I saw her standing over the back of her SUV changing a diaper. She kept looking back at a toddler across the parking lot (on the sidewalk). She was frantically changing the diaper of the child in the car. I couldn't tell how old he was, but I knew without a doubt....she was one of us.
We were leaving the playground to go home (more on that later), and I was almost certain of what had happened. Although I couldn't figure out why the older one was across the parking lot, but we Bunchers do crazy things in a panic.
As I got closer--since my car was parked right next to hers--I asked if the other child was hers. She responded. "How could you tell? By my crazy attempt to make him stay there and hope he didn't run into traffic. " Yep, she's a Buncher.
"How old are your kids?" I asked her as I helped her keep an eye on the one across the parking lot. The oldest was two and the youngest 8 months.
I smiled a big smile. "Yep, I figured. The same distance apart from mine."
OK, the ONLY way I remember that is because when my son turned two and my daughter was 8 months THAT was the time people looked at me like I was an alien with four heads. Apparently, THAT must be when it sinks in and people do the math at how close my kids were. So I always remember that spacing for some reason.
The lady sighed a sigh of relief. "Really, wow. That's so nice to know. Do people always ask if you have twins? I just don't get that, but they do. Yours look like they could be." And yes, people do ask that. She scooped up her youngest and gave an even bigger sigh as she turned to her older son.
"It really does get easier," I promised her. Although I had just spent the past two hours negotiating and running after my own Bunch. I knew for sure it was still easier than where she was right now.
What do you say, or what advice do you give, when you spot another Baby Buncher?
I don't....
I feel like, with an unnatural spacing (6.5m) I get too much crap. Twin moms comment that they have it harder, moms of kids who are spaced 9-24m say how it would be easier if they were closer like mine....and I'm left in the middle with no advice for anyone but the rare person met on the internet. So I just keep my mouth shut! :)
Posted by: JessPond | Jun 30, 2009 at 09:29 PM
We exchange "the look" that says, "I feel your pain."
Normally, I find it is a great connector that dissolves the initial awkwardness of new aquaintances. The only advice I can really offer is to descend fully into the madness; it doesn't last forever, no matter how it feels at the time.
Posted by: sierra | Jun 30, 2009 at 10:13 PM
I've yet to met anybody (in real life) that have kids as close as ours are at 11 months apart. I have a ton of friends with kiddos that are 18-22 months apart and they look at me like they're thinking, "at least mine aren't less than a year apart!"
Posted by: Lindsey Oliver | Jun 30, 2009 at 11:23 PM
I just try to make friends... Don't have many mommy friends, and certainly not many babybuncher friends.
Posted by: Rachel O. | Jul 01, 2009 at 12:09 AM
That's kind of funny, JessPond, since everytime I see a comment from you, I know it is worth reading... I'm glad you don't always keep your thoughts to yourself!
And as a mother of twins (26 months) I would expect that you have more challenges than twin-moms do. Really, though, women who say "oh, that-or-the-other would be easier than mine... blah blah" are always talking out their a**. Right up there with ladies that want to tell you how you should be doing better with your kids. Odd how most of those ladies have kids that never visit them... even the ones who live in the same town. Actual SMART women are the ones who know that the best contribution is support - love, appreciation or a smile. The ones who stop to tell you how lovely your children are, how brave/strong or impressive you are, or how much the sight of your babybunch warms their heart - those are probably the same women whose kids are still visiting them - and they're the ones worth spending time listening to!
Hey, how about an article about old-timey baby bunchers, you know, the ones that didn't even HAVE birth control options like todays? That might be fun.
Posted by: hollyjean | Jul 01, 2009 at 03:28 AM
I don't say anything. But I get a LOT of comments, because right now I have a 23 month old, a 10 month old, and a big huge pregnant belly. (I also have an 8 year old and a nearly 5 year old.) So generally I don't even have time to notice other families - I'm busy fielding the "you know how that thappens, right" type comments. :-/
Posted by: Ninja Mom | Jul 01, 2009 at 07:57 AM
I'm a pending baby bunching, so when I spot a bona fide one, I'm asking for tips!
Posted by: "Gidget" | Jul 01, 2009 at 01:16 PM
thanks so much for this post! i have a 3 1/2 month and a 21 month old. we are in the "does this ever get easier stage??????" i am glad to know that it does. that is what i always ask when i run into another baby buncher usually because they are past this stage.
Posted by: Marla | Jul 01, 2009 at 01:48 PM
Great topic! I met a very panicked baby-buncher-to-be the other day and when she asked me for advice, I emphasized how much just "talking through" the chaos helped me. If I was in a situation where both my infant and my toddler were crying/needed help, I would just keep up a constant stream of reassuring communication ("Mommy will be there as soon as she is done changing this diaper") with the one that was waiting. (Even if she couldn't answer, it just helped keep me more calmly manage the situation.) Also, I reassured her that child #1 would survive the transition ... this was my biggest panic point about baby bunching and I was amazed at how easily my 13-month-old daughter adapted to our new family member.
Posted by: Sue | Jul 01, 2009 at 02:21 PM
I tend to try and chat and say that I empathise & we usually end up talking about how other people don't tend to understand how tricky it can be, especially those with an older child who will stay still/behave sensibly (at least most of the time) while they are running after a younger child, whereas we have (at least) one child running one way and another running the other way and only one pair of hands! Mine are 3 & 4 years old now & are proof that things do get easier...in some ways...we end up talking about that too!
Posted by: Natasha | Jul 02, 2009 at 03:22 AM
Everyone says it gets easier but I'm still waiting for that to happen! People always ask if mine are twins to but my son is a man child compared to my daughter so I don't get it.
Posted by: Casey | Jul 04, 2009 at 07:57 AM
I got my first "Are they twins?" last week!
I have yet to meet anyone else in person who has babies this close together (mine are 12 months) so I read about them on this blog and One Year Apart.
Posted by: Lisa | Jul 07, 2009 at 12:30 AM