to get waylaid and be found in the corner, (very quietly) pulling wipes out of the container......one.....by......one.

Not to bore you with all the stories we have (believe us, you will have your own), here are a few things to keep in mind during the novice days.

• For the first few months, our biggest tip is to forget about putting New Baby on a schedule.  Really.  You will truly make yourself crazy.  Stick to Big Baby's schedule/routine, which is MUCH more important during this time of transition, and worry about integrating New Baby when you start to see some regularity in his sleep/wake/eat patterns (around 4-6 months, as we mentioned earlier - and typically not earlier than that.  Really.)
• If you are nursing, get an electric pump.  Even if you were the neighborhood milky cow last time around and a hand pump did you just fine, we promise that you will encounter supply issues this time.  An electric pump will help get you over the hump.
• If you can't keep up with nursing, don't beat yourself up.  Read some of our old posts about our personal battles and some expert's tips for success.  But if it doesn't work out, LET IT GO.
• Get a sling.  Your Big Baby is likely constantly on the move and into dangerous stuff.  A sling will keep your hands free while you dash around keeping Big Baby out of trouble.
• If someone offers to help you, let them.  Let them take Big Baby off your hands for a few hours.  Let them make you dinner.  Let them babysit while you escape to a neighborhood restaurant for a quick dinner with hubby.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.  No need to be a martyr about it.  Likewise, cut yourself some slack.  You house won't be a pit and you won't be wearing
• Watch Big Baby like a hawk.  Even if he "loves" New Baby, he is not even two years old and he likely has his own unique, age-appropriate brands of loving, many of which would violate the Geneva Conventions.  Do not leave the babies alone together unsupervised.  Period.  
• Cut yourself some slack.  Your house will not look like a pigsty forever and and you will not be wearing the same spit-up and poop stained outfit when your youngest graduates from high school.  The first two years of Baby Bunching will pass quickly and you'll find yourself getting your groove back soon enough - we promise!
• The days will drag on, but the weeks will fly by.  Capture a few minutes here and there to take video, photos, write in a journal, scrapbook, blog, or whatever is easiest for your to capture the antics of your ever-changing children.  Linda (an avid scrapbooker) made Cara a beautiful "Baby's First Year" calendar that included spaces to write in milestones and glue pictures.  Hallmark makes a similar (but not nearly as beautiful) version.  The first year of Baby Bunching will be a blur - when it's over, you want to have something to remember it by.  It doesn't seem possible, but it turns out that time really does heal all wounds and you will remember your Baby Bunching days with a rosy glow.
• Finally, the most important thing to bring home from the hospital (aside from New Baby) is a sense of humor.  Everything you can possibly imagine can and will go wrong during the first few months. You will mix things up. Get the timing wrong. Give someone the wrong pacifier. Put the diaper on the wrong kid. Find yourself shoving Cheerios into a 3 week-old's mouth.  Wear your underwear inside out all day long.  Laugh it off. This is why we suggest forming a great momtourage of Baby Bunching friends before you have Baby #2. You will need the laughs to keep you going. But hopefully your hubby is around enough to help you get through this with a few giggles.

Comments

[sierra]

I love reading these tips - all true and all helpful!

Something that helped us was having breakfast set up the night b/f b/c my husband leaves for work early. So the night before, he would set out cereal in a bowl on the counter and make up a sippy cup of milk for the fridge.
In the am when big baby wanted to eat NOW and the midget wanted to nurse NOW. We were all set.
We'd also made about 5 loaves of bread worth of french toast and frozen them for the mornings when i would "make b-fast" for the big babe.
I'm sure all bunchers can say "amen" to the microwave!

[Lori Lawrence]

Great tips! We are in this stage with a bunch, but we also have a 4yr old that makes things even more chaotic. The most important thing we have had to remember is to keep a sense of humor. Sometimes when the two babies are crying and the 4yr old is talking NON-STOP my husband and I just have to look at each other, laugh and remind ourselves that this is our new normal!
I love your site- it has helped me so much since joining the Baby Bunching ranks!

[Cass]

I'm really enjoying reading these, ladies, really.

We're having our 2nd when our son will be 1 year and 2 days old ... yes, we know the date! And this post got me thinking ... I'm really hoping to have that typical "sleepy newborn". Would be nice.

Our son was completely atypical in this - really threw me for a loop to have this non-sleeping infant for a first child. Really, some days he would only sleep 1/2 hour in the daylight hours. It was a shocker.

So here's hoping ...

Keep these coming. Knowing though that every child is so different ... still, it's just so nice to read of others who've been there too.
Infant and Toddler? ... how about Infant and Baby?? :)

[beth]

Thanks for sharing!

Yes, yes, yes. My toddler was always looking for a chance to take his sister out-yes don't leave them alone together. At one point, I left the room seriously 2 minutes to tuck some dipes in a basket. Remember suddenly, "Oh crap, babies alone!!" I run in the room and sure enough my toddler is jumping on new babies belly like she was a frickin trampoline, ahhh!

Something I found helpful, although I know this won't be everyone's cup of tea,is that I needed to go to the gym every day so instead of hustling strollers and all that in the middle of winter I invested in one of those airport stroller/carseats and used that for my daughter. That way since my toddler wasn't yet walking I could carry him and literally pull out her carseat and flip it into a stroller without having to move her from one to the other. It made life easier every where we went.

[Amy]

Great, great tips and sanity reminders!! My 3rd just turned 9 mo. and the oldest two are almost 4 and 5 1/2...I was beginning to be too hard on myself. Your tips just reminded me that sometimes you just gotta laugh--I'm sure I look like the giggling, crazy lady as I herd everyone everywhere, but it's how I cope...:)

I love the first year calendars!! I try to pencil in things that my 3rd does on my big family calendar and then put them in her calendar at the end of each month. If I don't have time one month, I just save the calendar pages and catch up when I can.

[Suzanne]

Good times. I stepped into the other room for one minute, leaving my 4mo safe in her crib, only to come back to find my 2 yr old had climbed into the crib and was using it as a trampoline and poor baby was bounced all over!

[Lois]

Love it!!! My Big bunch, is 4, about to turn 3, and 1, so they are all bunched. I love reading that others go through the same sorts of things. I put my bra on inside out one day, and that made for difficult nursing. :) I too accidentally left the room for like a millisecond, only to come back and find the 3 year old (not even a baby anymore) about to bounce the baby off the couch. He also fed her a penny once, and I only realized it because I was telling him to get his fingers out of her mouth, and he said, "I have to get the penny." It's good times, and I love my bunch. But there are days when I'm not sure how I got this far, and if I'll be able to go on much longer. Thanks for this site, I love reading it!

[Rachel O.]

I totally agree on the need for a sling or some sort of a baby carrier. I have a Hotsling that I keep in the baby bag for emergencies, and a Beco baby carrier I use all the time.

Baby bunching (and parenting overall) is really scary for me. Right now I've got an 18-month-old and a 1-month-old, and I'm convince myself simultaneously that a) this is the best it'll ever be and b) this is the worst it'll ever be!!!

[Heather]

I was so glad when my 6-month-old began to sit on her own so I wouldn't have to worry as much about her little head being trampled when I left the room. HOWEVER, In the last few days, my 20 month old has come up with a nice little game. He sees his sister sitting pretty, walks up, pushes her over with both hands as he says "Weeeeeee!"... still waiting for the day I can comfortably leave them alone together.

[Michelle]

My big baby can climb the crib and most baby devices but baby gates are his krptonite, so I keep little baby in the dining room. I also wear little baby almost constantly. I have been trying to let him down more, but this upsets big baby who seems to think that little baby's proper place is attached to me. ;-)

Be prepared for regressions and acting out from your big baby. We are in this stage right now with a 3.5 month old and an almost 23 month old who has recently decided he doesn't want to leave the house.

[annie]

now that #2 is 5 months I couldn't have written this better. It is just so true. Except that the hospital didn't have a baby nursery (seriously, what's up with that??), so we were running on zero from day one.

[Marla]

what has helped me alot is to have a doll or stuffed animal for big baby. that way bigs can take care of the doll, or feed the doll while i am taking care of the little one. we are in this stage right now so all the tips are helpful. as far as regression goes big baby is going through attachment issues all over again...i am having to hold "my girls" as i call them quite a bit. i am so glad i have found this blog...you guys are great...i was laughing about the dog pic with big baby and no dog pic with #2. that was our house to a T.

[Janna]

Thanks for this posting (and your blog in general)! I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant with son #2, #1 is 18 months old and I'm getting quite anxious about how I'm going to do it with 2 so close in age. I plan on implementing a lot of these tips, and taking all the help I can get! Hopefully baby #2 will be easier going than baby #1 was, I imagine myself wearing baby #2 in the sling for most of the day chasing around my busy, busy boy! Thanks again!

[jenni]

The Ergo saved my life with #2. It STILL saves my life, even though he's almost 20lbs. I can pop MIles in the Ergo for trips to target, costco, trader joe's, etc. and put my Big, Oscar, in the cart. And, since these days Oscar prefers to be OUT of the cart, having Miles in the ergo allows me the freedom to abandon my cart and chase Oscar when the situation demands it.

[PamJ]

Thanks for the tips! I learned a few things :) and time IS flying by...

[Mary]

Loved this, thanks! Just found out two weeks ago that I am pregnant with #2. My son will be 15 months old when his little brother/sister is born and I have so many questions about how this will work! This helped to answer some of them, and as a bonus it made me laugh out loud several times!