getting it all done: adjusting expectations

I am a planner and a list maker.  My calendar and to-do list drove every aspect of my life, until I had children and they steamrolled all over my life.

When I became a mom for the first time, it seemed every parenting article or book that I read gave the same two annoying pieces of advice for achieving success in motherhood:  1) sleep when the baby sleeps and 2) adjust your expectations in terms of crossing things off your to-do list.  When I became a Baby Buncher, the former became irrelevant, but the latter became the key to my sanity. 

It took me probably a good year of Baby Bunching to realize that if I was able to complete THREE things on my list each day, I was doing really, really good.  That's not to say that I didn't ACCOMPLISH anything, because I certainly did.  I kept two children fed, watered, cleaned, entertained, and safe.  I kept the household moving forward using basic standards of sanitation (that is to say that everyone always had clean dishes and clothes, if not neatly stacked and put away).  I even worked part-time at a job that generated income.  But when it came to the "extras", such as tackling an organizational project, running an errand, or even making a phone call, it was a max of three things per day and only one of them could be an errand.  And sometimes not even that many, depending on how that day's nap trap and constant needs shook out or if the item involved a trip to the post office (all post office errands stay on my list for a minimum of two weeks).  And heaven forbid someone was sick or teething - then it was Survival Mode and all bets for crossing anything off the list were off.

I did find as my kids got older that I was able to check more things off my list.  But now that I have a baby again I'm back to square one.  Only this time, I'm not even bothering to fight it and it's kind of nice.  I figure he'll be bigger in a few years and I'll be back to blazing through my to-do list (which will STILL be never-ending), so what's the point in knocking myself out over it now?  I won't remember if my floor was clean today, but I'll always remember how hard he laughed when I tickled him during afternoon playtime.

 

Comments

[Justice Fergie]

oh i SO hear you on this. i used to be a serial "to-list" maker and now it seems i just scribble random notes to myself on a post-it and i'm lucky if i even FIND the post-it later, nevermind finishing what's on my list. it's like i can't keep up with superfluous tasks like writing thank you cards (for the baby baptism that took place in APRIL) or getting to the post office to mail a shirt (that my cousin forgot at my house THREE WEEKS AGO). i'm too busy feeding, bathing, clothing, reading, entertaining, hugging somebody to think about the extra stuff.

maybe i'll shoot for doing 3 things per day. that sounds reasonable!

[Knowles]

Life flows much better since I changed my expectations. My house isn't spotless but my kids are happy. (At least most of the time.) My "to do" lists are also scribbled notes, but somehow, it all works out and my perfectionist self copes.

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