Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

i thee wed, nine years later

I’d like to give a shout out to the man (my husband) who quite literally helped make becoming a Baby Buncher possible. This past week we celebrated our nine-year anniversary. I’m a little amazed sometimes because it seems to have gone by very quickly. Really. But I love him and appreciate all the wonderful things he does for me and the kids. I heard him this evening telling the kids he was putting them to bed because mommy was very tired of the nonsense. Really, I was.

Baby Bunching really can take its toll on a marriage. There were days when he and I were like ships passing in the night—taking over duties, tag teaming and just so busy that we barely had time for our own needs (I’m talking personal hygiene here.) He would walk in the door after a long day of saving-the-world work and I would pass my fleshy football (Anna) and little whirling Dervish (Alex) off to him and disappear into a very large bathtub with a very large glass of wine (maybe two).

We were busy and tired and exhausted and worn out. This feeling of exhaustion seem to subside around the time my youngest was two and slowly we started picking up the pieces to complete the marriage puzzle again. All the pieces are there, and we just have to put them back. Yes, we’re still working to put them back together.

Fortunately for us, we were married for four years before we had our first miracle. (And yes he really was a miracle.) So I feel we have the memory—in the not so distant past—of the “za za zu.” And it’s not that this feeling is gone, it’s just glurgged over with kid arguments, messes, daily chores, school, errands, activities, etc.  Ohhhhh…..this must be in every marriage. Right?

We have worked hard to schedule dates out, dates at home, time with each other each night, etc, etc., but it’s hard. Keeping a marriage strong is a lot of work. Sometimes I feel like we’ve done a great job—heck we’ve been married for nine years. And sometimes I feel like we’re a poor example of what should be done. So I have no advice. But I will certainly take yours.

fox v. fox

For the first year and a half of Baby Bunching, it was tough.  Then it got (relatively) easy as they grew into playmates and would keep each other occupied for hours.  Now it is kind of sucking again. 

At ages 4 and 5 1/2, my Bunch have really developed into their own little (extremely argumentative) people.  Lately, it seems their favorite game is one my husband likes to call "Plaintiff v. Defendant".  This involves the children bringing a constant litany of wrongdoings against each other to our attention, such as:

• He hit me!
• He take my toy!
• He knock my bike over!
• He knock me over!
  
• He eat my cookie!
• He color on my paper!
• He told me I have to eat my carrots!
• He run faster than me!  Closely followed by He didn't wait!
  
• He threw my cars in the mud!
• He said I couldn't choose the movie/story/game!
• And my personal favorite: He talked to Baby when I was talking to Baby! (ever in competition to see who wins the rights to the "Best Big Brother" title) 

Such accusations are typically made through tears, and we usually hear the screams and cries of outrage before we actually see  the children present themselves for trial.  It's usually pretty easy to tell who the perpetrator is, since he's typically trailing the alleged victim by at least a few steps.  Unless somene's bleeding, our standard response is to tell them to "work it out as brothers", but lately I have actually found myself wishing that I had some sort of mediation training under my belt. 

The constant arguing is no doubt exacerbated by the fact that they are so close in age, both boys, and share a bedroom.  Add that to the fact that my oldest is an overachiever and my second is hypercompetitive, and it's a recipe for disaster. 

Since everyone is home all day, every day this summer, I've come to the conclusion that a little personal space is in order once in awhile.  Oldest boy will go to one camp that his brother is not attending, freeing me up to do some fun stuff with the two littles.  I'm in the process of setting up some individual playdates so they can get away from have a break from each other, and I've instituted mandatory afternoon quiet time in separate rooms (not sure why the hell I ever let this fall by the wayside, anyway).  My hope is that it will help, because I'm getting pretty tired of playing judge and jury.

baby bunching bests

Here are this week's Baby Bunching Bests:

Judy over at A Diva Moment discovers the beauty of Baby Bunching when her almost 2-year old is able to somewhat entertain her 7-month old. Ahhhh....these are good moments for usBaby Bunchers.

Momma Bear had me cracking up with her post-Chipotle-margarita-Whole-Foods-shopping trip. I'm guessing $345 later she realized that was a very expensive margarita! See how Baby Bunching can be hazardous to your pocketbook.

Jen over at Sabbatical Mom writes about her youngest two (both four) and their "twibling" rivalry. I love how preschoolers can forgive and forget (mainly the forget part). I think we all need a lesson in that.

Katja over at Skimbaco Lifestyle fesses up on her clutter situation and "cleaning tips." The Style Network’s Trish Suhr gives her a bit of advice. I thought since laundry was the topic this week, this was a good post to include.

MaryBeth or (Mehwee Beff as her daughter calls her) over at Four Silly Sisters is having clothing battles in her house.....with, yes, four girls. Our house fights these battles these everyday, but we only have one girl in the house. Strangely enough, my son challenges me almost as much as my daughter on outfit changes. 

Isabel over at Bed Timing gives some kick-ass advice for Baby Bunchers on sleep issues for toddler and baby!! If your kids are having sleep problems--cribs, big boy beds, etc.--perhaps this will offer some comfort and advice. 

conquering mt. laundry

After five years of parenting and three children, I've finally decided that the length of your laundry to-do list is directly correlated to the ages of your children.  Babies generate lots of laundry.  Two babies generate even more laundry.  My experience has been that you get a brief respite around the toddler years, only to see the pace pick up again in the preschool years when the wee ones start tackling finger painting and potty training. 

One of my favorite laundry stories is about a time when we visited one of my dearest girlfriends who had laundry, I kid you not, piled KNEE HIGH across her entire laundry room floor.  I just happened to discover this when I popped upstairs to check on our kids and discovered them playing "beach", which entailed jumping into the "surf" of this poor woman's dirty laundry.  Gross, yeah.  I have teased her about it mercilessly ever since.  Of course, I can laugh since it wasn't me.  Because I've never been that behind on my laundry.  Nope, not me.

I started out staying fairly on top of the laundry when my oldest was born, despite the fact that I changed his clothes 15 times a day because heaven forbid he should experience dampness, drool, food stains, or spit up anywhere on his body for longer than 1.5 seconds.  When the second came along 17 months later, all the baby clothes that had weathered the first boy in pristine condition were destroyed.  Child #2 was not only messier by nature, but possessed a mom that was so overwhelmed by all things baby that she didn't even have time to swipe a stain stick across a garment, more less whisk it straight into the washer before it had sat on the laundry room floor for two weeks.  

I tried every which way to manage the laundry - the one (or even two) load every day technique, the setting-aside-one-day-a-week-to-do-all-laundry technique, the alternating hamper technique (adult laundry one day, toddler the next, baby the next) - all to no avail.  In all honesty, I FINALLY caught up on my laundry when A) I quit my job and B) my kids were 4 1/2 and 3.  Right about that time, I had a third baby and now I'm back to square one.

There are two things that send my best-laid laundry plans awry.  The first is that I have no problems washing or even folding - my problem is putting away.  I have three laundry baskets, all of which contain neatly folded and stacked laundry that sits in them for WEEKS before it gets put away.

My second problem is that while I might be able to keep up with everyone's clothing, there is no margin for error (as with all things Baby Bunching).  That is to say, I can keep clothes clean.  I cannot stop that process to accommodate sheets that someone has pee-peed on, pool towels that have been left in a heap on the porch floor, soiled pants/underwear from a potty training accident, linens from guests that have visited, sofa slipcovers that need washing, and ESPECIALLY not any fine washables (typically mine) that have to be washed or dried on gentle cycle.  Any one of these items creates a laundry backlog that takes me weeks to recover from.

So today I'm sharing a list of laundry tips that either I use or I've heard and keep meaning to try.  Please add your favorite laundry management tips:

Things I Do That Work:

• Do at least one load of laundry, start to finish, every day.  
• Fold clothes directly out of the dryer.  Hang them up while they're hot - saves ironing later.
• Have a sock bin for socks without mates so they don't languish in nooks and crannies all over your house.
• Have one laundry basket per "group" of people (one for the baby, one for mom and dad, one for big brothers who share a room) and sort the clothes immediately after you fold them.

Things I've Heard About and Have Been Meaning to Try

• Get a 3-divider laundry sorter and put all family clothes in this one sorter so you can stay on top of it and keep it from overflowing.
• If you must have a basket, have only one.  Can't do more laundry until you put the clothes away.
• Buy less clothes, which forces you to do laundry more frequently (Linda swears this one simplified her life).
• Send all the laundry away to have the laundromat do it for me.
• Stop having babies.

farewell to a good friend

Imagine my shock when my youngest came to me and said, “Mommy, I’m ready for the blanket fairy to come and take away my froggy.”

Background: We adore lovies in our house. Everyone has one (or two). Even me. Alex has a frog blanket which he has loved since four months. Anna has had a pink bear blanket and a different frog (which was inherited by Alex) since she was six months old. All three of the lovies accompany the kids to bed each night and on various trips. And as a Baby Buncher I have never really pushed to get rid of the bling because it soothed them when I’m dealing with other kid.

I was sad when Anna suggested she give up one of the lovies. Alex was even sadder. He and I explained over and over that once the Blanket Fairy (a character from Kevin Henkes book Owen) comes to take away the blanket that it’s gone forever.

Anna understood and even came up with her own version: Yes, the blanket fairy takes it—because I don’t need it anymore—and gives it to another baby who does need it. Uh, yes, I was floored by this.

We wrote a letter to the Blanket Fairy two nights ago (which gave me enough time to get a small gift to replace the lovey) and last night she put it under her pillow. Alex was very upset by this. I could tell in his little mind he couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to give up their lovey.

He clutched his lovey tightly and exclaimed: I will never give the Blanket Fairy my frog! Yes, yes, we know.

Before I went to bed, I snuck into Anna’s room and carefully removed the frog and replaced it with two little princess figurines for her castle. I retired froggy into the keepsake bin.

But at 5:15 she came in crying: My froggy is gone. The Blanket Fairy came, but she didn’t leave me a present.

My response: It’s because it’s 5:15 and the Blanket Fairy probably came right before you woke up. Go back to sleep and maybe she’ll come back to leave a gift. (She didn’t realize the princesses were next to her and not under her pillow.)

I heard her tear down the hallway this morning squealing about her new toys and how the Blanket Fairy really DID come. Alex looked a bit jealous, but not jealous enough to actually say goodbye to his best friend.

Meanwhile we’re down one lovey which just makes it easier to keep up with the other two. I imagine those two will be around a long time.

snack attack

I always swore I'd never be the type to ply my children's silence with snacks.  That was before I had children, of course.  Now, like any sensible mother, I realize that having the right type and quantity of snacks is key to the success of any outing.

Sitting in church?  You need Cheerios.  Trip to the mall?  Don't forget the Goldfish crackers.  Long plane ride ahead of you?  This particularly special occasion calls for M&M's.  If there's one thing my Bunch has taught me, it's that food, while primarily serving as sustenance, can also be equal parts entertainment and distraction.  A few lessons I've learned over the years:

1. NEVER leave home without it.  I don't care if you're just going down the street to the park for half an hour.  You never know who is going to suddenly realize they are starving and get dropping blood sugar or fall and injure themselves or refuse to walk home until they've had a snack.  Do yourself a favor and stash a few single serving sized bags of Gerber puffs, pretzels, dried fruits, granola bars, and other healthy and age-appropriate foods in your purse, diaper bag, car, and stroller.
2. Pack a lunch instead of buying whenever you can.  Most of the food offered at children's attractions, as well as drive-thrus, is expensive and bad for you.  Save cash and calories by brown bagging it whenever you can.  Sure, it takes a little more planning and organization, but it saves you from having to stand in line for food while your starving Bunch wines at your feet.
3. Pack twice as much as you think you need.  Seriously.  When my gang heads out for a picnic lunch and an afternoon at the park, you'd look at our food stash and think we were heading into a bomb shelter.  But 9 times out of 10, we come home with very few leftovers.  Sometimes we stay longer than planned and need another snack.  Sometimes we end up sharing with friends.  Sometimes the ants attack somebody's lunch or someone steps on it and I have to pull out the backup lunch.  Sometimes someone refused to eat breakfast and they eat two lunches.  I've learned that it's always better to have too much and it's always a crisis not to have enough.
4. Don't forget the drinks.  I carry water cups for all kids and myself with me at all times.  It's kind of annoying to drag beverages all over the city, but sometimes hunger masquerades as thirst and you can head it off with water.  Other times, gobbling down a snack leads to parched throats.  Either way, there's nothing worse than being stuck on the freeway with everyone whining about how thirsty they are.  (Except for being stuck on the freeway with everyone whining about how they have to pee, which is sure to follow soon if they're sucking down drinks).
5. Don't forget the baby's food.  I cannot tell you how many times I have walked out without a bottle.  I mostly nurse, but have a hard time nursing and supervising two other children in public, so I try to plan bottles or solids for baby if we're going to be out over his mealtime.  Babies (and some toddlers, still) have special needs for food, so be sure you've got age-appropriate goodies for everyone (including Mom) in your bag.
6. If you're going somewhere that requires silence, bring a new or "special" snack.  Now that my kids are a little older, our special snack is the gummy-like fruit snacks.  They're kinda sugary and junky, but not so evil that I feel bad letting my kids have them once in awhile.  The kids, for their part, adore them and are willing to do pretty much anything to earn a package.  When the charm of the fruit-shaped ones wore off, I started buying them in CARS and Nemo shapes.  A little novelty (and sometimes even some sugar) goes a long way in buying good behavior.  This works even for the very little ones.  I serve the baby little puffs at home and save the wagon wheel shaped ones for when we are out and about so he can while away some time examining each spoke and trying to figure out how to get the whole thing in his mouth.

Happy eatouting!

baby bunching bests

Here are this week's Baby Bunching bests.

Crazy Mom to Three over at Diary of a Crazy Mom to Three celebrates finally finding a preschool to would take both her youngest two girls. I can completely empathize with her relief.

Mary over at The Adventures of a Mommy Maestro asks if you've thanked your potty today. She provides a hysterical list of the top 10 reasons we should be thankful for the potty.

Susan over at One Year Apart writes about watching her toddler steer the double stroller. I'm amazed this went off as well as it did.

Tara over at The Young Mommy Life ponders what else to feed her two-year old who will only eat bananas, yogurt, Cheerios and oranges. Can kids survive entirely on Cheerios?

Laura over at Are We Nearly There Yet, Mummy? made me laugh out loud with her four-year old's creative uses for their cork collection. Yes, they have one and she'll tell you all about it.

post-stroller transport

I’m in need of some "tween" transportation. That is in the time between a stroller and a wheelchair. Ok, maybe not THAT dramatic, but perhaps between a stroller and a two-wheel bike, sans traning wheels.

My Bunch is at an awkward phase where they are really too big for the stroller, too big for a bike seat, too big for a bike trailer, but still a bit too young to walk for too long.

We are fortunate, in our new house, to live in a neighborhood that allows us to walk to just about everything we need—grocery, pharmacy, bakery, toy store, ice cream shop and a variety of restaurants. Yes, it’s that close. So today for a treat, we walked to the nearby ice cream store. It was about 10-15 minutes each way. We walk quickly there since everyone is excited and bubbly about ice cream, but then on the way back when I figured everyone’s belly should be full and happy, I hear nothing but whining.

We were about halfway home when my youngest (almost 4) just sat down on the ground and pouted. “I’m too tired to walk home. My feet hurt. I’m tired.” She’s almost FOUR. She’s really too big for a stroller and should be OK to walk 10 minutes after eating a bunch of ice cream. But she pooped out on me.

My kids each weigh somewhere in the 40 pound range—give or take 5 pounds—so the wagon is a bit awkward with 80-90 pounds of child. Plus, who really wants to pull that much weight. It’s so much easier to push it. Why has no one come up with a tween transport system to push larger, louder, whinier kids to your destination? Really, we could go more places on foot if I had a better way to get them there.  

airing out the kids

One reason I love spring is because it means we finally get to air out the house, the kids and me. We’re all about outdoors everyday—at least everyday it’s not raining, which for here has been almost a full week. Right now we’re reveling in the sunshine.

Spring is the perfect time for Baby Bunchers because just being outside is entertaining enough for babies, toddlers and preschoolers. So here are a few ideas for spring activities and a few must-have items to enjoy the outdoors.

Bug collecting. My kids could spend hours looking for worms, caterpillars and other buggy things. Get yourself a little bug cage and set them loose in the backyard to find things to put in there. It may be rocks and sticks, but who cares if they’re busy. We also go to the dollar store and buy a stack of pails (the beach kind) and carry them everywhere with us. Also great for “collecting” things and if you have extras you make friends at the playground.

Picnic. This means anything you eat on a blanket. Keep a good picnic blanket in the back of the car and you’ll be amazed how much fun goldfish and apple juice can be outside. If you manage to get some kind of food for you in there too, it makes it even better.

A garden visit. Most cities have a botanical garden or some other public garden area. It’s a perfect place to plop small baby in the stroller while big baby roams around and chases butterflies. Just being outside with nature can help lower everyone’s blood pressure, unless you meet mean geese people.

Take a ride. No, I'm not talking in the car here I mean a ride on any "riding vehicle" such as a scooter, big wheel, tricycle, push car, wagon, etc. If you're not set up for a good place to ride, head to basketball/tennis courts with friends.

Farmers Market. This will really depend on the age of your kids. Mine were OK with this at one point then last year they were so bad about wandering off that we couldn't go anymore. But this year it seems to be a perfect outing for them. Most farmer's market come with free samples, snacks and kid friendly people.

Berry picking. My kids have done this every year since my youngest was able to walk. If your kids actually LIKE to food you're picking it's even better, but many places have animals or other festivities around berry picking time.

Play ball. This is another one you can do anywhere. Just keep a ball in the back of the car for those times when you see an open field. If you can pick up a few extras it's great because kids have trouble sharing sometimes.

Bird watching. Ok, so they're probably not actually watching the birds, but a pair of cheap binoculars can keep them busy for a while.

Puddle jumping. It's only the moms who hate the rain and puddles jumping, kids do not. Don't let the wet soggy stop you from going outside. The best investment I ever made was in a pair of rain pants and boots. These rain pants are perfect to take to the playground right after it rains when normally it's too wet to play. Kids can play and keep their clothes clean and dry.

I know there are tons of other activities out there, let us know what you enjoy doing with your Bunch in the spring.

moving your bunch

My oldest child just turned five. We have moved three times since he was born. That doesn’t include a temporary move for three months when I moved in with my mom to have my second child. There is no other possible expression I can think of to sum it up this major life change.

Moving. Sucks.

As I sat down to write this post, I tried to come up with helpful tips to share my great wisdom of changing addresses, but I came up dry. There is no great wisdom.

I’ve fit into all the moving-with-kids possible equations: moving while pregnant, with a baby and pregnant, with two babies, with two toddlers and now two preschoolers. But the one thing I have learned is that moving—especially with kids—is analogous to Baby Bunching, or even parenting in general.

1. You can plan and anticipate all the possible obstacles, but until you actually go through the act, you can't know what to expect. Life will throw you a curve ball. (Ask me about the clogged sewage line in our new house.)

2. The task of just surviving everyday with routine becomes priority and everything else just falls by the wayside. (I have a million boxes to unpack but getting my kids settled and just going about our day tasks seems to trump painting, decorating and renovating.)

3. Nothing is a small task. Everything takes twice as long because of a new routine, a new house, and everything being stored out of its normal place.

4. Babysitting is key. Just like arranging babysitting for the arrival of Baby #2, I made sure to have babysitters or play dates lined up before, during and immediately after the move--mainly to distract and provide entertainment to prevent meandering.

5. This is temporary, and after 12-18 months, we should be back in the groove.